sunnyjt

Hello everyone,

Wow. So, I'm a newleywed, my husband is Italian and I am Canadian. We were only married two months ago. We live in Milan. We want children, but were going to wait until the new year to start, but mamma mia, I just found out I am 4 weeks pregnant.

Holy shitballs. And I do mean that.

This is my first pregnancy, and so not only do I feel like an emotional mess (I seriously do not know myself these days), I am also more than overwhelmed. I have no idea what to do, where to start, or who to talk to. I don't really have any friends yet- I've been here only 5 months and my Italian is nothing to be proud of. I don't even have a health card, or know anything about it. I don't have a doctor, and I want to sort through this for the time being with just my husband and I because I am so early on in the pregnancy. Holy crap, I still cannot believe this.

Ladies, help! What do I do? What is my first step? I am in Lainate, Milan. Can I find an English-speaking doctor here? I have been trolling the forum this morning and am trying to squash my horror at some of your experiences in Italy. Also, what the hell is going on with my emotions?! I am bawling for all of us in one moment, then the next I am thrilled, then I'm just scared. I would really, really appreciate any help or advice, please help me (and please tell me this is going to be ok!)

Thanks so much

xxxxx

Witch

Hi there, am sorry but I can`t give you advice other than about pregnancy....firstly congratulations...I`m a mother of four lovely children...yes it`s totally normal for your emotions to go totally haywire...somedays your gonna feel like and some days and am sure your feeling a lot of , carrying a baby for nine months is hard work and you will need all the support you can get....how about getting your husband to try and find medical care, support groups etc? Am sure that he`s happy that you his wife is carrying his child and will do the best he can...in the meantime, make sure you supplement with iron, folic acid and other vitamins, iron and folic acid being the two major vitamins that helps keep you and baby safe...I wish you a happy pregnancy, and even if things seem impossible right now, it will all turn out well

Lorna at Vicenza

Hello - congratulations and don't panic

What you're feeling is all perfectly normal. You'd be feeling the same kind of emotions in your own country let alone a foreign one where things are different and you're not exactly sure how things work yet. It's normal. It's a first baby. You can read as many books as you like and talk to one hundred different mothers and although you can get practical advice ..... the emotional side of things is all yours and affects people in different ways.

Generally though, things settle down as you become more pregnant. People say the 2nd trimester is the best one. In the 3rd one you get fat and tired and need to pee all the time and you get a bit scared about the birth and a lot of women get something called "baby brain" .... you basically get a bit stupid and forgetful.

Practically speaking ...... I'd say that the first thing you need in this country is an appointment at the consultorio familiare because you don't have a GP doctor who can refer you to the hospital for tests and check-ups.

Google 'consultorio familiare and the name of your town' and find their phone number.
The consultorio is a kind of family planning clinic and they have gyneacologists there. They might make you do an official pregnancy test before they set up any other kind of tests and appointments for you and you'll probably have to pay something for this. On the other hand they might just take your word for it - open a patient file on you and start from the date of your last period.

Do you have a permesso di soggiorno?

Get in touch with your consultorio and ask for an appointment with a ginecologo. Generally in Italy they do quite a few blood tests for german measles, hepetitis, toxoplasmosis and others I can't remember now. I do know that if you are not immune to toxoplasmosis they will tell you to avoid uncooked meats like salame, sorpressa, crudo, to cook pork really well and to wash all fruit and veg and stay away from cat litter trays.

Start with the consultorio for the practical stuff and just go with the mood swings for now.

Again - congratulations.

LivingHere

Congratulations from me too!

I got pregnant five months after we arrived in Italy but at least it wasn't my first. I second everything Lorna said plus get your husband to come with you because I did it all on my own and I promise you my Italian was nowhere near up to it and I misunderstood a lot.

I had good experiences here but since "good experience" doesn't necessarily equal "good story" you often only hear about the horrors.

Patty

Congratulations and dont worry - it will be fine !!!

I had my 1st baby in Milan in 1986 and it was absolutely fine. Okay they dont do gas and air here but apart from that it was good. I had rooming-in and it was on the whole a good experience. (the hospital was the paediatric one called Buzzi)

Milan is probably the most cosmopolitan city in Italy and you will find everything you need. Take a look at this online magazine for expats and you might find English/American gynies as well. Heres the link:

http://www.easymilano.it/

This forum is a great place to come and chat so dont feel alone ok !!!

sunnyjt

Ladies, thank you so much! I spent the first 24 hours knowing I was pregnant sobbing, and then kept apologizing to the baby, and then returned to sobbing again. But I feel SO much better after reading all your posts.

Lorna, thank you very, very much for all of your excellent information. Good, practical tips and I will use them all. I don't know that my Permesso has come in yet. Because my husband is from Catania, Sicily, we had to do the paperwork there (wild times, let me tell you). So, I have a piece of paper that says it's my Permesso Di Soggiorno, but I was also told to check the immigration website and enter some code and when I do, it says that my residency visa is being processed. So, whatever that means? I learned early on to let most things in Italy just roll off my back, so I admit I've not been keeping up to speed on this stuff.

I really wanted a natural childbirth, in fact I want a water birth, so I will check that easymilano site

Thanks everyone so very much. I'm definitely NOT prepared for this and it's really crap timing, but I am 30 years old and everyone tells me it's going to be hard but the most incredible time. I was crying to my mom telling her my life is over, but she promised it's just beginning. So, let's hope for that.

Thanks so much for all the support. I'll be back checking in often!!

37100

Congratulations! Have a good cry when ever you want. It helps a lot. Then come on here and laugh and cry with us. As the others said, get you paper work in order. Go along to your local consultorio. Doesn't matter if you haven't got your things in order and you don't have a medical card because pregnant women are a priority. Some people have a good experience there, while some hate it, but it's a start. Good luck!

monzagirl

Hi Sunnyjt

I'm living just outside Milan, I had 2 kids here, the first one was a water birth.
I have to say that "customer service" is not high on the list of priorities here, so don't expect any TLC having said that in respect of ensuring the baby was ok, i can't complain..and my 2nd was a much more positive experience just because i knew what to expect.
BTW i think nobody is really ready for their first pregnancy...all those hormones, I remember the craziness
Anyway I have an american friend who also wasn't that long in Milan when she fell pregnant, I think she went privately, but she had 2 kids here and had very good experiences, I can reach out to her and get more details if you wish
In the meantime CONGRATS!!

Take care

Lorna at Vicenza

I remember coming home from the hospital lab with an official piece of paper with a big fat "positive" stamped on it and even though I was pleased, I still threw myself on the bed crying "this is the end of my life as I know it".

And in many ways it was .... but as things change you adapt and get on with it.

You'll be fine and we're always here whenever you feel tearful or crazy or delighted when you feel the first kick.

Patty

Sunnyjt - I just had a thought and looked on the net and wow - amazingly the ante natal group that I attended in Milan 25 yrs ago still exists ! It was really good and run my a swedish lady obstetrician called Budil. I attach a link I just found . I did ante natal classes and gentle exercise and met a group of mums and we met after the births as well. The group is called GEPO.

heres the link:

http://www.corsiprepartogepomilano.com/i-servizi