The kindness of strangers
Nov 9th 2017, 2:33 pm
#76
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,113
Re: The kindness of strangers
It's an interesting idea but, having been online for so long, I don't know that I have a different persona in real life than on the internet. I suspect I have become dbd. Some background:
- around 1999 I discovered the Guardian talkboard, then a pioneer in newspaper chat facilities. In that era I traveled constantly for business and something I liked about the board was that I could meet people from it wherever I was. I met the person now known as Souvy by that means around that time. I met very many people in the US and in England, many of whom I still know. One American I met by that means came to live with me in Canada for seven years. I suppose I may have met 300 people in a "go for a beer" kind of way. Only 2 turned out to be absolute nutters.
- while I lived with the American we moved from Toronto to the country and ran a blog on the theme of urban people bewildered by the country. A good number of people wrote to us about topics on the blog and I'm still in touch with some of those.
- I've been posting here for evah and am married to someone I met through this board. I used to go to the meet ups routinely and met a fair number of posters.
- I have a facebook account, many of the friends on there are from this site or work related (I don't bother with linkedin, my clients are all on facebook).
- I have an instagram account as my children, although one is a parent herself, are too young for facebook.
I think it fair to say that I'm no different online than in person and, importantly, very few of the people I met from the internet were different than their online persona led me to expect.
What is it that you think people do differently online, that's false, that they wouldn't do in a bar?
- around 1999 I discovered the Guardian talkboard, then a pioneer in newspaper chat facilities. In that era I traveled constantly for business and something I liked about the board was that I could meet people from it wherever I was. I met the person now known as Souvy by that means around that time. I met very many people in the US and in England, many of whom I still know. One American I met by that means came to live with me in Canada for seven years. I suppose I may have met 300 people in a "go for a beer" kind of way. Only 2 turned out to be absolute nutters.
- while I lived with the American we moved from Toronto to the country and ran a blog on the theme of urban people bewildered by the country. A good number of people wrote to us about topics on the blog and I'm still in touch with some of those.
- I've been posting here for evah and am married to someone I met through this board. I used to go to the meet ups routinely and met a fair number of posters.
- I have a facebook account, many of the friends on there are from this site or work related (I don't bother with linkedin, my clients are all on facebook).
- I have an instagram account as my children, although one is a parent herself, are too young for facebook.
I think it fair to say that I'm no different online than in person and, importantly, very few of the people I met from the internet were different than their online persona led me to expect.
What is it that you think people do differently online, that's false, that they wouldn't do in a bar?
Added to this, many people use facebook as a "brag-a-thon", and show case how wonderful they are and what great things they are constantly doing, I find that highly irritating, its so materialistic and false....who cares!!
I think it depends what kind of person we are and how each one of us perceive social media. It appears you have fully embraced it and and use it how it suppose to be used, as a form of communication/information board.
I have always been a person that prefers to communicate face to face, I'm not even keen talking on the phone, and that gives me more sensory perception than talking online. Talking to a person face to face gives me a full sensory perception of that person, and I feel like I know where I stand with them.
Take online dating for example....ive tried it before, and I detest it, everyone lies, everyone is phoney, and you cant really see the real person or their qualities because all your senses are denied, with the exception of a photo that usually looks nothing like them, and this to me is sooo important in choosing a date/potential partner. Its a collection of many little things that attract you to someone, a unigue trait, their voice, their smell, a smile, a laugh, what they laugh at, the way they present themselves, their very demeanor.
Whether I like it or not the cyber age is upon us and its only going to intensify, the online world has brought us many advantages, but at what cost, denying us even more of our senses we were born to use? Its not for me to critisize, it works for many people, Im just not one of those people, the BE chat forum is as far as I will go with it. I have created a complete linkedin profile, as I thought it a necessity in obtaining employment in this day and age, its not worked that great for me so far, but maybe Im not embracing it enough. We are all different. Horses for courses I suppose!
Last edited by Paul_Shepherd; Nov 9th 2017 at 2:39 pm.
Nov 9th 2017, 3:02 pm
#77
Assimilated Pauper
Joined: Mar 2005
Location: Ontario
Posts: 40,018
Re: The kindness of strangers
but I still think many (not all) people say stuff to each other online that they wouldn't dream of saying to each other face to face, as its just too easy, having said that things said online can be very easily misinterpretated, or we can be over sensitive to things said in text as there are no facial expressions, no body language, and no tone of voice to read, so whos right and whos wrong in that case?
Misinterpretation or excessive reaction is a bigger problem I think. Sometimes threads are closed or spats started because a poster didn't realize how a post could be construed when writing it or because a reader inferred something not intended by the author. The one thinks the other is being personally insulting, the reverse view is that the sensitive reader makes even general points into personal insults. There would be less of this, of course, if no one phrased their posts in such a way as to lead the careless reader to leap to the wrong conclusion but where's the fun in that?
Nov 9th 2017, 3:57 pm
#78
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Nov 2009
Location: Somewhere in Hamilton, ON
Posts: 4,307
Re: The kindness of strangers
Take online dating for example....ive tried it before, and I detest it, everyone lies, everyone is phoney, and you cant really see the real person or their qualities because all your senses are denied, with the exception of a photo that usually looks nothing like them, and this to me is sooo important in choosing a date/potential partner. Its a collection of many little things that attract you to someone, a unigue trait, their voice, their smell, a smile, a laugh, what they laugh at, the way they present themselves, their very demeanor.
He was actually very genuine from the beginning. He did try to impress me but I think people try to do that at the beginning whether face to face or otherwise. I probably tried to make myself sound like some sex goddess!
He did send me a photo of himself that he thought I'm sure was very complimentary. To this day though, I maintain that he looked like Jasper Carrot!! Yup, I know, am I crazy? lol
Nov 9th 2017, 5:44 pm
#79
Proudly Scarberian
Joined: Aug 2014
Location: Scarberia
Posts: 2,196
Re: The kindness of strangers
Similarly to DBD, I got into the online community around 1999 on the Lonely Planet website. They used to have a great bulletin board online called the thorntree, as well as destination specific branches there were a few chat branches which primarily keep the real travel branches 'clean' of chatter. Once they added a PM facility a huge community formed.
Around 1999/2000 I answered a lot of queries about travel in eastern/ central europe, before moving to Botswana, and later becoming one of the few sources of information for Nigeria (I have several credits in the west africa books of that era).
The BBC wiped that out in around 2010 but it had been dying a death for a while, many people who had become friends just continued on facebook. 2 or 3 individual-ru websites sprang out of that too.
I think my online persona became similar to my real one, I'm plenty sarcastic but don't usually call people out or get overaggressive. Interestingly I did get a warning from the blackberry forum earlier this year for an overzealous put down.
Sports forums are usually the worst for online shouting behavior.
Around 1999/2000 I answered a lot of queries about travel in eastern/ central europe, before moving to Botswana, and later becoming one of the few sources of information for Nigeria (I have several credits in the west africa books of that era).
The BBC wiped that out in around 2010 but it had been dying a death for a while, many people who had become friends just continued on facebook. 2 or 3 individual-ru websites sprang out of that too.
I think my online persona became similar to my real one, I'm plenty sarcastic but don't usually call people out or get overaggressive. Interestingly I did get a warning from the blackberry forum earlier this year for an overzealous put down.
Sports forums are usually the worst for online shouting behavior.
Nov 9th 2017, 7:04 pm
#81
.
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 20,185
Re: The kindness of strangers
I'm much nicer and friendlier online than I am in person, especially on BE because I actually quite like some of you on here. In real life I think most people are cads. It's even worse here [BC] as most people are dull cads.
Nov 9th 2017, 7:20 pm
#82
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,113
Re: The kindness of strangers
I agree that people say harsher things online than they would usually be willing to say face-to-face but I don't think this is necessarily a bad thing. If someone hates all Londoners I may as well know that from the beginning rather than have them suppress it until very drunk.
Misinterpretation or excessive reaction is a bigger problem I think. Sometimes threads are closed or spats started because a poster didn't realize how a post could be construed when writing it or because a reader inferred something not intended by the author. The one thinks the other is being personally insulting, the reverse view is that the sensitive reader makes even general points into personal insults. There would be less of this, of course, if no one phrased their posts in such a way as to lead the careless reader to leap to the wrong conclusion but where's the fun in that?
Misinterpretation or excessive reaction is a bigger problem I think. Sometimes threads are closed or spats started because a poster didn't realize how a post could be construed when writing it or because a reader inferred something not intended by the author. The one thinks the other is being personally insulting, the reverse view is that the sensitive reader makes even general points into personal insults. There would be less of this, of course, if no one phrased their posts in such a way as to lead the careless reader to leap to the wrong conclusion but where's the fun in that?
As for misinterpretation, personally Ive always thought the golden rule is dont say anything online you wouldnt be prepared to say to that person face to face, diplomacy is a wonderful thing, but as you say for many, where is the fun in that, many people purposely leave a comment open like that for a reaction....its like a sport! Many do it on here and many take the bait!
Nov 9th 2017, 7:32 pm
#85
BE Forum Addict
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 3,363
Re: The kindness of strangers
Added to this, many people use facebook as a "brag-a-thon", and show case how wonderful they are and what great things they are constantly doing, I find that highly irritating, its so materialistic and false....who cares!!
I have always been a person that prefers to communicate face to face, I'm not even keen talking on the phone, and that gives me more sensory perception than talking online. Talking to a person face to face gives me a full sensory perception of that person, and I feel like I know where I stand with them.
I have always been a person that prefers to communicate face to face, I'm not even keen talking on the phone, and that gives me more sensory perception than talking online. Talking to a person face to face gives me a full sensory perception of that person, and I feel like I know where I stand with them.
I don't have Facebook/Instagram/Snapchat/Twitter as I find the 'look at me, I'm wonderful' posts to be annoying and the twitter/twatter battles that occur via the likes of Piers Morgan and other d-listers to be a waste of bandwidth.
Like you I prefer face to face conversations. My wife and kids have Facebook and my wife uses it to keep up with people some of which she hasn't seen in 10-20 years. My thoughts are that if you haven't seen them in that time and they live relatively close it was meant to be that you don't keep in touch with them. Face to face interaction has been replaced by social media which in many ways I find leads to misunderstandings/mistruths etc.
Nov 9th 2017, 7:40 pm
#86
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,113
Re: The kindness of strangers
I met my hubby on line... Kiss.com!
He was actually very genuine from the beginning. He did try to impress me but I think people try to do that at the beginning whether face to face or otherwise. I probably tried to make myself sound like some sex goddess!
He did send me a photo of himself that he thought I'm sure was very complimentary. To this day though, I maintain that he looked like Jasper Carrot!! Yup, I know, am I crazy? lol
He was actually very genuine from the beginning. He did try to impress me but I think people try to do that at the beginning whether face to face or otherwise. I probably tried to make myself sound like some sex goddess!
He did send me a photo of himself that he thought I'm sure was very complimentary. To this day though, I maintain that he looked like Jasper Carrot!! Yup, I know, am I crazy? lol
"You won't need no husband, won't need no wife
You'll pick your son, pick your daughter too
From the bottom of a long glass tube"
Except maybe it could go...
You wont need no fate, or chance meeting in life
Youl'l pick your wife, pick your husband too,
From the screen set infront of you!
Stop it Paul!! dont be so cynical! It works for many, and will soon be the ONLY way, as less people make the effort to meet in the traditional way now its a changing society.
I liked the Jasper Carrot photo though! lol they do say that a man is half way there if he can make a girl laugh! and trying to do that online is VERY limited....unless you have a Jasper Carrot photo! Your husband sounded like he knew exactly what he was doing!
Nov 9th 2017, 7:42 pm
#87
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,113
Re: The kindness of strangers
I use this forum and I have a linkedin and reddit profiles but that is it. The Linkedin one I find to be not very useful and I"ve blocked updates from people who tend to over post and clog up my feed with drivel.
I don't have Facebook/Instagram/Snapchat/Twitter as I find the 'look at me, I'm wonderful' posts to be annoying and the twitter/twatter battles that occur via the likes of Piers Morgan and other d-listers to be a waste of bandwidth.
Like you I prefer face to face conversations. My wife and kids have Facebook and my wife uses it to keep up with people some of which she hasn't seen in 10-20 years. My thoughts are that if you haven't seen them in that time and they live relatively close it was meant to be that you don't keep in touch with them. Face to face interaction has been replaced by social media which in many ways I find leads to misunderstandings/mistruths etc.
I don't have Facebook/Instagram/Snapchat/Twitter as I find the 'look at me, I'm wonderful' posts to be annoying and the twitter/twatter battles that occur via the likes of Piers Morgan and other d-listers to be a waste of bandwidth.
Like you I prefer face to face conversations. My wife and kids have Facebook and my wife uses it to keep up with people some of which she hasn't seen in 10-20 years. My thoughts are that if you haven't seen them in that time and they live relatively close it was meant to be that you don't keep in touch with them. Face to face interaction has been replaced by social media which in many ways I find leads to misunderstandings/mistruths etc.
Nov 9th 2017, 7:44 pm
#88
Concierge
Joined: Jan 2013
Location: Western Australia
Posts: 21,138
Re: The kindness of strangers
I feel Canadians are better at it helping their fellow citizens. Thankfully I and most of my friends are not on feacesbook, so I dont see that any of that.
Feacesbook.... does strange things to all minds under its spell... Canadian, British, wherever. Look at me, look what Ive done look where I am, arnt I great etc etc. very yawnworthy
I always found in the UK everyone had a large portion of "Im alright Jack" attitude and a tunnel vision protection of their own interests and screw anyone else.
Feacesbook.... does strange things to all minds under its spell... Canadian, British, wherever. Look at me, look what Ive done look where I am, arnt I great etc etc. very yawnworthy
I always found in the UK everyone had a large portion of "Im alright Jack" attitude and a tunnel vision protection of their own interests and screw anyone else.
There's not a place in the world where you wouldn't find good people, and arsehole type people. A small example but something I'll always remember - I was on my first visit to Vietnam (Ho Chi Minh city on this occasion), so had yet to learn the etiquette of crossing roads that are so busy, so chaotic and so devoid of any discernible rules that getting safely to the other side seems impossible.
As I was standing there thinking that I'd give up and just go back to my hotel, without a word a local woman took my hand, led me safely across the road, and disappeared into the crowds.
Nov 9th 2017, 7:59 pm
#89
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,113
Re: The kindness of strangers
Interesting. Since emigrating to the UK I've had loads of help and advice given freely by complete strangers, including in Liverpool, Wirral, London, Peterborough, ROI, Scotland, North Yorkshire and the Lake District! I can honestly say I've never come across this 'I'm alright Jack, screw you' attitude.
There's not a place in the world where you wouldn't find good people, and arsehole type people. A small example but something I'll always remember - I was on my first visit to Vietnam (Ho Chi Minh city on this occasion), so had yet to learn the etiquette of crossing roads that are so busy, so chaotic and so devoid of any discernible rules that getting safely to the other side seems impossible.
As I was standing there thinking that I'd give up and just go back to my hotel, without a word a local woman took my hand, led me safely across the road, and disappeared into the crowds.
There's not a place in the world where you wouldn't find good people, and arsehole type people. A small example but something I'll always remember - I was on my first visit to Vietnam (Ho Chi Minh city on this occasion), so had yet to learn the etiquette of crossing roads that are so busy, so chaotic and so devoid of any discernible rules that getting safely to the other side seems impossible.
As I was standing there thinking that I'd give up and just go back to my hotel, without a word a local woman took my hand, led me safely across the road, and disappeared into the crowds.
There are good/bad, helpful/unhelpful friendly/hostile people all over the world, and i have encountered all of them in differing countries.
I just find the culture here in Canada to be more helpful, there have been many threads on this sort of thing on here. Maybe I just got lucky, maybe its the location, Peterborough is a friendly town, having the highest unemployment rate in the whole of Canada I suppose it has to be!
Maybe my Canadian friends are being helpful as they know I have no family or partner and want to help, I have found many of them will go the extra mile for me, which even family wouldnt do for me in the UK, and I will do the same for them. Thats just my experience, and I have heard others quote a similar experience.
Nov 9th 2017, 8:11 pm
#90
Born again atheist
Joined: Jul 2005
Location: Europe (to be specified).
Posts: 30,259
Re: The kindness of strangers
I use this forum and I have a linkedin and reddit profiles but that is it. The Linkedin one I find to be not very useful and I"ve blocked updates from people who tend to over post and clog up my feed with drivel.
I don't have Facebook/Instagram/Snapchat/Twitter as I find the 'look at me, I'm wonderful' posts to be annoying and the twitter/twatter battles that occur via the likes of Piers Morgan and other d-listers to be a waste of bandwidth.
I don't have Facebook/Instagram/Snapchat/Twitter as I find the 'look at me, I'm wonderful' posts to be annoying and the twitter/twatter battles that occur via the likes of Piers Morgan and other d-listers to be a waste of bandwidth.
But I'm with you in spirit. I do have a Facebook account but it's only used to contact family. I seem to have opened a LinkedIn account in some forgotten past, but I just delete notifications automatically.
Instagram, Twitter and Snapchat I have heard mentioned but never accessed.
