What does it take?
 

A little bit sad at the moment as I've just found out that a couple we know have decided that Canada is not for them and are moving back to England in a few months.

They are the third set of expats I've known since we've been here that are going back (all in the space of 18 months).

I'm just wondering what makes the difference between managing to stay in Canada and making that difficult decision to go home?

Is it as simple as: "Happily employed immigrant is a happy immigrant." - to paraphrase Iaink? or being realistic and not contemplating failure versus being unrealistic and not contemplating the hard work involved? Or something more personal and individual?

I'm just curious and a little down and need some enlightenment (or failing that I just need some daft opinions to laugh at :p).

Thanks for reading children. :o

Re: What does it take?
 

A lot of people are a lot more attached to the UK, and family and friends that they have there than they might realise. Have a read of the Moving Back to the UK forum. It's probably worse for people that have always lived in the same place.

For us, moving to Canada wasn't that much more difficult to moving to another part of the UK. Apart from a few minor organisational issues, it's very similar. Similar climate, same language, similar culture, blah blah blah.

Re: What does it take?
 

I think some people just move across and expect life to be totally different and don't expect to have to put as much effort into settling as they did into getting there. Once they hit a hurdle it's back to the grass being greener on the other side!

I also thin that Bazzz has a point and that people who haven't moved around, or those that are very dependent on family support will struggle more than others. Then it is just down to peoples personalities, do they face the challenge and stay or is it easier to go back home.

Sharon

Re: What does it take?
 

I think there is a great deal of truth in what Bazzz is saying.

I think that you (either the individual or family) would have to be able to operate as a completely independent unit with no support network. At least for a time.

I found it relatively easy to move to Canada however I was sixteen and had no close ties to anyone, not even a sister who stayed in the UK.

Similarly when we as a family were transferred from Edmonton (wife born and raised there) to Calgary it was not difficult for either my wife or myself. We feel that we get all the support we need from each other. Neither one of us makes friends easily, consequently our circle of friends is quite small.

Cheers
Steve

Re: What does it take?
 

I moved to the UK from South Africa 13 years ago. I was moving away from a crime ridden bleak future, had escaped alive from 2 armed robberies, and was going to the promise of a better life in the UK. This it certainly was and I love the UK and am missing London, friends and family.

Before moving to the UK I went to visit some friends in Vancouver and fell in love with the city. I have been visiting pretty much every year since and would like to live there.

So when the opportunity came for OH to be transferred to Canada we took the chance - albeit we find ourselves in Toronto. We are loving it here and happy for the chance to get to experience this side of Canada. For now my heart is still set on Vancouver, but time will tell if we settle here or move west.

I guess what I'm trying to explain is that the first time I moved it was away from something and to something, but I knew there was no going back so I just had to get on with it. I was younger then and up for the adventure.

I'm older now and appreciating the experience, which is less an adventure this time. For me this move is about experiencing Canada and life here. Right now I can't say that I will stay in Toronto, move to Vancouver, or that I will stay in Canada.

I don't think there is a simple answer to your question. Each person is different and their circumstances different, but perhaps it matters what your motives are - if you are escaping something like the violent anarchic crime of SA, or are moving to something positive, which could be many things to many people.

I think it is also the unknown, influences out of your control, like family issues / bereavements and just simply that some people find what they expected or better, and some only find disappointment. It's virtually impossible to know what life will be like in a place until you live there or in fact how you will react to the new challenges.

I'm sure attitude and determination must also make a contribution.
That's my thoughts in a nutshell.

Rob;)

Re: What does it take?
 

I also think Bazzz has a point.

I didn't have a huge support network in the UK and learnt very quickly that the only person I could rely on was myself, everyone else seemed to want to know me for what I could do for them, wether it was babysitting a cup of sugar or just someone to moan to. (That is of course until my hubby came along, he is my support network). My family were also too far away and wrapped up in their own lives for them to make a huge difference. I also moved around a lot when I was younger, although my Hubby didn't and he had a bigger support network than I.

I wouldn't say either of us (hubby and I) are besotted with our jobs, he does the same as he did in the UK, but it's slightly harder and I just muddle along in my job, but it's a step closer to what we really want to do.

Our lives are very similar to our UK lives in the respect it's still a lot of the same old, same old. But now we have better friends, that do give us support and the sun shines more often:thumbsup: We don't get as many holidays per year and we certainly don't get the foreign sunspots that we used to, but we do get more family time in other ways.

I don't understand why so many are going back, I suppose the reality of the dream wasn't enough for them. My good friend is torn in what to do for the best, she is so homesick it hurts, but she does like her life here. So I don't know why some people settle and others don't. The discission to go back must be a complicated and as heart wrenching as the discission was to emigrate and I don't envy anyone that has to make that choice again.

(discission doesn't look right but that is what the spellcheck said, it could be one of those words that doesn't look right whatever way you look at it though!)

Re: What does it take?
 

[QUOTE=boxerdog03;5870076]I think some people just move across and expect life to be totally different and don't expect to have to put as much effort into settling as they did into getting there. QUOTE]

Some people on these forums won't even consider moving from the UK unless then can be assured that Marmite, Coronation Street and UK reality TV will be available.

Re: What does it take?
 

dis·cis·sion Pronunciation[di-sish-uhn]
–noun Ophthalmology. an incision of the lens of the eye, as for removal of cataract.

Decision is what you're looking for. :)

Re: What does it take?
 

There we go, so no spelling mistake Piff!:D;)

Re: What does it take?
 

You're correct of course. There is no simple explanation. I was just curious as to other's thoughts on the matter.

[QUOTE=clynnog;5870231]That's also true but then again many only start to complain about missing these things after they've been through a multi-year process to get here.

Our own reasons as to why we're still here don't seem to be centered around the pull of home or the strong feelings of homesickness. I do get very homesick sometimes and would gladly get on the plane. We just didn't come here with over exaggerated notions of Canada being a land of Golden opportunity. We acknowledged it would be hard and always told ourselves that we could always go back if we didn't get jobs or settle.

Maybe some immigrants think it's all just going to be SOOOOOOO much better in every conceivable way and have further to fall (in terms of dreams vs reality) when it doesn't turn out that way?

Re: What does it take?
 

[QUOTE=Madmac;5870499]You're correct of course. There is no simple explanation. I was just curious as to other's thoughts on the matter.

Just to add my thoughts......

Is it the fact that some people still refer to the UK as 'home' that makes it more difficult for them to settle? If I say "going home" it's when I am away from Calgary and I am referring to returning here.

Also I think some people mistake the "holiday feeling" as a reflection on what it is like to live here ie. they forget that when they live here they will have to work, grocery shop and do all the normal day-to-day activities.

I miss my family and friends back in the UK, but honestly they are the ONLY thing I miss. I get the same depressed feeling landing at Heathrow that I used to get every time I came back off holiday. I now enjoy coming home which I never, ever used to feel, I was always arranging my next holiday (that's why I worked for an airline :p)

There does seem to be a small number of people who want to move Country but not fit in with their new society and try to turn everyone into "Brits" You have to fit in to where you go not the other way around!

Hubby and I have not had the easiest of times in the past 22 months, but we wouldn't change it for the world. We moved for a challenge and to eventually have a drream life. We realised though we had to adjust our dreams to help fit the reality we found ourselves in.

I thought this was going to be a short post :confused:

Re: What does it take?
 

We've decided to go back to the UK after spending just over 8 years here. In our situation it makes very little sense to stay. My OH works mostly in Europe and all my family are back in the UK (and OH's family are in Montreal) so I spend a lot of my time here by myself with 2 small kids. We didn't put much time and effort into coming here in the first place it's not like I was dreaming of moving to Canada it just seemed like a good idea at the time and as my OH is Canadian it didn't take a lot of planning. Canada has just never felt like home for either of us.

Re: What does it take?
 

Ooh, spooky - I've written a PM to someone very much along these lines. I think we can all feel very unsettled when friends decide to head back to the UK. It makes us very much examine our own lives, motives, happiness, etc. It throws us out of kilter a bit. What are we missing, or doing right, or doing wrong ?!

I liken it to some incidents a few years ago for us. We have been married 14 years - and seemed to spend our 20's and early 30's going to weddings. Then about four couples we know all split up, within 3-5 years of their own marriage. Not only was it extremely sad and emotional for those involved, but it does make you hugely analyse your own life and relationship. This is similar.

And yes - I think people completely underestimate their relationships with friends and family. Their constant presence in your life is so easy to take for granted.

Chin up ol' bean - you stay here as long as you want to, and not a day more ;)

Re: What does it take?
 

Once we made the decision to come to Canada - that was it. We said that if we didn't like the first place we settled we'd try somewhere new - big country! ;)

We've been independent of relatives in the UK since we were 18 (40 now) - seeing them rarely - never relying on them - getting ourselves into trouble and then getting ourselves out again. I'm not saying independence is the best way to be all the time (it's nice to have that support network at times I guess) but it was good training for immigration. :)

We had friends in the UK but none we thought we'd lose if we made the move - and we haven't - we just get to see them on their holidays now. Made new friends too.

I think, speaking as a couple (with a young child who was too young to contribute to the decision when we came), you have to both share the same mindset and commitment to the move - and put in place a plan B if it doesn't appear to be working. But I don't think the plan B should be an automatic return to the UK. It's not for us.

3.5 years on, we've been through hell at times what with job losses and pay cuts (no worse or better than we went through in the UK) but we still agree we've made the best decision for us.

If we move on, it'll be to another Province - then probably to become snowbirds when we're 60! The UK will be nice for holidays..... :D

Re: What does it take?
 

My Aunt moved in 1972 and she had said that if they could have afforded to they would have come home within the first year, her reasons were.

1/ Financial
2/ No friends

She also said that every now and again it's something that she considers when the chips are down. I guess it just what you do when you get that urge do you act on it or not!