Lonely in Cochrane
 

My husband and I moved to Cochrane in May this year, so we have been here 3 months. I love Canada, and finally starting to think of it as home. The only downside is that, being a stay-at-home Mum is that I am lonely. I get chatting to people out-and-about, but that is all.

In the UK, I would make friends with other Mums, on the school run, where we'd all have a natter in the playground. However, in Canada, the yellow school bus collects and drops of my kids virtually at the front door, so no-go here.

I have enrolled the children in Guides and Scouts for September, and will try to get involved. I am also looking for a job that fits around my family still, so that I might meet people.

I have an 8 year old son and an 11 year old daughter, and the summer holiday is proving even lonelier. At least they'll go and mix in School come September.

How has everyone else established themselves friends-wise?:(

Re: Lonely in Cochrane
 

i havent really. I have people I am friendly with but only a couple of people I would call friends. Recent events have taught me to keep people at a distance anyway.

Try volunteering in something as well as the Guides/Scouts

Re: Lonely in Cochrane
 

I think you being home will be a challenge and I know it has been for my OH being at home. I've made a few friends through the contractors I use at work so it's been a bit easier for me. But what I have done is tried to organise some nights out with friends I have made with them bringing out their OH's so that my OH gets to meet people and is able to try make some friends.

Has your hubby made any friends maybe a night out?

Do you have a dog?, my OH joined a local daschund meet up group and met some people through that. Are there any classes at the local community or recreation centre?, maybe join in if they have maybe a tennis, yoga session etc?

Re: Lonely in Cochrane
 

I sympathise. We have just moved from NS to ON and it's a long summer... can't help but wish the summer away which is not good :(

On the positive side my 9 year old is going to a day camp next week so hopefully he will meet some friends at least.

Roll on September ;):p

Re: Lonely in Cochrane
 

Get them involved in hockey (ice) - you will meet other parents, the kids will make friends that will last for years. It doesn't matter if they can't skate, there are lessons available Spray Lake Sawmills Family Sports Centre | Sports and Recreation for Cochrane Alberta (and there is Canadian Tire financial assistance for equipment and fees, if you need it) - there are lots of drop in programs available there too, which they might enjoy.

If you have a dog take it to the off leash park - a good way to meet people!

If you are sports minded yourself, how about joining a ladies recreational football (soccer) team? Recreational League

Perhaps contact The Thornes? They are well established in Cochrane and I am sure would be able to give you some ideas on what there is to do and how to meet people http://britishexpats.com/forum/canad...7/#post9332171 - there are several British Expats members in Cochrane who have posted to that thread, so maybe one will respond here to you :fingerscrossed:

Last of all, make the most of the summer - it will soon be over - so go out to the parks, the lakes, take your children for a hike and enjoy that warm sunshine!

Hope you make some friends soon - it takes time and I concur that if your husband has got friendly with any of his workmates then encourage him to invite them over for a bbq (casual, supply beer!) or arrange a night out down the pub for you all.

Best of luck.

:)

Re: Lonely in Cochrane
 

It's hard but be patient. :). The stores and eateries can quite often accommodate school-friendly hours if you want some part-time pennies and to get out? I did Starbucks in Safeways for 9 months. 8.30 till 3pm - it was perfect at the time.

Looking back, I think I met friends through the kids - or work.

I agree with siouxsie's suggestions about kids clubs. It might depend on your budget somewhat, but you will meet a ton of parents at all these. There are only a few school-related clubs, it's mostly private after-school set ups here. And yes, it can get expensive. Also, most sports run for a short intensive season, say, 10 weeks, then the kids switch to something else, eg, soccer, then volleyball. A few run all year, but not so much. It's a bit "all or nothing"!

There are a loud lively bunch who play women's soccer in Cochrane and they appear to have a right laugh. Several had never kicked a ball in their life when they started.

There are two dance studios (I bankrupt us annually through one of them, but I have two kids that dance and that's all they do) but you could sign up one or both your kids for just one class, say hip hop which is popular, and it works out at about $10 a week I think.

There are soccer clubs, rugby I think, martial arts, swim clubs, riding, singing, you name it! Talking of singing, do you?! Or play an instrument? There is an adult music society - a jazz band, a concert band and a choir.

You will no doubt have heard a ton of Brit accents around Cochrane? I think a lot do mix and meet up. You might need some introductions (and I would be pretty useless for that that I'm afraid!) but maybe some others on here can help.

It doesn't happen quickly, I'm afraid, all this "friends" lark - and you will go through several disappointments with people who promise a lot and don' t deliver. And that does apply to the Canadian appear-very-friendly people too, but who mostly never live up to all their "we must get together" talk.

Put yourself momentarily into your old life - how often would we have willingly opened up to the new lady in town. We were busy, had out own lives and did not "need" her as a new friend. You are now the new person, and it seems tough, and rude of people. It's not deliberate, they are just busy.

I can't offer you any recipe of success. You just have to go out and meet with an excessive amount of people and then just a handful will click. And that's all you need. Keep plugging away. And sign kids up early ish if they are interested in stuff for September. Check the local papers for ads. :thumbup:

Re: Lonely in Cochrane
 

This. 3 months is nothing. How many years did it take to make your friends in the UK? You can speed up the process by doing things that involve meeting as many new people as possible. Also, try and relax. Being desperate shows and is very off putting. It will happen when it happens.

Re: Lonely in Cochrane
 

:frown:

Re: Lonely in Cochrane
 

To the OP, I second all the above. It takes time, and Canadians tend to have an attitude whereby they welcome small talk and huge get togethers, but when it comes to actually needing a shoulder, they disappoint.

Re: Lonely in Cochrane
 

Thanks guys. I've taken everything on board. Was having a super bad day. I've started training to drive the yellow school buses, so that should get me out in the community more. I've had a couple of private responses to this post too, which I will certainly follow up.

Re: Lonely in Cochrane
 

Good for you Donnykins.

Incidentally, the vehicle which you will no doubt soon be an expert on is called a "school bus" not a "yellow school bus"!

:)

Re: Lonely in Cochrane
 

Nudge nudge, say no more :rofl::rofl:

Re: Lonely in Cochrane
 

Hello Donnykins,

I very much empathise with you, and agree with much of what has been said already on this thread. I'm also in Cochrane, and have faced the same problems. I particularly identify with anne m's comment:

"...you will go through several disappointments with people who promise a lot and don' t deliver. And that does apply to the Canadian appear-very-friendly people too, but who mostly never live up to all their "we must get together" talk."

I have found Canadians generally to be, superficially, very warm and friendly but, I'm sorry to say, as cold as ice underneath when you try to make friendships or get too close. I'm not ashamed to admit it - I'm lonely too. I have been let down time and time again by people, both locally and particularly at work in the city, who have talked the talk about being friends but have ultimately shown that they have no such intention. I've found this very hard to deal with, coming as I do from a part of the world where, generally speaking, people are for better or for worse "what it says on the tin". Maybe I'm too trusting, maybe I'm a worse judge of character than I thought, maybe I'm a misfit, but after 5 years I have to conclude that such is the culture here in Canada, it's not for me and with great sadness I am now looking to return home.

I saw a quote attributed to the late Robin Williams the other day, and was struck how well it describes my current situation:

"I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel all alone."

Donnykins, I truly hope that you find the friendships that will bring you the happiness and contentment that you seek.

Re: Lonely in Cochrane
 

Yes, my experience echoes many of these sentiments. Surprised, disappointed but hey we are all still here. Wishing you much better times ahead!

Re: Lonely in Cochrane
 

Discouraged, your avatar certainly "does what it says on the tin"! Sorry to hear about your situation, but I am wondering could the problem be with you and your expectations? Its hard to believe everyone is as "cold as ice" especially after five years. Sometimes it dies come down to the particular circles (work, neighbourhood, etc) that you end up in. I read that RW quote too but had to think about the validity if it. Probably something he said during a bout of depression so don't read too much into it.