TestaRossa

Give it time. Really. Two weeks is nothing. My daughter didn't speak any Italian when she first started Asilo at 3 1/2. She cried everyday for a full term, i.e. until Christmas, she hated going so much - but after 30mins she had calmed down enough to enjoy it. She still had relapses during the day and would burst into tears but it was all part of her adapting to a new language and being away from me. By the Easter she was pretty good in her spoken Italian, by the September of her second year she was fluent and now, in her third year nearly every Italian I who knows her tells me they cannot tell she is English when she speaks! All kids have a hard time at a new school - there are a number of us on here with teens, including me, so we have been there with this age already and not just in Italy. It is a tough time.

I also guess he is in Prima? Seriously consider putting him down into final year Materna if he is. I know a number of English families here that have done this and it works really well. All they do is play, pretty much anyway, it's the year my daughter is now in. He can concentrate on learning to speak Italian without the worry of having to learn to read and write it which he will be doing! If you've already done this then it's not compulsory school in Materna so keep him out a day a week if you can until his confidence here improves - you could even use it to get him some Italian lessons....All just ideas!

Ruth2003

Thats a great idea. I hadnt considered that at all. But won't he be a bit too old? I mean he will be 7 in April. Won't that affect his self-confidence and normal development after 2 years in elementary back home?

Lorna at Vicenza

I don't think it's a bad idea either, especially if the materna and prima are all part of the same school place/ building as a lot of the private Catholic schools seem to be.

Letting him get his feet in Materna might be better than him possibly getting kept back in prima. It doesn't often happen in prima but kids can be kept back at teachers' decision and made to repeat the whole first year again.

Have a google search or ask around for "ludoteca" in your area. These are a bit like after school play centres for young kids. If Alex 3 makes some friends, that will help his Italian considerably.

TestaRossa

No I don't think he'd be too old. He'd be with kids my daughters age, she is 6 in March. It isn't that unusual and because he is still Prima here rather than year 2 like he is in the UK. The Jan to Jan thing will actually work in his favour in a way. Will he care? He'll be playing and learning a new language! You normally find the Materna teachers are alot kinder too because they are dealing with, to them, Nursery kids. As I say another friend did it with her son and daughter and it worked better for them and they learnt Italian without the pressure of proper lessons!! Worth asking, the Catholic schools are normally pretty good about it, they are here anyway. If anything they might be relieved you want to do this - as Lorna says kids here do get kept back - if he catches up sufficiently and he is bright I'm sure he could then move back up. You can but ask!

LivingHere

When my daughter was in her last year at asilo there was a boy who was kept back and the other children didn't want to play with him. He was just "too big"

She is now at an international school and there are always children who arrive who don't speak English. She has only just turned seven and the children arriving seem to start with the same problems as your son but once they pick up a little of the language (in this case English!) they start to make friends. If its a private school do they offer any extra language help or general support? At our state asilo there are always children with special needs and they come with an extra assistant provided by the education service.

Ruth2003

Thanks for all the help. I am at my wits end and seriously considering going back to the UK as the experience seems to be be doing him more harm than good. Unfortunatey the school does not offer any extra support. Ironically enough, it's more a case of 'put yourself together, boy!' and get on with it. I feel I am constantly telling him off and today he came out with this statement: 'I don't like myself, Im too naughty'. Im really concerned that I may be causing serious damage to his self-confidence.
I like the idea of putting him back one year but at the same time, it seems unfair to ask him to start all over for the THIRD time. I don't know, and I apologise if I sound like a typical 'poor me' case, but it seems like I have made a terrible mistake in asking him to come over here.

Sorry for the rant!

Lorna at Vicenza

Firstly - don't apologise for ranting - we all have about something or another.

Secondly - try not to despair too much. It's still very early days. Christmas holidays are just around the corner and the break might be just what he needs to unwind and get some school stuff out of his system , relax and be good.
If he thinks he is naughty then praise him to the skies every time he is good.... at least that's what super nanny says.

Ruth2003

Hmm Super nanny lol You definitely brought a smile to my face lol!

37100

We don't mind ranting if it helps you Don't give up so easily. Give it until at least this summer. It takes about 2yrs to settle in. In different ways it's as difficult for Alex as it is for you, but as an adult and you can see the bigger picture. School is so different here (ask Indie) for both of you.

indiebird

Ruth, they let me rant here all the time!! It is early days really it is. As I've said I'm off to the psychologist on thursday, and it has only really been DH who has talked me into not just grabbing my kids and going back to the UK. Dd does very well here and has settled in well but she started Asilo here when she was 4 and was literally speaking italian within weeks. It could be that your son doesn't understand what's going on. However, I have noticed this year at school that she feels that nothing she does is good enough. 37100 will vouch for the fact that she had a major tantrum not cutting up some flipping letters straight last week because she wants everything to be perrrfect. This seems to come from the teachers. There is no praise unless things are 100% brilliant. I know another little boy in the same class who is reading and writing already and yet he still has tantrums when he doesn't get an excellent mark. In the UK teachers know the level of each kid and praise each child based on their capabilities and not the expectations of where children are expected to be.

Ds seems happy on the surface in that he will go to school happily everyday but he just refuses to respect the teachers. I was so embarassed hearing about the things he puts the teachers through that he would never get away with at home. However, I do think that some of it is the 'all or nothing approach' the school has. If he isn't getting 10s for his work then he is bad and stupid..... which of course is not the case... it is only the work he does which isn't up to the standard the teachers are striving for. Therefore he can't be bothered. Why bother when everything you do is wrong cos it isn't perfect? You may as well give up on that and find other ways of making yourself feel good.

This is my assessment anyway. I try and differentiate at home between behaviour and the child. I try not to say 'you naughty boy' for example but instead say something like 'forgetting that book for your homework was not a very clever thing to do was it? In order to do your homework you need to remember that for next time.' It is the behaviour that was misguided not the child.

Hugs and see how you feel after xmas. Are you going back to UK for Christmas? Might do him some good to just have a break from all the italian rubbish for a while....

37100

Na. Didn't think that was a major tantum. Seen a lot, lot worse. You should have seen the one a little boy was having in a shop this morning. Not that I noticed. It was only when the till girl started moaning I realised that everyone was tutting.

indiebird

...except that she was still having it when I got back from taking you home and Jamie was trying to piece together tiny cut up letters to 'humour' her

37100

Ruth2003

I think you are absolutely spot on there! That is exactly it! If its not perfect then its rubbish! I have decided to give it until Xmas and then think seriously about going back to the UK. We're spending Xmas here so we'll see.
I do hope it all goes well with your son, although, without wanting to sound negative, I dont think he needs a psychologist, just some extra support and reassurance from the teachers.
I may be wrong but it seems to be a trend here. A friend of mine has a 12 year old boy who is slightly immature and shy for his age. He finds it difficult to make friends. Their answer was to send him to a psychologist!!! Cant understand why, I mean I was a very shy child myself but nevertheless, mentally healthy and capable! I think psychologists must be the wealthiest people in Italy.
Still keeping fingers and toes crossed for you!

37100

The pyschologist isn't there to analyse his behavior, but to support the family and help the school if you want them to be informed, with his personal needs. It's not right for everyone and not everyone needs it. You sometimes have to be adult enough to realise that you can't do things on your own and maybe, just maybe someone else might be able to point you in a better direction. I found Indie's school very willing to help. Her ds is neither shy or immature. He could have just missed out on a bit of social skill learning due to his lack of Italian. You were expecting a lot from your son if you thought he could settle into a new school in a non english foreign school in 3mnths.