Cheesy Joke Thread
 

I think it might be a good idea to start a cheesy joke thread so that all the jokes can be kept in one place and not missed!

What does everyone else think?

Re: Cheesy Joke Thread
 

oh yes, let me start ....


Driving Situation Scenario (all those who have recently taken their test will be familiar with this idea - of having to identify situations to the test examiner):

So - you are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a
valley and on your right side is a fire engine travelling at the same
speed as you.

In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car
and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a helicopter flying at
ground level. Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also travelling
at the same speed as you.

What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?



Answer: Get off the children's Merry-Go-Round, you're p*ssed

Re: Cheesy Joke Thread
 

You're on to a winner here, this thread could be going for years.......

....newfie calls the RCMP "Hello is the the RCMP?? I'm calling about my neigbour Billy Bob Smith. He is hiding marijuana in his firewood!"

The next day the RCMP descends on Billy Bob's house and search the shed where the firewood is kept. They bust open every piece of firewood, but find no marijuana. They apologize to Billy Bob and leave. The phone rings at Billy Bob's..

"Hey Billy Bob, did the RCMP come to your house?"

"Yep"

"Did they chop all your firewood?"

"Yep"

"Happy Birthday Buddy!"

Re: Cheesy Joke Thread
 

Stilton

Re: Cheesy Joke Thread
 

:confused:

Re: Cheesy Joke Thread
 

you're missing an 'L'

Re: Cheesy Joke Thread
 

I got one, err, no I haven't it was meant to be cheesy jokes and I only know horrible ones :o

Re: Cheesy Joke Thread
 

Trust you to notice first...shhh.....it will be our little secret! :D

Re: Cheesy Joke Thread
 

Who is this fncking imposter? :mad:

Re: Cheesy Joke Thread
 

You have my blessing. ;)

Re: Cheesy Joke Thread
 

Your a girl????

Re: Cheesy Joke Thread
 

No sweetie, I'm a woman. :cool:

Re: Cheesy Joke Thread
 

Even so, women cant give out blessings. ;)
(Your welcome to give me a lot of other things tho' :p )

Re: Cheesy Joke Thread
 

I'm not a Christian. :p

Re: Cheesy Joke Thread
 

So how did you manage to bless the wilmore imposter? :confused:

Re: Cheesy Joke Thread
 

Why do we have an imposter....and why would a troll be a premium member?

I go out for a meal while the kids are at the school disco and come back and it's like a parallel universe! :scared:

Re: Cheesy Joke Thread
 

You can call your self anything you like (I mean your subtitle see mine)

Re: Cheesy Joke Thread
 

I just 'did it'. :)

Re: Cheesy Joke Thread
 

AHEM
next you do it can you either
1) do it with me ;)
OR
2) video it so I can watch it in private in a darkened room ;)

Re: Cheesy Joke Thread
 

Oooh Butch, didn't know you cared.... ;)

Re: Cheesy Joke Thread
 

But you get the point? :D

Re: Cheesy Joke Thread
 

Is it hard or soft? :D

Re: Cheesy Joke Thread
 

Yeah course I do. I had noticed that people had different things under their names, like HWPs, I saw hers ages ago. I guess I didn't equate the Premium Member bit being the same as well. Sorry, blonde moment. :rolleyes:

Re: Cheesy Joke Thread
 

My point? Hard of course. :confused:

Re: Cheesy Joke Thread
 

You mean being in such a higher and richer state of consciousness to notice the mundane details of everyday life. ;)

Re: Cheesy Joke Thread
 

LOL, yep, that's the one!!

Re: Cheesy Joke Thread
 

AAWWWW NAAAWWWWW

Sue

Been there before

Wrote the book, wore the teashirt, Sang the hymn !!!

Remember many moons ago we had this one before and we also had Eddies jokes corner and I kept it going for ages

If you want I can post a few crackers :D :D

Re: Cheesy Joke Thread
 

I know hon but that was in the lounge wasnt it.....thought we could do it here and everyone could contribute it they wish!

Re: Cheesy Joke Thread
 

I have to take my previous words back. Just found out that willmore and wilmore are one and the same.


Damn, another member with a M*c..... :mad:

Re: Cheesy Joke Thread
 

Here Toontje

Where the ***** have you been :eek:

Haven't seen you on here in ages

Welcome back man !!!!!!

Eddie

Re: Cheesy Joke Thread
 

The Lounge, USA, Trailer Park and the Barbie. Basically you'll find me where the fun is to be had and now the ML has opened I thought I'd stick my nose in here.

Seems like ages that we spoke to each other. I got married back in January and got my visa for the USA in April. I'm living in Texas now and I love it.

How are you doing mate?

Re: Cheesy Joke Thread
 

Not to bad

Still hanging around here like a bad smell

Went out to Canada in May this year and got myself a job in Stratford, Ontario, hope to start at the end of August, beats waiting 3 years for PR to come through, so waiting on the house to be sold and then I'm off, out of here, astalavista from the UK :)

Wow has it been that long since you last frequented our shores here

Texas, dont tell me you wear cowboy boots and the ten gallon hat, and drive a ***** off cadilac with bull horns stuck on the front of it !!! :D

Heres hoping you hang about some more, your humour is good

Eddie

Re: Cheesy Joke Thread
 

Nah, I have to find a job first before I nail some longhorns to the hood of a pickup truck.

Some dodgy company offered me a job, gave me training and made it possible for me to get my commercial driving license (for trucks and busses), but I decided that I didn't want to work for them. I only told them that after I got my CDL. Now I'm looking for other jobs that'll take me back on the road. And once I've secured some employment I'll buy myself a car.

Re: Cheesy Joke Thread
 

New Joke (although nice to "see" some old faces on this thread :) )

A young fellow from Newfoundland moves to Edmonton and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.

The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"

The kid says, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Newfoundland."

Well, the boss liked the kid so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow.
I'll come down after we close and see how you did "

His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the
store was locked up, the boss came down.

"How many sales did you make today?"

The kid says, "One."

The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day.
You're going to have to improve considerably or look for another job!
How much was the sale for?"

The kid says, "$112,237.64."

The boss says, "$112,237.64! What the hell did you sell?"

Kid says, "First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said out at a lake in BC, so I told him he was gonna need a boat, so we went down to the
boat department and I sold him a new bass boat. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that new Ford pick-up. I asked him how
long he was going to be out at the lake and after he said 5 or 6 days I took him down to the RV department and sold him a slide-in camper for the truck."

The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat, a truck and a camper?"

Kid says, "No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife and I said, 'Well, your weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing."


;)

Re: Cheesy Joke Thread
 

PMSL hahahaha.... I wish I had one as good as that to post.... Oh yeah... where are the Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman jokes? Come on people, those have to be the cheesiest ones around for sure.

Re: Cheesy Joke Thread
 

a dyslexic man walks into a bra...

Re: Cheesy Joke Thread
 

One day, JANE met TARZAN in the jungle.
She was very attracted to him and during her questions about his life she asked him how he managed to have sex.
"What's that?" he asked. She explained to him what it was and he said
"Oh, I use a hole in the trunk of a tree."
Horrified, she said, “Tarzan you have it all wrong but I will show you how to do it properly."
She took off her clothes, lay down on the ground and spread her legs.
"Here," she said, "you must put it in here."
Tarzan removed his loin cloth stepped closer and then gave her an almighty kick in the fanny.
Jane rolled around in agony. Eventually she managed to gasp,
"What the hell did you do that for?"
"Just checking for bees," said Tarzan


BOOM BOOM

Eddie