Making friends in Ottawa!!
 

So we've been here nearly 4 years and have few friends....my best friend here is from England and lived about 30 miles from where we lived funnily enough! I've tried the drop in play groups, gone to dance / fitness classes, tried meeting people at my kids's schools, etc...but to no avail. It seems like the Canadians here in Ottawa are quite cliquey and tend to have the same friends since high school and aren't receptive to 'newcomers'. This surprised me as I thought that Ottawa would be friendlier as a lot of people have moved here for work etc..
I would just love to make some more friends but not sure how, any ideas or thoughts!!

Re: Making friends in Ottawa!!
 

I was the same really, met people but all very superficial. Friendly enough but no real common ground. In the past year or so I have met some people through classes for a hobby, and also through volunteering. It's like most things to do with emigrating, you have to keep on trying until you get lucky.

Re: Making friends in Ottawa!!
 

You could try the website Meetups - there are many different groups and types of meet-ups on there, including a British expats group in Ottawa.
http://brit.meetup.com/cities/ca/on/ottawa/

These seem to be quite big groups - it looks like they are quite social and meet up every few days or so. http://www.meetup.com/Young-and-New-to-Ottawa/ and http://www.ottawa-social.com/

There is every type of group imaginable, so take a look.

meetups

:)

Re: Making friends in Ottawa!!
 

Thanks for both of your replies! I did join meet up some time ago and went to a few mother and baby things but it wasn't for me, very cliquey and very superficial again! I might take another look and see if anything has changed. I would just love to meet some people that I can hang out with, go shopping, to the pub etc...As for hobbies, I would love to...if only I had the time :)

Re: Making friends in Ottawa!!
 

I have found in my years as an expat - 10 in Canada and 10 in Hong Kong - that whilst initially you might find people having superficial conversations etc., it's worth hanging in there - because under the superficial stuff there are usually one or two people that feel the same as you, it's just a case of getting behind the mask and getting to know them.

I think the problem that most of us have is that we are used to having long term friendships in the UK (and elsewhere) and it's pretty much 'effortless' - where as a newcomer to an area or country we really have to make so much more of an effort in order to find those hidden gems who will become friends.

It's taken me a few years here to make some good friends - you just have to persevere and give yourself a chance. Sometimes it's not the people you initially meet (and that you have no interest in) - it's the people they know that you then meet that you find yourself building a friendship with.

I know it's difficult - but hang in there :)

Edit: I just found this too - I don't know if it is of use to you, but maybe worth a try :)

OTTAWA NEWCOMERS' CLUB

The Ottawa Newcomers' Club welcomes women who are new to the National Capital Region, and those whose life situation has changed due to divorce, retirement, spousal death or other circumstances. The Club offers the opportunity to meet friendly individuals who will immediately make newcomers feel welcome and at home while enjoying our many activities: speakers, meetings, fun lunches, book discussions, gallery tours, movie night, outdoor activities, dinner parties, bridge, crafts, cultural activities, games, explorations and some mixed events. Contact us by calling our answering machine at 613-860-0548 and someone will get back to you.

Re: Making friends in Ottawa!!
 

Thanks Siouxie..you are right...we are used to having good friends in the UK (in my case) where it was effortless and easy.

I'll hang in there as we're here for the long haul :) It just gets frustrating that I seem to be the one always phoning friends to get together, or having people over for dinner but never getting an invite back!! I'm at the point now where I think, sod it..if they want to be friends they will make the effort to call me or at least arrange a playdate or dinner date, and to be fair one does but most don't......it's all very high school and all so hard....but I'll hang in there :D

Re: Making friends in Ottawa!!
 

I know that feeling :)

Instead of asking people over for dinner, invite them to a pot luck supper - that way they will also bring stuff and you won't have been slaving away all afternoon and then feel put out because you don't get an invite back. :) Things tend to be more casual here and 'dinner parties' are not the norm (in my experience).

A lot of the time I think people just get so busy with what is going on in their lives that they forget to call or invite you over and then time passes and they feel awkward because they didn't.. so they don't call... and then you feel slighted and don't call them anymore, and more time goes on and nobody contacts anyone, lol. Been there, done that :)

It can get a bit 'high school' ish here, I have noticed that, but I think also that most people we meet have an established circle of friends who they can reminisce with and don't even realise that us 'newbies' feel a bit left out of the circle. I am sure that if the situation was reversed and they came to the UK the same thing would apply.

Have you tried calling any of them and telling them that you are feeling a bit down and lonely and could really use a friend to go and have a coffee or something? I did.. it was amazing the difference it made. Most of my 'now' friends thought I had a busy life and it didn't occur to them that maybe I was wanting to be a part of theirs.. when they realised, I was included.

Sometimes just reaching out and being honest does wonders :)

Re: Making friends in Ottawa!!
 

Tough one. It sounds like you might be on a slightly different wavelength if you're participating but not getting invited back etc.. When you use the word superficial it suggests that you are subconsciously being judgemental or perhaps even needy (sorry). Not saying that is the case, there are superficial people out there, but it does sound more like you are not quite connecting. Maybe they are finding you too British or something like that. The comment about potluck vs dinner party was well made.

Probably the best thing to do is get involved in some activity or charity where you meet people in greater depth and with greater frequency. There are bound to be some "Britophiles" in Ottawa, surely. [Brit-o-phile: who would have thought!]. But it's probably not just the Britishness it's just a case of not coming across the people you click with. The very best strategy is to set your expectations very very low, and meet everybody and go to everything and make a point of enjoying the moment (whatever it is that is going on, no matter how dull or trite that you think it is). Through that you will probably find you meet more people and eventually the kind of people doing the kind of things you want. That's my two cents, anyway.

Re: Making friends in Ottawa!!
 

I've been in Ottawa for 3 years now, met a lot of people who I enjoy sharing a joke with or having a chat/beer...and one or two close friends. It's just like home, it takes time to build up a bond with somebody, but there's very outgoing people roaming around.

I'd only been working a week or so when I got cornered by somebody who now is one of my closest friends, purely because he heard my accent so assumed I liked F1 (which I do). Had I not been open to talking to this lunatic, I very much doubt I'd have actually gone to the Montreal GP the last 2 years. I'd have talked about it every year, then not gone just like the British GP.

Re: Making friends in Ottawa!!
 

My wife who is a born and bred Canadian ran into that at first when we were there.....then she started coming out with me on Wed and Sun when I went running with the group, and she made friends with a number of people from the walking group.

4yrs is a long time, and it seems you just have to change your approach.

Re: Making friends in Ottawa!!
 

I guess its different in every neighbourhood, we first came here 3 years ago and lived in Westboro which we found very pretentious,we have now bought are own house in the Trend/Arlington area (Greenbank/Huntclub) and love it with lots of great neighbours and young family's
We came from Bournemouth Dorset and have an 8 year old son, pm us if you would like to chat or meet up for a beer :p:)

Re: Making friends in Ottawa!!
 

Yes...Westboro / Richmond rd / The Glebe are all pretentious areas. The Glebe especially is full of young yuppy types or wannabes, trying to get round there on a weekend was usually a nightmare

Glad we are out of Ottawa though

Re: Making friends in Ottawa!!
 

Hand out dollars at the ABM and you will get lots of friends.

Most will say that they found friends via their children, attending soccer or baseball and mixing with families worked for us. My OH best friend is a soccer mum, and her son ain't even on our team no more. Also if you are into God and the bible and stuff that's a good circle of friends too.

Re: Making friends in Ottawa!!
 

Who isn't into God, Allah, Jehova, The Almighty? ;) As the saying goes, "with God, all things are possible". Allelujah

Re: Making friends in Ottawa!!
 

I'm not. :angel: