Chi_town

I love this forum, its like a 'free' therapist session. And I am sorry to post about this AGAIN but I am at the end of my rope and am hoping SOMEONE can relate.

We have pretty much now decided to go back to Ireland. We had the option of staying, kinda sat on the fence too long (typical us) and now the job back in Dublin for Hubbie seems more promising. OK, so I have posted in the past that I really wasn't looking forward to going back, for all sorts of reasons, BUT we both found it hard to make the committment to stay. We have been here 5 years, and given the age of the kids, if we didn't go back now we would be really committing to staying , well I guess foirever. Because when the boys are thru highschool they will likely go to College here etc

Anyway now the decision is pretty much firm, I am in serious panic. Like wake up at 4am in a cold sweat panic. Its a short time frame to get this all done (ie sell house, pack, pull boys out of school, say goodbye(sob) to everyone)
BUT I know its all achievable (well the house sale may not be but we may just have to leave it with a realtor or rent it. Not a huge deal)

If I was excited about my return to Dublin this would make it easier....but I am not. Not one bit really. But financially, it is a better place for us to be.


Should I check into the nearest funny farm? Oh wait, I don't have time for that, too much to do here!

I am open to any psychoanalysis, advice, someone reaching thru cyberspace and throwing a glass of water at me. Anything. But mostly someone saying 'Yes, thats normal'

Thanks,
Susie.

snogood

Yes, that's normal.










.

snogood

Seriously though, I understand. If we do stop faffing about and make that final decision to go back, I know I will be sobbing about many aspects of leaving here. And while most of me would accept that, as long as we are a family, altogether and in one spot, we will muddle by and be happy, there will always be other bits of me not so willing to accept those things that bug me about the UK.

When you're not very excited about going back, it is harder. But you made the huge move once, and you can do it again. It's almost harder because a) you know what you're in for and b) you think it should be easier because everything should be familiar to you.

Hope it all works out well for you. Keep working at it. BE/free therapy on tap 24/7. Can't be bad. Make use of it

Chi_town

as long as we are a family, altogether and in one spot, we will muddle by and be happy, )[/QUOTE]

You know that is EXACTLY what my friend (who is divorced) commented to me yesterday on the 'phone.

Thanks for your input. snogood. I am the Queen of Indecision and 'putting on the long finger' (and Hubbie is the King) so we are a lethal combination http://images.ibsrv.net/ibsrv/res/sr...lies/frown.gif )

Susie.

dunroving

Panic? Normal? Absolutely, even when things are going smoothly and you are looking forward to going home.

But not really looking forward to returning ... that's a huge red flag for me. Would be financially better ... age of kids, etc., all sound like quite practical reasons to say it "makes sense" to go back. But where does your heart lie?

It makes me think of myself back in 2006, planning to move back because it seemed like the sensible thing to do (UK is home, after all, right?). One of my posts of the time ended up being put on as a BE article: http://britishexpats.com/articles/mo...d/not-all-bad/

- every time I read this, I'm reminded just how much I loved living in the US. Moving back has ended up being a huge mistake for me, and I wish I'd listened to my gut back then.

I'm sorry, I've probably completely turned your head around, but I just wish someone had made me really question myself back then. If I'd known then what I know now, I'd cancel everything (flight, dog shipping, container) and ask for my resignation letter back - even if it was the day before I was due to fly.

cricket1again

You know that is EXACTLY what my friend (who is divorced) commented to me yesterday on the 'phone.

Thanks for your input. snogood. I am the Queen of Indecision and 'putting on the long finger' (and Hubbie is the King) so we are a lethal combination http://images.ibsrv.net/ibsrv/res/sr...lies/frown.gif )

Susie.[/QUOTE]

I think if you take the realistic viewpoint that it's going to be hard and that you keep your expectation balanced, you tend to be more objective rather than emotional about what you're doing. It sounds like you believe neither staying here or going back to Ireland is ideal therefore in some ways your own attitude and expectation is almost setting you up for disappointment before you even get back or decide to stay.
Your reasons for returning are financial and when you have a family to support, what you want and where you want to be are ideals that perhaps we can only choose for ourselves later in life, when our kids are older. For now, your children and supporting them are your main responsibility so yes, finances have to be the priority. You have got this right in which case moving back to Ireland, if you believe solves the problem, has to be the right decision because it means that as a family, the pressures are hopefully going to be less all round. If you stayed in Oz, but you didn't have enough money, your life as a family would suffer because one or both of you is going to be spending more time out of the family.

My advice would be to expect moving back to be bumpy for a little while but to focus on your reasons for making the move. A lot of families move to Australia but then realise they can't afford to be here thus their lives end up being difficult and not the dream life they had hoped for. They end up stuck, can't afford to stay and can't afford to go back so it's a limbo, not terribly successful life until something changes.

If you've made your decision to return, I would accept that challenges lay ahead but ultimately it's the right direction for the family then just put all your energy into making it happen instead of worrying.

cricket1again

Am I right in thinking it was just you on your own Dunroving? You didn't have to think about children? If so, it's a lot easier when you just have yourself to think about. It's incredibly difficult when you're having to think and plan ahead for the futures of your children. That's where finances and a practical head really have to take over.

dunroving

Just me and the black dog, yep. I'm often aghast at the turmoil created by having spouses and kids (and pets!) when it comes to deciding what to do, especially when everyone is not on the same page.

I've read two types of viewpoints on here re: kids. First is that you owe it to your kids to do what's best for them (if we can ever really know what that is). Second is that kids are resilient, at some point they'll decide for themselves what to do (they might just decide to emigrate back to Oz), and you have to do what's right for YOU. Bloody glad I don't have to think through which one of those is the one to take.

Tr1boy

I'm not sure if you're in Oz, if you are, I'd rarely advise against leaving but this bit in your post worries me.

Be where makes you happy in your heart, ( most of the world makes me happy and I've lived in 4 countries, but I can't abide Oz, so I'm not saying 'home' is always best). Unless you're destitute or have the signs of being so, I'd give this some more thought. The shine of financial security IMO will soon lose its lustre once you scratch through what essentially is a superficial surface reason for moving. You should be moving because you really want it, regardless.

What I'm saying is, that you seem to be only looking at one part of the equation.

My wife used to do the whole pro/con thing for each and every country we looked at moving to when we leave Oz, and after moving to the UK and back again due to her not wanting to continue her degree by distance over there on top of doing the whole 'on paper' analysis, she is now of the firm conviction that doing this was a huge mistake. She is glad she had the chance to finish her degree here, but all of the other issues she considered, she now, for the most part disregards and said people should be wherever makes you happy. (which considering she will be a CA came as quite a revelation! )

So financial analysis, whilst good, will not comprise the myriad emtional and environmental considerations that make up a person's life.

IMO, the 'I don't want to go, but we'll be better off' postion is not the best platform for such a move.

cricket1again

I agree. My kids are grown up and at last, my choices can be all about me for once. I think while it's true that children are resilient and can adapt, it doesn't change the fact that until they are off our hands, life is pretty much all going to be about them. In fact, being a parent, JMHO, is a bit like a master and servant relationship or a ball and chain, whichever way you want to look at it. When you've got children, it pretty much maps your life out for you for at least 20 years.
Then what happens is they leave home, you take a deep breath and start to find yourself again, then they move back in again.:curse:

dunroving

Have you thought of changing the locks?

Taffyles

Aint that the truth! I've laid down ground rules now for my kids- if they move back in again they bring ONE suitcase- everything else goes into storage(not my garage) , and they DO NOT bring their 4- legged friends with them.

JAJ

It's normal to feel that when any major move is in prospect, HOWEVER - in some cases - it may be a "gut feeling" that you should listen to, as dunroving states in his post.

As a minimum, you should make sure you get your re-entry permits if you plan to go ahead and leave. It keeps the door to return open a little longer if you feel you have made a mistake.