So is this what 'homesickness' feels like?.....
 

I can be distracted for a while (TV, Movie, ect)
then I will hear a canadian accent outside the house and boom... a feeling of 'dread', 'sadness' comes over me.

I'll be in my overpriced rental, I will walk to the kitchen sink, look out the window at the street outside which after 4 years I still feel disconnected to and boom.... that feeling....

I will be sitting in a group, whether at work or social gathering, they will be acting in a way or talking about things I just dont relate to, boom that feeling of detachment....

I'll be driving, listening to a radio station, daydreaming listening to a song, it finishes, the presenter starts talking in that canadian accent, and boom.... im reminded of where I am...

On the occasions I have visited back home. I will have that feeling of 'returning' to where I should be. Similar to that feeling you get when you have had a holiday in the sun, and although most would say that is great, but "it will be nice to get back to my own bed"...

Re: So is this what 'homesickness' feels like?.....
 

6th

You clearly are not happy here. Maybe you should.seriously look at your options for going 'home'.

Re: So is this what 'homesickness' feels like?.....
 

I would like to make a more positive suggestion than Ms. Gerchikov. You can't fit in. You won't ever relate to whatever it is that interests Canadians, ice hockey, poutine, them pesky aboriginals. The culture is alien and the friends far away. Accept that and get Sirius in the car; then you can listen to the BBC.

Re: So is this what 'homesickness' feels like?.....
 

I am in agreement with dbd....I married a Canadian 20 years ago, and love him to death...but the sound he makes is still not ‘the Today Programme’ . He will never understand when I come home and on a Friday night, and might occasionally, shout...”it’s Friday night, it’s 5 o’clock, and it’s Crackerjack” (nor, will lots of you who aren’t my age!).

It’s the same language but a completely different culture. I moved here, and it’s not their fault that I sometimes miss my past. Why try? If you can like it, and have peace and are winning - then it’s good. I often wonder how Asians and Africans and the whole diaspora of cultures that have arrived and settled here find mental stability, but they do, which speaks to Canadian inclusivity I think? I lived for a long time in ‘proper’ foreign cultures and I think it was easier, as I never expected to fit in...here because we are all speaking the same language I thought it might be easy...but it isn’t so I ‘think’ I’ve adapted. I just know it’s not so hard as it once was.

Re: So is this what 'homesickness' feels like?.....
 

Yeah but those pesky BBC announcers don't have a North West of England accent so how would that help me. Perhaps the OP is from there so how would it help him?

Re: So is this what 'homesickness' feels like?.....
 

The problem is you're listening to Canadian radio which other than some university radio stations, and some cbc programmes is a vast wasteland of 'the best of yesterday with the hits of today' '90 minute rock rides' 'no repeat Tuesday's' or 'morning zoo crew' shows.

Radio 4 or 5 or 6 or the World Service will help you try to pretend you're not living in Cana

Re: So is this what 'homesickness' feels like?.....
 

The broader problem is that the immigrant trade has failed in the case of the OP. It's supposed to be that you give up your friends, family and culture and you gain lots of consumer durables,

When we came we were in Port Credit, which like Oakville, is a dormitory town for Toronto. We were poor and it wasn't much of a place but it was easy to see that, since a house cost a bit more than a year's salary, it wouldn't be long before we could have a house and a ride on lawn mower and, perhaps, a central vac. Houses in London then cost, at least, ten times a year's salary so the arithmetic was simple. At the time I felt guilty that I was taking the soft option, someone with talent wouldn't need to go to a secondary economy, but I was happy enough to take the small pond option.

Now the equation is quite different, Even if you're willing to take the ego hit of moving to the colonies, the benefits aren't there. Houses are quite expensive even in Oakville and the reason for moving there is that they be cheap. There's no longer a reason to go.

Re: So is this what 'homesickness' feels like?.....
 

Well the cost of housing in more and more areas of Canada likely does make it harder and less ideal for new arrivals.It's bad when the "cheaper" city's an hour away from the big city is still not exactly cheap nor affordable. But then 500,000 is cheaper than 1 million so I guess technically speaking those areas are cheaper, just not affordable really.

I do think if I could have maintained my quality of life of California in Canada, I may have adapted to Canada better than I did.

Re: So is this what 'homesickness' feels like?.....
 

Well, umm, yes, that is quite likely true for most people!

Re: So is this what 'homesickness' feels like?.....
 

Although you have a wacky way of putting things, 100% correct. The 'golden age' for moving to Canada (for 1st-worlders) ended sometime in the '90s.

Re: So is this what 'homesickness' feels like?.....
 

Fully agree

Re: So is this what 'homesickness' feels like?.....
 

Just curious as to why this thread was moved ?

Re: So is this what 'homesickness' feels like?.....
 

Well I’m not a mod, but I would have thought it was a Maple Leaf thread. I thought the Canada bit was for more generalized Canadian queries...When you are in the Maple Leaf, you have realized you love the place, hate it, hate the price of cheese or are on a ‘rollercoaster” of indecision...:blink:

Something odd which did occur to me; I’ve become much more used to the sound of the language, I do stop and think now, are they English, or Canadian, as it washes over me... I think it’s assimilation? Or the onset of hearing difficulties...

Re: So is this what 'homesickness' feels like?.....
 

You seem to have answered your own question Millie.

OP I tend to agree with HG, you don't seem to be happy, you should consider a return to where you are more comfortable.

Re: So is this what 'homesickness' feels like?.....
 

I wish it was that simple. I really do.

Re: So is this what 'homesickness' feels like?.....
 

I do this! To the point of embarrassing myself on one occasion :o.

Re: So is this what 'homesickness' feels like?.....
 

The main Canada forum is for Canada centric 'questions' or for seeking general advice pertaining TO Canada - for want of a better description.. whereas the Maple Leaf is for general observations / questions etc., such as your own - or off topic i.e not necessarily about Canada - subjects.

Hope that explains things:D

Re: So is this what 'homesickness' feels like?.....
 

I must have adapted as I find many English accents irritating. TV programmes such as "Escape to the Country" are so slow and twee with simpering voices.

Re: So is this what 'homesickness' feels like?.....
 

Surely it depends on the part of the country to which they are escaping? I can't imagine there's much simpering going on in Yorkshire !

Re: So is this what 'homesickness' feels like?.....
 

No simpering in Yorkshire, just whingeing from those folks. Having lived here for 32 years you can be having the greatest day of your life and then you hear it when you least expect it that London/Cockney accent and poof day ruined.

Re: So is this what 'homesickness' feels like?.....
 

No shortage of whingers nationwide. :lol:

Re: So is this what 'homesickness' feels like?.....
 

Indeed, it's no longer easy. The colonials no longer tug at the forelock at the sound of a proper British accent of any sort. ;-)

Yet Canada is still what one makes of it. The housing is no longer 'cheap' by UK standards (yet still 'less expensive'), and the winters are still challenging despite global warming. But the health and education systems are "1st-world" if one invests a bit of research in order to access the best parts of them.

And career-wise, once one lands that first decent job (a difficult hurdle for immigrants to any country), advancement is pretty much meritocratic (YMMV, but that was my experience).

Re: So is this what 'homesickness' feels like?.....
 

It seems as though you’ve built a negative association in your head with Canada and Canadians. All I can think of is your life here isn’t going well in some way, I’d really like to know what has happened that got you to this point mentally. Maybe then I can offer some advice.

Re: So is this what 'homesickness' feels like?.....
 

I thought it was just me that did that! I have been here 11 years now, and sometimes really have to listen to check if they are English or Canadian! lol... sometimes its obvious, you can tell a rural Canadian or an East Coast Canadian, but if you take some new readers....say Peter Mansbridge for example, he has a well spoken Canadian accent, so almost sounds English, where as if I had listened to him 10 years ago, he would have stuck out like sore thumb...and definitely sounded Canadian! strange eh?

Re: So is this what 'homesickness' feels like?.....
 

No Yoirkhsire is certainly not a simpering accent. lol

I love the Geordie accent... the coolest British regional accent/dialect out there! Years ago, my friend and I pretended to be Geordies on a night out.... that was one hell of a legendary night out! lol Its like going out in costume....it alters your personality!

Re: So is this what 'homesickness' feels like?.....
 

wye aye man !

Re: So is this what 'homesickness' feels like?.....
 

Did you become Michael the Geordie

Re: So is this what 'homesickness' feels like?.....
 

I haven't been able to distinguish most Canadian accents for years ..... people from around Hamilton used to have an accent that sounded very like a Bronx accent for new York, but I haven't met anyone from there for some years.

Maritimers and Newfoundlanders are very distinct bilingual Quebecers can be indistinguishable to me from other Anglophone Canadians


On the other hand, I really notice British accents these days .............. and I'm always being told that my accent has hardly changed from Lancashire!

Re: So is this what 'homesickness' feels like?.....
 

I can actually detect an NZ NI Auckland type accent now from a bottom of a South Island one. It isn't that marked but there is a difference

Re: So is this what 'homesickness' feels like?.....
 

You are correct mate.

So what has happened?

When we 1st arrived the rental apt we put a deposit down on...the previous tenants were crack heads.
We decided not to live in that grubby apt block.. we lost our $1500 deposit...
We were left scrambling for somewhere suitable to live... Most places we viewed (in burlington /oakville) were stupidly overpriced, tiny, and/ or disgusting. Most still are...

I also maybe, truthfully did not want 'this' from the beginning, even before we boarded the plane (it was always my wifes 'dream' just to live here)?
She said she would resent me if we didnt "just try it". Great eh...
I was 35yrs old when we moved over, I was 'finally' as settled as I had ever been in life... Good secure job, owned a home.. kids just started local schools... opportunity to travel/ have proper adventures...could share it all with long term friends and family.... had it 'all' in place.

I had 11yrs service in a sought after career, one I was happy with, or at least didnt dread going to everyday when the alarm went off, one that had many perks...
Since being in the GT bloody A, I have not secured a fulfilling job which is also enough **important** to sustain a 'comfortable' life in overrated Oakville...

Costs of living p*ss me right off!.. from the small to the big.. (mobile phones, gyms, food, condo fees, houses!!) Ect ect ect

Live here does nothing for me.

Re: So is this what 'homesickness' feels like?.....
 

At least compared to where I have lived in the US, rental quality in Canada where I have lived is much lower but prices higher unless you can afford to get into "luxury" type buildings.

We viewed an apartment in 2013 in Vancouver and back then it was $950 per month, dirty old building not well maintained, and walking into the unit was a time machine to 1975, I don't think one ounce of improvement had been done since then beyond a new fridge, the bathtub and stove and bathroom sink was 1970's pink. Carpet stained and dirty and smelled like pee. My wife came across an ad for the same building in March, from the photos doesn't look like any upgrades have taken place, but they were now asking 1,500 a month and sadly they will get that.

I'd not mind high rent if the quality matched the price.

Much of what you say frustrates the heck out of me, you mean I gotta pay twice the price as what it costs in the US, but I don't make anymore per hour?

Re: So is this what 'homesickness' feels like?.....
 

It's a shame that you felt pressured to move to Canada when you didn't want to and were happy and settled with your life in the UK. Things rarely turn out well in such circumstances.

Re: So is this what 'homesickness' feels like?.....
 

​​​​​​How is your wife enjoying the move ?

​​​​

Re: So is this what 'homesickness' feels like?.....
 

This is where it gets messy. My wife absolutely loves it of course. Canada can do no wrong compared to "depressing UK". She doesnt seem to care if we rent forever. Isnt concerned (or doesnt realise) the financial burden we have placed on ourselves by being here. As long as she gets to live here, who cares about pointing out the reality. I am just "cheap".

Re: So is this what 'homesickness' feels like?.....
 

What is it that she so likes? Surely not the weather nor the built environment. Were you from some homogenous corner of the UK, like Cornwall for example, and this is her first exposure to diverse people? Oakville seems to me to be exactly the kind of place one lives in because it allows having lots of material items so it's a stretch to think of someone being personally or spiritually fulfilled there without a small yacht, a recent Lexus (or whatever the fad in flabby rice burners is currently) and a Calor Gas barbecue.

Re: So is this what 'homesickness' feels like?.....
 

dbd33.. I really wish I knew mate..
She came here as a teenager on holiday with her family, im guessing planted a seed at that time (mid 90's ) that things in north america were bigger n better, it was like being in a movie.. who knows.
It may have been a burning desire to do something different and exciting with her life, rather than staying in the same area as she grew up in..
I have questioned her logic many times, all i get is "its just better". "Scotland is depressing".. "more opportunities for the kids"
Again, who cares about giving up our security, as long as she is here (in Oakville) and the kids get to go to school here rather than the hellhole that is back in the uk, then thats all that matters.

I suppose everyone has different desires and things that make them happy.

After nearly 19yrs, and 2 young kids together it is sad to realise that we may be on different wave-lengths and possibly paths in life. As unfortunately alot of damaging crap has happened in the past 4 yrs since being here..
But ive said it before, the thought of me actaully leaving my wife and kids to go back home alone is a messed up situation
FUBAR

Re: So is this what 'homesickness' feels like?.....
 

NGN, I feel for you. I have spent much time over the years racking my brains as to how I could realistically escape !

I did actually run away once, back in the summer of 2016. Got as far as New Hampshire ! Four nights in all (oddly, both my phone and laptop stopped working properly, indicating to me how ill-prepared I was for such a venture). Anyway, ever since then the hubs has been working on facilitating a more solid plan, to ensure that my next attempt is a success. (take from that what you will :tounge_smile:).

Your circumstances are different, of course, and I’m not sure how to help…..just wanted to say that I empathise and recognise that it can be complicated, and so finding solutions can be tricky.

Also, I've not really suffered from homesickness as such (i.e. for the UK), I’m just sick of being in a place that doesn’t feel like it's my home.

Re: So is this what 'homesickness' feels like?.....
 

No good name: some of what you have written resonates with me. I had just hit the sweet spot in my career where I could say I had arrived, the future was fairly nailed on (assuming I did not get lazy or stuff up client relationships), we were having two to three decent holidays a year, had a house etc. But, previous to this, things weren't so plain sailing and, in a fit of pique, I one day blurted out "let's move to Canada". Wife had only ever mentioned it now and again as a "would be nice to live there closer to my parents", but never sat me down to say she needed to do it. We do have the type of relationship where that would never have been held back if important. She did, however, warm up to this fairly quickly and, once she did, she grabbed it with both hands and did not let go, By the time it came to move, I really didn't want to, but I equally thought I would give it a chance given that the opportunity was there.

I will be here 4 years in October... I am on my third job (although each time I change is for the better) but I am nowhere near caught up to the same level I was at in the UK. So I understand your pain there.

I was fortunate enough to be able to take some time off last year and do some thinking and have some good conversations with the wife. Like yours, she can't give me much in the way of an answer to the question, "why is living here better"? There are things like better standards of public behaviour (even if it is done through gritted teeth ;)), less aggression in the people, she actually does like the seasons here, and we do both like the vibe of Halifax. Careerwise she is way off course and has come up against the usual issues with getting the type of job she wants here. She is now coming around to the idea that the best thing to do lifestyle wise would be to return to the UK, but clearly that won't be happening for a while yet. In the meantime, we are both blessed to have jobs and income.

I guess I understand some of where you are coming from. I think the important thing is to get it through to your wife how unhappy you are and see if you can make changes. I know when I got my wife to accept my outlook, we were able to "come together" again, as it were, and discuss various options for the future that would work for us both.

Re: So is this what 'homesickness' feels like?.....
 

If that's the case I think you need to focus to focus on the positives in Canada and look toward long term financial stability. If the area you are in is too expensive (especially as a renter) look to somewhere else more affordable, perhaps that can be the compromise your wife makes. It's messy, as you say, but it's better to look forward than back.

Re: So is this what 'homesickness' feels like?.....
 

I think it worth mentioning that most people I have known in Canada ultimately went somewhere else. Most go back to their home countries, lots go to the US. I don't think dying in Canada is the usual outcome for people who move here. Third generation residents are likely to end up here but the affluent ones spend 182 days a year somewhere else. Canada's not somewhere that many people embrace unequivocally.