Shard

I like these reflections type posts.

There's always a trade-off when it comes to my moving, whether it's to a new town or new country. You've identified many of the tradeoffs in your situation, seem to be re-examining them.

Things like 'history' 'architecture' 'fields' 'pubs' are part of the equation, but shouldn't be over dwelled upon, because, the novelty does indeed wear off. Whether it's a 1000 year old wall or 1000 meter high mountain peak it soon becomes unimportant when you live in a place. These are 'emotional draws' we invent when we're trying to evaluate moves or justify stays.

On the neighbors and social connection, that's far more tricky. Not sure why you're so wedded to your 'working class roots' and council estates, etc, it must have been decades ago. There's an argument for moving on rather than anchoring yourself to that. Conversely, if that is a really important part of your identity, and now you want to engage with British working class life, then clearly squeaky clean, Asia-oriented Vancouver is not the ideal place from which to do so.

It probably would be a good idea to make more frequent trips back to Yorkshire and re-evaluate your feelings. See whether you become more attached or whether it is only novelty and nostalgia.

Siouxie

It's not the road you have travelled, but the journey in getting there.. and it is different for each and every one of us.

I've lived here for nearly 20 years and haven't been back to the UK in 15 - but that has no relevance on how I might think regarding trying to feel a connection to people in my day-to-day life.. I agree that revisiting the UK has probably unsettled them a little - or perhaps it's bought it home to them how little connection they feel with people here .. and it makes them feel isolated and as though there is something lacking, perhaps.

I also have many Canadian born friends and acquaintances. For a fair few of them I know where they grew up, where they went to school, where they hung out (pubs /clubs) as teen's and 20 somethings.. what they liked to do.. where they cycled to / swam / what sports they played and where - and for some have seen home videos of Christmas's and special occasions.. and have been told who their first serious relationship was with / their first physical encounter / why their relationship or marriage ended,where they have travelled to, what jobs they have held, what they would love to do. Actually, I know quite a bit about some of them (I find it interesting)! Some of them have fascinating stories whilst others are quite mundane. Does that help me to feel a connection though? Not necessarily although it helps me to perhaps understand them a little better.

Yet they have never asked or encouraged me to talk about my pre-Canada life - mainly I suspect because it's not relevant to them and they can't relate to things that are not relevant to them or that they can't envisage - and have little interest anyway.. .. or in some cases they can't 'do' (or tolerate) small talk unless they are the ones talking!

Working remotely forces me to reach out and 'talk' to people (via skype messages mainly) and ask them about their life experiences - I talk to people all over the world from all different backgrounds.. but it's not always quite so easy to do that in real life and in person!


Sorry.. I didn't mean to blather on! I have always found writing cathartic - so I tend to do it.. a lot.

dbd33

Routinely. "where you from?" is a the standard conversation starter here.

Atlantic Xpat

Usually followed by "My wife's third cousin twice removed is from England. Manchester/Birmingham/Penge/Milton Keynes/Padstow* (Delete as neccessary) do you know them?"

BristolUK

Yes, absolutely

bats

spouse of scouse

Getting very deep there bats. Is you even you?

MelVan

I've found reading and reflecting on everyone's different experiences about their lives in Canada very helpful in mentally and emotionally preparing for my own forthcoming move. I hope to be able to offer my own reflections in due course.

I am looking forward to life in a new - but familiar - city. I learned some important lessons when I moved to London for a spell and I'll be remembering those for this next adventure. But certainly everyone's perspectives here have been very valuable to hear.

As an Australian, you often get the "do you know..." when you're abroad. It's a bit scary though when I've had to answer "well, yes" (it's happened a couple of times)!

spouse of scouse

Dorothy

It happened to me recently. I live 50 km north of Perth and when my partner and I were in Vancouver in June I went to get my hair cut . The hairdresser moved to BC 8 months ago from the next suburb south of us. She went to school with my daughter, only she was a year ahead.

BEVS

First class post.

MollieM00

Hi everyone,

This is indeed an interesting thread and this is my first response so please be gentle!!

I am hoping to move to Thunder Bay Ontario next year after living near Milton Keynes for the last 12 years with my partner who is Canadian. I am British but have moved a lot in my 46 years (22 moves up to the age of 18 and then 10 or so moves until 2006 - not all in the UK).
The initial message about going back to Yorkshire hit a note because I lived in Scarborough and York whilst completing my nursing degree. I understand Vespa Clubs reflections about what is good about Yorkshire but I can tell you it is not always like that. Too many crowds in York and other Yorkshire cities is enough to put me off from revisiting it but this is nearly everywhere in the UK nowadays. The fact that I choose to get up and go to the supermarkets at 0700 so I can at least go round with minimal frustration is wearing thin.
I think these days the world is a different place and we have to make the most of the areas we live in. I just wish there was more space, less people and less cars in the UK and then maybe we would stay. However I am so excited as well as apprehensive about moving to Canada. Our situation is slightly different to other threads I have read but I enjoy reading them all even if there are not relevant.

well that's it.....thanks everyone.

caretaker

Welcome to the forum.

dave2003

Steady on there with your condemnation of a country that you have not lived in for fifty years; a country that provided you with a university education, at little or no cost to you.

Do you think that your assertions about accent, location, social class etc is the reason for the failure to get a desired job? Could there be some other reason for holding a grudge for 50 years?

I grew up in a very posh part of Canada, where most of the neighbouring children went to Canada's equivalent of Eton, St. Pauls, Benenden. Their parents were all bankers, financiers, titans-movers and shakers. Believe me they blackballed others from employment, political office, official appointments in much the same way as you say happened to you in England.

Gordon Barlow

Also, I think some of us expats settle into new homes better than others, by our nature. If there is a great wish to go home for visits, then the settling is often (usually?) harder to do. My wife and I are both Australian-born, but left in our twenties, met and married overseas, and - when "the time" came to go back home - yielded to the temptation to go somewhere else instead. After that, we just kept shifting around every few years until we finally settled in a Caribbean island with our young son. Of course every so often we visited parents, siblings and friends back in Oz, but only to touch base with them. We were strangers to them, in too many ways, and we no longer identified with their way of life. Now, we and our son are "British expats", with British EU passports and all. Our grandchildren are Norwegian, with Norwegian mothers, and our overseas visits are to their country.

The internet makes it easy for us to keep in touch with those we want to keep in touch with, and there is always Skype and Whatsapp for more personal contact. I last went back to Queensland in 1995, and my wife to Melbourne a few years later. If/when Cayman becomes too expensive, we'll move to Mexico, or maybe somewhere warm in Europe - England, even, if the recent hot weather there could be guaranteed!