GrantE

http://open.salon.com/content.php?cid=86148

Caitilin

There are arguments for boht young and old parents (and as someone who intends to remain childfree i'm taking myself out of that particular discussion), but I don't think anyone has the right to tell anyone else what they are or are not capable of handling.

dingbat

Have a word with provincial governments here. The push is to force grandparents to raise their grandkids, when their bio parents cannot, or will not. I am forced to arrive on doorsteps with kids and say - hey, you screwed up Grandma, your son/daughter is a f*** up and bringing the kids into care costs money. You are 55/56/67 (yeah really, had one of those), but here are three damaged kids under ten. You are cheaper than a foster home. Here you go, forget retirement. If elders have kids foisted on them, just because they are related, that is so different.

And no, I do not agree with adoption at an advanced parental age.

On the other hand, if older bio parents have the resources to raise well balanced, happy kids, who cares? The predominant age group of parents who end up involved with social services due to child abuse is....drum roll.....23 to 32. Oldies do better, statistically speaking.

moondevil

Out of the group of friends i went to school with, i was the last one of us to have kids

It was my choice and i am happy that i waited, whilst there kids are chucked on the streets to play, mine are well looked after, whilst they are at the pub at the weekend, we are out and about enjoying life
Most weekends we would be doing something, even had the trailor (caravan) to get us around the island

Now we are in canada and exploring our new land, would i change things and had my kids younger, NO WAY, yeah ok so i am abit older than some of the moms around, i think here in canada or at our local school, some mothers the same age. I can look back at before kids and say that i really enjoyed my life before i settled, found a great OH and had my kids

Feel totally settled and have picked a fantastic life
I would not change things and have children young...but that is my choice

Auld Yin

I hope the highlighted comment is not an actuality, but rather something you are told by your employer to do in the hope the grandparents are shamed into accepting the children.

dbd33

I've no doubt that, since dingbat posted it as fact, it is fact, but what are you driving at here, do you think that the grandparents should welcome the children with open arms?

Auld Yin

Absolutely not. That was my point. I think that if this is a fact (a law?) then it should be changed. There should be no obligation on grandparents to accept responsibility for grandchildren. Most grandparents when presented with such a situation, no doubt undertake it, but should definitely not be forced to.

dbd33

Ah. I'm less sure where the boundaries between family and state responsibility lie. I don't think the government is good at child rearing, nor for that matter, law and order, and would not want to see my grandchildren end up in their hands, especially not the hands of a foreign government.

Hobbess

Nothing to do with this story then...

iaink

My wife was 38 when we had our first. Sometimes at parties I feel like a grandparent. I've wondered why there are teenagers hanging out in the McDs play place with the little kids before now, only to realise that they are the parents of the little kids...

People are living longer, more active lives now, so age in itself is probably not an impediment. I suspect older parents made a concious choice to wait, so at least its a planned kid with some thought gone into resouces etc. However, if I read dingbats remarks correctly, there is no way kids should be foisted on the grandparents unless they want that.

Can I get my kids speyed like the cat so that there is no danger of my retirement / their teenage years being screwed up by this stupidity?

If oldies WANT to do it, then thats fine, but they should not be forced into adopting their kids kids for sure.

Atlantic Xpat

I'm going to be 40 and the Mrs 32 when we have our first kid in about a month. We have prenatal class this weekend and I confidently expect to be the oldest person in the room!

dingbat

Its an actuality, backed up by policy. Of course the way is presented to the grandparents/aunts/uncles is not as harsh. Keeping kids out of care by making or "encouraging" sometimes elderly family take them is a sad fact. It is backed up by kinship legislation and financial incentives for some, but not all families. Any safe alternative to a corporate parent has to be explored first.

moosey2canada

Since this is a forum based entirely on opinion i can say the following, that i feel sorry for the incredibly young girls (NOT WOMEN) who have a child at 14,15,16,17 years of age. Its either due to low self esteem, lack of parental love or attention or peer pressure. Often there are no choices involved in the decision to have the baby as everyone, regardless your age, just assumes thats exactly what you'll do, and the alternative is brutal, painful and traumatic and socially repugnant. Society as a whole is eager to pour scorn upon young mothers blaming them for the downturn of society but mention the word abortion and women are maligned, punished and mentally tortured by social perceptions of women who choose this and they are labelled as being cold, hard ruthless people because 'who could do that to their own child'? forget the fact that it's just a blob of cell's entirley encased within the womans body therefore her choice what to do with it. Like i say i feel so sorry for young girls who find themselves pregnant not just because they'll never know what it's like to live as an adult without the presence and responsibilty of children, but because they'll never know freedom to live on their own terms without ever having to answer to anyone - once you have a child you always have to beready for the question - why did you do........?
But horses for courses,

iaink

Hmmmm, granted, its your opinion, but it does rather ignore other non abortion options such as giving up the child for adoption and the like. And Im not entirely sure all of society views abortion in the black and white way you would portray it. I find it one of the greyest areas of moral ambiguity myself.


I dont think society pores scorn on young mothers in general, but those who cynically and knowingly go out of their way to have kids (at any age) in order to benefit from welfare deserve all the scorn going.

As for the original article..well, its clearly there to push buttons I think, but seemed to rather ignore the fact that mothers of 12 year olds whether 42 or 62 year olds, are equally lightly to be burned out from the first 12 years, and maybe an older person has more experience to call upon in dealing with the harder moments of parenthood. Parents arent just here to be the kids friend and share a love of the same bands, we are here to do whats best for the little darlings, and there is no right age for that, just the right people.

DaveLovesDee

While I can see the argument that grandparents can give a lot of love whilst raising their grandchildren on behalf on the latters own parents, I feel this should be done only in the event of incapacity or absence of the parents.


I don't have an issue with anyone over the age of 18 to have children if they can afford to without relying on the state to totally support them, though I object to those who get pregnant just to get more welfare. The only issue I'd have at the upper end of the age range for having children is that I think it's unreasonable to want to have children after 50 as there is less chance of the parent seeing the child reach 20.