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Jokes: A little light distraction!

Jokes: A little light distraction!

Old Aug 4th 2020, 7:50 am
  #5026  
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Old Aug 4th 2020, 7:51 am
  #5027  
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Old Aug 5th 2020, 12:24 am
  #5028  
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Old Aug 6th 2020, 6:06 am
  #5029  
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Old Aug 7th 2020, 2:42 am
  #5030  
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Old Aug 8th 2020, 12:15 am
  #5031  
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Old Aug 8th 2020, 10:39 pm
  #5032  
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Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, “Don’t do it!”

He said, “Nobody loves me.” I said, “God loves you. Do you believe in God?”

He said, “Yes.”

I said, “Are you a Christian or a Jew?”

He said, “A Christian.”

I said, “Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?”

He said, “Protestant.”

I said, “Me, too! What franchise?”

He said, “Baptist.”

I said, “Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?”

He said, “Northern Baptist.”

I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?”

He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist.”

I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?”

He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region.”

I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative†Baptist Great Lakes Region
Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region
Council of 1912?”

He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912.”

I said, “Die, heretic!” And I pushed him over.
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Old Aug 9th 2020, 12:17 am
  #5033  
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Default Re: Jokes: A little light distraction!

Originally Posted by caretaker View Post
Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, “Don’t do it!”

He said, “Nobody loves me.” I said, “God loves you. Do you believe in God?”

He said, “Yes.”

I said, “Are you a Christian or a Jew?”

He said, “A Christian.”

I said, “Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?”

He said, “Protestant.”

I said, “Me, too! What franchise?”

He said, “Baptist.”

I said, “Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?”

He said, “Northern Baptist.”

I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?”

He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist.”

I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?”

He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region.”

I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative†Baptist Great Lakes Region
Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region
Council of 1912?”

He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912.”

I said, “Die, heretic!” And I pushed him over.
It's an easier question for us papes.
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Old Aug 9th 2020, 2:36 am
  #5034  
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Old Aug 10th 2020, 2:36 am
  #5035  
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Old Aug 10th 2020, 2:31 pm
  #5036  
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Default Re: Jokes: A little light distraction!

Originally Posted by tommy.irene View Post
There was a woman on embarassing bodies last night who did have ones sagging lower than her wiast. Lcup, they sent her for reduction surgery and after that for physio for her posture as she had become somewhat stooped. The after pics wer incredible nice and perky and her posture had improved. So it shows that people like that do exist in real life.
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Old Aug 11th 2020, 1:39 am
  #5037  
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....Paddy decides to take up boxing and goes for the required medical.
A few days later the doctor ‘phones and says “Paddy, you realise you’ve got sugar diabetes.”
Paddy says, “Nice one, when do I fight him?”

It was hard getting over my addiction to the Hokey Cokey.
But I’ve turned myself around and that’s what it’s all about.

Paddy caught his Wife having an affair and decided to kill her and himself. He puts the gun to his head, looks at his Wife and says "Don't laugh, you're next!!"

An Irishman wanting to become a Priest went to see the Bishop who said "You must answer 3 questions on the Bible".
"1st - Who was born in a stable?"
"Red Rum" he replied
"2nd - What do you think of Damascus ?"
"It kills 99% of all germs" he replied.
"3rd - What happened when the disciples went to Mount Olive?"
"That’s easy" he said "Popeye kicked the shit out of them!!"

Little boy gets home from school and says "Dad, I've got a part in the school play as a man who's been married for 25 years."
His Dad replies "Never mind Son. Maybe next time you'll get a speaking part!!"

Two Irishmen looking through a mail order catalogue.
Paddy says "Look at these gorgeous women! The prices are reasonable too."
Mick agrees "I'm ordering one right now"
3 weeks later Paddy says to Mick "Has your woman turned up yet?"
"No" said Mick "but it shouldn't be long now though. Her clothes arrived yesterday!!

Man walks into WH Smith and says "Do you have the new self-help book for men with really small dicks?"
Girl says "I don’t think it’s in yet"
He replies "Yeah, that’s the one!"

A dwarf goes to a very good but very busy doctor and asks "I know you are busy but do you treat dwarves?"
The doctor replies "Yes, but you will have to be a little patient".
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Old Aug 11th 2020, 1:40 am
  #5038  
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Old Aug 12th 2020, 2:05 am
  #5039  
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...The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making
love to a very attractive young woman.

And she was somewhat upset.. 'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried.
'How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your
children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce right away!'

And the husband replied, 'Hang on just a minute, so at least I can tell
you what happened.' 'Fine, go ahead,' she sobbed,' but they'll be the
last words you'll say to me!'

And the husband began -- 'Well, I was getting into the car to drive
home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down
and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the
car.

I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She
told me that she hadn't eaten for three days.

So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I
made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid
you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments..

Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she
was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I
threw them away.

Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the expensive designer jeans
that you bought a couple years back, but don't wear because you say they
not the "in" name this year.

I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which
you don't wear because I don't have good taste.

I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't
wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the
expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair the
same.'

The husband took a quick breath and continued - 'She was so grateful for
my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned
to me with tears in her eyes and said,

'Please ... Do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?'
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Old Aug 12th 2020, 11:49 pm
  #5040  
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