Abusive Spouse and Moving On Emotionally and Physically
Mar 10th 2011, 10:45 pm
#31
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Joined: May 2003
Location: Moved from Georgetown to Round Rock, Texas. 15 miles closer to civilization.
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Mar 11th 2011, 12:14 am
#32
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Location: Kentucky
Posts: 38,865
Re: Abusive Spouse and Moving On Emotional
I know what you wrote. If you meant something different, that's what you should have written.
You're right... I guess nothing I've said in this thread has been constructive. I'll just go sit in a corner somewhere and let you handle things.
Ian
If you don't have anything constructive to add - don't bother posting.
Ian
Mar 11th 2011, 1:13 am
#33
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 35,082
Re: Abusive Spouse and Moving On Emotional
Guys, please, this thread is already OT enough.
Mar 11th 2011, 4:09 am
#34
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Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 13
Re: So hard to move on...
Hello,
I agree with Ian last response. Also file your divorce right away - it's easy.
If you go to your court they most likely will help you to fill out the form if you explain your situation.
He will receive a order to appear in court and if he doesn't appear he will have to find good reasons why not otherwise he will end up in jail.
Also I saw that he is trying to figure out where you are. I would definitely dicuss a permanent protection order with court based on your evidence.
We just had a couple of standoffs ( domestic violence) with similar cases
and I consider those guys as potentially dangerous.
When you file a divorce you might pull the trigger to make him explode.
I hope not but my experience with similar cases just let me be cautious.
I am not counsellor but a Emergency responder and we deal with cases like this a lot (unfortunately).
Again as written in my first response -be cautious!
Also a advise (this a tough one) : Try not get too much emotionally involved again - just see this a necessary series of task to resolve technical problem.
Find some friends who will support you through the process.
And as Ian said -DO NOT TALK WITH HIM .Talk with court and agencies which can help to resolve the problem!
If you need any advise how to deal with the court just let me know .Also I have work with them as well and can ask them for some guidance at any time.
Good luck
CCR
I agree with Ian last response. Also file your divorce right away - it's easy.
If you go to your court they most likely will help you to fill out the form if you explain your situation.
He will receive a order to appear in court and if he doesn't appear he will have to find good reasons why not otherwise he will end up in jail.
Also I saw that he is trying to figure out where you are. I would definitely dicuss a permanent protection order with court based on your evidence.
We just had a couple of standoffs ( domestic violence) with similar cases
and I consider those guys as potentially dangerous.
When you file a divorce you might pull the trigger to make him explode.
I hope not but my experience with similar cases just let me be cautious.
I am not counsellor but a Emergency responder and we deal with cases like this a lot (unfortunately).
Again as written in my first response -be cautious!
Also a advise (this a tough one) : Try not get too much emotionally involved again - just see this a necessary series of task to resolve technical problem.
Find some friends who will support you through the process.
And as Ian said -DO NOT TALK WITH HIM .Talk with court and agencies which can help to resolve the problem!
If you need any advise how to deal with the court just let me know .Also I have work with them as well and can ask them for some guidance at any time.
Good luck
CCR
Unfortunately--I didn't show up on the 1 year protective order, I was scared.
I guess I never deal with this like this before.
But can I get another restraining order again if later on he started to call or stalk me eventhough I didn't do the 1 year permanent restraining order?
Mar 11th 2011, 4:14 am
#35
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Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 13
Re: Abusive Spouse and Moving On Emotional
I kept pushing the thoughts to myself now so I won't give myself a blink to even care about him.
Mar 11th 2011, 5:21 am
#36
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Jun 2008
Location: San Francisco Bay Area
Posts: 10,678
Re: So hard to move on...
Hi CCR,
Unfortunately--I didn't show up on the 1 year protective order, I was scared.
I guess I never deal with this like this before.
But can I get another restraining order again if later on he started to call or stalk me eventhough I didn't do the 1 year permanent restraining order?
Unfortunately--I didn't show up on the 1 year protective order, I was scared.
I guess I never deal with this like this before.
But can I get another restraining order again if later on he started to call or stalk me eventhough I didn't do the 1 year permanent restraining order?
He will receive a order to appear in court and if he doesn't appear he will have to find good reasons why not otherwise he will end up in jail.
Mar 11th 2011, 5:25 am
#37
Lapine Member
Joined: Nov 2004
Location: Austin, Texas in my own little world
Posts: 21,691
Re: Abusive Spouse and Moving On Emotionally and Physically
I'd suggest that you start another thread if you want some advice on the "moving on" part that does not have to do with USCIS/ICE. Separate out some of the very justified emotions away from the practical advice that you must consider for immigration.
I didn't read through all of the posts, but you must keep your PR status, whatever it is, current, and file to renew at the appropriate times. You do not need your husband/ex-husband to do this.
If you are not a citizen, you will need to file change of address forms with USCIS. Keep current with this.
I didn't read through all of the posts, but you must keep your PR status, whatever it is, current, and file to renew at the appropriate times. You do not need your husband/ex-husband to do this.
If you are not a citizen, you will need to file change of address forms with USCIS. Keep current with this.
Mar 11th 2011, 12:34 pm
#38
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Location: Kentucky
Posts: 38,865
Re: So hard to move on...
Ian
Mar 11th 2011, 3:30 pm
#40
Forum Regular
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 72
Re: Abusive Spouse and Moving On Emotionally and Physically
I think a good place to start would be to contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline.
Information on: http://www.thehotline.org/
They will answer all your questions and provided you with constructive advice and tangible support in your area. Don't worry about talking to them (ie. ref your PR status)--they are more interested in helping you and will keep your information private.
Good luck!
Information on: http://www.thehotline.org/
They will answer all your questions and provided you with constructive advice and tangible support in your area. Don't worry about talking to them (ie. ref your PR status)--they are more interested in helping you and will keep your information private.
Good luck!
Mar 11th 2011, 8:49 pm
#41
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Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 13
Re: So hard to move on...
If he threatens or stalks you, the answer is yes. If he leaves threating messages on you answering machine, e-mail, or text messages, save those so that you have proof.
Highly unlikely that he will be put in jail since this is a civil matter. Usually the judge will just grant the divorce if a party doesn't show up. Then he will have to try to appeal the order (then he will need a good reason for the appeal) before the divorce is final.
Highly unlikely that he will be put in jail since this is a civil matter. Usually the judge will just grant the divorce if a party doesn't show up. Then he will have to try to appeal the order (then he will need a good reason for the appeal) before the divorce is final.
He still trying to get me back--so I bet he's trying to be super nice now, don't know later when he blow up--he might do something.
Mar 11th 2011, 9:21 pm
#42
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Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 312
Re: So hard to move on...
If he threatens or stalks you, the answer is yes. If he leaves threating messages on you answering machine, e-mail, or text messages, save those so that you have proof.
Highly unlikely that he will be put in jail since this is a civil matter. Usually the judge will just grant the divorce if a party doesn't show up. Then he will have to try to appeal the order (then he will need a good reason for the appeal) before the divorce is final.
Highly unlikely that he will be put in jail since this is a civil matter. Usually the judge will just grant the divorce if a party doesn't show up. Then he will have to try to appeal the order (then he will need a good reason for the appeal) before the divorce is final.
Appearantly he will go into jail if he is in contempt of the court. It's with the judge how he want to handle the case.
In particular if it come to the separation agreement and OP or court wants to decide in favour of the OP.
Kind Regards
CCR
Mar 11th 2011, 9:24 pm
#43
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Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 312
Re: So hard to move on...
Hi CCR,
Unfortunately--I didn't show up on the 1 year protective order, I was scared.
I guess I never deal with this like this before.
But can I get another restraining order again if later on he started to call or stalk me eventhough I didn't do the 1 year permanent restraining order?
Unfortunately--I didn't show up on the 1 year protective order, I was scared.
I guess I never deal with this like this before.
But can I get another restraining order again if later on he started to call or stalk me eventhough I didn't do the 1 year permanent restraining order?
yes you will get another protection order.I would strongly recommend to get a attorney from a welfare or charity or even a ask the court to assign a attorney if you want to get a protection order.
But no doubts that you will get another one . ( will be decided incident by incident ).
Hope this helps
CCR
Mar 11th 2011, 9:33 pm
#44
Deep in the woods of CT
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 7,002
Re: So hard to move on...
When he does something, it will be too late. You must act now to protect yourself, with the knowledge that he is trying to find you. I wish you the strength to move on with your life and put this behind you, and the assistance of good people at local organizations to combat domestic violence. Good luck to you.
Mar 11th 2011, 9:39 pm
#45
Account Closed
Joined: Aug 2002
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 38,865
Re: So hard to move on...
... later when he blow up--he might do something.
Protect yourself NOW... later may be too late!
Ian