Important Questions on Canada
My wife sent me the following, alledgedly a list of questions asked by visitors to a Canadian Tourism website a couple of years ago, along with some light-hearted answers. Unknown at present whether these answers were the ones given by the un-named Tourism website, and unknown if the questions are even true.
Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow?(UK) A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die. Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA) A: Depends how much you've been drinking. Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden) A: Sure, it's only four thousand miles, take lots of water. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden) A: So it's true what they say about Swedes. Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy) A: Let's not touch this one. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK) A: What did your last slave die of? Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada?(USA) A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North . . . oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked. Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA) A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get there and we'll send the rest of the directions. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK) A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA) A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is....oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver, and in Calgary right after the hippo races. Come naked. Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany) A: No, We don't stink. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth.Can you tell me where I can sell it in Canada? (USA) A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather. Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy) A: Yes, gay nightclubs. Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA) A: Only at Thanksgiving. Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany) A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA) A: It's called a moose. They are tall and very violent,eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking. Q: I was in Canada in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Surrey, BC. Can you help? (USA) A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour. Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA) A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first. |
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