Go Back  British Expats > General > The Lounge
Reload this Page >

Jokes: A little light distraction!

Jokes: A little light distraction!

Reply

Old Mar 31st 2007, 9:11 pm
  #91  
Senior Moment
 
Mitzyboy's Avatar
 
Joined: Jan 2006
Location: On the edge
Posts: 20,449
Mitzyboy has a reputation beyond reputeMitzyboy has a reputation beyond reputeMitzyboy has a reputation beyond reputeMitzyboy has a reputation beyond reputeMitzyboy has a reputation beyond reputeMitzyboy has a reputation beyond reputeMitzyboy has a reputation beyond reputeMitzyboy has a reputation beyond reputeMitzyboy has a reputation beyond reputeMitzyboy has a reputation beyond reputeMitzyboy has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Jokes: A little light distraction!

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.

"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."

She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.

"Don't move until I tell you," she said. "Pretend you're a statue."

"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.

"Oh it's a statue." she replied. "The Smith's bought one and I liked it so much I got one for us, too."

No more was said, not even when they went to bed.

Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.

"Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smith's and nobody offered me a damned thing."
Mitzyboy is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old Mar 31st 2007, 9:59 pm
  #92  
MnM
luna~sea..its a lifestyle
 
MnM's Avatar
 
Joined: Feb 2007
Location: Getting In Touch With My Dysfunctional Side...
Posts: 1,926
MnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Jokes: A little light distraction!

MnM is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old Mar 31st 2007, 10:45 pm
  #93  
BE Forum Addict
 
Bigbhudda69's Avatar
 
Joined: Mar 2007
Location: If only I knew
Posts: 1,272
Bigbhudda69 has a reputation beyond reputeBigbhudda69 has a reputation beyond reputeBigbhudda69 has a reputation beyond reputeBigbhudda69 has a reputation beyond reputeBigbhudda69 has a reputation beyond reputeBigbhudda69 has a reputation beyond reputeBigbhudda69 has a reputation beyond reputeBigbhudda69 has a reputation beyond reputeBigbhudda69 has a reputation beyond reputeBigbhudda69 has a reputation beyond reputeBigbhudda69 has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Jokes: A little light distraction!

Originally Posted by crispygirl View Post
BB69, can I call you that.....It has taken me ages to read this, I had to give in and get my glasses in the end.......
Crispygirl..YOU can call me anything you like...I am glad you got to the Bottom of it........!.
Bigbhudda69 is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old Mar 31st 2007, 10:52 pm
  #94  
 
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 5,359
crispy will become famous soon enoughcrispy will become famous soon enough
Default Re: Jokes: A little light distraction!

Originally Posted by Bigbhudda69 View Post
Crispygirl..YOU can call me anything you like...I am glad you got to the Bottom of it........!.
I'm a bit blond as well as having senior moments so things tend to take longer to sink in but I get there in the end
crispy is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old Mar 31st 2007, 10:59 pm
  #95  
BE Forum Addict
 
Bigbhudda69's Avatar
 
Joined: Mar 2007
Location: If only I knew
Posts: 1,272
Bigbhudda69 has a reputation beyond reputeBigbhudda69 has a reputation beyond reputeBigbhudda69 has a reputation beyond reputeBigbhudda69 has a reputation beyond reputeBigbhudda69 has a reputation beyond reputeBigbhudda69 has a reputation beyond reputeBigbhudda69 has a reputation beyond reputeBigbhudda69 has a reputation beyond reputeBigbhudda69 has a reputation beyond reputeBigbhudda69 has a reputation beyond reputeBigbhudda69 has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Jokes: A little light distraction!

Originally Posted by crispygirl View Post
I'm a bit blond as well as having senior moments so things tend to take longer to sink in but I get there in the end
I used to be a bit blonde, I am more a bit pink nowadays...Senior moments are great...give me more...gives one a chance to forget all the rubbish...
Bigbhudda69 is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old Apr 1st 2007, 2:42 pm
  #96  
MnM
luna~sea..its a lifestyle
 
MnM's Avatar
 
Joined: Feb 2007
Location: Getting In Touch With My Dysfunctional Side...
Posts: 1,926
MnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Jokes: A little light distraction!

MnM is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old Apr 1st 2007, 3:08 pm
  #97  
MnM
luna~sea..its a lifestyle
 
MnM's Avatar
 
Joined: Feb 2007
Location: Getting In Touch With My Dysfunctional Side...
Posts: 1,926
MnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Jokes: A little light distraction!

MnM is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old Apr 1st 2007, 3:45 pm
  #98  
MnM
luna~sea..its a lifestyle
 
MnM's Avatar
 
Joined: Feb 2007
Location: Getting In Touch With My Dysfunctional Side...
Posts: 1,926
MnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Jokes: A little light distraction!

Why we love our pets:

They protect our children


They help you when you're down


They have "great" expectations


They are happy to "test" the water


They know who's "BOSS"


AND - They know when we need a good LAUGH!
MnM is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old Apr 1st 2007, 3:50 pm
  #99  
MnM
luna~sea..its a lifestyle
 
MnM's Avatar
 
Joined: Feb 2007
Location: Getting In Touch With My Dysfunctional Side...
Posts: 1,926
MnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Jokes: A little light distraction!

No Comment!

MnM is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old Apr 1st 2007, 4:08 pm
  #100  
MnM
luna~sea..its a lifestyle
 
MnM's Avatar
 
Joined: Feb 2007
Location: Getting In Touch With My Dysfunctional Side...
Posts: 1,926
MnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Jokes: A little light distraction!

MnM is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old Apr 1st 2007, 6:35 pm
  #101  
MnM
luna~sea..its a lifestyle
 
MnM's Avatar
 
Joined: Feb 2007
Location: Getting In Touch With My Dysfunctional Side...
Posts: 1,926
MnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond reputeMnM has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Jokes: A little light distraction!

After their baby was born, the panicked father went to see the obstetrician. "Doctor," the man said, "I don't mind telling you, but I'm a little upset because my daughter has red hair. She can't possibly be mine."

"Nonsense," the doctor said. "Even though you and your wife both have black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the gene pool."

"It isn't possible," the man insisted. "This can't be, our families on both sides had jet-black hair for generations.”

"Well," said the doctor, "let me ask you this. How often do you have intimacy? The man seemed a bit ashamed.

"I've been working very hard for the past year. We only made love once or twice every few months."

"Well, there you have it!" The doctor said confidently. "It's rust."
MnM is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old Apr 1st 2007, 10:09 pm
  #102  
Livin' in Spain at last!
Thread Starter
 
Joined: Aug 2006
Location: La Hortichuela Almeria
Posts: 862
chrisw has a reputation beyond reputechrisw has a reputation beyond reputechrisw has a reputation beyond reputechrisw has a reputation beyond reputechrisw has a reputation beyond reputechrisw has a reputation beyond reputechrisw has a reputation beyond reputechrisw has a reputation beyond reputechrisw has a reputation beyond reputechrisw has a reputation beyond reputechrisw has a reputation beyond repute
Talking Re: Jokes: A little light distraction!

Originally Posted by MnM View Post
Lol! Nice one Martha! Am I bovvered? Loved the pictures of the pets too!
chrisw is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old Apr 1st 2007, 10:24 pm
  #103  
Forum Regular
 
Joined: Nov 2006
Location: Galicia
Posts: 80
gudes is a jewel in the roughgudes is a jewel in the roughgudes is a jewel in the roughgudes is a jewel in the roughgudes is a jewel in the rough
Default Re: Jokes: A little light distraction!

Talking about cats... This is a Spanish joke

Pepe is the bar telling a friend about the problems with his cat.

- I was so sick of the darn cat that one day I put it in the car drove 20 Km, left him in the forest, drove back home, opened the door... and the cat was there!

So next day I put the car in the car, drove 60 Km left him in a forest, drove back home, opened the door... and the cat was there!

Darn! Next day I drove 200 Km, crossed 10 rivers and 3 mountain ranges left him in a forest...

- Let me guess - interrupts Pepe's friend - you drove back home, opened the door... and the cat was there?

- No, if it weren't for the darn cat I couldn't find my way back home.
gudes is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old Apr 1st 2007, 11:45 pm
  #104  
Livin' in Spain at last!
Thread Starter
 
Joined: Aug 2006
Location: La Hortichuela Almeria
Posts: 862
chrisw has a reputation beyond reputechrisw has a reputation beyond reputechrisw has a reputation beyond reputechrisw has a reputation beyond reputechrisw has a reputation beyond reputechrisw has a reputation beyond reputechrisw has a reputation beyond reputechrisw has a reputation beyond reputechrisw has a reputation beyond reputechrisw has a reputation beyond reputechrisw has a reputation beyond repute
Talking Re: Jokes: A little light distraction!

A sweet grandmother telephoned Mount Sinai Hospital. She timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?"
The operator said "I'll be glad to help, Dear. What's the name and room number?"
The grandmother in her weak tremulous voice said, "Holly Finkel in room 302."
The Operator replied, "Let me check. Oh, good news. Her records say that Holly is doing very well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back as normal and her physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged on Tuesday."
The Grandmother said, "Thank you. That's wonderful! I was so worried! God bless you for the good news."
The operator replied, "You're more than welcome. Is Holly your daughter?"
The Grandmother said, "No, I'm Holly Finkel in 302. Dr.Cohen doesn't tell me anything!"
chrisw is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old Apr 2nd 2007, 12:37 am
  #105  
Forum Regular
 
IntuitiveNipple's Avatar
 
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 173
IntuitiveNipple has a spectacular aura aboutIntuitiveNipple has a spectacular aura aboutIntuitiveNipple has a spectacular aura about
Smile Re: Jokes: A little light distraction!

An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him “How do you expect to get into Heaven?”


The boy thought it over and said, “Well, I’ll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, ‘For Heaven’s sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!’”
IntuitiveNipple is offline  
Reply With Quote

Contact Us Archive Advertising Cookie Policy Privacy Statement