The Toon Army / EPL thread
#5225
Forum Regular
Joined: Feb 2013
Location: Arrived in the Okanagan - June 2013
Posts: 245
#5226
Re: The Toon Army / EPL thread
From today's Guardian.
My favourite part of Joey Barton’s autobiography relates to his transfer from Newcastle to QPR, driving to London to complete the formalities when he and his agent, Willie McKay, get within 10 minutes of the club’s training ground and the call finally arrives that the player has been waiting for all of his career.
If you have followed Barton’s recent pronouncements you will realise he has, to say the least, a rather generous view of his own ability (and plainly it’s a mystery to all of us that he has not won 100 England caps as part of that all-conquering midfield partnership with Steven Gerrard he once envisaged).
It clearly isn’t ideal, therefore, for such a talented player to be heading to QPR when someone with these gifts would surely be much better suited to one of the top clubs. But then, suddenly, the phone rings and Barton, sitting in the passenger seat, cannot help but notice “Sir Alex” pop up on the screen of his agent’s phone.
After a few pleasantries, the most successful manager in the business asks to be put through to Barton and it is that familiar Govan growl on the other end of the line. “I’ve seen what you’re up to on Sky. Don’t go doing anything silly now. Why don’t you come here and we’ll have a conversation?”
The two men talk about Barton’s potential role at Old Trafford, the extent of his ambitions and what they can achieve together, before Ferguson rings off with a promise to sort the money. “Hallelujah!” Barton writes. “Finally a big club, and a great manager, had come to their senses. I would give Manchester United’s midfield a bit of bite, an injection of urgency. ‘What are you waiting for?’ I asked McKay. ‘Turn the bloody car round.’”
That was the point McKay cannot keep up the pretence any longer, burst into laughter and explained he had a mate called Joe with an impression of Fergie that was close to perfection. “There would be no curtain call at Old Trafford, the Theatre of Dreams,” Barton laments. “My destination was a run-down former students’ sports ground on the Heathrow flight path.”
If nothing else, it shows he has the ability to laugh at himself.
It does, however, remind me of Ferguson’s real feelings when the player was linked with a move to Old Trafford a few years ago. Ferguson looked bewildered. “What kind of manager do they think I am?” he asked of the newspaper in question.
If you have followed Barton’s recent pronouncements you will realise he has, to say the least, a rather generous view of his own ability (and plainly it’s a mystery to all of us that he has not won 100 England caps as part of that all-conquering midfield partnership with Steven Gerrard he once envisaged).
It clearly isn’t ideal, therefore, for such a talented player to be heading to QPR when someone with these gifts would surely be much better suited to one of the top clubs. But then, suddenly, the phone rings and Barton, sitting in the passenger seat, cannot help but notice “Sir Alex” pop up on the screen of his agent’s phone.
After a few pleasantries, the most successful manager in the business asks to be put through to Barton and it is that familiar Govan growl on the other end of the line. “I’ve seen what you’re up to on Sky. Don’t go doing anything silly now. Why don’t you come here and we’ll have a conversation?”
The two men talk about Barton’s potential role at Old Trafford, the extent of his ambitions and what they can achieve together, before Ferguson rings off with a promise to sort the money. “Hallelujah!” Barton writes. “Finally a big club, and a great manager, had come to their senses. I would give Manchester United’s midfield a bit of bite, an injection of urgency. ‘What are you waiting for?’ I asked McKay. ‘Turn the bloody car round.’”
That was the point McKay cannot keep up the pretence any longer, burst into laughter and explained he had a mate called Joe with an impression of Fergie that was close to perfection. “There would be no curtain call at Old Trafford, the Theatre of Dreams,” Barton laments. “My destination was a run-down former students’ sports ground on the Heathrow flight path.”
If nothing else, it shows he has the ability to laugh at himself.
It does, however, remind me of Ferguson’s real feelings when the player was linked with a move to Old Trafford a few years ago. Ferguson looked bewildered. “What kind of manager do they think I am?” he asked of the newspaper in question.
#5227
Re: The Toon Army / EPL thread
Toon Army close to promotion but will they get punished for tax evasion?
https://www.google.ca/amp/www.chroni...e-12950342.amp
https://www.google.ca/amp/www.chroni...e-12950342.amp
#5228
Born again atheist
Thread Starter
Joined: Jul 2005
Location: Europe (to be specified).
Posts: 30,259
Re: The Toon Army / EPL thread
Ahem. You were all saying....?
A jolly good week so far. Promoted on Monday, Lee ****ing Charnely gets arrested on Wednesday. All I need now is for Mike Ashely to be in a fatal plane crash tomorrow.
#5230
#5231
Born again atheist
Thread Starter
Joined: Jul 2005
Location: Europe (to be specified).
Posts: 30,259
Re: The Toon Army / EPL thread
Apologies, but I had to quote your post to provide context to some of the others.
Edit: Oh, and on Saturday after Mike's crash, S********d will be relegated.
Edit: Oh, and on Saturday after Mike's crash, S********d will be relegated.
Last edited by Novocastrian; Apr 27th 2017 at 12:19 pm.
#5232
#5233
Born again atheist
Thread Starter
Joined: Jul 2005
Location: Europe (to be specified).
Posts: 30,259
Re: The Toon Army / EPL thread
There once was a team from the Wear,
Whose fans look awfully queer,
When their nemesis went down,
Because of Mclaren the clown,
All they could do was cheer.
But they’d taken their eye off the ball,
And forgotten their own close call,
Fat Sam had his head turned,
And nowt had been learned,
Setting them up for a massive fall.
Agent Moyes arrived on the scene,
But didn’t seem awfully keen.
He turned up on the telly,
With knees turned to jelly,
And announced “we don’t have a bean.”
They loved the Toon’s bad start,
And laughed with all of their heart,
But perhaps they should remember,
With no league win til November,
Their own club had fallen apart!
But enjoy Burton away they would say,
Despite their own teams shit play,
With no money to spend,
“We’ll come right at the end”,
“and Jermaine’ll score for his pay”
“But but Sunderland are in the top flight,”
No matter how bad their plight,
Chirping about fizzy pop,
And avoiding the drop,
and wishing you’d bought Wor Dwight
The 80 million we spent in hard cash,
Was seen as being quite flash,
But you went with a squeak,
Paddling up shit creek,
At least we gave it a bash.
6 in a row is now all that remains,
Running through your tiny brains,
Your club has imploded,
While you all ****ing goaded,
And we’ll pass you in opposite lanes.
Finally it’s the Championship for you next year,
You’ve lost everything you held so dear,
But please don’t get all queasy,
Cos the Championship’s easy,
Or so you’ve be telling us all year.
good riddance you scummy bastards!
Credits to Paul Gazza Cummings
ToonThomas
(NUFC Fans FB).
Whose fans look awfully queer,
When their nemesis went down,
Because of Mclaren the clown,
All they could do was cheer.
But they’d taken their eye off the ball,
And forgotten their own close call,
Fat Sam had his head turned,
And nowt had been learned,
Setting them up for a massive fall.
Agent Moyes arrived on the scene,
But didn’t seem awfully keen.
He turned up on the telly,
With knees turned to jelly,
And announced “we don’t have a bean.”
They loved the Toon’s bad start,
And laughed with all of their heart,
But perhaps they should remember,
With no league win til November,
Their own club had fallen apart!
But enjoy Burton away they would say,
Despite their own teams shit play,
With no money to spend,
“We’ll come right at the end”,
“and Jermaine’ll score for his pay”
“But but Sunderland are in the top flight,”
No matter how bad their plight,
Chirping about fizzy pop,
And avoiding the drop,
and wishing you’d bought Wor Dwight
The 80 million we spent in hard cash,
Was seen as being quite flash,
But you went with a squeak,
Paddling up shit creek,
At least we gave it a bash.
6 in a row is now all that remains,
Running through your tiny brains,
Your club has imploded,
While you all ****ing goaded,
And we’ll pass you in opposite lanes.
Finally it’s the Championship for you next year,
You’ve lost everything you held so dear,
But please don’t get all queasy,
Cos the Championship’s easy,
Or so you’ve be telling us all year.
good riddance you scummy bastards!
Credits to Paul Gazza Cummings
ToonThomas
(NUFC Fans FB).
#5234
Re: The Toon Army / EPL thread
Spot the difference
Daily Mail: Manchester United manager Jose Mourinho accepts it will be a failed first season if they don't secure Europa League title
Guardian: José Mourinho says season will not be failure if Manchester United lose final
Daily Mail: Manchester United manager Jose Mourinho accepts it will be a failed first season if they don't secure Europa League title
Guardian: José Mourinho says season will not be failure if Manchester United lose final