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Kissing Fanny’s Bottom

Kissing Fanny’s Bottom

Old Mar 29th 2016, 8:50 am
  #1  
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Default Kissing Fanny’s Bottom

Help!

Here in Penang there’s been very little rain since Christmas, and even less since Easter. My plants are frazzled, but at least the ground is hard. Perfect for Pétanque - the French game where you toss a piglet on the ground (le cochonnet) and then throw your balls at it (les boules).

Anyway, back to kissing Fanny’s bottom.

On Sunday, my friends from France gave me a set of new boules, and have invited me to ‘le grand match’ in the grounds of a smart hotel on Friday. I am new to the game, and someone’s whispered that my friends are secretly planning to poke fun at me.

If I lose the game, apparently there is some traditional humiliation involved - about which my friends have said not a word. Rien. Apparently this will involve the ringing of a bell, kneeling, and kissing the bottom of a woman named Fanny. Yikes! I haven’t even met her yet.

So I have been practising hard. So far so good. But I now realise this might be a mistake.

Can someone advise the correct ‘etiquette’ on such an occasion?
  • Does one meet with Fanny at the beginning of the game or only at the end? That might be important when deciding how much I want to win, or lose. Not all bottoms are alike, after all. Malheureux aux jeux, heureux en amour, perhaps?
  • If the woman’s name is not Fanny, does it matter? Does one still kiss, or not? And where, exactly?
  • One cheek or two? Left right, or right left?
  • How does one lose at Petanque, whilst making it look like one is trying to win, especially if all the men are also secretly trying to lose?
  • Is this traditional humilation thing true? I did ask a friend, but she just said “Don’t be a bloody fool”.

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Attached Thumbnails Kissing Fanny’s Bottom-fanny-3.jpg   Kissing Fanny’s Bottom-fanny-2.jpg  

Last edited by JC3; Mar 29th 2016 at 8:56 am.
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Old Mar 29th 2016, 9:58 am
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Default Re: Kissing Fanny’s Bottom

Originally Posted by JC3
the French game where you toss a piglet on the ground and then throw your balls at it

The French have some strange ideas, don't they.
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Old Mar 29th 2016, 10:42 am
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Default Re: Kissing Fanny’s Bottom

Putting the title in a google search gets some interesting results, many of which I would only consider with a VPN connection. I did, however find this link:
https://petanque.wordpress.com/2012/07/04/fanny/
which may help with some of your questions. When you say you 'have been practising hard' at what exactly. Perhaps some lip salve would be a wise investment.
Bonne chance mon ami. l'honeur d'Angleterre c'est dans tes mains. (My French teacher would be cringing, plus ca change).
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Old Mar 29th 2016, 4:48 pm
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Default Re: Kissing Fanny’s Bottom

If I was you I'd be afraid, very afraid

Spoiler:

Last edited by InVinoVeritas; Mar 29th 2016 at 5:02 pm.
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Old Mar 30th 2016, 3:02 am
  #5  
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Default Re: Kissing Fanny’s Bottom

Originally Posted by bakedbean
The French have some strange ideas, don't they.
Yes they do. It seems some may be more pleasurable than others. Hopefully.

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Old Mar 30th 2016, 3:16 am
  #6  
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Default Re: Kissing Fanny’s Bottom

Originally Posted by TousTnT
When you say you 'have been practising hard' at what exactly?
Ha Ha, great question TousTnT.

Should one apply the lip salve before, or after?


If that's Fanny IVV, I concede now.
No! Hang on a minute. Let me think about this.
What's the penalty for concession?
Mon Dieu!

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Old Mar 30th 2016, 10:01 am
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Default Re: Kissing Fanny’s Bottom

Stop panicking .
Le jeu de boules : La Fanny


Good luck for the game.
Let us know how many you loose by
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Old Mar 30th 2016, 11:00 am
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Default Re: Kissing Fanny’s Bottom

Originally Posted by Anbar
Stop panicking .
Le jeu de boules : La Fanny


Good luck for the game.
Let us know how many you loose by
Well I've played a lot of Petanque, and lost 13 nil at times, and never had to kiss anyone's bottom, mind you it wouldn't have been that difficult as the games I've played have all been at naturist venues.
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Old Mar 30th 2016, 12:34 pm
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Default Re: Kissing Fanny’s Bottom

I am not doubting your abilities JC3 but suggest the lip salve is applied before otherwise
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Old Apr 1st 2016, 2:04 am
  #10  
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Default Re: Kissing Fanny’s Bottom

Originally Posted by TousTnT
I am not doubting your abilities JC3 but suggest the lip salve is applied before otherwise
Right Oh. Thanks.

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Old Apr 1st 2016, 10:20 am
  #11  
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Default Re: Kissing Fanny’s Bottom

Originally Posted by Anbar
Stop panicking .
Le jeu de boules : La Fanny


Good luck for the game.
Let us know how many you loose by
Thanks Anbar.
The score? 13 / 11
Who kissed fanny's bottom? I'm tight lipped on that one as we adapted the rules a little....

We were playing on the lawn at the Rasa Sayang hotel, only to learn from the new hotel manager that there's a Petanque Court next door at the Golden Sands hotel. I didn't like to ask him the obvious question...

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Old Apr 1st 2016, 11:04 am
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Default Re: Kissing Fanny’s Bottom

Lips are a bit tight eh.....is that through overuse.
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Old Apr 1st 2016, 11:29 am
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Default Re: Kissing Fanny’s Bottom

Originally Posted by TousTnT
Lips are a bit tight eh.....is that through overuse.
Best ask Fanny
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Old Apr 1st 2016, 11:36 am
  #14  
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Default Re: Kissing Fanny’s Bottom

Originally Posted by InVinoVeritas
Best ask Fanny
Stop it
I'm crying with laughter
Can hardly see

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Old Apr 12th 2016, 2:58 pm
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Default Re: Kissing Fanny’s Bottom

I met a girl called Bottom today, perhaps she would be an acceptable substitute?
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