The issue of making friends
 

I often see people saying they find it harder making friends in Canada and having done the move myself, I agree. But I wonder if its more about being an adult when you move, than it is about the country you move to??

I've moved from Scotland to Canada as an adult, and I've done the move back to Scotland, but a different part from where I was brought up, and I've found similar experiences in both places, which makes me wonder this.

We all (most anyway :p) have good friends we've grown up with, known forever, through school or where we lived. Or mates from uni. And mates you make as adults will probably always be different from these types of friends, for the most part maybe.

I've found that in both moves as an adult, the majority of people I've made as friends are people I've met through work. I would imagine that those with kids might have more options as they do activities with other groups of people? That said I have a lot of excellent friends in Canada now, some are Canadian and some are expats. The Canadians did take a wee while to get used to my accent and sense of humour (and sarcasm) but they came good :D

or maybe it really is just the Canadians being 'funny'.... :rofl:

anyone else have similar experiences?

Re: The issue of making friends
 

The bottom line, for most people, is that making friends (at least real ones, good ones) takes time. And patience.

Also most Brits always think they're really interesting to anyone else (thinking of that Russell Peters skit) but the truth is they're typically not.

Re: The issue of making friends
 

someone else made a good point a couple of weeks ago on a similar thread. The fact that maybe some people don't want more friends perhaps?

Don't take this the wrong way but i's class myself in that group I think.

I've got 4 close friends here that i've met since being here, loads and loads of acquaintances and thats enough.

I don't really need to go through the hassel fo being someone's "bestest friend" - I already have them. Maybe thats how Canadians see immigrants that are being overly friendly - as overly needy.

So i'd say you'd get the best results by not trying so hard.

Re: The issue of making friends
 

totally agree - I'm not suggesting everyone should be out trying to make lots of new friends. I had just noticed that its a comment that comes up a lot when there are threads asking what a place is like, or what general experiences of Canada have been so far. so it does seem to be a concern for a lot of people.

Personally I don't go seeking new friends, but find that you meet people as you go and some gradually stick.

Re: The issue of making friends
 

I think its a matter of perspective. I have a lot more friends here than I ever had in England, and many more close friends. I found it much easier to make friends here than I did back in the UK. Having said that, it takes time to nurture and grow these friendships. Having been here for six years now, I've known some for more than five years, one or two for at least 3 and one new friend who I've known for less than 6 months.

I can't really speak to why this is. Probably because I'm a lot more comfortable with who I am here than I ever was when I lived in the UK.

Re: The issue of making friends
 

:thumbsup:

What she said ^^^

I think I've made more friends in 5 years here than in the previous 5 years in the UK because I'm way less stressed/tired/grumpy/shy...

I wouldn't have particularly wanted to be my friend back then.

Canada's been good for me. :)

Re: The issue of making friends
 

Same here, funny how that works :lol:

Re: The issue of making friends
 

Agree 100% with the above. Making friends does take time and effort . I think it is more to do with being an adult than being in Canada

Re: The issue of making friends
 

Absolutely. When you move here you leave all your old friends behind and are actively looking for replacements. The locals already have a lot of friends, generated through common experiences together, they are not actively recruiting more. Over time you meet people you have stuff in common with, and if you are lucky new friendships are bourne from that.

Re: The issue of making friends
 

I've found it difficult to make friends here and was thrown that the friendliness you meet everyday does not mean you are friends with that person. In Britain if people are that friendly and welcoming it transfers to a closer level of acquaintance/friendship than it would here.

The cultural difference works in reverse we can seem standoffish.

Just my thoughts.

We've recently met two couples who have become friends in the invited over for dinner and calling by sense, we are comfortable in their company. Interestingly they have both moved to old farmshouses from the city and are finding it hard to get to know the locals.

Re: The issue of making friends
 

I would say that we do not have many close friends in Canada, just lots of acquantances.

Last summer we were invited to many BBQs and pool parties where we spent hours listening to inane conversation about home renovations, hockey, the cookie diet and losing weight to get into your speedos for the next vacation or cruise.

My wife has gone to many bridal and baby showers.

We have made a couple of good friends, but this seems to translate into a bigger level of responsibility than it did when I was in London.

I have had calls when their houses are flooding or on fire and have had to go round to help out or had to drive them to hospital in the middle of the night when they are sick.

They may also ask you to look out for their children while they go on that cruise of theirs. I even regularly get calls from their children asking for a ride somewhere or to be picked up.

Don't get me wrong, I am happy to do all these things for the friends I have made, but I recognize my limits. If there were more, I would become resentful.

Though I live an active life and am generally friendly and open, I am not looking for loads of friends, I just don't want the responsibility.

Re: The issue of making friends
 

This is exactly what my other half and i were saying the other night. On the flipside here in Scotland, if someone new started work in our office for example, I'd be social at work with them, maybe a drink after work etc, but I'd be unlikely to suggest they come do things with us, and our friends, unless I really hit it off with them. Its likely the same in Canada or anywhere else.

Re: The issue of making friends
 

Last summer we were invited to many BBQs and pool parties where we spent hours listening to inane conversation about home renovations, hockey, the cookie diet and losing weight to get into your speedos for the next vacation or cruise.

So when attending BBQs and Pool Parties (lol) in the UK what constituted non-inane conversations? I would imagine equally inane but different topics.

Re: The issue of making friends
 

I didn't attend any pool parties in the UK. But at the rare BBQ, we discussed the weather and if it would hold up or griped about our bosses. I guess equally inane.

I used to love BBQs, but i guess you can have too much of a good thing.

Re: The issue of making friends
 

They saw you coming mate!!!
:lol:

Re: The issue of making friends
 

Here's how I met mine (to bore you all but I suppose also to confirm the "common grounds")

When I was dumped back in 2008 2 colleagues at the bank and a customer (we are all roughly the same age) were going through the same thing.

We laughed, cried, drank - drank some more and basically helped each oother through it. One of them moved in with me and for that short period of time we were each others support.

It's funny because we now always say we were meant to meet up and help each other through that time.

My 4th 'bessie' is also my sis in law (married to hubbys brother). Our common bond is that fact that the oldest sister of our two guys hates the both of us hahahahaha :rofl:

Re: The issue of making friends
 

I'm only now starting to make more friends outside of the ex-pat circle.
I'm sure most people who move here struggle to make friends outside their own 'kind', hence ethnic groupings in the inner cities.
It's tougher than in the UK where the people you work with also form part of your social circle. That doesn't seem to happen here.

Re: The issue of making friends
 

I think it does but it depends on the culture of the workplace and one's willingness to participate in post-work activities. It's easier for me when the post-work activity is drinking, less so when it's going to church or jogging.

A problem with our business is that everyone's geographically dispersed. We went to a birthday party on the weekend, for someone I once worked with who's remained a friend. I knew a fair number of the people there from parties at his house, from fishing trips and the like. The problem being that they all live in or around Washington DC so getting there involves two days of driving or an expensive flight.

Giving the increasing trend to virtual teams and working from home, work derived social events will, I think, more and more often start with a email "I'm changing planes near you, got time for a beer?". The internet also has a role, in my era of flying around all the time I'd post on a talkboard "stuck in ABC for a day, anyone up for a beer?" and met a vast number of people that way. Several have remained friends but someone in, say, Amsterdam, isn't the kind of friend one can call for emergency babysitting.

Re: The issue of making friends
 

Another way to make friends is though organisations like meetup.com.

When I was in the UK learning french I would go to a weekly meetup to practice.

They are often held in bars and cofee shops.

Though friends ask alot they are also willing to give alot. One loaned my wife his mercerdes to practice on while she was learning to drive, another spoke to one of his golfing buddies to get me my current job.

There are not that many british expats where I am and yes they do love the way we talk, but without these friends we would have been totally lost.

How did we make them? Some of them offered to help when we moved into the neighbourhood and we took them up on their offer to show us around, tell us where all the bargains were to be had, and who the best dentist was.

Some were made through our children. Before I will let my child stay over at someones house, I have to get to know their parents pretty well. Others were made on camping trips (Winter camp is a very bonding experience).