Hair Removal -- Hilarious!
#1
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Jan 2006
Location: Victoria BC
Posts: 202
Hair Removal -- Hilarious!
Now, ladies, here's a good belly laugh to start your new day.
Enjoy!
(I don't have a clue as to who wrote this, but....WHAT A RIOT!)
All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy,
painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...
The Wax. Read on.........
My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner,
play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in
my mind for the next few hours:
"Maybe should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet."
So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom.
It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax; you just rub
the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and
press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off.
No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but
I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)
So I pull one of the thin strips out. It's two strips facing each other stuck
together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the
hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees.
("Cold wax," yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it
tight and pull. It works!
OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this!
Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body
hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.
With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into
the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties
and place one foot on the toilet.
Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my
bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the
inside of my butt cheek (it *was* a long strip!) I inhale deeply and brace
myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!! I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!
Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip.
CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning and spotted.
I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...must stay conscious.
Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.
I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so
much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my
triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip.
There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???
Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The
hair that should be on the strip...it's not! I touch.
I am touching wax.
I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered
in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my
foot is still propped upon the toilet? I know I need to do something.
So I put my
foot down.
Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. SEALED SHUT!
I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to
myself, "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!" What
can I do to melt the wax?
Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the
bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits, and the wax should melt and I
can gently wipe it off, right???
*WRONG!!!!!!!*
I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of
war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.
Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is
having them glued together and then Glued to the Bottom of the Tub...in
scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.
So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to
the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to
have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!
I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of
how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter "So, my butt and
hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!"
There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she
does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax
is located, "Are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?"
She's laughing out loud uncontrollably by now...I can hear her. I give her the
rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.
YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.
While we go through various solutions. I resort to trying to scrape the wax off
with a razor. Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot
wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the
sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike
and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this
event.
My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion
they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this
point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!!
The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's
sooo painful, but I really don't care.
"IT WORKS!!
It works !!" I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I
successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and
despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!
So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts.
I could have amputated my own leg at this point.
Next week I'm going to try hair color......
Enjoy!
(I don't have a clue as to who wrote this, but....WHAT A RIOT!)
All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy,
painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...
The Wax. Read on.........
My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner,
play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in
my mind for the next few hours:
"Maybe should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet."
So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom.
It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax; you just rub
the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and
press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off.
No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but
I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)
So I pull one of the thin strips out. It's two strips facing each other stuck
together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the
hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees.
("Cold wax," yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it
tight and pull. It works!
OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this!
Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body
hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.
With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into
the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties
and place one foot on the toilet.
Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my
bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the
inside of my butt cheek (it *was* a long strip!) I inhale deeply and brace
myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!! I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!
Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip.
CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning and spotted.
I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...must stay conscious.
Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.
I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so
much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my
triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip.
There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???
Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The
hair that should be on the strip...it's not! I touch.
I am touching wax.
I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered
in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my
foot is still propped upon the toilet? I know I need to do something.
So I put my
foot down.
Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. SEALED SHUT!
I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to
myself, "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!" What
can I do to melt the wax?
Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the
bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits, and the wax should melt and I
can gently wipe it off, right???
*WRONG!!!!!!!*
I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of
war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.
Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is
having them glued together and then Glued to the Bottom of the Tub...in
scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.
So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to
the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to
have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!
I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of
how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter "So, my butt and
hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!"
There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she
does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax
is located, "Are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?"
She's laughing out loud uncontrollably by now...I can hear her. I give her the
rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.
YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.
While we go through various solutions. I resort to trying to scrape the wax off
with a razor. Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot
wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the
sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike
and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this
event.
My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion
they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this
point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!!
The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's
sooo painful, but I really don't care.
"IT WORKS!!
It works !!" I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I
successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and
despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!
So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts.
I could have amputated my own leg at this point.
Next week I'm going to try hair color......
#2
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jun 2007
Location: Musquodoboit Harbour, Nova Scotia
Posts: 2,549
Re: Hair Removal -- Hilarious!
For Gods sake, go the the hairdressers. If that goes wrong you might not be so eager to shave it off
#3
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Dec 2004
Location: Ottawa
Posts: 1,664
Re: Hair Removal -- Hilarious!
Now, ladies, here's a good belly laugh to start your new day.
Enjoy!
(I don't have a clue as to who wrote this, but....WHAT A RIOT!)
All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy,
painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...
The Wax. Read on.........
My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner,
play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in
my mind for the next few hours:
"Maybe should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet."
So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom.
It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax; you just rub
the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and
press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off.
No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but
I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)
So I pull one of the thin strips out. It's two strips facing each other stuck
together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the
hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees.
("Cold wax," yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it
tight and pull. It works!
OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this!
Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body
hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.
With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into
the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties
and place one foot on the toilet.
Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my
bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the
inside of my butt cheek (it *was* a long strip!) I inhale deeply and brace
myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!! I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!
Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip.
CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning and spotted.
I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...must stay conscious.
Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.
I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so
much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my
triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip.
There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???
Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The
hair that should be on the strip...it's not! I touch.
I am touching wax.
I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered
in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my
foot is still propped upon the toilet? I know I need to do something.
So I put my
foot down.
Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. SEALED SHUT!
I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to
myself, "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!" What
can I do to melt the wax?
Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the
bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits, and the wax should melt and I
can gently wipe it off, right???
*WRONG!!!!!!!*
I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of
war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.
Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is
having them glued together and then Glued to the Bottom of the Tub...in
scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.
So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to
the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to
have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!
I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of
how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter "So, my butt and
hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!"
There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she
does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax
is located, "Are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?"
She's laughing out loud uncontrollably by now...I can hear her. I give her the
rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.
YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.
While we go through various solutions. I resort to trying to scrape the wax off
with a razor. Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot
wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the
sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike
and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this
event.
My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion
they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this
point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!!
The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's
sooo painful, but I really don't care.
"IT WORKS!!
It works !!" I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I
successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and
despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!
So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts.
I could have amputated my own leg at this point.
Next week I'm going to try hair color......
Enjoy!
(I don't have a clue as to who wrote this, but....WHAT A RIOT!)
All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy,
painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...
The Wax. Read on.........
My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner,
play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in
my mind for the next few hours:
"Maybe should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet."
So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom.
It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax; you just rub
the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and
press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off.
No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but
I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)
So I pull one of the thin strips out. It's two strips facing each other stuck
together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the
hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees.
("Cold wax," yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it
tight and pull. It works!
OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this!
Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body
hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.
With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into
the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties
and place one foot on the toilet.
Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my
bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the
inside of my butt cheek (it *was* a long strip!) I inhale deeply and brace
myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!! I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!
Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip.
CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning and spotted.
I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...must stay conscious.
Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.
I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so
much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my
triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip.
There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???
Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The
hair that should be on the strip...it's not! I touch.
I am touching wax.
I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered
in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my
foot is still propped upon the toilet? I know I need to do something.
So I put my
foot down.
Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. SEALED SHUT!
I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to
myself, "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!" What
can I do to melt the wax?
Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the
bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits, and the wax should melt and I
can gently wipe it off, right???
*WRONG!!!!!!!*
I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of
war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.
Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is
having them glued together and then Glued to the Bottom of the Tub...in
scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.
So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to
the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to
have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!
I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of
how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter "So, my butt and
hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!"
There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she
does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax
is located, "Are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?"
She's laughing out loud uncontrollably by now...I can hear her. I give her the
rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.
YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.
While we go through various solutions. I resort to trying to scrape the wax off
with a razor. Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot
wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the
sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike
and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this
event.
My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion
they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this
point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!!
The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's
sooo painful, but I really don't care.
"IT WORKS!!
It works !!" I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I
successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and
despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!
So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts.
I could have amputated my own leg at this point.
Next week I'm going to try hair color......
#6
Lloydminster AB
Joined: Dec 2006
Location: Alberta
Posts: 2,059
Re: Hair Removal -- Hilarious!
sorry for your pain but I could not help the tears that rolled down my face with laughter at 12-45 am my OH was wondering what the hell and I cant go to bed now until I stop laughing or I will wake the house upgod dont wax ever AGAIN
#7
Forum Regular
Joined: Jul 2007
Location: Drayton Valley, Alberta
Posts: 137
Re: Hair Removal -- Hilarious!
I totally agree that was so funny the tears were rolling down my cheeks as I pictured this poor woman in her predicament. Can you imagine her friend on the other end of the phone, if it had been me I wouldn't have been able to help at all because I would have been on the floor laughing.
Fiona
Fiona
#8
Re: Hair Removal -- Hilarious!
I have thought about waxing the nether regions for years but somehow never plucked up the courage despite having endured traumatic child births,,,now I know why.
Anyway sorry for your pain but that has to be the funniest thing I have ever read.
Next time use a razor or visit the local beautician,, dont do it on your own !
Anyway sorry for your pain but that has to be the funniest thing I have ever read.
Next time use a razor or visit the local beautician,, dont do it on your own !
#9
Re: Hair Removal -- Hilarious!
I'm sure everyone of us who has ventured down the "waxing" route can empathise - at least we will when we've finished rolling on the floor with laughter .
Lynne
Lynne
#10
#11
Re: Hair Removal -- Hilarious!
This made me laugh out loud (something that happens rarely when reading or hearing funny stories or jokes). The visual images I had were hilarious!
It also reminded me of an experience my colleague had after the birth of her 2nd child 20 or so years ago.
She had an awful birthing experience at the hands of a medical student which apart from anything else left her daughter with autism.
The part which she even laughs about now is that following the birth, when the med student was suturing where she had an episiotomy, he somehow managed to sew her shut.
That's right, he starting stitching the tear and kept on stitching until there was no more hole to sew
It also reminded me of an experience my colleague had after the birth of her 2nd child 20 or so years ago.
She had an awful birthing experience at the hands of a medical student which apart from anything else left her daughter with autism.
The part which she even laughs about now is that following the birth, when the med student was suturing where she had an episiotomy, he somehow managed to sew her shut.
That's right, he starting stitching the tear and kept on stitching until there was no more hole to sew