British Expats - Not about immigration, but could be...

Stealing this from another forum I occasionally frequent... it struck a chord with me and is better written than I can usually manage, so I'm just throwing it out there! The context isnt really important, but a kid was having a hard time at school FWIW...

Four of my kids somehow survived their teens, but all had to be knocked down a few times before beginning to learn the benefits of humility, open-mindedness, grace-under-pressure, and the power of being able to laugh at yourself and enjoy the moment. Of course, they're all still works in progress, just like their dad.

You're never as "good" as you'd like to believe - - and as you want others to believe. And you're never as "bad" as you secretly fear. At some point, you need to let go of the concept of "good" and "bad" and replace them with "growth" and "love." That is, are you growing, and are you loving the process of getting better?

If not, then something is wrong - - with You. And it doesn't matter if we're talking about hobbies, relationships, your job, or whatever.

Unfortunately, when the message somehow finally slips into one's consciousness that "something is wrong with me or my life" most teens (and a large percentage of adults) either slip into denial or depression - - and sometimes both.

And both are destructive. It's okay to have things "wrong." Part of the human condition, so nobody gets a free pass. We have up cycles for sure, but wrongness and troubles come with breathing.

So once you've decided to admit to yourself that you're in a state of "wrongness", your job is to close your mouth and listen, watch and honestly self-assess. Decide what's important, and what you're willing to sacrifice to achieve growth and love at whatever is "wrong" or not working for you.

Sometimes the sacrifice is time and money, sometimes it's a cherished self-image or a perception that you need to let go of, sometimes it's a dream you have. For example, some people are more in love with the idea of being a musician (or whatever) than the reality of it.

The reality is almost always more gritty and less pretty, and is more about doing the unglamorous work than having the Gift of Greatness. Not everybody is cut out for it. It's always worth checking in with yourself on this one. If it's the image or idea that's driving you to do something, letting go of it can be quite a relief.

Only you can decide what's important and what your limits are. Your parents probably have a pretty good idea (depending on what neuroses they're battling themselves), but they can't know 100%. Friends have their own agendas that color their advice. Teachers and group leaders are somewhere in between, again depending on how mature they are and how much pressure they're under to achieve other things.

Here's a clue though: Deciding to feel Victimized is never the right choice. Victims have no power; they've assigned responsibility to others. but along with that, they've given over the power. It's a bad cycle - -do everything you can to stay away from it. (Another hint: Victims tend to say "That's not fair!" a lot, and aren't able to move beyond that stage.)

If you're lucky and good at stuff, at some point the opinions of others will matter less and less, and you'll find that "enjoying the moment" starts to come more naturally. And not surprisingly, at that point you'll find that happy, healthy people tend to enjoy your company more. Funny how that works.

Okay, enough old-guy advice. Take a breath, remember to lighten up and know that life is a gift, even when it's feeling kinda crappy. Now go out there and prosper one way or another.