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Re: Short visit back to the UK
Originally Posted by R2D2
(Post 5938698)
My hubby was all over the place when we first got here. If he could have hopped straight back on a plane to Mcr airport I think he would have. All you can do is try and rationalise everything for him. My hubby's comments in those early weeks were so irrational it was untrue, but at least he had a good job to keep him occupied. Your hubby needs to fill his time, so he doesn't dwell on it more than he is already.
This is the worst time of year for homesickness I think. Still knee deep in snow, when you hear from family how springlike it is in the UK !:( Maybe sit down and come up with a timescale....say, giving it 6 months.......summer really isn't that far off now, and the summers here are beautiful (we are in AB btw) Then throw yourselves into Canadian life, lots of trips out exploring. That's what helped us (him) in those first few months, lots to look forward to.................Best of luck to you all x |
Re: Short visit back to the UK
Originally Posted by canbritdenise
(Post 5939366)
I just wanted to say how sorry we are that your husband hasnt settled.
What you need to think is take some pressure off yourselves. Its stressful enough getting here and sorting every thing out without everything else. Canada, we have found is harder than we thought, and this area is being hit with recession,so settling is that bit harder. Just think to youself that no one is making you stay, just take time to give it ago and then if it doesnt work go back and think well atleast we tried. weve been here 3 years and I think not a month goes by without me saying shall we go back, were not far if your hubby just needs to hear a familiar accent. good luck |
Re: Short visit back to the UK
Originally Posted by manghams
(Post 5939706)
We are still reeling from the stress of getting here; I cannot even begin to image doing it in reverse! :cry_smile: I an overwhelmed at the very thought; yet he seems as equally overwhelmed by staying. :omg_smile: I also have all those nagging pressures of unsettling the kids again. :sad_smile:
I feel equally as gutted for you and the kids, you must feel like you are being pulled to pieces emotionally. I'm sure you have tried every tactic and reason under the sun to convince him to stay so I wont offer anything glib, but what about getting him to write out all the reasons you left the UK in the first place on a large sheet and stick it up on your kitchen wall and it will be a constant reminder of why you are here:confused: |
Re: Short visit back to the UK
just read the post and wow i can understand your OH and you ;)
Hubby came out of work at xmas as they where getting rid off 100 so i jumped...LOL yeah time goes on and little jobs have been done etc and he is bored, so talked about temp work until our recci in april, so yep up for it and i applied for jobs for him, he went for interviews etc and all jobs have been offered to him :ohmy: He said he didnt know which one to take et etc and basically he got told that if he didnt take one i was going back to work as he was driving me crackers and he could do the mum thing then he wouldnt be bored!!!!!! What im saying is that if you are both allowed to work, let him have the kids and you work or maybe he can train at collage :thumbsup: I know if my other half wasnt starting work, id of gone crackers :eek::eek: |
Re: Short visit back to the UK
Originally Posted by gill_andy_grew
(Post 5944736)
What im saying is that if you are both allowed to work, let him have the kids and you work or maybe he can train at collage :thumbsup: |
Re: Short visit back to the UK
Originally Posted by AlvicSK
(Post 5941260)
Manghams. I am sooo sorry to read that your OH is not settling - I asked my OH for his honest opinion of life here, after reading your OH's dilemma and he said that if we didn't get our PR visa it would kill him to have to go back:eek:and we are only here a month tomorrow. From what I can see though is that he loves his job and that makes all the difference in the world, its such a shame your OH couldnt get sorted out job wise quickly.
I feel equally as gutted for you and the kids, you must feel like you are being pulled to pieces emotionally. I'm sure you have tried every tactic and reason under the sun to convince him to stay so I wont offer anything glib, but what about getting him to write out all the reasons you left the UK in the first place on a large sheet and stick it up on your kitchen wall and it will be a constant reminder of why you are here:confused: We speak to friends and family on skype all the time and he just feels that he is missing out. Both little ones are asking to see their Nana's and friends, :huh: and my 16 yr old cant wait to get back. The only resistance is from my 20 yrd who has got himself a job and new girl friend. :eek: All his relative here in Canada think he is jumping ship too soon; but he has dug in, as has his depression, and as he is a person prone to depressiong, including SAD, I an worried about his health, and I dont know what access to any services would be available to us here. So I dont know what will happen, we have had realtor in, and we guess we are going to loose somewhere in the region of £50,000.00 if we go back, :sad_smile: and that does not include his loss of earnings for three months, nor the loss we took on the house we sold in the UK. :confused: If we do go back, we will have to rent, as we are not now in a position to get back on the housing ladder anytime soon! :omg_smile: Sorry but I have nothing positive to report, my only wish now is that we had rented and not bought straight away! :sad_smile: |
Re: Short visit back to the UK
If you OH is prone to depression, do you think he might be depressed where ever he went right now, other than a sunny country with warm weather and no snow:) If you know what I mean....
I think it must be terribly hard on you right now, to try and keep everyone happy all of the time. But what about seeing if there is someone outside of yourself that he can speak to about this. Get a little clarity on the subject from someone who is uninvolved, most cities have something like a family service where you can self refer to. Also, like you said it's a huge pressure just getting here and that takes time to work through. I know when I got here, I was short tempered and slept all the time for about the first 6-8 weeks, and that was in June, so can understand that he may be exhausted from the stress, and you may deal with your stress differently. If he's prone to depression anyway, then yes you have to be careful for him, but you also have to put yourself and the kids high up in the priorities, as the whole house can't just revolve around one person.....I hope you understand I am not being cruel when I say that, I have just spent a lot of time around people with depression and know how hard it is on families. Whatever happens, I wish you guys the best of luck Take Care Mrs Miggins xxx |
Re: Short visit back to the UK
Originally Posted by Mrs Miggins
(Post 5946837)
If you OH is prone to depression, do you think he might be depressed where ever he went right now, other than a sunny country with warm weather and no snow:) If you know what I mean....
I think it must be terribly hard on you right now, to try and keep everyone happy all of the time. But what about seeing if there is someone outside of yourself that he can speak to about this. Get a little clarity on the subject from someone who is uninvolved, most cities have something like a family service where you can self refer to. Also, like you said it's a huge pressure just getting here and that takes time to work through. I know when I got here, I was short tempered and slept all the time for about the first 6-8 weeks, and that was in June, so can understand that he may be exhausted from the stress, and you may deal with your stress differently. If he's prone to depression anyway, then yes you have to be careful for him, but you also have to put yourself and the kids high up in the priorities, as the whole house can't just revolve around one person.....I hope you understand I am not being cruel when I say that, I have just spent a lot of time around people with depression and know how hard it is on families. Whatever happens, I wish you guys the best of luck Take Care Mrs Miggins xxx |
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