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I thought this was quite good........!!!!!

I thought this was quite good........!!!!!

Old Mar 1st 2009, 1:40 pm
  #1  
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Talking I thought this was quite good........!!!!!

A blonde walks into a bank in London and asks to see the manager.


She says she's going to Hong Kong on business for two weeks and needs to borrow £5,000.


The manager says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Ferrari.


The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; she has the title and everything checks out.


The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.


The manager and the tellers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a £200,000 Ferrari as collateral against a £5,000 loan.


An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.


Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the £5,000 and the interest, which comes to £17.41.


The manager says, 'Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled.
While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a millionairess.
What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow £5,000?'


The blonde replies...'Where else in central London can I park my car for two weeks for only £17.41


See, I always knew blondes were smart!!!
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Old Mar 1st 2009, 2:13 pm
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Default Re: I thought this was quite good........!!!!!

And here's another one for you ladies:-

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.

When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune.

One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit $200 million."

Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at financial planning than men.
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Old Mar 1st 2009, 5:35 pm
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Default Re: I thought this was quite good........!!!!!

How To Shower Like a Woman:

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.

Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs.

Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.

Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

How To Shower Like a Man:

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-hoo' sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener.

Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

Wash your hair. Make a shampoo Mohawk.

Pee.

Rinse off and get out of shower.

Partially dry off.

Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.

Admire wiener size in mirror again.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-hoo' sound again.

Throw wet towel on bed.
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Old Mar 1st 2009, 6:20 pm
  #4  
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Default Re: I thought this was quite good........!!!!!

Originally Posted by act1980
A blonde walks into a bank in London and asks to see the manager.


She says she's going to Hong Kong on business for two weeks and needs to borrow £5,000.


The manager says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Ferrari.


The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; she has the title and everything checks out.


The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.


The manager and the tellers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a £200,000 Ferrari as collateral against a £5,000 loan.


An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.


Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the £5,000 and the interest, which comes to £17.41.


The manager says, 'Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled.
While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a millionairess.
What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow £5,000?'


The blonde replies...'Where else in central London can I park my car for two weeks for only £17.41


See, I always knew blondes were smart!!!

think you should post that on ... http://britishexpats.com/forum/showthread.php?t=594485 for all those thinking of coming coming to ontriao
someone on there needs a sence of humor

Last edited by alexx11; Mar 1st 2009 at 6:23 pm.
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Old Mar 1st 2009, 6:22 pm
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Default Re: I thought this was quite good........!!!!!

Originally Posted by alexx11
think you should post that on ... thinking of coming to ontriao lol
I know!! Hahaha!! Didn't wanna upset the sensitive ones though lol!

Last edited by act1980; Mar 1st 2009 at 6:31 pm.
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Old Mar 1st 2009, 6:27 pm
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Default Re: I thought this was quite good........!!!!!

Originally Posted by seaham gal
How To Shower Like a Woman:

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.

Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs.

Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.

Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

How To Shower Like a Man:

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-hoo' sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener.

Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

Wash your hair. Make a shampoo Mohawk.

Pee.

Rinse off and get out of shower.

Partially dry off.

Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.

Admire wiener size in mirror again.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-hoo' sound again.

Throw wet towel on bed.
Excellent...
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Old Mar 1st 2009, 6:29 pm
  #7  
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Default Re: I thought this was quite good........!!!!!

Originally Posted by seaham gal
How To Shower Like a Woman:

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.

Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs.

Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.

Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

How To Shower Like a Man:

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-hoo' sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener.

Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

Wash your hair. Make a shampoo Mohawk.

Pee.

Rinse off and get out of shower.

Partially dry off.

Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.

Admire wiener size in mirror again.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-hoo' sound again.

Throw wet towel on bed.
PMSL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:r ofl:
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Old Mar 1st 2009, 6:42 pm
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Default Re: I thought this was quite good........!!!!!

Originally Posted by act1980
A blonde walks into a bank in London and asks to see the manager.


She says she's going to Hong Kong on business for two weeks and needs to borrow £5,000.


The manager says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Ferrari.


The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; she has the title and everything checks out.


The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.


The manager and the tellers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a £200,000 Ferrari as collateral against a £5,000 loan.


An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.


Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the £5,000 and the interest, which comes to £17.41.


The manager says, 'Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled.
While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a millionairess.
What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow £5,000?'


The blonde replies...'Where else in central London can I park my car for two weeks for only £17.41


See, I always knew blondes were smart!!!
Originally Posted by act1980
I know!! Hahaha!! Didn't wanna upset the sensitive ones though lol!
think thats a bit late !!!! so go on fill ya boots, in for a penny and all that
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Old Mar 1st 2009, 6:44 pm
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Default Re: I thought this was quite good........!!!!!

Originally Posted by alexx11
think thats a bit late !!!! so go on fill ya boots, in for a penny and all that
lets hope they dont find this post then lol
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Old Mar 1st 2009, 6:49 pm
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Default Re: I thought this was quite good........!!!!!

Originally Posted by alexx11
lets hope they dont find this post then lol
Fingers crossed lol!!
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Old Mar 1st 2009, 6:50 pm
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Default Re: I thought this was quite good........!!!!!

Originally Posted by FlirtyKnickers
Excellent...
14,000 posts!!!!!!!! Wow that is an achivement!!
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Old Mar 1st 2009, 6:54 pm
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Default Re: I thought this was quite good........!!!!!

Originally Posted by act1980
14,000 posts!!!!!!!! Wow that is an achivement!!
Shhhhh, maybe no one will notice
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Old Mar 1st 2009, 6:57 pm
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Default Re: I thought this was quite good........!!!!!

Originally Posted by FlirtyKnickers
Shhhhh, maybe no one will notice
Not likely!! You are such a familiar face on this forum, like a piece of furniture

I am getting a bit carried away with the whole BE way of life!
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Old Mar 1st 2009, 6:58 pm
  #14  
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Default Re: I thought this was quite good........!!!!!

Here's one

Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while
they
were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into
the
deep end.
He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly
jumped
in to save him.

She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.
When the hospital director
became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered that Edna be
discharged from the hospital because she now considered Edna to be
mentally
stable.

The director went to Edna and said, "I have some good news and some
bad
news. The good news is that you're being discharged because you
responded
so rationally to a crisis by jumping in the pool to save the life of
another patient.

Your action displays sound mindedness. The bad news is that Jim, the
patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt
right
after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."

Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself. I put him there to dry. How soon
can I go home?"
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Old Mar 1st 2009, 7:00 pm
  #15  
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Default Re: I thought this was quite good........!!!!!

Originally Posted by act1980
Not likely!! You are such a familiar face on this forum, like a piece of furniture

I am getting a bit carried away with the whole BE way of life!
Just as long as it not Antique, thats fine by me
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