Do Attorneys really ask such dumb questions?
 

This is going round face book at the moment, I thought some of you might enjoy.

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
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ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
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ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
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ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
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ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
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ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
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ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
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ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
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ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
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ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
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ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
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ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
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ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
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ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
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ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
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ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
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ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
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ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

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And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Re: Do Attorneys really ask such dumb questions?
 

:thumbsup: that has made my day :rofl:

felt really crappy and " had a black dog in the room" when I woke up. now I cant get "his brain was in a jar" out of my head :rofl: Ta m'luv :thumbsup:

Re: Do Attorneys really ask such dumb questions?
 

Made me chuckle as well, it was the brain in a jar, that made me laugh the most.:)

Re: Do Attorneys really ask such dumb questions?
 

Nearly all those books are shamelessly plagarised from the Court Jesters series (3 books of court transcripts and stories from Canadian courts). Just sayin'.
From a drug trial in Regina: When a young man charged with a marijuana offence was asked by the Judge if he had anything to say, he took his wallet out of his pocket, held it to his mouth and said. "Beam me up, Scotty, I'm in trouble!" Some of the stories about early days circuit courts are priceless.

Re: Do Attorneys really ask such dumb questions?
 

Aren't the majority of them stupid answers?

Re: Do Attorneys really ask such dumb questions?
 

About 50/50 I would say, but you are right, a lot of the answers are stupid.

Re: Do Attorneys really ask such dumb questions?
 

and the need for attorneys to get witnesses to say something specific, no matter how obvious, they still need to say it.

Re: Do Attorneys really ask such dumb questions?
 

I've seen it, the defence needlessly bringing in expert testimony, seemingly unaware of how angry the judge was getting, the defendant hanging his head realising the hired help was working against him and it's a prison he'll be going. I couldn't stop giggling and was warned by the court.

Re: Do Attorneys really ask such dumb questions?
 

Have you recently retired?

Re: Do Attorneys really ask such dumb questions?
 

Re: Do Attorneys really ask such dumb questions?
 

Oh yes! life in the fast lane, thats me. My day consists of FB, BE, shopping, hairdresser and spa.

It gets boring though, so I post inane dribble on here, after all its good to share.