Idle Husband At Wal-mart
Jul 6th 2006, 8:55 pm
#1
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Oct 2005
Location: Peterborough, ON, 4528km from the North Pole
Posts: 229
Idle Husband At Wal-mart
Dear Mrs. Fenton,
Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. Bill Fenton has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this type of behavior and have considered banning the entire family from shopping in any of our stores. We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment. Three of our clerks are attending counseling from the trouble your husband has caused. All complaints against Mr. Fenton have been compiled and are listed below.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
MEMO: RE: Mr. Bill Fenton - Complaints - Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his spouse was shopping in our store:
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares..... and watched what happened.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.
10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.
11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"
And; last, but not least!
15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited awhile; then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"
Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. Bill Fenton has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this type of behavior and have considered banning the entire family from shopping in any of our stores. We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment. Three of our clerks are attending counseling from the trouble your husband has caused. All complaints against Mr. Fenton have been compiled and are listed below.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
MEMO: RE: Mr. Bill Fenton - Complaints - Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his spouse was shopping in our store:
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares..... and watched what happened.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.
10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.
11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"
And; last, but not least!
15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited awhile; then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"
Jul 7th 2006, 6:20 am
#2
Having a blonde moment
Joined: Jun 2006
Location: Birmingham
Posts: 124
Re: Idle Husband At Wal-mart
Pmsl 
Jul 7th 2006, 6:29 am
#3
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Jun 2005
Location: Oz -> UK -> San Diego
Posts: 9,912
Re: Idle Husband At Wal-mart
Love it - fantastic!!!!
Jul 7th 2006, 11:29 am
#4
Forum Regular
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 125
Re: Idle Husband At Wal-mart
Hmmmm, some good ideas there ...
pmsl2
pmsl2
Jul 7th 2006, 11:29 am
#5
Whatacomplete Member
Joined: Apr 2006
Location: Cheyenne, Wyoming
Posts: 2,527
Re: Idle Husband At Wal-mart
excellent, very good 
when I saw the title, I thought butch had got a job
when I saw the title, I thought butch had got a job
Jul 7th 2006, 4:14 pm
#6
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jan 2005
Location: SW England
Posts: 1,491
Re: Idle Husband At Wal-mart
Originally Posted by koogar
excellent, very good
when I saw the title, I thought butch had got a job
when I saw the title, I thought butch had got a job
Sounds like Butch at work doesn't it 
Jul 7th 2006, 5:16 pm
#7
End of the line
Joined: Jul 2006
Location: No longer around
Posts: 843
Re: Idle Husband At Wal-mart
Originally Posted by Craftybanshee
LMAO! Sounds like Butch at work doesn't it
Sounds like Butch at work doesn't it
Jul 7th 2006, 5:18 pm
#8
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Mar 2005
Location: Toronto
Posts: 609
Re: Idle Husband At Wal-mart
Originally Posted by IceMaiden
I don't see whats so funny - I constantly get letters like that. My OH isn't allowed out without reins
Jul 7th 2006, 5:20 pm
#9
End of the line
Joined: Jul 2006
Location: No longer around
Posts: 843
Re: Idle Husband At Wal-mart
Originally Posted by mjanovitz
You have reins for him.....kinky........bet they don't just get used in the supermarket either!!
Jul 7th 2006, 5:24 pm
#10
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Mar 2005
Location: Toronto
Posts: 609
Re: Idle Husband At Wal-mart
Originally Posted by IceMaiden
Reins for the supermarket - its handcuffs at home
Jul 7th 2006, 5:29 pm
#11
End of the line
Joined: Jul 2006
Location: No longer around
Posts: 843
Re: Idle Husband At Wal-mart
Originally Posted by mjanovitz
lol.....nice! Your name does not appear to reflect your true self!
Jul 7th 2006, 5:31 pm
#12
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Mar 2005
Location: Toronto
Posts: 609
Re: Idle Husband At Wal-mart
Originally Posted by IceMaiden
They wouldn't allow the first 5 names................
Jul 7th 2006, 5:36 pm
#13
End of the line
Joined: Jul 2006
Location: No longer around
Posts: 843
Re: Idle Husband At Wal-mart
Originally Posted by mjanovitz
I hesitate to ask, but I have a few good ideas what they might have been!!! You taken the doggie out for a walk today yet?
Jul 7th 2006, 5:39 pm
#14
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Mar 2005
Location: Toronto
Posts: 609
Re: Idle Husband At Wal-mart
Originally Posted by IceMaiden
yes I'm afraid I had to subject the neighbours to the sight of me in shorts - not a pretty sight!! Lucky it wasn't later in the day when I'm down to the bikini
Alternatively I do accept pesonal photographs
Today is turning out to be a long day, will almost (thats ALMOST) be glad to get back in to work!!
Jul 7th 2006, 5:43 pm
#15
End of the line
Joined: Jul 2006
Location: No longer around
Posts: 843
Re: Idle Husband At Wal-mart
Originally Posted by mjanovitz
Hmm, where do you live again, and what time do you walk the dog in the hot afternoon sun
Alternatively I do accept pesonal photographs
Today is turning out to be a long day, will almost (thats ALMOST) be glad to get back in to work!!
Alternatively I do accept pesonal photographs
Today is turning out to be a long day, will almost (thats ALMOST) be glad to get back in to work!!
Oh yes, I remember. I used to do that before I came to Canada and I heard the term "sod the garden" - So I thought, "sod the work, sod the housework too" . Its a difficult life