Paul_Shepherd

Ok, so with quite a lively debate going on in the "make America hate again ladies" thread, i thought id raise an interesting point on a separate thread.

Gender Equality...im all for it always have been, always will be, and really dont understand why in some jobs, and only some (not in my workplace) where pay and opportunities are not equal if a female can do the job just aswell she should be given the same treatment. Simple.

Infact i do know the answer to this but as i said in the other aforementioned thread, gender roles were not always defined as what they are now, things have changed hugely since say the 50s, when it was the always the man the bread winner and his wife looked after the home and kids, and many women never even had a career - or could even drive a car for example.

Gradually this has started to change, I have noticed it more so over the last 20years since the 90s, i think it will continue to change, but it will take time.

Ok so with this in mind and many females these days are enjoying successful well paid careers, we already have equality in some cases.....or do we?

For example... the last two women i have dated, which developed into short term relationships, both had very successful careers and were very well paid. Both these women earned way more than i do, and i earn a very reasonable salary. So why did i find myself paying for... not all...but the lions share of the dates? drinks, dinner out, tickets to concerts etc. Are we not striving for gender equality nowadays?? Im confused?

I asked both these women on a first date, so i had no issue in paying for that, but then it seemed to be expected the majority of the times after that, considering one of them earned nearly twice what i earned, without the financial commitments i have, something doesn't seem fair there? or is just me? Maybe they thought they were saving my male pride or something like that, but i would have thought they would want equality.

Just thought id put another angle on the gender equality debate.

Paul_Shepherd

Could one of the moderators move this to the maple leaf section? i meant to post it there.

Thanks

Paul.

Piff Poff

You are not wrong with what you are saying there. AT ALL!

As you say, if you are the invitee, then you can be prepared to pay, but if it's a I'm looking at doing such and such, would you like to come it's x amount, then they pay their way or even offer to buy for you.

When a relationship develops then the one earning the most money shouldn't expect an equal divvy up of bills followed by going halves on things and expecting to the lower paid person to save equally for vacations too.

Oink

I've never experienced this issue. First dates usually insist on splitting the bill and then its usually who's idea the treat/meal/date is.

BristolUK

Presumably this subject - here and the other thread - is to blame for BE crashing tonight?

Siouxie

My son has found a similar issue with expectations of being paid for.

Example - g/f (at that time of 1 year), they went to Montreal for a week - they stayed at a 5* hotel, had dinners, drinks and all other dining, went out every night to entertainment, went to several places where you had to pay an entry fee. He paid for everything - even the gas to get there and back, all in approximately $2000. No offer to pay any of it from her. 6 months later, they went to Niagara on the Lake for 4 days - again, 5* hotel etc., again, he paid.

In fact, in the 2.5 years they were together he paid for absolutely everything. Every cab, every drink, every dinner, every meal out or take away, every bit of entertainment, the gas for her car. When he asked her if perhaps they could start putting money away together every month to help cover the costs, she refused.

Her birthday was at Christmas - the last one they were together, he spent over $600 on gifts for her (for both birthday and Christmas) - she spent about $80 (and had borred that from him).

They earned more or less the same. She lived at home for the first 18 months, he had a mortgage and bills to pay.

They split up very shortly after.

magnumpi

Not before she had a cracking FreeBEe ride alone with the boy ehh.

Siouxie

Exactly.

Lesson learned by him, I'm hoping!



(I saw what you did there, lol)

bats

Yep it ain't right. You can't complain about being treated as the little woman if you behave that way.

Interesting side note if only I could remember the details but it was something like. Woman and man split up, he sues for reimbursement if everything he had ever brought her. Cigarettes, wine, gin, duty free purchases of makeup etc. As I recall the essence was that the purchases were essentially in return for sex so are women who need expensive gifts etc before a shag asking for payment? Or Is it that people, ie men, don't appreciate what they get for free?

If the woman paid and you put out would you feel used? Or was it only right that you did after all he had bought you a nice dinner and some fancy drinks.

Still a huge mess caused by attitudes and cultural expectations.

Shard

I don't think men ever feel "used" and most of us appreciate what we "get" free or not !

Paul_Shepherd

I thought i had an unfairish deal in my last two relationships... but what your son went through was disgraceful. Hopefully as you said he learned a lesson, but hopefully he doesnt go to too much the other way after that expereince. Id class myself as a gentleman and still like to think i have chivalrous qualities and like to treat a lady like a lady when i choose to do so, but when your both earning the same money....and when they earn more i really dont think its fair at all.

bats

treating a lady like a lady?

What is a lady?

Paul_Shepherd

Hmmm....the guy who did that sounds like he is one of those men I was referring to in the other post, the type that gives all men a bad name.

It was his choice to spend the money, thats his problem...any decent man would agree...personally if i ask a girl out on a date and invite her to dinner, i do it because i want to get to know her know her more, and if i like her I want that to take place in a nice setting, by the end of it hope that we have enough in common to go out again, i certainly dont expect sex....not on a first date, if so its not the girl im looking for as a long term partner.

To me sex is about mutual appreciation not what a man can get, sadly there are many men around like that, but there are also many women who are out to get what they can and walk away, ive been stung like that before, i suppose the girl just said what i wanted to hear. I thought we were getting along fine, i pay for drinks and dinner and i never hear from her again, and some have gone so far as to boast about it!! I am a LOT more careful these days!

The gender debate and who is hard done by does work both ways....escpacially these days....as we are in a long ongoing transition period where the genders are becoming more and more equal, consequently during this ongoing period the rules seem to be adjusted to suit the individual at that time...calling on both old and new cultures as it suits, confusing times indeed for both genders.

Paul_Shepherd

Its not something i can really put into a few sentences, I have my interpretation of what a lady is, its a collection of lots of small traits and behaviours, i know when i see it and experience it, and when i do, i like to treat them as such.

not2old

why don't you give us what you think a "lady" is from a female perspective?

And before you ask me or any other male.... I for one am clueless as always

So begin Bats, go on, give it your best shot, then maybe the males on here can jump on this one