Dave+Jules

Rich_007 holds the record for singing that old hobo favourite King of the Road, "Trailer for sale or rent.... rooms to let 50 cents....." he sang continously for 14 days, 7 hours, 3 minutes and 25 seconds.

He only stopped when a passerby who's daily commute forced him to walk past Rich_007 intervened, and punched him in the face, to the loud applause of the commuters rushing past

helcat12

rich 007 is one of the leading method actors of his generation. He is able to move unknown amongst the public incognito due to the nature of his roles, which included an early long running and successful portrayal of 'Snork' in The Banana Splits. Growing in reputation amongst the celluloid cognoscenti, he researched heavily for his role as Madame Cholet by spending large amounts of time on Wimbledon Common collecting litter (at least, this is what is recorded on his Police caution.) As his career blossomed, he found it increasingly difficult to separate his fictional character from his real persona. Tragically, his meteoric rise to stardom was cut short when, in a confused state brought on by several weeks preparation for his next role wearing a fish bowl on his head and using a giant lobster claw for a hand, (Dr Who - Brain of Morbius) he caused an ugly scene in the fishmongers and the counter assistant had to be treated for shock.
He now wanders lost amongst the crowds on Granville Island, resisting he urge to wrap himself in fur fabric. When it all gets too much, he goes to a secluded beachside location and spends a few precious hours riding around manically in a buggy with a hoover pipe strapped to his nose. It brings back such good memories!

helcat12

OOPS! Spent too long on this one - you beat me to it!

Dave+Jules

Yours was better

helcat12

Was that my harmless lie?
Anway......

Unknown to Dave, Jules sneaks out of the house while he lies in a narcoleptic snooze in front of QI (the sheer brilliance of the banter having overwhelmed his synapses) to perform at a secret Burlesque club in Chorley under the stage name of 'Rita von Peas'.
Her racey yet tasteful show, specially developed for the titilation of the Northern male and entitled 'Pie and hot Peas', features Jules emerging from a oversized steak pudding dressed in a scanty floral pinny and drizzling her body with gravy.
She barely has time to remove the wooden fork from her nether portions, shower and rush home before Dave is roused from his wit-induced coma by the rarified offering of the latest edition of Top Gear. The moral of this tale is, "What you don't know can't hurt you".

Rich_007

During times of austerity and a need for an income while studying advanced underwater organic basket weaving at BCIT, Helcat12 worked as the senior trimmer at an underground grow op located in a remote hillside area 15 miles north of Nelson BC.

Helcat12 called upon their family history of underground coal mining stretching back 7 generations in their hometown of Barnsley, UK. Coupled with a love of rare species of canary, and a special pet ferret called Marley, Helcat12 was able to survive the odds, assisting their team of 4 junior trimmers of Vietnamese origin, while 16 RCMP members fruitlessly scoured the property in an attempt to locate the subterranean Garden of Eden.

The incident went down in growers' folklore and from that day on, Helcat12 was never in need of paying for their favourite double rum and Diet Coke in Nelson, being treated as a folk hero by the good folks of the town. Even now, three years later Nelson bar owners regale the tale of Helcat's evasion and subsequent celebratory arrival downtown wearing their dungarees, wooly rasta hat, hemp slippers, and Free Marc Emery sleeveless t-shirt.

helcat12

Rich-007 has a shady past. He was a close friend of Reggie and Ronnie Cray, until, during a brief but satisfying fumble with 'Babs' Windsor behind the 'Kinky Kat' club in Camden, the pneumatic Babs was overheard squawking, "Oooo-er! Haven't you got a big one?".
Despite his repeated protestations that he was just helping her practice for her 'Carry On' audition, he found himself a wanted man in his Sarff London manor and made a hasty escape to avoid the inevitable reprisals. Advised by his faithful oppo and career crook, Jack "the biscuit" McVitie, he dyed his hair blonde, shaved off his moustache, boosted his man boobs with a push-up balconette and assumed a new identity in a place no-one would ever find him; performing bikini waxes in a back street salon in Fleetwood.
But his idea was half-baked.
Unbeknown to him, his best friend and partner in crime, Jack "the biscuit" McVitie had been 'shopped' to the nefarious Cray brothers, who tortured him by dipping him repeatedly into hot cups of tea until he was, quite literally, crushed.
News of this atrocity finally reaching Rich-007 many months later; he planned a daring pilgrimage to pay his respects at the grave of his old partner, only to discover on his arrival that he had been cremated and his crumbs scattered from the upper deck of the number 47 from Battersea to Clapham Junction.
Incensed with rage and remorse, he vowed to reveal himself and wreak revenge, but found that in everywhere except Fleetwood the Sixties had ended and gangsters had moved on to wearing car emblems round their necks and appearing on MTV.
Happily, he was able to rekindle his ill-fated romance with buxom Babs and lived to a long and fruity old age in the shadow of her enormous........fame.
Oooo-er Missus.

Joe_Sleepy

Helcat12 is a balding benefit cheat from Dover..

Boy_Howdy

Joe Sleepy was recently featured convicted of smuggling Vics Vapo-rub into Quebec.

Steve_P

In a previous life Boy_Howdy was a puppet.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FQEqLUtp9Bg

scottandsel

steve_p is a love god who subdues his women in his feisty wicked way with romantic talk lulling them into a false sense of security then he pounces smearing crunchie peanut butter and saurkraut all over them sticking them to the back seat of his ford fiesta rendering them helpless while he plays them a sweet rendition of "always look on the bright side of life" on his bagpipes until they're begging for it!

fledermaus

scott and sel live life on the wild side. Scott trains salamanders to walk the highwire and Sel regularly runs amok in Superstore using the shopping cart as a scooter while juggling avocados.

Rich_007

fledermaus played Oddbod in the 1966 movie "Carry on Screaming".

There was no need for makeup or costume, making the part a straightforward choice.

Joe_Sleepy

Rich 007 looks absolutely nothing like Daniel Craig, although he does bear a passing resemblance to Woody Allen..

scottandsel

joe sleeps with one eye open as he believes the green monkeys who stole his red socks are gonna come back, pluck the hairs out of his toes and chew the lil shiny pink gems he has stuck on his toenails and ruin the fantastic manicure an paint job he's just had done on them at suzies salon - open monday - sat 9 til late.