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The Comic Genius that was Tommy Cooper!!

The Comic Genius that was Tommy Cooper!!

Old Jun 10th 2005, 12:56 pm
  #1  
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Default The Comic Genius that was Tommy Cooper!!

The comic genius that was Tommy Cooper!
=================================

01. Two blondes walk into a building...you'd think at least one of them would have seen it.

02.Phone answering machine message - "...If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key..."

03. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."

04. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

05. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."

06. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.

07. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off".

08. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a muscle.

09. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

10. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.

11. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head.
Doc says, "I'll give you some cream to put on it."

12. 'Doc I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home' "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. 'Is it common?' "It's not unusual."

13. A man takes his Rotteweiller to the vet. "My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," said the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed? "
"No, because he's really heavy"

14. Guy goes into the doctor's. "Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my backside." "How's that?" "Don't you start."

15. Two elephants walk off a cliff...boom, boom!

16. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

17. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'

18. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my Dad, or my older Brother Colin, or my younger Brother Ho-Cha-Chu? But I think its Colin.

19. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "Your round." The other one says "So are you, you fat bast**d!"

20. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

21. "You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.
They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice."

22. A man walked into the doctors, he said, "I've hurt my arm in several places" The doctor said, "Well don't go there anymore"

23. Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed next to a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues closer to the wreck site.
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Old Jun 10th 2005, 1:14 pm
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Default Re: The Comic Genius that was Tommy Cooper!!

ROTFLMAO!! Priceless! Do you have any more?

Some karma coming your way for this
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Old Jun 10th 2005, 1:22 pm
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Default Re: The Comic Genius that was Tommy Cooper!!

Excellent post, likes it allot!!
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Old Jun 10th 2005, 1:32 pm
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Default Re: The Comic Genius that was Tommy Cooper!!

Fantastic! Thanks for posting. Karma sent.
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Old Jun 10th 2005, 2:05 pm
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Default Re: The Comic Genius that was Tommy Cooper!!

ROTFLMAO he was one of the best, that there is no doubt!
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Old Jun 10th 2005, 3:37 pm
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Default Re: The Comic Genius that was Tommy Cooper!!

Why can't we have Tommy instead of farking Benny Hill on BBC America
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Old Jun 10th 2005, 4:16 pm
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Default Re: The Comic Genius that was Tommy Cooper!!

Originally Posted by Tone
Why can't we have Tommy instead of farking Benny Hill on BBC America
I second that motion!!!
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Old Jun 10th 2005, 4:26 pm
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Default Re: The Comic Genius that was Tommy Cooper!!

Originally Posted by Tone
Why can't we have Tommy instead of farking Benny Hill on BBC America
because the majority of the US TV audience wouldn't get it ... they need visual "comedy" ... words they find difficult ...
 
Old Jun 10th 2005, 4:31 pm
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Default Re: The Comic Genius that was Tommy Cooper!!

Originally Posted by Brit'n'TX
because the majority of the US TV audience wouldn't get it ... they need visual "comedy" ... words they find difficult ...
Words fail me....
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Old Jun 10th 2005, 4:38 pm
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Default Re: The Comic Genius that was Tommy Cooper!!

Originally Posted by Brit'n'TX
because the majority of the US TV audience wouldn't get it ... they need visual "comedy" ... words they find difficult ...
That's prob the same reason American's find Mr Bean funny........gawd I hate that shit ....Rowan will only ever be funny as Edmund
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Old Jun 10th 2005, 4:52 pm
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Default Re: The Comic Genius that was Tommy Cooper!!

Originally Posted by Tone
Words fail me....
that's a first ...
 
Old Jun 10th 2005, 4:52 pm
  #12  
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Default Re: The Comic Genius that was Tommy Cooper!!

Originally Posted by Celtic_Angel
That's prob the same reason American's find Mr Bean funny........gawd I hate that shit ....Rowan will only ever be funny as Edmund
hear hear!! (though "Thin Blue Line" had its moments )
 
Old Jun 10th 2005, 5:58 pm
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Default Re: The Comic Genius that was Tommy Cooper!!

Originally Posted by Brit'n'TX
hear hear!! (though "Thin Blue Line" had its moments )
never heard of Thin Blue Line I don't have BBC America so I just see the stuff on PBS ..I usually just watch EastEnders....I love it...funny though I never watched the crap when I actually lived in the U.k
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