Loneliness
 

I have been in Lecce, South Italy for 5 weeks now. I have met a few English people, who turned out not to be very nice. I feel so lonely here, as I can barely speak any Italian. I can't really go for a wander around town on my own anymore, as I feel like a tourist, and Italian people just keep staring at me like I'm stupid :( Does anyone have any solutions? Or fancy meeting up for a coffee sometime?
Thanks for reading,
Kim

Re: Loneliness
 

oh dear, i know that feeling but from long ago i lived in rome in the sixties as a young wife and mother and was dreadfully lonely as i didn't speak italian and had no money to go anywhere. i'm so sorry you're not enjoying your time in italy but it will get better it just takes time and determination. the italians won't be staring at you because they're unfriendly only out of curiosity just give them a big smile back and eventually you'll start making friends. i live too far away to give any more support but if you want to pm me for a chat now and then i'm happy to do that but i'm sure there'll be some nice people on this forum who live near enough to meet up. all the best, sheila

Re: Loneliness
 

I walked round lecce with a polythene see through umbrella on a rainy day and got some funny looks from people, you will find eventually you blend in and they don't notice you, I thought people were staring at me when I first got here it depends where you go, some small villages they look at me like I am a martian I don't go back to those normally, lecce reminds me of London a bit, a place where I go is very like Victoria, if you ever fancy a visit to the sea side I am near Lecce although there is not much to see here unless you are fascinated by birds and wild life and gazing at the sea

Re: Loneliness
 

The initial period in a new country is probably difficult for everyone but what about joining a language class to learn Italian, it'a also a way of meeting new people and hopefully making new friends. (I remember doing this myself when I first moved to Italy). Unfortunately the Italians probably do tend to stare and this over time you just get used to but don't let this stop you from exploring your area. Sorry can't meet up for a chat I'm in the North of Italy but just to say things do improve.:thumbsup:

Re: Loneliness
 

Hello Twiggy: it will get beter, Keep going out and try to go to the same bar to have a cappuccino then they will get to know you and warm to you. It does take time. Lecce is known as the Florence of the south a Beautifull city.
6 monthe from now you will look at this post and have a laugh...

Re: Loneliness
 

the bar thing is true, ive been here four weeks, and visit this bar every friday night after work with someone i know from work.

Re: Loneliness
 

I agree with all of the above. I think the Italians are just a curious people. The Brits are too, but we pretend not to be. I've been here nearly 3years and people still stare at me when the kids come out of school and speak to me in English! (they say my Italian is toooo slow and rubbish and therefore they will only speak English with me) I'm nowhere near you (Turin) I'm afraid but I'm sure you will find some people with whom you do feel comfortable. I do think sometimes I'm lucky not to live in a place with a lot of expats as if you do meet bad ones as part of the 'group' there's no getting away from them. Hugs and I do know it will get better for you. Plus we're all here when you fancy a moanxxxxxx

Re: Loneliness
 

Why were the expats so awful?? Not one you thought was okay? Thing is I found it really helped having some English speaking contacts when I first got here and although I didn't like them all and have dropped most now a few have become good friends. Like Indie says it will be difficult at first as they come as a "pack" but you will find, as people get to know and trust you, that they probably feel the same about certain individuals as you do! I thought that the most popular woman was a big mouth and opinionated, turns out so did everyone else but no-one was going to say that in the early days in case I became good friends with her! Now I barely give her a glance! Also pick a bar you feel comfortable in, visit it everyday and eventually you will make friends. Loyalty is everything here! :thumbup:

Re: Loneliness
 

Where are you in Italy wookiee?

Re: Loneliness
 

The first girl I met was really nice to begin with. The family I work for know the family she works for, so that is how we met. For the first 2 weeks, everything was great. Until we met another Au Pair. This other girl is really nice too, but now if we are out together they both completely ignore me. We hang around with the second girl's boyfriend and his friend, so they don't talk to me much either. I asked if I had done something wrong but got no answer. I've tried asking the first girl to meet on our own but she always makes excuses, such as "oh I'm not going out tonight" and on two occasions she used that excuse, I saw her out with the second girl! Just seems like she only wanted to be friends with me until she met the other girl. The second girl, her boyfriend and his friend leave at the start of June to continue their travels, so think she may attempt to talk to me again then, but I will just feel used, second-best :(

Re: Loneliness
 

The mother of the family I work for is an English teacher, so she is teaching me Italian. But she is sooo busy all the time, that I am pretty much back at square one. I don't get paid much so I can't afford to take a language class, plus with the hours I work, don't think I would be able to find a class to fit around them. Its not really just the staring, its when I am on my own and they all stare at me or laugh at me. When I am with other people, I can forget about the stares. It just makes me feel really stupid when I am standing in a bar and trying to order a coffee in the little Italian I know, and everyone in the bar hears the foreign accent and starts to stare at me :(

Re: Loneliness
 

Oh dear, seriously, my heart goes out to you! Girls can be such bitches! Sounds like your original friend doesn't want you there with the boys, may decrease her chances! :p Assume she sees you as competition for the boys and give your confidence a boost! Especially if you have made it plain you aren't interested in them! If I was there I'd slap them for you and tell them to stop being so silly!! Take it as a bizarre compliment and find a place you like to drop into on your own. Bars here are a lot friendlier than the UK and going into them as a lone female isn't the same. Take a book or mag and settle in for the evening - I'm guessing you will be working most days au pairing. As long as you have any kind of drink in front of you you won't be kicked out. Weigh the people up and try out your Italian on those who look friendly. See this as a challenge, a good one. :)

Don't worry about the stares. They are just curious, plus unless you have two heads or dress outrageously, which can vary from place to place here I admit, it is probably curiosity rather than nastiness. Most Italians aren't nasty, but they are nosey! If you want to fit in pick up a few useful phrases, check out the thread here, and work out the dress code for your area, then you will start to merge into your surroundings more until you have gained a bit of confidence. It will come - think what it took to get here in the first place! ;)

Re: Loneliness
 

I too made some terrible gaffes asking for fagioli(beans) when I wanted fragole (strawberries) and some far worse but personally it's also a way to learn a language through error. You could ask the family you are staying with about the Italian courses that are run through the 'Comune' for stranieri - foreigners (I think they are free) or there are websites.Keep strong!

Re: Loneliness
 

Best just to move on then in those circumstances.... keep going out, find a bar you like and are comfortable in on your own (tbh, going out on your own wherever you are is a good skill to cultivate -something I've only discovered myself recently!) Lecce sounds nice so I reckon there will be other expats around and about too.... we don't always wear hats advertising the fact though (or maybe it's just that they all hide from me too!!??) :D:lol: Also ask at the commune if there are free Italian lessons somewhere... if there are a few foreigners then the comunes often do offer lessons or there are sometimes charities set up. We found one such charity in a nearby town, but when our own comune started up lessons here too, they sent us a leaflet through the post! If you don't speak Italian then you don't know if the Italians are talking about you... it just feels like they are. Also often they are just curious as to why you are there etc. but don't know how to approach you.

Re: Loneliness
 

I remember asking for catena instead of cannella!! But I find Italians very patient and helpfu when you try to speak their language, so twiggy, just keep trying. Regarding staring, it is normal in Italy. I still bring all conversations to a halt for a few seconds if I enter a local bar (always by myself!), and it is been two years since I bought my house and everyone in the village knows who I am. And almost always some stranger wants to pay for my tea or a glass of wine! It still amazes me.

You should certainly go to bars by yourself, a bit uncomfortable at the start, but if you learn a few basic phrases, you'll find that there will be many people (with a few sleaze bags here and there!) willing to talk to you and help you out with your Italian.