cov-canuck

I've never paid much attention to them, but in my recent performance review, I had the following statement:

cov-canuck performs above and beyond what would normally be tolerated in a technical company...



I'm taking that as a good thing....I'll either get a raise or told off, not entirely sure which.

Anyone else have amusing performance review stories?

Joe_Sleepy

In my 4th year at Junior School I got a school report that defined the rest of my life....

If Joe spent as much time trying to improve his maths skills as he does staring at the Nature Table he may make something of himself...

I didn't & subsequently... didn't..

Piff Poff

I was told a couple of years ago that I was going to get a 26% pay rise - this would have brought me in line with two newer members of staff that had been hired at a higher rate - not that I should have known that but I was told by the manager who told me I was going to get the raise.

I was furious when the pay rise was 26 cents. The manager just said 'Oh I must have got it wrong.' He didn't last long, 3 months in total I think, pathetic waste of space he was.

Couple of years on I am on a decent for retail hourly rate but am soon to be done with the company, they don't really seem to know what they are doing at the moment and the hours suck.

ireland2canada

I have a performance review in work this Tuesday. This is an annual review despite my having worked there 18 months. In fact, the probationary period was 6 months, which I have yet to be told if I have passed or not. I keep turning up, and no one has escorted me from the building yet, so I assume I have done ok.

The report that I need to complete for the review is 8 pages long. 8 full pages of, I feel, utter shit. I m expected to waffle on about every "competency" known to man and explain how I have or have not met this competency. I have to use a "performance review guide", the length of which I did not count as I had lost the will to live, let alone count, by the time I discovered it.

I would rather iron my own fingers than do any of this, but if there is a chance of a pay rise I'm sure I will come up with something. The urge to be utterly sarcastic about the whole thing is almost too much to bear. Quite frankly, if they do not give me a pay rise I may just go in there with a shotgun. Or get another job, whatever.

To summarise, I feel that "performance reviews" are a complete waste of time and only exist to enable the organisation to give someone the responsibility for "staff progression" or some such intangible crap in order to justify their own pay rise.

I may need to have a drink on the way in to work on Tuesday.

dbd33

http://www.ft.com/cms/s/0/c1f13474-5...#axzz17Bfb9qdr


There's a better piece, on scrapping performance appraisals, but my ten free pages ran out before I got to it.

The4BellsLondon

Bloody things - I just had mine for working at the front desk at the gym . . .one of the areas to "discuss" was whether I meet and greet ALL members with a friendly welcoming smile - teeth and eyes- by name, double handshake for newbies and am sympathetic and helpful if they have problems - its out of 5 . . . hmm I didnt ace that one !

am so not designed for front desk - and they really dont get Brit sarcasm sometimes, but hey o keeps me out of trouble / / /or does it?

helcat12

Performance management reviews are a sad fact of life - you mainly get observed by people who have not done your job for a long time, having been promoted to middle management where they supposedly can do less harm.
They always feel that, regardless of how fantastic you are at your job, they are obliged to find some 'development points'. The things they say are usually extremely wordy, full of management speak and totally meaningless/irrelevant.
In a previous existence in retail, I once had a 'mystery shopper' visit who said, "This is the best service we have ever received!" but I still only scored 67% for the 'overall experience'! Go figure.
I don't mind the actual review so much as the follow-up; having to make an 'Action Plan' to address the spurious 'Development Points' the incompetent manager has 'identified'!
My action plan is - find a new job!

The4BellsLondon

TBH I am not designed for front desk - am not supercillious or grovelly enough - I expect manners - god forbid members dont say please or thank you - I eyeball them til they do !

helcat12

Ever considered Teacher Training?

The4BellsLondon

Oh god no! Teaching and nursing are the two things I should never, ever, ever, ever do - or the police - I would want to send em'all daaaahn!

cov-canuck

I'm still a little confused about who is going to do my performance review...my immediate manager, who resigned and is working for his new company (and wrote the above statement), his boss, who is on long term disability and has been for a year, his boss, who starts on Monday after they fired the previous one, or the person above her who has never met me....

B91212

I agree with helcat12's comment regarding always having to find "development points" ie - on my last appraisal (which resulted in a decent pay rise) the only average mark out of forty points was communication

"English" can sometimes be a struggle for B91212 !!

which was a sarcastic reference to my continuing use of English terms and spelling after 3 years with the company. My sarcastic answer back was that I refused to speak American and would in fact continue to speak English. Fortunately my boss enjoys English humour and sarcasm.

ExKiwilass

See, I think you are totally designed for front desk. I love that you demand manners.

But I hear ya.

I've never had a performance review. They sound crap.

Madmac

Pointless waste of a half hour I will never get back again.

Mine doesn't even come with the carrot of a possible raise so I just nod, smile inanely and sign off on whatever my manager passes to me. Usually this hits all the middle/adequate criteria and I then file my copy to whichever bin is closest on my way out the door.

The points to address I immediately ignore which is useful because my manager suggests all the same crap the next year. Saves us both time thinking of original things to write.

rwin

Depends if its union or not.