mandymoochops

I know theres a few in this situation - partners with children from other relationships.

even parents that are together with their own kids have differing opinions on discipline.

I recently came across a situation where i really had to bite my tongue - a friends son was extremely rude and the friend did nothing to tell him what he was saying was wrong.

So I glared at the child and made myself scarce. If it had been any of mine - then they would know in no uncertain terms that what they were saying was wrong and they would be punished - but as I have no real say in this childs upbringing i don't feel as though I can discipline him.

Does anyone else have this problem and how do you combat issues you have?

R I C H

Friends of ours have a son who can be a little hard to cope with sometimes - he's indulged too much and rarely chastised, so comes across as spoilt and impolite. He's only 7, but needs to learn some social etiquette. We often speak directly too him and correct his behaviour. He responds pretty well to this, and his parents are always appreciative, but it makes us wonder why they don't bother to do it themselves.

I've always found kids respond better to being treated in an 'adult' fashion - knowing where the boundaries of responsible behaviour lie sets some parameters. If they're in my home, then they have to behave within my rules, not the ones they're used to at home. Bad behaviour is just that, and if no one says anything the kid will just assume it's ok.

DaveLovesDee

Possibly because the parents haven't learned to be polite yet.

Very good point, Rich.


Mandy. If I'd been in your shoes,

a) I shouldn't have been wearing them.
b) The parents would have been asked if they were going to teach their LS some manners, or would they like me to teach the whole family some?

You showed more restraint than I would have. Proud of you.

mandymoochops

hmmmm spoke to the father (you know who it is David ) who gets walked all over by his son - primarily because the son plays dad and mum off against each other.

So if i'd have said anything to son - he'd have gone running to mum about #2that horrible lady telling him off" and then dad would have been in trouble.

All I wanted to yell was "who the hell do you think you are talking to :curse:"

(kid basically blamed me because dad wouldn't let him have an ice cream, reason being he didn't eat all his supper, kid comes running into kitchen yelling blue murder that it was my fault for cooking supper, he hates me and hates hates the fact that its now my fault he can't have an ice cream)

Kid subseuently got ice cream he wanted anyway - MMC left the room and refused to speak to anyone for fear of letting rip

DaveLovesDee

You've got more patience than I would have had. Hopefully he'll learn some manners and respect voluntarily, otherwise he's going to end up likely attending the school of hard knocks.

That school can be painful.

mandymoochops

Do you know I suspect that thats what will happen in this case - he is spoilt bloody rotten - thinks nothing of breaking his toys (because they weren't right before) and knows he'll just get bought new stuff. (not by me til he learns some respect and my patience is wearing very thin both with dad and son) though like my original point - not my son so not my place to interfere

DaveLovesDee

I see your point, but my view is that people either help improve the situation or they're passively encouraging it. I'm the mean step-father here sometimes lol, but it has improved immensely from where it was.

You're doing a wonderful job, I believe. If you need to vent anytime, I've got broad shoulders and lots of Kleenex.

Butch Cassidy

What he ^^^^^ said.

Elaine B.

The other week my OH and I were at my sister's house for my nieces 7th birthday party. Anyway my niece started hitting him over the head with a balloon and it was getting pretty annoying so he told her to stop and when she didn't listen he said quite firmly "NO". So she bursts into tears and goes running to my sister who then tells me that he totally over reacted and if he ever makes her daughter cry again he isn't welcome in her house.

Of course later my sister calmed down but it certainly makes my OH feel very uncomfortable being around the kids if he can't even say NO without being seen as the bad guy.

albertabound

This can be a very hard situation. I can only tell things how I felt them.
My first husband passed away leaving me with 2 boys, 5 and 11 months. I remarried when my eldest was 14. We lived together for 2 years prior to the wedding.
My lads were not angels but neither were they a handful. When my eldest got his "teenage angst" he was downright obnoxious. I wondered what I had done to turn him into this bloody monster.
My husband let things go until one night Jon went too far with me and swore, told Neil that "you're not my Dad" and allsorts.
Neil physically picked him up, took him upstairs and threw him on his bed. He told him that he would never let him speak to me like he did again.
I felt awful. He was my son but my husband was right. OMG it was like divided loyalties. I did back up my husband.
So when someone else chastises your child, it is such a weird situation.
My take on all of this though is that you are in effect ruining a childs life by not showing boundaries. They will grow up believing that their selfish views on life and everyone else are right.
Anyway, my "monster " of a son is now a well adjusted, proud father in waiting. We did not get the angst from my second son, thank God lol
Tina

cov-canuck

Oh man...this is familiar. OH's nephew (only child, only grandchild) has been spoiled rotten since day 1. This is the only kid I've ever heard of who is still opening Christmas presents after Christmas dinner because he received so much, and who has actually wandered off because he's bored of opening his presents!

He's now 12, and behaves in the same way he did when he was 3. There is no discipline whatsoever.

I remember when he was about 8 or 9 he would just walk up to his mum and hit her because he was bored. She'd say nothing and just let him do it. He tried to do it to my OH once, he grabbed the kid's arm mid-swing, looked him straight in the eye and said "Don't even think about it". Kid never raised a hand to him ever again, and he absolutely adores OH.

montreal mike

Listening to these pathetic stories makes me realise how tough it is to be a school teacher whose life is made even more complicated by the attitude of ignorant parents who figure it is the teacher's job to instill discipline and civility.

Methinks it is time to cease fretting over such issues as the legalization of marijuana, same sex unions, nuclear proliferation, global warming etc, and seriously consider the requirement for a state license needed to procreate or a voluntary vasectomy

Nicola N-A

I have 3 kids and in comparison to friends and family etc, I do seem to fall into the 'a little too strict' camp. BUT my kids are generally well behaved (they are still children and no-ones offspring are angels!). I have their friends over all the time and some aren't particularly well behaved. However, my house my rules - I explain this on their first visit and my own kids know not to push once answered with 'no'.

I'm not an ogre, but I don't bend the rules for my own kids, certainly not doing it for oiks who visit.

Don't finish your befores, don't get afters. Simple.

Kaye.

The advert at the bottom of the page reads -
Child Discipline Guide
Extraordinary Mom reveals secrets to raising well-behaved children.



My kids are the only grandchildren on both sides, so I don't have experience of disciplining children within the family.

A friend took his daughter round one day whilst he was doing some electrical work for us, and the little girl was being a right bossy little brat to my daughter. I sat back and watched for a while, to make sure my girl wasn't doing the same, and then I told the girl she better back it in. She went crying to her dad . I think he felt pretty awkward about it, but I explained that the girls weren't getting on very well and that I'd told his daughter to play nice and stop being bossy.

They haven't been back since

I agree with Nicola - my house, my rules.

Elaine B.

Totally agree as well. Also when I leave my little guy with someone else I always remind him that when he's in their house he does as he's told and follows their rules.

Generally I tend to follow my mother's method I don't raise my voice or lay a hand on my kids I just quietly threaten to kill them