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Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of the old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it which read: "Free to good home. You want it, you take it." For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too untrusting of this deal. It looked to good to be true, so he changed the sign to read: "Fridge for sale $50." The next day someone stole it. Caution..........
They Walk Among Us!!
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One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone shouted..."Look at that dead bird!" Someone looked up at the sky and said...
"where???"........They Walk Among Us!!
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While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the north?" When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for some time, she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff."........They Walk Among Us!!
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I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Want to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific"..........They Walk Among Us!!!
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My colleague and I were eating lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the shore. She drove down in a convertible, but "didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving". The Walk Among Us!!!!
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My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car -- it's designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk....They Walk Among Us!!!!!
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My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.......They Walk Among Us!!!!!
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I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, "Wouldn't the chain rip out every time she turned her head?" I explained that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned.
They Walk Among Us!!!!!!!!
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I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the baggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. "Now." she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?".....They Walk Among Us!!!!!!!
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While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding.....
"Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces."
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High numbers

This is so funny it made me laugh! The truth is always funny.

Alberta_Rose

mmmmm many of those have been posted on here before! Still funny though.

I was walking along a hospital corridor behind some cleaning staff (or whatever the PC term for them is now) when they were obviously discussing some benefit they felt they should be entitled to ........ One turned to the others and said indignantly " Well we should get it; We're illegible aren't we!!"

.....made Oi laugh it did!

simon876

Our daughter's contribution ...

"What flavour is that Cherry Yoghurt?"

Oh well!

Simon

Alberta_Rose

Ah well .... if it's "what kids say".......

our lil lad was bouncing on our bed (aged 3-ish) when he fell off and landed rather heavily. He picked himself up, and rather ruefully remarked "You should have tambourines around your bed"

Somewhat surprised, I eventually twigged ... "I think you mean trampolines????"

simon876

Not just children ... my wife's contribution (and she'll kill me for this):

Whilst out for a walk by the river Thames one afternoon, "Look there's a single, solitary swan, all on it's own."

Simon (sleeping in the spare room) 876.

Alberta_Rose

My OH started a new job in UK ..... a short while later his boss realised he knew my father, and he said to my DH, "Oh so you're P.M's son-in-law!"

"Yes" replied the poor dear, somewhat flustered. "I'm married to his daughter!"

simon876

Excellent!

When answering a Trivial Pursuit question "What measurement is 12 inches?"

Our daughter replied, "A ruler".

We'll pass on Mastermind for now.

Simon