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WEEKEND BITS

WEEKEND BITS

Old Aug 6th 2011, 5:23 pm
  #1  
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Default WEEKEND BITS

Watta wimp
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Old Aug 6th 2011, 5:25 pm
  #2  
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Default Re: WEEKEND BITS

Redneck paint ball ..great fun ..
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Old Aug 6th 2011, 5:27 pm
  #3  
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Default Re: WEEKEND BITS

The Super patriot

I Am the Democratic, Republican Liberal-Progressive's Worst Nightmare.
I am a White, Conservative, Tax-Paying, American Veteran, Gun Owning Biker. That’s me!
I am a Master Mason. I work hard and long hours with my hands to earn a living.

I believe in God and the freedom of religion, but I don't push it on others..
I ride Harley Davidson Motorcycles, and drive American-made cars, and I believe in
American products and buy them whenever I can.

I believe the money I make belongs to me and not some liberal governmental functionary,
Democratic or Republican, that wants to share it with others who don't work!

I'm in touch with my feelings and I like it that way!

I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer; it makes you a smart American.

I think being a minority does not make you noble or victimized, and does not entitle you to
anything. Get over it!

I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac or any other item, you should do it in English.

I believe there should be no other language option.

I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her God when and where they want to.

My heroes are Malcolm Forbes, Bill Gates, John Wayne, Babe Ruth, Roy Rogers, and Willie G. Davidson, who makes the awesome Harley Davidson Motorcycles.

I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor.

I know wrestling is fake and I don't waste my time watching or arguing about it.

I've never owned a slave, nor was I a slave. I haven't burned any witches or been persecuted
by the Turks, and neither have you!

I believe if you don't like the way things are here, go back to where you came from and
change your own country!

This is AMERICA ...We like it the way it is and more so the way it was ...so stop trying to
change it to look like Russia or China , or some other socialist country!

If you were born here and don't like it... you are free to move to any Socialist country that will
have you. I believe it is time to really clean house, starting with the White House, the seat
of our biggest problems.

I want to know which church is it, exactly, where the Reverend Jesse Jackson preaches,
where he gets his money, and why he is always part of the problem and not the solution?

Can I get an AMEN on that one? A BIG AMEN ON THAT.

I also think the cops have the right to pull you over if you're breaking the law, regardless of
what color you are, but not just because you happen to ride a bike.

And, no, I don't mind having my face shown on my driver's license. I think it's good....
And I'm proud that 'God' is written on my money..

I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot works, I don't want you deciding who
should be running the most powerful nation in the world for the next four years.

I dislike those people standing in the intersections trying to sell me stuff or trying to guilt me
into making 'donations' to their cause.... Get a job and do your part to support yourself and
your family!

I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes two parents....

I believe 'illegal' is illegal no matter what the lawyers think!

I believe the American flag should be the only one allowed in AMERICA !

If this makes me a BAD American, then yes, I'm a BAD American.

If you are a BAD American too, please forward this to everyone you know...

We want our country back!

My Country..... I hope this offends all illegal aliens.

My great, great, great, great grandfather watched and bled as his friends died in the Revolution
& the War of 1812.
My great, great, great grandfather watched as his friends died in the Mexican American War.
My great, great grandfather watched as his friends & brothers died in the Civil War.
My great grandfather watched as his friends died in the Spanish-American War.
My grandfather watched as his friends died in WW I.
My father watched as his friends died in WW II.

I watched as my friends died in Vietnam , Panama & Desert Storm.
My son watched & bled as his friends died in Afghanistan and Iraq .
None of them died for the Mexican Flag.
Everyone died for the American flag.

Texas high school students raised a Mexican flag on a school flag pole,
other students took it down. Guess who was expelled...the students who took it down.

California high school students were sent home on Cinco de Mayo, because they wore
T-shirts with the American flag printed on them.

Enough is enough

This message needs to be viewed by every American; and every
American needs to stand up for America .

We've bent over to appease the America-haters long enough. I'm taking a stand.

I'm standing up because the hundreds of thousands who died fighting in wars for this country,
and for the American flag.

If you agree, stand up with me and forward to everyone in your address book!!

And shame on anyone who tries to make this a racist message.

AMERICANS, stop giving away Your RIGHTS !

Let me make this clear! THIS IS MY COUNTRY !

This statement DOES NOT mean I'm against immigration !

YOU ARE WELCOME HERE, IN MY COUNTRY, welcome to come legally:

1. Get a sponsor !

2. Learn the LANGUAGE, as immigrants have in the past !

3. Live by OUR rules !

4. Get a job !

5. Pay YOUR Taxes !

6. No Social Security until you have earned it and Paid for it !

7. NOW find a place to lay your head !

If you don't want to forward this for fear of offending someone,
then YOU'RE PART OF THE PROBLEM !

We've gone so far the other way . . . bent over backwards not to offend anyone.

Only AMERICANS seems to care when American Citizens are being offended !

WAKE UP America ! ! !

If you do not Pass this on, may your fingers cramp !

Made in the U S A & PROUD OF IT!!!!!
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Old Aug 6th 2011, 5:28 pm
  #4  
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Default Re: WEEKEND BITS

The Archbishop of Canterbury and The Royal
Commission for Political Correctness announced today that
the climate in the UK should no longer be referred to as
‘British Weather’


Rather than offend a sizeable portion of the
UK population, it will now be referred to as:

'Muslim Weather'


( Partly Sunni, but mostly Shi'ite )
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Old Aug 6th 2011, 5:33 pm
  #5  
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Default Re: WEEKEND BITS

Keep your eye on the slow moving truck on the left coming down the road towards you......

It looks like he is going slow to get the military truck behind him to pass, and when it finally does.......

THIS is the type of explosion that our troops are dealing with, ... not the
puny kind you see on your televisions or in the movies .....

Pass this on ... so people know and will understand better what a IED is.
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Old Aug 6th 2011, 5:34 pm
  #6  
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Default Re: WEEKEND BITS

Three blokes sitting having a chat , Englishman Scotsman & an Irishman

Englishman Say's "you'll never guess, My wife is as skinny as a bean pole and she's joined the weight watchers" !!!

A little lull and the Scotsman say's "thats nowt my wife just bought a new car and she cannot even drive"

then Paddy cherps up and say's "thats nowt my wife has just gone to Benidorm for 2 weeks with 40 condoms and she doesn't even have a cock"
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Old Aug 6th 2011, 5:34 pm
  #7  
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Default Re: WEEKEND BITS

Frozen Crabs & the Blonde Stewardess

A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde stewardess to take care of them for him. She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator. He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out. Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior.

Shortly before landing in New York , she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin,
"Would the lawyer who gave me the crabs, in New Orleans , please raise your hand?"

Not one hand went up ..... so she took them home and ate them.

Two lessons here:

1. Lawyers aren't as smart as they think they are.

2. Blondes aren't as dumb as most folk think
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Old Aug 6th 2011, 5:36 pm
  #8  
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Default Re: WEEKEND BITS

pretty nice bit of filming


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Old Aug 6th 2011, 5:37 pm
  #9  
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Default Re: WEEKEND BITS

Oh To Be 12 Again...


A man was sitting on the edge of the bed,observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror.

Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her Birthday.

'I'd like to be twelve again', she replied, still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops,

and then took her to Alton Towers theme park.

What a day!

He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Corkscrew, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was.

?


Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park.

?


Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.

He then took her to a Mc Donald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

Then it was off to the cinema with popcorn, a huge Cola, and her favourite sweets......M&M's.

What a fabulousadventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.

He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked,

'Well Dear, what was it like being twelve again?'



Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.

'I meant my dress size, you retard!!!!'


The moral of the story:Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.
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Old Aug 6th 2011, 5:39 pm
  #10  
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Default Re: WEEKEND BITS

Who's your baby's Daddy?
These are genuine excerpts from the forms.

Be sure to check out #11, it takes 1st prize and #3 is runner up.


1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, Makeeshia was fathered by Maclearndon McKinley I am unsure as to the identity of the father of Marlinda, but I believe that she was conceived on the same night.

2... I am unsure, as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken
Unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.

3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party at 3600 East Grand Boulevard where I had sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father, can you please send me his phone number? Thanks... (The runner-up).

4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced.

5. I have never had sex with a man. I am still a Virginian. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was ejaculate and that he is the Saver risen again.

6. I cannot tell you the name of Alleshia's dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the economy I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country.. Please advise.

7. I do not know who the father of my child was as they all look the same to me.

8. Tyrone Hairston is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him, can you axe him what he did with my AC/DC CDs? Child B who was also borned at the same time..... Well, I don't have clue..

9. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Disney World. Maybe it really is the Magic
Kingdom .

10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in the evening. If I had stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at 8956 Miller Ave , mine might have remained unfertilized.


11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all, like when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart. (This made number #1).

WHEN THE WEALTH IS REDISTRIBUTED THESE PEOPLE WILL BE THE MAJOR RECIPIENTS...and they are allowed to VOTE!!!... and exist.!!
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Old Aug 6th 2011, 9:48 pm
  #11  
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Default Re: WEEKEND BITS

Originally Posted by Ray View Post
The Super patriot

I Am the Democratic, Republican Liberal-Progressive's Worst Nightmare.
I am a White, Conservative, Tax-Paying, American Veteran, Gun Owning Biker. That’s me!
I am a Master Mason. I work hard and long hours with my hands to earn a living.

I believe in God and the freedom of religion, but I don't push it on others..
I ride Harley Davidson Motorcycles, and drive American-made cars, and I believe in
American products and buy them whenever I can.

I believe the money I make belongs to me and not some liberal governmental functionary,
Democratic or Republican, that wants to share it with others who don't work!

I'm in touch with my feelings and I like it that way!

I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer; it makes you a smart American.

I think being a minority does not make you noble or victimized, and does not entitle you to
anything. Get over it!

I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac or any other item, you should do it in English.

I believe there should be no other language option.

I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her God when and where they want to.

My heroes are Malcolm Forbes, Bill Gates, John Wayne, Babe Ruth, Roy Rogers, and Willie G. Davidson, who makes the awesome Harley Davidson Motorcycles.

I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor.

I know wrestling is fake and I don't waste my time watching or arguing about it.

I've never owned a slave, nor was I a slave. I haven't burned any witches or been persecuted
by the Turks, and neither have you!

I believe if you don't like the way things are here, go back to where you came from and
change your own country!

This is AMERICA ...We like it the way it is and more so the way it was ...so stop trying to
change it to look like Russia or China , or some other socialist country!

If you were born here and don't like it... you are free to move to any Socialist country that will
have you. I believe it is time to really clean house, starting with the White House, the seat
of our biggest problems.

I want to know which church is it, exactly, where the Reverend Jesse Jackson preaches,
where he gets his money, and why he is always part of the problem and not the solution?

Can I get an AMEN on that one? A BIG AMEN ON THAT.

I also think the cops have the right to pull you over if you're breaking the law, regardless of
what color you are, but not just because you happen to ride a bike.

And, no, I don't mind having my face shown on my driver's license. I think it's good....
And I'm proud that 'God' is written on my money..

I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot works, I don't want you deciding who
should be running the most powerful nation in the world for the next four years.

I dislike those people standing in the intersections trying to sell me stuff or trying to guilt me
into making 'donations' to their cause.... Get a job and do your part to support yourself and
your family!

I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes two parents....

I believe 'illegal' is illegal no matter what the lawyers think!

I believe the American flag should be the only one allowed in AMERICA !

If this makes me a BAD American, then yes, I'm a BAD American.

If you are a BAD American too, please forward this to everyone you know...

We want our country back!

My Country..... I hope this offends all illegal aliens.

My great, great, great, great grandfather watched and bled as his friends died in the Revolution
& the War of 1812.
My great, great, great grandfather watched as his friends died in the Mexican American War.
My great, great grandfather watched as his friends & brothers died in the Civil War.
My great grandfather watched as his friends died in the Spanish-American War.
My grandfather watched as his friends died in WW I.
My father watched as his friends died in WW II.

I watched as my friends died in Vietnam , Panama & Desert Storm.
My son watched & bled as his friends died in Afghanistan and Iraq .
None of them died for the Mexican Flag.
Everyone died for the American flag.

Texas high school students raised a Mexican flag on a school flag pole,
other students took it down. Guess who was expelled...the students who took it down.

California high school students were sent home on Cinco de Mayo, because they wore
T-shirts with the American flag printed on them.

Enough is enough

This message needs to be viewed by every American; and every
American needs to stand up for America .

We've bent over to appease the America-haters long enough. I'm taking a stand.

I'm standing up because the hundreds of thousands who died fighting in wars for this country,
and for the American flag.

If you agree, stand up with me and forward to everyone in your address book!!

And shame on anyone who tries to make this a racist message.

AMERICANS, stop giving away Your RIGHTS !

Let me make this clear! THIS IS MY COUNTRY !

This statement DOES NOT mean I'm against immigration !

YOU ARE WELCOME HERE, IN MY COUNTRY, welcome to come legally:

1. Get a sponsor !

2. Learn the LANGUAGE, as immigrants have in the past !

3. Live by OUR rules !

4. Get a job !

5. Pay YOUR Taxes !

6. No Social Security until you have earned it and Paid for it !

7. NOW find a place to lay your head !

If you don't want to forward this for fear of offending someone,
then YOU'RE PART OF THE PROBLEM !

We've gone so far the other way . . . bent over backwards not to offend anyone.

Only AMERICANS seems to care when American Citizens are being offended !

WAKE UP America ! ! !

If you do not Pass this on, may your fingers cramp !

Made in the U S A & PROUD OF IT!!!!!
WTF
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Old Aug 6th 2011, 10:31 pm
  #12  
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Default Re: WEEKEND BITS

Originally Posted by Sally Redux View Post
WTF
i just liked the bike ....
he is anti illegal mexicans I presumed
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Old Aug 6th 2011, 10:35 pm
  #13  
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Default Re: WEEKEND BITS

Originally Posted by Ray View Post
i just liked the bike ....
he is anti illegal mexicans I presumed
He looks a bit Mexican.
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Old Aug 7th 2011, 2:03 pm
  #14  
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Default Re: WEEKEND BITS

Unbelievable!
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