Monitoring your teen
#31
Re: Monitoring your teen
I've never monitored my kids who have had cell phones since age 10 and the internet probably for longer (they're 16 and 20 now).
I just wouldn't have had the energy. I kind of feel you have to teach them to stand on their own feet which is what we've done. The 20 year old is un-monitorable (sp?) she's an adult. The 16 year old doesn't give me any cause for concern. I doubt I could snoop on her or that she would give me access to her phone.
What are you going to do? Open all their physical mail as well as their emails/texts? Get them to tell you about everyone they are meeting? If they feel you are too intrusive, they will just start lying or de friending you on Facebook etc. I'm friends with my kids on FB but never post on their timelines or make comments.
I just wouldn't have had the energy. I kind of feel you have to teach them to stand on their own feet which is what we've done. The 20 year old is un-monitorable (sp?) she's an adult. The 16 year old doesn't give me any cause for concern. I doubt I could snoop on her or that she would give me access to her phone.
What are you going to do? Open all their physical mail as well as their emails/texts? Get them to tell you about everyone they are meeting? If they feel you are too intrusive, they will just start lying or de friending you on Facebook etc. I'm friends with my kids on FB but never post on their timelines or make comments.
#32
Re: Monitoring your teen
What does he play it on? Have you disabled online chat (voice and text messaging) on it - or at least restricted it to a specific group of people that you know? Have you disabled the location settings and checked the privacy settings? Have you ensured that he can't 'friend' somene or be 'friended' without your knowledge? Is he participating in chat rooms?
While the games are fun, please be aware games are also often used as a way to 'befriend' youngsters by online trolls, bullies and paedophiles.
I know you say he isn't into social media, but does his friend have an online presence and do they 'do' social media when they are at his friends house? If he is chatting on the PS4 / Nintendo or other games console / online, do you know with who?
I would strongly recommend using some kind of software to monitor his activity.
Youtube doesn't allow under 13's to have accounts, by the way (nor do Facebook and other social media sites), but there is a youtube kids site he could use that is 'child friendly'. https://kids.youtube.com/
Hope that helps a little..
While the games are fun, please be aware games are also often used as a way to 'befriend' youngsters by online trolls, bullies and paedophiles.
I know you say he isn't into social media, but does his friend have an online presence and do they 'do' social media when they are at his friends house? If he is chatting on the PS4 / Nintendo or other games console / online, do you know with who?
I would strongly recommend using some kind of software to monitor his activity.
Youtube doesn't allow under 13's to have accounts, by the way (nor do Facebook and other social media sites), but there is a youtube kids site he could use that is 'child friendly'. https://kids.youtube.com/
Hope that helps a little..
I know about the over 13 bit, that's why I said he's too young. I don't want to encourage lying when we advocate for the truth so much. The YouTube site for kids is pretty young now... he just uses the older site under our noses so to speak.
Last edited by Tirytory; Oct 5th 2017 at 12:03 am.
#33
Banned
Joined: Apr 2009
Location: SW Ontario
Posts: 19,879
Re: Monitoring your teen
We were aware of all the above but thank you. We don't have Xbox live, and no other online stuff allowed, just two player in the house gaming. It's also the watered down version of the game. Neither does his friend. TBH apart from an hour or two at the weekend, they're just playing basketball or on the trampoline perfecting their back flips.
I know about the over 13 bit, that's why I said he's too young. I don't want to encourage lying when we advocate for the truth so much. The YouTube site for kids is pretty young now... he just uses the older site under our noses so to speak.
I know about the over 13 bit, that's why I said he's too young. I don't want to encourage lying when we advocate for the truth so much. The YouTube site for kids is pretty young now... he just uses the older site under our noses so to speak.
#34
Banned
Joined: Apr 2009
Location: SW Ontario
Posts: 19,879
Re: Monitoring your teen
I've never monitored my kids who have had cell phones since age 10 and the internet probably for longer (they're 16 and 20 now).
I just wouldn't have had the energy. I kind of feel you have to teach them to stand on their own feet which is what we've done. The 20 year old is un-monitorable (sp?) she's an adult. The 16 year old doesn't give me any cause for concern. I doubt I could snoop on her or that she would give me access to her phone.
What are you going to do? Open all their physical mail as well as their emails/texts? Get them to tell you about everyone they are meeting? If they feel you are too intrusive, they will just start lying or de friending you on Facebook etc. I'm friends with my kids on FB but never post on their timelines or make comments.
I just wouldn't have had the energy. I kind of feel you have to teach them to stand on their own feet which is what we've done. The 20 year old is un-monitorable (sp?) she's an adult. The 16 year old doesn't give me any cause for concern. I doubt I could snoop on her or that she would give me access to her phone.
What are you going to do? Open all their physical mail as well as their emails/texts? Get them to tell you about everyone they are meeting? If they feel you are too intrusive, they will just start lying or de friending you on Facebook etc. I'm friends with my kids on FB but never post on their timelines or make comments.
As for 'tell you who they are meeting' - if they are under 18, absolutely!
#35
Re: Monitoring your teen
That's what monitoring services / software is for - it only alerts you if there is cause for concern (trigger words / pictures etc) - so no need to read anything. As I said before, it's not snooping, it's keeping kids safe in an unsafe cyber world. I suppose because I work in the industry, I'm possibly more aware. Colleagues often tell me of the suicide threats / cyber bullying and sexual content, even on Nintendo and the like.
As for 'tell you who they are meeting' - if they are under 18, absolutely!
As for 'tell you who they are meeting' - if they are under 18, absolutely!
How does it work then? For the future boy who will want to use social medi.
#36
Re: Monitoring your teen
Like Danny said upthread, I used to get the living shit kicked out of me every day during my teen years at school by larger kids. Not being large until I turned 18, I had to rely upon my smarts to avoid it becoming a big issue and, eventually, I worked out methods to cope. It's called life and one has to experience it otherwise one won't make it out alive.
#37
Re: Monitoring your teen
One of mine, who's not much of a facebook user and who doesn't instagram at all(!), WhatsApp'd me some pictures last night. "Where are you?" I wondered, seeing snow and thinking she was in Milan. "Still in Iceland". Oh.
#38
limey party pooper
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 9,982
Re: Monitoring your teen
There's no need to defriend parents or whoever you don't want to see your posts. Just set up friends groups and only post to them. I have about 200 Facebook friends but only 20 or so routinely see my posts unless I change the audience for a wider group.
#39
Re: Monitoring your teen
I am not attempting to justify bullying at all but people need to accept that, if they chose to use social media, there is a chance that they will be bullied and either avoid it, or accept that it will happen. Wrapping themselves in cotton wool isn't going to effectively counter Hobbes's view of nature.
#40
Re: Monitoring your teen
Not quoting my entire (deleted) post doesn't give context to what I said in the remainder of the post.
#41
BE Forum Addict
Joined: May 2012
Location: Qc, Canada
Posts: 3,787
Re: Monitoring your teen
Hmm. I’ve written about this here before (I think?).
Looking back from the lofty heights of a parent of now-adults, I’d say the child we monitored (tried to control social media access/interaction) the most*, was the one who rebelled/found the sneakiest ways to avoid monitoring. And was the one who got into the most trouble.
I never used a keylogger/similar security on my children.
Without piling on, I do think that a parent who thinks a young teen/tween/whatever one calls them these days who doesn’t have a cellphone doesn’t have access to (and possibly their own accounts) SM is being naive.
I’m not sure what my point is . I’d agree with those who have posted talk, talk, talk some more with your offspring; and try and make sure you know their friends - not just on the internet, but in person too.
*There were some very hairy and not-very-nice episodes that I wouldn’t wish on any parent, or child. However, I’m not sure what we could have done differently *at the time* .
Looking back from the lofty heights of a parent of now-adults, I’d say the child we monitored (tried to control social media access/interaction) the most*, was the one who rebelled/found the sneakiest ways to avoid monitoring. And was the one who got into the most trouble.
I never used a keylogger/similar security on my children.
Without piling on, I do think that a parent who thinks a young teen/tween/whatever one calls them these days who doesn’t have a cellphone doesn’t have access to (and possibly their own accounts) SM is being naive.
I’m not sure what my point is . I’d agree with those who have posted talk, talk, talk some more with your offspring; and try and make sure you know their friends - not just on the internet, but in person too.
*There were some very hairy and not-very-nice episodes that I wouldn’t wish on any parent, or child. However, I’m not sure what we could have done differently *at the time* .