Disciplining children that are not your own...
Mar 29th 2009, 4:10 am
#16
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Joined: Nov 2005
Location: Okotoks AB
Posts: 313
Re: Disciplining children that are not your own...
It's a tricky call that's for sure.
We've just called time on a relationship between my 8 year old daughter and a friend round the corner, who is possibly the most rude child I've met.
She waltzes into our house without so much as a 'hello', pointedly ignores us while she's here, preferring only to converse with my daughter, quite happy to accept snacks, drinks etc (without a please or thank you) then leaves without a goodbye or a thank you. I've been making a point of going right up to her and saying 'hello!' in her face as she's here, and 'goodbye' etc but get a mumbled response if I'm lucky.
About a week ago, she telephoned to invite herself over and turned up with her older brother as she said he'd come over to play our Xbox as he doesn't have one! I only discovered this once he had made himself comfy upstairs on his own. I called time on the playdate and sent them home - what am I a babysitting service?
To make matters worse, when she isn't here, she's constantly phoning to speak to my daughter, to the point where, after 7 phonecalls in half an hour, my husband took the phone and told her very firmly that 'enough calls for tonight thank you, she'll see you tomorrow - good night!'. She then had the gall to turn round to my daughter the next day and demand an apology from her dad for being rude down the phone!!!! (go whistle for it love!)
I spoke to my daughter, and let her know that if her friends come round, then we at least expect them to be polite while they are in our home, and that if this girl was to come again, that we expected some level of politeness. As she was leaving the other day, I heard my daughter whisper to her 'are you going to say thank you to my mum then?' to which she replied 'no, I don't want to - I shouldn't have to, especially if all I get offered to drink is water while I'm over!
I'm afraid that was the final straw. She was asked to leave, and told that she was not welcome back until she learned some manners. My daughter is not happy, but I've explained to her that if she ever behaved in such a way in anyone elses house then she would be grounded for a very long time.
We've just called time on a relationship between my 8 year old daughter and a friend round the corner, who is possibly the most rude child I've met.
She waltzes into our house without so much as a 'hello', pointedly ignores us while she's here, preferring only to converse with my daughter, quite happy to accept snacks, drinks etc (without a please or thank you) then leaves without a goodbye or a thank you. I've been making a point of going right up to her and saying 'hello!' in her face as she's here, and 'goodbye' etc but get a mumbled response if I'm lucky.
About a week ago, she telephoned to invite herself over and turned up with her older brother as she said he'd come over to play our Xbox as he doesn't have one! I only discovered this once he had made himself comfy upstairs on his own. I called time on the playdate and sent them home - what am I a babysitting service?
To make matters worse, when she isn't here, she's constantly phoning to speak to my daughter, to the point where, after 7 phonecalls in half an hour, my husband took the phone and told her very firmly that 'enough calls for tonight thank you, she'll see you tomorrow - good night!'. She then had the gall to turn round to my daughter the next day and demand an apology from her dad for being rude down the phone!!!! (go whistle for it love!)
I spoke to my daughter, and let her know that if her friends come round, then we at least expect them to be polite while they are in our home, and that if this girl was to come again, that we expected some level of politeness. As she was leaving the other day, I heard my daughter whisper to her 'are you going to say thank you to my mum then?' to which she replied 'no, I don't want to - I shouldn't have to, especially if all I get offered to drink is water while I'm over!
I'm afraid that was the final straw. She was asked to leave, and told that she was not welcome back until she learned some manners. My daughter is not happy, but I've explained to her that if she ever behaved in such a way in anyone elses house then she would be grounded for a very long time.
Mar 29th 2009, 4:32 am
#17
Account Closed
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 26,319
Re: Disciplining children that are not your own...
I remember when he was about 8 or 9 he would just walk up to his mum and hit her because he was bored. She'd say nothing and just let him do it. He tried to do it to my OH once, he grabbed the kid's arm mid-swing, looked him straight in the eye and said "Don't even think about it". Kid never raised a hand to him ever again, and he absolutely adores OH.
I agree that teachers have a tough job, especially regarding discipline. Karma for all the teachers.
Mar 29th 2009, 5:04 am
#18
half a century
Joined: Mar 2008
Location: Sarf Lundun to East Van :)
Posts: 10,222
Re: Disciplining children that are not your own...
It's a tricky call that's for sure.
We've just called time on a relationship between my 8 year old daughter and a friend round the corner, who is possibly the most rude child I've met.
She waltzes into our house without so much as a 'hello', pointedly ignores us while she's here, preferring only to converse with my daughter, quite happy to accept snacks, drinks etc (without a please or thank you) then leaves without a goodbye or a thank you. I've been making a point of going right up to her and saying 'hello!' in her face as she's here, and 'goodbye' etc but get a mumbled response if I'm lucky.
About a week ago, she telephoned to invite herself over and turned up with her older brother as she said he'd come over to play our Xbox as he doesn't have one! I only discovered this once he had made himself comfy upstairs on his own. I called time on the playdate and sent them home - what am I a babysitting service?
To make matters worse, when she isn't here, she's constantly phoning to speak to my daughter, to the point where, after 7 phonecalls in half an hour, my husband took the phone and told her very firmly that 'enough calls for tonight thank you, she'll see you tomorrow - good night!'. She then had the gall to turn round to my daughter the next day and demand an apology from her dad for being rude down the phone!!!! (go whistle for it love!)
I spoke to my daughter, and let her know that if her friends come round, then we at least expect them to be polite while they are in our home, and that if this girl was to come again, that we expected some level of politeness. As she was leaving the other day, I heard my daughter whisper to her 'are you going to say thank you to my mum then?' to which she replied 'no, I don't want to - I shouldn't have to, especially if all I get offered to drink is water while I'm over!
I'm afraid that was the final straw. She was asked to leave, and told that she was not welcome back until she learned some manners. My daughter is not happy, but I've explained to her that if she ever behaved in such a way in anyone elses house then she would be grounded for a very long time.
We've just called time on a relationship between my 8 year old daughter and a friend round the corner, who is possibly the most rude child I've met.
She waltzes into our house without so much as a 'hello', pointedly ignores us while she's here, preferring only to converse with my daughter, quite happy to accept snacks, drinks etc (without a please or thank you) then leaves without a goodbye or a thank you. I've been making a point of going right up to her and saying 'hello!' in her face as she's here, and 'goodbye' etc but get a mumbled response if I'm lucky.
About a week ago, she telephoned to invite herself over and turned up with her older brother as she said he'd come over to play our Xbox as he doesn't have one! I only discovered this once he had made himself comfy upstairs on his own. I called time on the playdate and sent them home - what am I a babysitting service?
To make matters worse, when she isn't here, she's constantly phoning to speak to my daughter, to the point where, after 7 phonecalls in half an hour, my husband took the phone and told her very firmly that 'enough calls for tonight thank you, she'll see you tomorrow - good night!'. She then had the gall to turn round to my daughter the next day and demand an apology from her dad for being rude down the phone!!!! (go whistle for it love!)
I spoke to my daughter, and let her know that if her friends come round, then we at least expect them to be polite while they are in our home, and that if this girl was to come again, that we expected some level of politeness. As she was leaving the other day, I heard my daughter whisper to her 'are you going to say thank you to my mum then?' to which she replied 'no, I don't want to - I shouldn't have to, especially if all I get offered to drink is water while I'm over!
I'm afraid that was the final straw. She was asked to leave, and told that she was not welcome back until she learned some manners. My daughter is not happy, but I've explained to her that if she ever behaved in such a way in anyone elses house then she would be grounded for a very long time.
yup and my house my rules!! no leaving table til all finished -help clear etc. . pelase and thank you - even the sulky 14 yr old!
Mar 29th 2009, 5:10 am
#19
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Location: Milton, Ontario
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Re: Disciplining children that are not your own...
Mar 29th 2009, 11:13 am
#23
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,015
Re: Disciplining children that are not your own...
Good grief, reading all those things about those totally obnoxious kids makes me feel quite smug about the fact that I have NEVER encountered kids like that. Not with my own sons, who are now grown with kids of their own, and not with my granddaughter. All her friends are really polite.
Actually, I did meet one obnoxious person, but she is an adult - a friend of my granddaughter's Moms. She was here because the Mom was also rather obnoxious at the time and said my granddaughter couldn't come swimming unless this friend of the mother's was allowed too. So, not to wreck things for my granddaughter, I said "yes". One time she came to my granddaughter's birthday party and sat at the edge of the pool on a towel, which I assumed was her own, only to find that one 7 year old didn't have a dry towel because that idiot had sat on the kid's towel and got it soaking wet! The idiot had come to swim but it never ever did sink in that swimming involved towels.
Another time she showed up with the Mom and sent my granddaughter once again to ask if she could borrow a towel. My son happened to be here at the time and he said to her "Who would go swimming and not bring a towel?"
She was only here about four times and that was four times too many! She never said hello, she never said goodbye, every time she came she had "forgotten" her towel and had to borrow one!!
I wasn't at all surprised when she had kids of her own and my granddaughter told me that the kids were so badly behaved that their own grandmother had refused to babysit them. Apparently the boy peed in the closet - I think that was the final straw!
I was getting off the subject but eventually came around the badly behaved kids - often the result of badly behaved parents!
Actually, I did meet one obnoxious person, but she is an adult - a friend of my granddaughter's Moms. She was here because the Mom was also rather obnoxious at the time and said my granddaughter couldn't come swimming unless this friend of the mother's was allowed too. So, not to wreck things for my granddaughter, I said "yes". One time she came to my granddaughter's birthday party and sat at the edge of the pool on a towel, which I assumed was her own, only to find that one 7 year old didn't have a dry towel because that idiot had sat on the kid's towel and got it soaking wet! The idiot had come to swim but it never ever did sink in that swimming involved towels.
Another time she showed up with the Mom and sent my granddaughter once again to ask if she could borrow a towel. My son happened to be here at the time and he said to her "Who would go swimming and not bring a towel?"
She was only here about four times and that was four times too many! She never said hello, she never said goodbye, every time she came she had "forgotten" her towel and had to borrow one!!
I wasn't at all surprised when she had kids of her own and my granddaughter told me that the kids were so badly behaved that their own grandmother had refused to babysit them. Apparently the boy peed in the closet - I think that was the final straw!
I was getting off the subject but eventually came around the badly behaved kids - often the result of badly behaved parents!
Mar 30th 2009, 6:28 pm
#24
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Joined: Aug 2005
Location: Kelowna, BC
Posts: 346
Re: Disciplining children that are not your own...
It was really interesting reading about everyones experiences with bad mannered kids - I'm sure all of us parents encounter it at some point. I just dont understand why a parent wouldn't want to encourage manners, being nice/considerate to others etc. By not having rules and letting kids be little brats they are seriously hampering the kids path through life, their ability to make and keep friends etc. Surely if we love our kids we make their lives easier by having rules and boundaries etc. Common sense !!! ??
I totally agree with what others have said, - my house, my rules. The way I get around it, without offending is by explaining that my kids wont understand and will think its unfair if I let your kids do what my kids arent allowed. Its worked so far.
I totally agree with what others have said, - my house, my rules. The way I get around it, without offending is by explaining that my kids wont understand and will think its unfair if I let your kids do what my kids arent allowed. Its worked so far.
Mar 31st 2009, 2:23 am
#25
Tootsie BattyFace
Joined: Oct 2007
Location: Calgary...woo hoo
Posts: 518
Re: Disciplining children that are not your own...
It's a tricky call that's for sure.
We've just called time on a relationship between my 8 year old daughter and a friend round the corner, who is possibly the most rude child I've met.
She waltzes into our house without so much as a 'hello', pointedly ignores us while she's here, preferring only to converse with my daughter, quite happy to accept snacks, drinks etc (without a please or thank you) then leaves without a goodbye or a thank you. I've been making a point of going right up to her and saying 'hello!' in her face as she's here, and 'goodbye' etc but get a mumbled response if I'm lucky.
About a week ago, she telephoned to invite herself over and turned up with her older brother as she said he'd come over to play our Xbox as he doesn't have one! I only discovered this once he had made himself comfy upstairs on his own. I called time on the playdate and sent them home - what am I a babysitting service?
To make matters worse, when she isn't here, she's constantly phoning to speak to my daughter, to the point where, after 7 phonecalls in half an hour, my husband took the phone and told her very firmly that 'enough calls for tonight thank you, she'll see you tomorrow - good night!'. She then had the gall to turn round to my daughter the next day and demand an apology from her dad for being rude down the phone!!!! (go whistle for it love!)
I spoke to my daughter, and let her know that if her friends come round, then we at least expect them to be polite while they are in our home, and that if this girl was to come again, that we expected some level of politeness. As she was leaving the other day, I heard my daughter whisper to her 'are you going to say thank you to my mum then?' to which she replied 'no, I don't want to - I shouldn't have to, especially if all I get offered to drink is water while I'm over!
I'm afraid that was the final straw. She was asked to leave, and told that she was not welcome back until she learned some manners. My daughter is not happy, but I've explained to her that if she ever behaved in such a way in anyone elses house then she would be grounded for a very long time.
We've just called time on a relationship between my 8 year old daughter and a friend round the corner, who is possibly the most rude child I've met.
She waltzes into our house without so much as a 'hello', pointedly ignores us while she's here, preferring only to converse with my daughter, quite happy to accept snacks, drinks etc (without a please or thank you) then leaves without a goodbye or a thank you. I've been making a point of going right up to her and saying 'hello!' in her face as she's here, and 'goodbye' etc but get a mumbled response if I'm lucky.
About a week ago, she telephoned to invite herself over and turned up with her older brother as she said he'd come over to play our Xbox as he doesn't have one! I only discovered this once he had made himself comfy upstairs on his own. I called time on the playdate and sent them home - what am I a babysitting service?
To make matters worse, when she isn't here, she's constantly phoning to speak to my daughter, to the point where, after 7 phonecalls in half an hour, my husband took the phone and told her very firmly that 'enough calls for tonight thank you, she'll see you tomorrow - good night!'. She then had the gall to turn round to my daughter the next day and demand an apology from her dad for being rude down the phone!!!! (go whistle for it love!)
I spoke to my daughter, and let her know that if her friends come round, then we at least expect them to be polite while they are in our home, and that if this girl was to come again, that we expected some level of politeness. As she was leaving the other day, I heard my daughter whisper to her 'are you going to say thank you to my mum then?' to which she replied 'no, I don't want to - I shouldn't have to, especially if all I get offered to drink is water while I'm over!
I'm afraid that was the final straw. She was asked to leave, and told that she was not welcome back until she learned some manners. My daughter is not happy, but I've explained to her that if she ever behaved in such a way in anyone elses house then she would be grounded for a very long time.
Oh my goodness, this girl sounds so much like the girl who lives over the road from us, however I think I have her trained now
she calls the house at all hours and when we first moved in she was just like your daughters friend, no pleases' thank you's or anything polite at all, (she is nick named my 4th child by all who know us, she is here that often!) so I started handing over drinks and saying "we say thank you, when someone gives' us something in this house!' and I'd re affirm it by asking her to pass me something, and saying an animated thank you to her, she soon picked it up and is as nice as pie now, but I do wish she wouldn't phone up at 9 o'clock at night when I'm trying to get them off to bed:curse:Some of my closest friends have a Son who is argumentative and rude to his parents, calls them names and often has attitude, he has everything and is never reprimanded, after many visits and my telling him that I will not tolerate his behavior anywhere, he is a completely different child when he is with me. I do chastise him in front of his parents and they have never called me up on it, but then when he's calling his mum names and I step in and say its inappropriate I'm not sure they have grounds too, especially when it is in front of my children. We have a great time when we are all together and honestly I think his parents are relieved that he doesn't misbehave because I'm there. Rules are rules and I'm not letting some child that isn't mine, take over my house because their parents haven't got the gumption to tell them no.
As for crappy parents some one I once knew had a son who she was potty training, he took the largest poo in my playroom, upset all the other children in the house. The mum said I'm so glad it happened at your house and not at anyone elses' She'd have been more embarrassed if it had happened anywhere else? I hope that's because I'm quite laid back...kids are kids, but I did wonder
Mar 31st 2009, 2:35 am
#26
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 9,606
Re: Disciplining children that are not your own...
I thinks kids push until they find the boundaries, then push a little further to see how flexible those boundaries are. Either that, or they're shocked to actually be told no!
I agree that teachers have a tough job, especially regarding discipline. Karma for all the teachers.
I agree that teachers have a tough job, especially regarding discipline. Karma for all the teachers.
Mar 31st 2009, 4:55 am
#27
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Joined: Oct 2007
Location: In a darkened room somewhere.............
Posts: 34,164
Re: Disciplining children that are not your own...
It's a tricky call that's for sure.
We've just called time on a relationship between my 8 year old daughter and a friend round the corner, who is possibly the most rude child I've met.
She waltzes into our house without so much as a 'hello', pointedly ignores us while she's here, preferring only to converse with my daughter, quite happy to accept snacks, drinks etc (without a please or thank you) then leaves without a goodbye or a thank you. I've been making a point of going right up to her and saying 'hello!' in her face as she's here, and 'goodbye' etc but get a mumbled response if I'm lucky.
About a week ago, she telephoned to invite herself over and turned up with her older brother as she said he'd come over to play our Xbox as he doesn't have one! I only discovered this once he had made himself comfy upstairs on his own. I called time on the playdate and sent them home - what am I a babysitting service?
To make matters worse, when she isn't here, she's constantly phoning to speak to my daughter, to the point where, after 7 phonecalls in half an hour, my husband took the phone and told her very firmly that 'enough calls for tonight thank you, she'll see you tomorrow - good night!'. She then had the gall to turn round to my daughter the next day and demand an apology from her dad for being rude down the phone!!!! (go whistle for it love!)
I spoke to my daughter, and let her know that if her friends come round, then we at least expect them to be polite while they are in our home, and that if this girl was to come again, that we expected some level of politeness. As she was leaving the other day, I heard my daughter whisper to her 'are you going to say thank you to my mum then?' to which she replied 'no, I don't want to - I shouldn't have to, especially if all I get offered to drink is water while I'm over!
I'm afraid that was the final straw. She was asked to leave, and told that she was not welcome back until she learned some manners. My daughter is not happy, but I've explained to her that if she ever behaved in such a way in anyone elses house then she would be grounded for a very long time.
We've just called time on a relationship between my 8 year old daughter and a friend round the corner, who is possibly the most rude child I've met.
She waltzes into our house without so much as a 'hello', pointedly ignores us while she's here, preferring only to converse with my daughter, quite happy to accept snacks, drinks etc (without a please or thank you) then leaves without a goodbye or a thank you. I've been making a point of going right up to her and saying 'hello!' in her face as she's here, and 'goodbye' etc but get a mumbled response if I'm lucky.
About a week ago, she telephoned to invite herself over and turned up with her older brother as she said he'd come over to play our Xbox as he doesn't have one! I only discovered this once he had made himself comfy upstairs on his own. I called time on the playdate and sent them home - what am I a babysitting service?
To make matters worse, when she isn't here, she's constantly phoning to speak to my daughter, to the point where, after 7 phonecalls in half an hour, my husband took the phone and told her very firmly that 'enough calls for tonight thank you, she'll see you tomorrow - good night!'. She then had the gall to turn round to my daughter the next day and demand an apology from her dad for being rude down the phone!!!! (go whistle for it love!)
I spoke to my daughter, and let her know that if her friends come round, then we at least expect them to be polite while they are in our home, and that if this girl was to come again, that we expected some level of politeness. As she was leaving the other day, I heard my daughter whisper to her 'are you going to say thank you to my mum then?' to which she replied 'no, I don't want to - I shouldn't have to, especially if all I get offered to drink is water while I'm over!
I'm afraid that was the final straw. She was asked to leave, and told that she was not welcome back until she learned some manners. My daughter is not happy, but I've explained to her that if she ever behaved in such a way in anyone elses house then she would be grounded for a very long time.
If my four year old can manage to say 'please', 'thank you', 'thank you for having me', 'that was a lovely supper, please may I get down' etc, etc, when at somebody else's house, then I'm sure your daughters friend could have done too!
Mar 31st 2009, 6:47 am
#28
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Location: 9 years in the canadian trucking industry... Niverville MB
Posts: 4,423
Re: Disciplining children that are not your own...
hmmmm spoke to the father (you know who it is David 
) who gets walked all over by his son - primarily because the son plays dad and mum off against each other.
So if i'd have said anything to son - he'd have gone running to mum about #2that horrible lady telling him off" and then dad would have been in trouble.
All I wanted to yell was "who the hell do you think you are talking to :curse:"
(kid basically blamed me because dad wouldn't let him have an ice cream, reason being he didn't eat all his supper, kid comes running into kitchen yelling blue murder that it was my fault for cooking supper, he hates me and hates hates the fact that its now my fault he can't have an ice cream)
Kid subseuently got ice cream he wanted anyway - MMC left the room and refused to speak to anyone for fear of letting rip
) who gets walked all over by his son - primarily because the son plays dad and mum off against each other.So if i'd have said anything to son - he'd have gone running to mum about #2that horrible lady telling him off" and then dad would have been in trouble.
All I wanted to yell was "who the hell do you think you are talking to :curse:"
(kid basically blamed me because dad wouldn't let him have an ice cream, reason being he didn't eat all his supper, kid comes running into kitchen yelling blue murder that it was my fault for cooking supper, he hates me and hates hates the fact that its now my fault he can't have an ice cream)
Kid subseuently got ice cream he wanted anyway - MMC left the room and refused to speak to anyone for fear of letting rip
Ok, was kid in your house?? if yes, then you should have told him he is no longer welcome in your house, he will not get any ice creame, and he should get his coat and shoes and leave
..I would have then escorted little brat to the door, reminding him that his mum and dad can stay coz they are nice, but he must go or say sorry... I bet the little turd would have cried his eyes out to be allowed to stay,,, As for the parents, well they both need a good kick up the arse:curse:
Mar 31st 2009, 10:48 am
#29
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Joined: Jul 2004
Location: Victoria, BC Canada
Posts: 61,698
Re: Disciplining children that are not your own...
hmmmm spoke to the father (you know who it is David ) who gets walked all over by his son - primarily because the son plays dad and mum off against each other.
So if i'd have said anything to son - he'd have gone running to mum about #2that horrible lady telling him off" and then dad would have been in trouble.
All I wanted to yell was "who the hell do you think you are talking to :curse:"
(kid basically blamed me because dad wouldn't let him have an ice cream, reason being he didn't eat all his supper, kid comes running into kitchen yelling blue murder that it was my fault for cooking supper, he hates me and hates hates the fact that its now my fault he can't have an ice cream)
Kid subseuently got ice cream he wanted anyway - MMC left the room and refused to speak to anyone for fear of letting rip
) who gets walked all over by his son - primarily because the son plays dad and mum off against each other.So if i'd have said anything to son - he'd have gone running to mum about #2that horrible lady telling him off" and then dad would have been in trouble.
All I wanted to yell was "who the hell do you think you are talking to :curse:"
(kid basically blamed me because dad wouldn't let him have an ice cream, reason being he didn't eat all his supper, kid comes running into kitchen yelling blue murder that it was my fault for cooking supper, he hates me and hates hates the fact that its now my fault he can't have an ice cream)
Kid subseuently got ice cream he wanted anyway - MMC left the room and refused to speak to anyone for fear of letting rip
I think you handled it well, your choices were limited. I really hope the parent(s) realize before its too late, that they are not doing their kid any favours.
Apr 1st 2009, 7:37 am
#30
Seasoned Maritimer
Joined: Jun 2005
Location: Fredericton, New Brunswick CA
Posts: 8,309
Re: Disciplining children that are not your own...
Next time - hand to bum - a good swift smack....all kids need to know that there are limits and if and when crossed there will be a reaction to his actions.
I think you handled it well, your choices were limited. I really hope the parent(s) realize before its too late, that they are not doing their kid any favours.
I think you handled it well, your choices were limited. I really hope the parent(s) realize before its too late, that they are not doing their kid any favours.
