Originally Posted by Siouxie

What does he play it on? Have you disabled online chat (voice and text messaging) on it - or at least restricted it to a specific group of people that you know? Have you disabled the location settings and checked the privacy settings? Have you ensured that he can't 'friend' somene or be 'friended' without your knowledge? Is he participating in chat rooms?

While the games are fun, please be aware games are also often used as a way to 'befriend' youngsters by online trolls, bullies and paedophiles.

I know you say he isn't into social media, but does his friend have an online presence and do they 'do' social media when they are at his friends house? If he is chatting on the PS4 / Nintendo or other games console / online, do you know with who?

I would strongly recommend using some kind of software to monitor his activity.

Youtube doesn't allow under 13's to have accounts, by the way (nor do Facebook and other social media sites), but there is a youtube kids site he could use that is 'child friendly'. https://kids.youtube.com/

Hope that helps a little..

Originally Posted by Tirytory

We were aware of all the above but thank you. We don't have Xbox live, and no other online stuff allowed, just two player in the house gaming. It's also the watered down version of the game. Neither does his friend. TBH apart from an hour or two at the weekend, they're just playing basketball or on the trampoline perfecting their back flips.

I know about the over 13 bit, that's why I said he's too young. I don't want to encourage lying when we advocate for the truth so much. The YouTube site for kids is pretty young now... he just uses the older site under our noses so to speak.

Originally Posted by Snowy560

I've never monitored my kids who have had cell phones since age 10 and the internet probably for longer (they're 16 and 20 now).

I just wouldn't have had the energy. I kind of feel you have to teach them to stand on their own feet which is what we've done. The 20 year old is un-monitorable (sp?) she's an adult. The 16 year old doesn't give me any cause for concern. I doubt I could snoop on her or that she would give me access to her phone.

What are you going to do? Open all their physical mail as well as their emails/texts? Get them to tell you about everyone they are meeting? If they feel you are too intrusive, they will just start lying or de friending you on Facebook etc. I'm friends with my kids on FB but never post on their timelines or make comments.

Originally Posted by Siouxie

That's what monitoring services / software is for - it only alerts you if there is cause for concern (trigger words / pictures etc) - so no need to read anything. As I said before, it's not snooping, it's keeping kids safe in an unsafe cyber world. I suppose because I work in the industry, I'm possibly more aware. Colleagues often tell me of the suicide threats / cyber bullying and sexual content, even on Nintendo and the like.

As for 'tell you who they are meeting' - if they are under 18, absolutely!

Originally Posted by Almost Canadian

Like Danny said upthread, I used to get the living shit kicked out of me every day during my teen years at school by larger kids. Not being large until I turned 18, I had to rely upon my smarts to avoid it becoming a big issue and, eventually, I worked out methods to cope. It's called life and one has to experience it otherwise one won't make it out alive.

Originally Posted by Snowy560

If they feel you are too intrusive, they will just start lying or de friending you on Facebook etc. I'm friends with my kids on FB but never post on their timelines or make comments.

Originally Posted by Almost Canadian

I am not attempting to justify bullying at all but people need to accept that, if they chose to use social media, there is a chance that they will be bullied and either avoid it, or accept that it will happen. Wrapping themselves in cotton wool isn't going to effectively counter Hobbes's view of nature.

Originally Posted by Shard

Not sure what Hobbes has to do with any of this. Taking standard precautionary measures on the internet is hardly cotton wool wrapping. Once again, it comes down to this apparently bizarre idea of people having different capabilities and different minds.