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What made you smile today? Part III

What made you smile today? Part III

Old Sep 15th 2011, 5:35 pm
  #6556  
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Default Re: What made you smile today? Part III

Originally Posted by SultanOfSwing View Post
Is that what happens when willmore hacks someone's account?
Methinks you are way over-estimating the old grey mare's IT acumen.
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Old Sep 15th 2011, 5:44 pm
  #6557  
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Default Re: What made you smile today? Part III

Originally Posted by Uncle Ebenezer View Post
Methinks you are way over-estimating the old grey mare's IT acumen.
Just looked like it could have been one of her posts, with the botched quote, and the "love to hate" club reference
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Old Sep 15th 2011, 6:53 pm
  #6558  
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Default Re: What made you smile today? Part III

Originally Posted by SultanOfSwing View Post
Just looked like it could have been one of her posts, with the botched quote, and the "love to hate" club reference
Oh, FFS ... why do you think I posted it in the first place?
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Old Sep 15th 2011, 6:58 pm
  #6559  
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Default Re: What made you smile today? Part III

Originally Posted by SultanOfSwing View Post
Just looked like it could have been one of her posts, with the botched quote, and the "love to hate" club reference
That was the point.
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Old Sep 15th 2011, 6:58 pm
  #6560  
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Default Re: What made you smile today? Part III

Originally Posted by Uncle Ebenezer View Post
Oh, FFS ... why do you think I posted it in the first place?
God help us.
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Old Sep 15th 2011, 7:00 pm
  #6561  
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Default Re: What made you smile today? Part III

Originally Posted by Leslie View Post
God help us.
I don't know why I bother
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Old Sep 15th 2011, 7:03 pm
  #6562  
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Default Re: What made you smile today? Part III

Found in my e mail box today



Apparently a real reply from the Inland Revenue. The Guardian newspaper had to ask for special permission to print it. The funniest part of this is imagining the content of the letter sent to the Tax Office which prompted this response


Dear Mr Addison,

I am writing to you to express our thanks for your more than prompt reply to our latest communication, and also to answer some of the points you raise. I will address them, as ever, in order.

Firstly, I must take issue with your description of our last as a "begging letter". It might perhaps more properly be referred to as a "tax demand". This is how we at the Inland Revenue have always, for reasons of accuracy, traditionally referred to such documents.

Secondly, your frustration at our adding to the "endless stream of crapulent whining and panhandling vomited daily through the letterbox on to the doormat" has been noted. However, whilst I have naturally not seen the other letters to which you refer I would cautiously suggest that their being from "pauper councils, Lombardy pirate banking houses and pissant gas-mongerers" might indicate that your decision to "file them next to the toilet in case of emergencies" is at best a little ill-advised. In common with my own organisation, it is unlikely that the senders of these letters do see you as a "lackwit bumpkin" or, come to that, a "sodding charity". More likely they see you as a citizen of Great Britain , with a responsibility to contribute to the upkeep of the nation as a whole.

Which brings me to my next point. Whilst there may be some spirit of truth in your assertion that the taxes you pay "go to shore up the canker-blighted, toppling folly that is the Public Services", a moment's rudimentary calculation ought to disabuse you of the notion that the government in any way expects you to "stump up for the whole damned party" yourself. The estimates you provide for the Chancellor's disbursement of the funds levied by taxation, whilst colourful, are, in fairness, a little off the mark. Less than you seem to imagine is spent on "junkets for Bunterish lickspittles" and "dancing whores" whilst far more than you have accounted for is allocated to, for example, "that box-ticking facade of a university system."

A couple of technical points arising from direct queries:

1. The reason we don't simply write "Muggins" on the envelope has to do with the vagaries of the postal system;

2. You can rest assured that "sucking the very marrow of those with nothing else to give" has never been considered as a practice because even if the Personal Allowance didn't render it irrelevant, the sheer medical logistics involved would make it financially unviable.

I trust this has helped. In the meantime, whilst I would not in any way wish to influence your decision one way or the other, I ought to point out that even if you did choose to "give the whole foul jamboree up and go and live in India " you would still owe us the money.

Please send it to us by Friday.

Yours sincerely,

H J Lee
Customer Relations
Inland Revenue
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Old Sep 15th 2011, 7:04 pm
  #6563  
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Default Re: What made you smile today? Part III

Originally Posted by pommybird View Post
I don't know why I bother
Pearls before swine, darling. Now you know how I feel.
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Old Sep 15th 2011, 7:06 pm
  #6564  
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Default Re: What made you smile today? Part III

Originally Posted by lyonsden1193 View Post
Found in my e mail box today



Apparently a real reply from the Inland Revenue. The Guardian newspaper had to ask for special permission to print it. The funniest part of this is imagining the content of the letter sent to the Tax Office which prompted this response


Dear Mr Addison,

I am writing to you to express our thanks for your more than prompt reply to our latest communication, and also to answer some of the points you raise. I will address them, as ever, in order.

Firstly, I must take issue with your description of our last as a "begging letter". It might perhaps more properly be referred to as a "tax demand". This is how we at the Inland Revenue have always, for reasons of accuracy, traditionally referred to such documents.

Secondly, your frustration at our adding to the "endless stream of crapulent whining and panhandling vomited daily through the letterbox on to the doormat" has been noted. However, whilst I have naturally not seen the other letters to which you refer I would cautiously suggest that their being from "pauper councils, Lombardy pirate banking houses and pissant gas-mongerers" might indicate that your decision to "file them next to the toilet in case of emergencies" is at best a little ill-advised. In common with my own organisation, it is unlikely that the senders of these letters do see you as a "lackwit bumpkin" or, come to that, a "sodding charity". More likely they see you as a citizen of Great Britain , with a responsibility to contribute to the upkeep of the nation as a whole.

Which brings me to my next point. Whilst there may be some spirit of truth in your assertion that the taxes you pay "go to shore up the canker-blighted, toppling folly that is the Public Services", a moment's rudimentary calculation ought to disabuse you of the notion that the government in any way expects you to "stump up for the whole damned party" yourself. The estimates you provide for the Chancellor's disbursement of the funds levied by taxation, whilst colourful, are, in fairness, a little off the mark. Less than you seem to imagine is spent on "junkets for Bunterish lickspittles" and "dancing whores" whilst far more than you have accounted for is allocated to, for example, "that box-ticking facade of a university system."

A couple of technical points arising from direct queries:

1. The reason we don't simply write "Muggins" on the envelope has to do with the vagaries of the postal system;

2. You can rest assured that "sucking the very marrow of those with nothing else to give" has never been considered as a practice because even if the Personal Allowance didn't render it irrelevant, the sheer medical logistics involved would make it financially unviable.

I trust this has helped. In the meantime, whilst I would not in any way wish to influence your decision one way or the other, I ought to point out that even if you did choose to "give the whole foul jamboree up and go and live in India " you would still owe us the money.

Please send it to us by Friday.

Yours sincerely,

H J Lee
Customer Relations
Inland Revenue
I somehow doubt its authenticity - why would the writer feel the need to quote the writer's prose at every opportunity, when writing back to him?

Edited to add:

http://msgboard.snopes.com/cgi-bin/u...1;t=001036;p=1

Last edited by Uncle Ebenezer; Sep 15th 2011 at 7:10 pm.
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Old Sep 15th 2011, 7:08 pm
  #6565  
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Default Re: What made you smile today? Part III

Did I mention you could all fuck off?
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Old Sep 15th 2011, 7:11 pm
  #6566  
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Default Re: What made you smile today? Part III

Originally Posted by SultanOfSwing View Post
Did I mention you could all fuck off?
Not that I recall, no.
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Old Sep 15th 2011, 7:17 pm
  #6567  
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Default Re: What made you smile today? Part III

Originally Posted by Uncle Ebenezer View Post
Not that I recall, no.
Maybe I should post it in a thread you don't read, and then give you shit for not catching it?

(Do I need to put a fucking smiley for this by the way?)
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Old Sep 15th 2011, 7:18 pm
  #6568  
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Default Re: What made you smile today? Part III

Originally Posted by Uncle Ebenezer View Post
I somehow doubt its authenticity - why would the writer feel the need to quote the writer's prose at every opportunity, when writing back to him?

Edited to add:

http://msgboard.snopes.com/cgi-bin/u...1;t=001036;p=1
It wasn't even funny the first time we received it.
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Old Sep 15th 2011, 7:21 pm
  #6569  
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Default Re: What made you smile today? Part III

Originally Posted by Sally Redux View Post
It wasn't even funny the first time we received it.
6,000, Sal?

That's not that much. It's only the same as 6,000 PE teachers.
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Old Sep 15th 2011, 7:22 pm
  #6570  
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Default Re: What made you smile today? Part III

Originally Posted by SultanOfSwing View Post
6,000, Sal?

That's not that much. It's only the same as 6,000 PE teachers.
or 12,000 car park attendants.
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