Family visiting

Old Jul 26th 2010, 2:50 am
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Default Family visiting

It's summer, which means that there are a lot of expats in this neck of the woods experiencing the 'joys' of family coming to visit them for a week or 6(!). Over the months that we've lived here, I've become Facebook friends with a fair few and there seems to be a whole lot of posting about how wonderful it is to have mum and dad etc visiting, what a wonderful time they're having, how crappy it is when they leave etc etc....

Now this might be all fine and dandy for some, but I'm feeling a little bit like I'm the odd one out. My mother is due to fly out in a couple of weeks time and.....I'm dreading it! We don't exactly see eye to eye on many things, I know she'll do a whole lotta moaning and criticizing while she's here (because she's like that) and will wind me up a treat. I foresee a whole lot of biting of my tongue and deep breathing to stop me losing it, and a huge sigh of relief when we wave goodbye at the airport. Don't get me wrong, I love her dearly but the thought of being in close proximity, with no escape for 2 weeks fills me with fear! When we lived back in the UK, I saw her roughly every 6 weeks or so at most, and usually for a day visit only. The grandchildren are also not super close to her as she spends most of her time criticising them (sit up straight dear....don't hold your fork like that....etc etc)

The thing is....is it just me? Or are there others who feel this way about visiting rellies?

And all those people who gush about what a WONDERFUL time they've had with their folks....does that really happen?
I'm really worried that I'm a heartless cow, but my mum really REALLY knows how to push my buttons at the best of times. On the up side, I've recently lost 20lb so maybe she won't be on at me about being 'chunky' too much this time....lols

I guess I'm after some reassurance that I'm not the only one who feels this way.....am I?
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Old Jul 26th 2010, 3:03 am
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Default Re: Family visiting

Originally Posted by snoopster View Post
It's summer, which means that there are a lot of expats in this neck of the woods experiencing the 'joys' of family coming to visit them for a week or 6(!). Over the months that we've lived here, I've become Facebook friends with a fair few and there seems to be a whole lot of posting about how wonderful it is to have mum and dad etc visiting, what a wonderful time they're having, how crappy it is when they leave etc etc....

Now this might be all fine and dandy for some, but I'm feeling a little bit like I'm the odd one out. My mother is due to fly out in a couple of weeks time and.....I'm dreading it! We don't exactly see eye to eye on many things, I know she'll do a whole lotta moaning and criticizing while she's here (because she's like that) and will wind me up a treat. I foresee a whole lot of biting of my tongue and deep breathing to stop me losing it, and a huge sigh of relief when we wave goodbye at the airport. Don't get me wrong, I love her dearly but the thought of being in close proximity, with no escape for 2 weeks fills me with fear! When we lived back in the UK, I saw her roughly every 6 weeks or so at most, and usually for a day visit only. The grandchildren are also not super close to her as she spends most of her time criticising them (sit up straight dear....don't hold your fork like that....etc etc)

The thing is....is it just me? Or are there others who feel this way about visiting rellies?

And all those people who gush about what a WONDERFUL time they've had with their folks....does that really happen?
I'm really worried that I'm a heartless cow, but my mum really REALLY knows how to push my buttons at the best of times. On the up side, I've recently lost 20lb so maybe she won't be on at me about being 'chunky' too much this time....lols

I guess I'm after some reassurance that I'm not the only one who feels this way.....am I?
I could have written that, it's such an accurate description of my mum and how we get on.

A couple of things that I have learned, one us that the less I react to her comments the less she comments. We have also found that longer visits are better, we have to feel the burn and then it's easier.
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Old Jul 26th 2010, 8:49 am
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Default Re: Family visiting

Originally Posted by snoopster View Post
It's summer, which means that there are a lot of expats in this neck of the woods experiencing the 'joys' of family coming to visit them for a week or 6(!). Over the months that we've lived here, I've become Facebook friends with a fair few and there seems to be a whole lot of posting about how wonderful it is to have mum and dad etc visiting, what a wonderful time they're having, how crappy it is when they leave etc etc....

Now this might be all fine and dandy for some, but I'm feeling a little bit like I'm the odd one out. My mother is due to fly out in a couple of weeks time and.....I'm dreading it! We don't exactly see eye to eye on many things, I know she'll do a whole lotta moaning and criticizing while she's here (because she's like that) and will wind me up a treat. I foresee a whole lot of biting of my tongue and deep breathing to stop me losing it, and a huge sigh of relief when we wave goodbye at the airport. Don't get me wrong, I love her dearly but the thought of being in close proximity, with no escape for 2 weeks fills me with fear! When we lived back in the UK, I saw her roughly every 6 weeks or so at most, and usually for a day visit only. The grandchildren are also not super close to her as she spends most of her time criticising them (sit up straight dear....don't hold your fork like that....etc etc)

The thing is....is it just me? Or are there others who feel this way about visiting rellies?

And all those people who gush about what a WONDERFUL time they've had with their folks....does that really happen?
I'm really worried that I'm a heartless cow, but my mum really REALLY knows how to push my buttons at the best of times. On the up side, I've recently lost 20lb so maybe she won't be on at me about being 'chunky' too much this time....lols

I guess I'm after some reassurance that I'm not the only one who feels this way.....am I?
If you don't really get on, and she winds you up, why would you invite her to stay with you, you heartless cow?
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Old Jul 26th 2010, 8:57 am
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Default Re: Family visiting

Originally Posted by snoopster View Post
It's summer, which means that there are a lot of expats in this neck of the woods experiencing the 'joys' of family coming to visit them for a week or 6(!). Over the months that we've lived here, I've become Facebook friends with a fair few and there seems to be a whole lot of posting about how wonderful it is to have mum and dad etc visiting, what a wonderful time they're having, how crappy it is when they leave etc etc....

Now this might be all fine and dandy for some, but I'm feeling a little bit like I'm the odd one out. My mother is due to fly out in a couple of weeks time and.....I'm dreading it! We don't exactly see eye to eye on many things, I know she'll do a whole lotta moaning and criticizing while she's here (because she's like that) and will wind me up a treat. I foresee a whole lot of biting of my tongue and deep breathing to stop me losing it, and a huge sigh of relief when we wave goodbye at the airport. Don't get me wrong, I love her dearly but the thought of being in close proximity, with no escape for 2 weeks fills me with fear! When we lived back in the UK, I saw her roughly every 6 weeks or so at most, and usually for a day visit only. The grandchildren are also not super close to her as she spends most of her time criticising them (sit up straight dear....don't hold your fork like that....etc etc)

The thing is....is it just me? Or are there others who feel this way about visiting rellies?

And all those people who gush about what a WONDERFUL time they've had with their folks....does that really happen?
I'm really worried that I'm a heartless cow, but my mum really REALLY knows how to push my buttons at the best of times. On the up side, I've recently lost 20lb so maybe she won't be on at me about being 'chunky' too much this time....lols

I guess I'm after some reassurance that I'm not the only one who feels this way.....am I?
I haven't moved anywhere yet and i feel the same about my mum! I am dreading when we do move and she comes over for a visit! I love her loads but we don't do "being in the same room as each other" very well!! Max we can manage is a few hours!

Completely understand where you are coming from! When we finally get over there we are hoping to try and find a house with a finished basement so she has her own area to go to! lol

Deep breathes and count to 10..........

xxxx
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Old Jul 26th 2010, 8:58 am
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Default Re: Family visiting

Originally Posted by snoopster View Post
Over the months that we've lived here, I've become Facebook friends with a fair few and there seems to be a whole lot of posting about how wonderful it is to have mum and dad etc visiting, what a wonderful time they're having, how crappy it is when they leave etc etc....
Just remember the people who post on Facebook about how wonderful it was to have family visit are probably only doing it because they know their family will read it. They probably post their true feelings anonymously on sites like BE
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Old Jul 26th 2010, 11:41 am
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Default Re: Family visiting

Originally Posted by fledermaus View Post
I could have written that, it's such an accurate description of my mum and how we get on.

A couple of things that I have learned, one us that the less I react to her comments the less she comments. We have also found that longer visits are better, we have to feel the burn and then it's easier.
I could also have written that. Fortunately my mum is now too old and decrepit to make the trip. It's much easier when my brother comes. He has a clear plan of what he wants to do and will do much of it by himself. He hires a car. His last trip amused me. He wanted to know what serious cold is like. He came in February. I took him to Quebec City for a couple of days. His curiosity about cold was sorted. Oh yes indeedy.

My 14 year old son is coming over next week. That will be good because I haven't seen him since October. In the past it has been difficult to keep him busy. I think this time will be easier. His 20 year old step-brother is coming down to stay. Did we volunteer to pay his gas money? No-brainer.
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Old Jul 26th 2010, 12:20 pm
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Default Re: Family visiting

Originally Posted by Souvy View Post
I could also have written that. Fortunately my mum is now too old and decrepit to make the trip. It's much easier when my brother comes. He has a clear plan of what he wants to do and will do much of it by himself. He hires a car. His last trip amused me. He wanted to know what serious cold is like. He came in February. I took him to Quebec City for a couple of days. His curiosity about cold was sorted. Oh yes indeedy.

My 14 year old son is coming over next week. That will be good because I haven't seen him since October. In the past it has been difficult to keep him busy. I think this time will be easier. His 20 year old step-brother is coming down to stay. Did we volunteer to pay his gas money? No-brainer.
It's all about strategy I find. My mum is a good northern woman who believes that the man of the house should not be annoyed and as upsetting me annoys him she does her thing less when he is around. (Which shows that she knows what she is doing.) She can still manage to annoy Flederman which takes some doing. I realise that a lot of the problems with mum's comments arise from my reaction to them and if I think teflon then all is good.

I find it helps to ask her advice and to include her as much as possible, asking for comment pleases her and makes the comments less barbed. She's a smart woman with good suggestions. I had to sit her down and tell her that when we ask what she wants to do, or where she wants to visit that she must tell us as it's bloody hard work guessing and we usually guess wrongly.

She's coming in September/October for 4 weeks. She has said she would like to visit Ottawa, Kingston and the USA. She had a cataract removed this summer so will be able to see the place now, especially those trees. I'm actually looking forward to her visit but I know it will have some moments.
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Old Jul 26th 2010, 12:44 pm
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Default Re: Family visiting

Originally Posted by fledermaus View Post
It's all about strategy I find. My mum is a good northern woman who believes that the man of the house should not be annoyed and as upsetting me annoys him she does her thing less when he is around. (Which shows that she knows what she is doing.) She can still manage to annoy Flederman which takes some doing. I realise that a lot of the problems with mum's comments arise from my reaction to them and if I think teflon then all is good.

I find it helps to ask her advice and to include her as much as possible, asking for comment pleases her and makes the comments less barbed. She's a smart woman with good suggestions. I had to sit her down and tell her that when we ask what she wants to do, or where she wants to visit that she must tell us as it's bloody hard work guessing and we usually guess wrongly.

She's coming in September/October for 4 weeks. She has said she would like to visit Ottawa, Kingston and the USA. She had a cataract removed this summer so will be able to see the place now, especially those trees. I'm actually looking forward to her visit but I know it will have some moments.
I think you are the sister I never knew I had.
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Old Jul 26th 2010, 1:15 pm
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Default Re: Family visiting

You are definitely not alone although in my case it is my dad, not my mum that is the problem. Although back in Scotland I stayed 2 hours away, he still hasn't quite got his head around why i don't want to stay in the same town as him.

We recently had my brother and his wife and 2 kids for 3 weeks - no problems at all. We enjoyed having them, and they had a great time. My parents are due end of September and already I'm dreading it. My mum will be fine, my dad will be a challenge.
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Old Jul 26th 2010, 1:18 pm
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Default Re: Family visiting

Originally Posted by Souvy View Post
I think you are the sister I never knew I had.
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Old Jul 26th 2010, 3:23 pm
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Default Re: Family visiting

Originally Posted by el_richo View Post
If you don't really get on, and she winds you up, why would you invite her to stay with you, you heartless cow?
I think you might be my brother
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Old Jul 26th 2010, 3:24 pm
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Default Re: Family visiting

Well it has done me good to find a few more people from disfunctional families like mine. Thanks guys
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Old Jul 26th 2010, 3:45 pm
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Default Re: Family visiting

I recently had my mum over for three weeks and really enjoyed her being here. Don't get me wrong, I still had the lip biting moments and the "counting to 10 in my head" moments etc! She's pretty easy going and was happy to go along with whatever we did and was so enthusiastic about everything. It was her over-helpfulness that sometimes annoyed me (I know it shouldn't) but she was always hovering in the way when I was trying to cook dinner etc.

However, when the in-laws visit, that's a whole other story!!! I won't get started on that one or I'll be here all day!!

My brother-in-law and his family are coming in a couple of weeks. It's their fist visit but I know it will be fine as we have had holidays with them in the past and it's always been good. Their kids are the same ages as ours and they all get on great.

I think with parents and in-laws it's a generation thing as much as anything.

The only other thing I find with all the family visiting is that you keep going to the same places over and over again. We're in Alberta and everyone wants to visit Banff, Lake Louise etc etc. As beautiful and as lovely as these places are, we want to explore some new places too!
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Old Jul 26th 2010, 8:13 pm
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Default Re: Family visiting

Hi

I really feel for you......fortunately for us, both my husband and I......we are now orphans........which is w o n d e r f u l....so I must be a heartless cow....but it does make life a lot less complicated.....although our siblings can be just as awkward, but at least we can tell them to B----r off......would have had to bite the tongue with both mothers especially my demon mother in law!!!!!
Do not sit in judgement of me....we had it T O U G H !!!!!!!:rofl:
lol
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Originally Posted by snoopster View Post
It's summer, which means that there are a lot of expats in this neck of the woods experiencing the 'joys' of family coming to visit them for a week or 6(!). Over the months that we've lived here, I've become Facebook friends with a fair few and there seems to be a whole lot of posting about how wonderful it is to have mum and dad etc visiting, what a wonderful time they're having, how crappy it is when they leave etc etc....

Now this might be all fine and dandy for some, but I'm feeling a little bit like I'm the odd one out. My mother is due to fly out in a couple of weeks time and.....I'm dreading it! We don't exactly see eye to eye on many things, I know she'll do a whole lotta moaning and criticizing while she's here (because she's like that) and will wind me up a treat. I foresee a whole lot of biting of my tongue and deep breathing to stop me losing it, and a huge sigh of relief when we wave goodbye at the airport. Don't get me wrong, I love her dearly but the thought of being in close proximity, with no escape for 2 weeks fills me with fear! When we lived back in the UK, I saw her roughly every 6 weeks or so at most, and usually for a day visit only. The grandchildren are also not super close to her as she spends most of her time criticising them (sit up straight dear....don't hold your fork like that....etc etc)

The thing is....is it just me? Or are there others who feel this way about visiting rellies?

And all those people who gush about what a WONDERFUL time they've had with their folks....does that really happen?
I'm really worried that I'm a heartless cow, but my mum really REALLY knows how to push my buttons at the best of times. On the up side, I've recently lost 20lb so maybe she won't be on at me about being 'chunky' too much this time....lols

I guess I'm after some reassurance that I'm not the only one who feels this way.....am I?
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Old Jul 26th 2010, 8:32 pm
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Default Re: Family visiting

Originally Posted by TheThornes View Post
The only other thing I find with all the family visiting is that you keep going to the same places over and over again. We're in Alberta and everyone wants to visit Banff, Lake Louise etc etc. As beautiful and as lovely as these places are, we want to explore some new places too!
Set some ground rules - you can't be expected to play host, chaperone and tour guide for every single visitor. Provide some accommodation, hang out and entertain them by all means but don't pander to driving them and accompanying them everywhere.
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