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Hair Removal -- Hilarious!

Hair Removal -- Hilarious!

Old Sep 19th 2007, 4:46 pm
  #1  
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Default Hair Removal -- Hilarious!

Now, ladies, here's a good belly laugh to start your new day.

Enjoy!

(I don't have a clue as to who wrote this, but....WHAT A RIOT!)

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy,

painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...

The Wax. Read on.........



My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner,

play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in

my mind for the next few hours:

"Maybe should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet."

So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom.

It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax; you just rub

the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and

press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off.

No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but

I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. It's two strips facing each other stuck

together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the

hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees.

("Cold wax," yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it

tight and pull. It works!

OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this!

Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body

hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into

the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties

and place one foot on the toilet.

Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my

bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the

inside of my butt cheek (it *was* a long strip!) I inhale deeply and brace

myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!! I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!

Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip.

CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning and spotted.

I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...must stay conscious.

Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so

much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my

triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip.

There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The

hair that should be on the strip...it's not! I touch.

I am touching wax.

I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered

in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my

foot is still propped upon the toilet? I know I need to do something.
So I put my

foot down.

Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. SEALED SHUT!

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to

myself, "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!" What

can I do to melt the wax?

Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the

bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits, and the wax should melt and I

can gently wipe it off, right???

*WRONG!!!!!!!*

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of

war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.

Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is

having them glued together and then Glued to the Bottom of the Tub...in

scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.

So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to

the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to

have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of

how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter "So, my butt and

hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!"

There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she

does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax

is located, "Are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?"

She's laughing out loud uncontrollably by now...I can hear her. I give her the

rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.

YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.

While we go through various solutions. I resort to trying to scrape the wax off

with a razor. Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot

wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the

sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike

and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this

event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion

they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this
point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!!

The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's

sooo painful, but I really don't care.

"IT WORKS!!

It works !!" I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I

successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and

despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!

So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts.

I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair color......
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Old Sep 19th 2007, 5:46 pm
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Default Re: Hair Removal -- Hilarious!

For Gods sake, go the the hairdressers. If that goes wrong you might not be so eager to shave it off
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Old Sep 19th 2007, 8:04 pm
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Default Re: Hair Removal -- Hilarious!

Originally Posted by Island_Girl
Now, ladies, here's a good belly laugh to start your new day.

Enjoy!

(I don't have a clue as to who wrote this, but....WHAT A RIOT!)

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy,

painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...

The Wax. Read on.........



My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner,

play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in

my mind for the next few hours:

"Maybe should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet."

So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom.

It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax; you just rub

the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and

press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off.

No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but

I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. It's two strips facing each other stuck

together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the

hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees.

("Cold wax," yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it

tight and pull. It works!

OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this!

Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body

hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into

the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties

and place one foot on the toilet.

Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my

bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the

inside of my butt cheek (it *was* a long strip!) I inhale deeply and brace

myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!! I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!

Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip.

CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning and spotted.

I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...must stay conscious.

Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so

much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my

triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip.

There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The

hair that should be on the strip...it's not! I touch.

I am touching wax.

I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered

in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my

foot is still propped upon the toilet? I know I need to do something.
So I put my

foot down.

Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. SEALED SHUT!

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to

myself, "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!" What

can I do to melt the wax?

Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the

bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits, and the wax should melt and I

can gently wipe it off, right???

*WRONG!!!!!!!*

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of

war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.

Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is

having them glued together and then Glued to the Bottom of the Tub...in

scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.

So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to

the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to

have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of

how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter "So, my butt and

hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!"

There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she

does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax

is located, "Are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?"

She's laughing out loud uncontrollably by now...I can hear her. I give her the

rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.

YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.

While we go through various solutions. I resort to trying to scrape the wax off

with a razor. Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot

wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the

sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike

and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this

event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion

they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this
point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!!

The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's

sooo painful, but I really don't care.

"IT WORKS!!

It works !!" I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I

successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and

despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!

So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts.

I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair color......

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Old Sep 19th 2007, 9:17 pm
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Default Re: Hair Removal -- Hilarious!

Ooh - I could feel the pain - was wincing while reading

great !
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Old Sep 19th 2007, 9:27 pm
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Default Re: Hair Removal -- Hilarious!



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Old Sep 19th 2007, 11:50 pm
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Default Re: Hair Removal -- Hilarious!

sorry for your pain but I could not help the tears that rolled down my face with laughter at 12-45 am my OH was wondering what the hell and I cant go to bed now until I stop laughing or I will wake the house upgod dont wax ever AGAIN
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Old Sep 20th 2007, 4:16 am
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Smile Re: Hair Removal -- Hilarious!

I totally agree that was so funny the tears were rolling down my cheeks as I pictured this poor woman in her predicament. Can you imagine her friend on the other end of the phone, if it had been me I wouldn't have been able to help at all because I would have been on the floor laughing.


Fiona
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Old Sep 20th 2007, 4:17 pm
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Default Re: Hair Removal -- Hilarious!

I have thought about waxing the nether regions for years but somehow never plucked up the courage despite having endured traumatic child births,,,now I know why.

Anyway sorry for your pain but that has to be the funniest thing I have ever read.

Next time use a razor or visit the local beautician,, dont do it on your own !
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Old Sep 20th 2007, 4:53 pm
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Default Re: Hair Removal -- Hilarious!

I'm sure everyone of us who has ventured down the "waxing" route can empathise - at least we will when we've finished rolling on the floor with laughter .

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Old Sep 20th 2007, 4:59 pm
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Default Re: Hair Removal -- Hilarious!

Thats is sooooooo funny
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Old Sep 20th 2007, 9:05 pm
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Default Re: Hair Removal -- Hilarious!

This made me laugh out loud (something that happens rarely when reading or hearing funny stories or jokes). The visual images I had were hilarious!

It also reminded me of an experience my colleague had after the birth of her 2nd child 20 or so years ago.
She had an awful birthing experience at the hands of a medical student which apart from anything else left her daughter with autism.

The part which she even laughs about now is that following the birth, when the med student was suturing where she had an episiotomy, he somehow managed to sew her shut.

That's right, he starting stitching the tear and kept on stitching until there was no more hole to sew
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Old Sep 20th 2007, 10:33 pm
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Default Re: Hair Removal -- Hilarious!

Originally Posted by Kabel
kept on stitching until there was no more hole to sew
Again, I'm wincing reading this thread

No excuse for not having any more kids then.
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Old Sep 20th 2007, 11:54 pm
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Default Re: Hair Removal -- Hilarious!

Originally Posted by ann m
Again, I'm wincing reading this thread

No excuse for not having any more kids then.
guess everyone reads and thinks Ahhhhhhhh have to say I am still rolling and need picked off the floor this is one in a million
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