10 months here and depression is setting in
Dec 9th 2011, 5:36 pm
#31
Concierge
Joined: Apr 2007
Location: Verona/ Nr Turin
Posts: 4,671
Re: 10 months here and depression is setting in
And I forgot to say, being Italian isn't an excuse for not washing the dishes!
Dec 11th 2011, 11:10 am
#32
Just Joined
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 7
Re: 10 months here and depression is setting in
Hello everyone,
I don't often post on these boards as I don't feel I have much to contribute in the way of sage advice on life here in Italy, but when I have posted an issue, I have got consistently good, sound advice, so here's hoping someone out there knows about how I am feeling.
I hate to be a whinger and a Negative Nancy, but please humour me for a minute. I have been here for about 10 months, and I came to be with my boyfriend, who turned into my husband. At first I was romanced and enchanted about living in Italy. I imagined myself working at a little school, driving a cute bike around, and collecting fruit from markets whilst speaking fluent Italian. and wearing amazing clothes.
The reality looks like this: I have NO friends, my bike got stolen after having it for 2 weeks, I stumble through my Italian on a daily basis, the chick at the language school is a nutcase and actually, I hate teaching English (and I think I absolutely am pants at it). I have nice clothes, but honestly, who on earth am I wearing them for, as I don't go out much.
I do not understand Italians, and especially the women. I am sorry, I know this post is depression city and I admit that i am feeling sorry for myself, but what is the go with these people?! The women (that I know) are so jealous, they stare you up and down and comment on how I look at all times (tired! bella! skinny! not skinny!) They do not feel like true friends and seem to only give a toss about their families, which I can understand given that anyone outside of your family seems to want to use you for money, talk about money, be jealous, be competitive. God FORBID going out to split a bottle of wine (or two) over dinner and being silly. I actually can't even imagine finding a woman here to do that with.
I came from a rich group of girlfriends and have always been extra social, so it never even entered my head that I wouldn't make another gaggle of friends. The people I have met (and my H owns a company, so bare in mind a lot of people I know I met through work and they all seem to want to get a buck off him) just seem shady as hell and I am getting over even trying to make an effort anymore.
Before I was having some moments of depression, but I could always climb out of them. But after spending some time in London with some friends recently, I came back just gutted. I feel like the girl I used to be is just lost here. I can't even be funny as I don't get the sense of humor and anyways, my wit does not translate into Italian. I just remember bursting into tears at the airport coming back from the UK, with all its organization and clean, nice lines and people being civilized to the line at the Italian airport with the usual insanity, no lining up for anything, pushing to get ahead, staring, etc.
I just feel like I don't know what to do. I feel isolated here (I live in a village outside of Milan) with no car (my H always has it) and now no bike, and I feel like my life is constantly staying in the house and cooking and cleaning. Not like my Italian husband would ever wash a plate under any circumstances ever in life.
Now things are cracking at home because I am so down and trapped inside my head and my husband just wants me to be happy and I just hear myself complain. Things as simple as the hairdressers here are enough to make me cry now. I had beautiful blonde hair, now I have orange streaks where highlights are supposed to be. Good god.
Is this going to get better and will I come to some sort of acceptance of this life style and culture? If I can't see my own selfishness and pessimism and someone would like to shake me out of it and tell me off, please do. Just anything to help me get some perspective on this. I feel like I am starting to hate everything about Italy
Thank you all for reading.
I don't often post on these boards as I don't feel I have much to contribute in the way of sage advice on life here in Italy, but when I have posted an issue, I have got consistently good, sound advice, so here's hoping someone out there knows about how I am feeling.
I hate to be a whinger and a Negative Nancy, but please humour me for a minute. I have been here for about 10 months, and I came to be with my boyfriend, who turned into my husband. At first I was romanced and enchanted about living in Italy. I imagined myself working at a little school, driving a cute bike around, and collecting fruit from markets whilst speaking fluent Italian. and wearing amazing clothes.
The reality looks like this: I have NO friends, my bike got stolen after having it for 2 weeks, I stumble through my Italian on a daily basis, the chick at the language school is a nutcase and actually, I hate teaching English (and I think I absolutely am pants at it). I have nice clothes, but honestly, who on earth am I wearing them for, as I don't go out much.
I do not understand Italians, and especially the women. I am sorry, I know this post is depression city and I admit that i am feeling sorry for myself, but what is the go with these people?! The women (that I know) are so jealous, they stare you up and down and comment on how I look at all times (tired! bella! skinny! not skinny!) They do not feel like true friends and seem to only give a toss about their families, which I can understand given that anyone outside of your family seems to want to use you for money, talk about money, be jealous, be competitive. God FORBID going out to split a bottle of wine (or two) over dinner and being silly. I actually can't even imagine finding a woman here to do that with.
I came from a rich group of girlfriends and have always been extra social, so it never even entered my head that I wouldn't make another gaggle of friends. The people I have met (and my H owns a company, so bare in mind a lot of people I know I met through work and they all seem to want to get a buck off him) just seem shady as hell and I am getting over even trying to make an effort anymore.
Before I was having some moments of depression, but I could always climb out of them. But after spending some time in London with some friends recently, I came back just gutted. I feel like the girl I used to be is just lost here. I can't even be funny as I don't get the sense of humor and anyways, my wit does not translate into Italian. I just remember bursting into tears at the airport coming back from the UK, with all its organization and clean, nice lines and people being civilized to the line at the Italian airport with the usual insanity, no lining up for anything, pushing to get ahead, staring, etc.
I just feel like I don't know what to do. I feel isolated here (I live in a village outside of Milan) with no car (my H always has it) and now no bike, and I feel like my life is constantly staying in the house and cooking and cleaning. Not like my Italian husband would ever wash a plate under any circumstances ever in life.
Now things are cracking at home because I am so down and trapped inside my head and my husband just wants me to be happy and I just hear myself complain. Things as simple as the hairdressers here are enough to make me cry now. I had beautiful blonde hair, now I have orange streaks where highlights are supposed to be. Good god.
Is this going to get better and will I come to some sort of acceptance of this life style and culture? If I can't see my own selfishness and pessimism and someone would like to shake me out of it and tell me off, please do. Just anything to help me get some perspective on this. I feel like I am starting to hate everything about Italy
Thank you all for reading.
Classic culture shock.
I know it well.
Italians below the age of 86 are all dodgey save for one or two!! Esp if they work for yr H. You have to have faith and try to find someone decent.
Italy is a country with very little of what we imagine but a lot of other weird stuff.
On the positive.
ermmmm get back to you on that one!
Forget and 360 everything you feel comfortable with. Become independent. Become black and white. Be decisive. Don't expect empathy from Italian hairdressers please!!
If you stay in Italy you will have to change. You'll have kids - they'll be living in a decent place. Small things count.
Only focus on positives - make a few each day.
Forget the negative stuff and move on.
Understand English laugh a lot and have booze sessions because they lack quality culture and lifestyle and family support. Look at your English self in a neutral context.
Find an new interest - Food or Wine!
Good luck
N
Last edited by nick garrett; Dec 11th 2011 at 11:12 am.
Dec 15th 2011, 12:52 pm
#34
Forum Regular
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 32
Re: 10 months here and depression is setting in
Hello everyone,
I don't often post on these boards as I don't feel I have much to contribute in the way of sage advice on life here in Italy, but when I have posted an issue, I have got consistently good, sound advice, so here's hoping someone out there knows about how I am feeling.
I hate to be a whinger and a Negative Nancy, but please humour me for a minute. I have been here for about 10 months, and I came to be with my boyfriend, who turned into my husband. At first I was romanced and enchanted about living in Italy. I imagined myself working at a little school, driving a cute bike around, and collecting fruit from markets whilst speaking fluent Italian. and wearing amazing clothes.
The reality looks like this: I have NO friends, my bike got stolen after having it for 2 weeks, I stumble through my Italian on a daily basis, the chick at the language school is a nutcase and actually, I hate teaching English (and I think I absolutely am pants at it). I have nice clothes, but honestly, who on earth am I wearing them for, as I don't go out much.
I do not understand Italians, and especially the women. I am sorry, I know this post is depression city and I admit that i am feeling sorry for myself, but what is the go with these people?! The women (that I know) are so jealous, they stare you up and down and comment on how I look at all times (tired! bella! skinny! not skinny!) They do not feel like true friends and seem to only give a toss about their families, which I can understand given that anyone outside of your family seems to want to use you for money, talk about money, be jealous, be competitive. God FORBID going out to split a bottle of wine (or two) over dinner and being silly. I actually can't even imagine finding a woman here to do that with.
I came from a rich group of girlfriends and have always been extra social, so it never even entered my head that I wouldn't make another gaggle of friends. The people I have met (and my H owns a company, so bare in mind a lot of people I know I met through work and they all seem to want to get a buck off him) just seem shady as hell and I am getting over even trying to make an effort anymore.
Before I was having some moments of depression, but I could always climb out of them. But after spending some time in London with some friends recently, I came back just gutted. I feel like the girl I used to be is just lost here. I can't even be funny as I don't get the sense of humor and anyways, my wit does not translate into Italian. I just remember bursting into tears at the airport coming back from the UK, with all its organization and clean, nice lines and people being civilized to the line at the Italian airport with the usual insanity, no lining up for anything, pushing to get ahead, staring, etc.
I just feel like I don't know what to do. I feel isolated here (I live in a village outside of Milan) with no car (my H always has it) and now no bike, and I feel like my life is constantly staying in the house and cooking and cleaning. Not like my Italian husband would ever wash a plate under any circumstances ever in life.
Now things are cracking at home because I am so down and trapped inside my head and my husband just wants me to be happy and I just hear myself complain. Things as simple as the hairdressers here are enough to make me cry now. I had beautiful blonde hair, now I have orange streaks where highlights are supposed to be. Good god.
Is this going to get better and will I come to some sort of acceptance of this life style and culture? If I can't see my own selfishness and pessimism and someone would like to shake me out of it and tell me off, please do. Just anything to help me get some perspective on this. I feel like I am starting to hate everything about Italy
Thank you all for reading.
I don't often post on these boards as I don't feel I have much to contribute in the way of sage advice on life here in Italy, but when I have posted an issue, I have got consistently good, sound advice, so here's hoping someone out there knows about how I am feeling.
I hate to be a whinger and a Negative Nancy, but please humour me for a minute. I have been here for about 10 months, and I came to be with my boyfriend, who turned into my husband. At first I was romanced and enchanted about living in Italy. I imagined myself working at a little school, driving a cute bike around, and collecting fruit from markets whilst speaking fluent Italian. and wearing amazing clothes.
The reality looks like this: I have NO friends, my bike got stolen after having it for 2 weeks, I stumble through my Italian on a daily basis, the chick at the language school is a nutcase and actually, I hate teaching English (and I think I absolutely am pants at it). I have nice clothes, but honestly, who on earth am I wearing them for, as I don't go out much.
I do not understand Italians, and especially the women. I am sorry, I know this post is depression city and I admit that i am feeling sorry for myself, but what is the go with these people?! The women (that I know) are so jealous, they stare you up and down and comment on how I look at all times (tired! bella! skinny! not skinny!) They do not feel like true friends and seem to only give a toss about their families, which I can understand given that anyone outside of your family seems to want to use you for money, talk about money, be jealous, be competitive. God FORBID going out to split a bottle of wine (or two) over dinner and being silly. I actually can't even imagine finding a woman here to do that with.
I came from a rich group of girlfriends and have always been extra social, so it never even entered my head that I wouldn't make another gaggle of friends. The people I have met (and my H owns a company, so bare in mind a lot of people I know I met through work and they all seem to want to get a buck off him) just seem shady as hell and I am getting over even trying to make an effort anymore.
Before I was having some moments of depression, but I could always climb out of them. But after spending some time in London with some friends recently, I came back just gutted. I feel like the girl I used to be is just lost here. I can't even be funny as I don't get the sense of humor and anyways, my wit does not translate into Italian. I just remember bursting into tears at the airport coming back from the UK, with all its organization and clean, nice lines and people being civilized to the line at the Italian airport with the usual insanity, no lining up for anything, pushing to get ahead, staring, etc.
I just feel like I don't know what to do. I feel isolated here (I live in a village outside of Milan) with no car (my H always has it) and now no bike, and I feel like my life is constantly staying in the house and cooking and cleaning. Not like my Italian husband would ever wash a plate under any circumstances ever in life.
Now things are cracking at home because I am so down and trapped inside my head and my husband just wants me to be happy and I just hear myself complain. Things as simple as the hairdressers here are enough to make me cry now. I had beautiful blonde hair, now I have orange streaks where highlights are supposed to be. Good god.
Is this going to get better and will I come to some sort of acceptance of this life style and culture? If I can't see my own selfishness and pessimism and someone would like to shake me out of it and tell me off, please do. Just anything to help me get some perspective on this. I feel like I am starting to hate everything about Italy
Thank you all for reading.
If you want to learn a way of life and the language, you must distance yourself from the 'easy way out' of speaking english and socialising with expats constantly.
Leave the tv or a radio on and you will be suprised how quickly phrases can be picked up - remember you wern't born with english language skills - you picked them up from the environment.
English language teaching is a career for few - around Milan there are major multi-nationals - apply to them for a job...
the best advice i got years ago..
have a bath wth a nice glass of wine and the world seems really better!
Dec 15th 2011, 1:28 pm
#35
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Jul 2010
Location: from Tilbury, Essex to Gallipoli, Italy
Posts: 614
Re: 10 months here and depression is setting in
Anyone know how sunnyjt is getting on? It would be nice to have an update.
Dec 15th 2011, 8:23 pm
#36
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 52
Re: 10 months here and depression is setting in
Dec 16th 2011, 3:48 pm
#39
Just Joined
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 6
Re: 10 months here and depression is setting in
Hi,
I'm the gardener's wife, an italian woman.
Sorry for my bad English. Generally, I read it better than I write
I read all threads and I can share everything that has been said about Italian women. I myself have a hard time finding Italian women friends.
The family in Italy is a grave and is leading Italy to the grave, but this is a long speech.
I live 45 km from the city where I was born and here all consider me a foreigner, they are all nice to me, but I'm always a foreigner!!
In my solitude, that I learned to appreciate, working on children sewing patterns on the computer, I become something of a misanthrope.
I think that many Italian women like me do not care of the house, or washing the dishes and so on, and would be happy to chat with British women (even with the difficulty of the language).
Perhaps we should seek us better each other!
I'm the gardener's wife, an italian woman.
Sorry for my bad English. Generally, I read it better than I write
I read all threads and I can share everything that has been said about Italian women. I myself have a hard time finding Italian women friends.
The family in Italy is a grave and is leading Italy to the grave, but this is a long speech.
I live 45 km from the city where I was born and here all consider me a foreigner, they are all nice to me, but I'm always a foreigner!!
In my solitude, that I learned to appreciate, working on children sewing patterns on the computer, I become something of a misanthrope.
I think that many Italian women like me do not care of the house, or washing the dishes and so on, and would be happy to chat with British women (even with the difficulty of the language).
Perhaps we should seek us better each other!
Dec 17th 2011, 10:06 am
#40
MODERATOR
Joined: Apr 2008
Location: Province of Vicenza
Posts: 19,035
Re: 10 months here and depression is setting in
Hi,
I'm the gardener's wife, an italian woman.
Sorry for my bad English. Generally, I read it better than I write
I read all threads and I can share everything that has been said about Italian women. I myself have a hard time finding Italian women friends.
The family in Italy is a grave and is leading Italy to the grave, but this is a long speech.
I live 45 km from the city where I was born and here all consider me a foreigner, they are all nice to me, but I'm always a foreigner!!
In my solitude, that I learned to appreciate, working on children sewing patterns on the computer, I become something of a misanthrope.
I think that many Italian women like me do not care of the house, or washing the dishes and so on, and would be happy to chat with British women (even with the difficulty of the language).
Perhaps we should seek us better each other!
I'm the gardener's wife, an italian woman.
Sorry for my bad English. Generally, I read it better than I write
I read all threads and I can share everything that has been said about Italian women. I myself have a hard time finding Italian women friends.
The family in Italy is a grave and is leading Italy to the grave, but this is a long speech.
I live 45 km from the city where I was born and here all consider me a foreigner, they are all nice to me, but I'm always a foreigner!!
In my solitude, that I learned to appreciate, working on children sewing patterns on the computer, I become something of a misanthrope.
I think that many Italian women like me do not care of the house, or washing the dishes and so on, and would be happy to chat with British women (even with the difficulty of the language).
Perhaps we should seek us better each other!
Nice to see you're not obsessed with cleaning too
Dec 17th 2011, 10:36 am
#41
Banned
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 431
Re: 10 months here and depression is setting in
If you want to find people close to you
Try facebook!
I tried to find people on here in sicily and it was not that easy
I searched to find people who had posted only once and messaged them
Guess what - there are active local groups all over FB
The sicily group i am in now has 500 members!
Which is why i stopped posting here - was only checking for a pm
Try facebook!
I tried to find people on here in sicily and it was not that easy
I searched to find people who had posted only once and messaged them
Guess what - there are active local groups all over FB
The sicily group i am in now has 500 members!
Which is why i stopped posting here - was only checking for a pm
Dec 17th 2011, 7:53 pm
#42
Forum Regular
Joined: Sep 2007
Location: Sicily
Posts: 247
Re: 10 months here and depression is setting in
If you want to find people close to you
Try facebook!
I tried to find people on here in sicily and it was not that easy
I searched to find people who had posted only once and messaged them
Guess what - there are active local groups all over FB
The sicily group i am in now has 500 members!
Which is why i stopped posting here - was only checking for a pm
Try facebook!
I tried to find people on here in sicily and it was not that easy
I searched to find people who had posted only once and messaged them
Guess what - there are active local groups all over FB
The sicily group i am in now has 500 members!
Which is why i stopped posting here - was only checking for a pm
Dec 22nd 2011, 12:32 pm
#43
Just Joined
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 1
Re: 10 months here and depression is setting in
Hi Sam, I see you are living in Faenza the same as me. Just wondering if you know anywhere that shows English Premier League football? I really miss going for a pint and watching the football on a weekend afternoon.
Thanks,
John
Thanks,
John
Dec 23rd 2011, 7:24 pm
#44
Forum Regular
Joined: Feb 2011
Location: Vigevano
Posts: 169
Re: 10 months here and depression is setting in
Hey Sunnyjt,
Unfortunately it always takes a while to settle down in a new country, sounds rethorical, and you 'll have probably to make a big effort to make it happen but you can't let depression win.
You honestly landed in the worst place to judge italian women, lots are so snooty, it's typical of Milan and you would just wish to kick them, some people are so narrow minded, that can't even understand they would just need to jump off their throne sometimes. Ignore them..
Not everyone is like that though, seriously, italians cannot be english, sorry, but you can find different and better people; if you have any sort of passion/interest you need to start from there..and firstly look for people you can have something in common..
Sport could be a good way, free-time courses...
You're kind of lucky as Milan, even if it's not like London, has lots to offer.
I read your post on the international expats FB in Milan, look for another one,if you had a bad impression...I'm sure there's more than one..
You need to do a bit of research on google..
I'm just thinking at Porta Ticinese right now( which is an area in Milan) and I Navigli, some nice bars, international vibes...Come on!!
Unfortunately it always takes a while to settle down in a new country, sounds rethorical, and you 'll have probably to make a big effort to make it happen but you can't let depression win.
You honestly landed in the worst place to judge italian women, lots are so snooty, it's typical of Milan and you would just wish to kick them, some people are so narrow minded, that can't even understand they would just need to jump off their throne sometimes. Ignore them..
Not everyone is like that though, seriously, italians cannot be english, sorry, but you can find different and better people; if you have any sort of passion/interest you need to start from there..and firstly look for people you can have something in common..
Sport could be a good way, free-time courses...
You're kind of lucky as Milan, even if it's not like London, has lots to offer.
I read your post on the international expats FB in Milan, look for another one,if you had a bad impression...I'm sure there's more than one..
You need to do a bit of research on google..
I'm just thinking at Porta Ticinese right now( which is an area in Milan) and I Navigli, some nice bars, international vibes...Come on!!
Dec 30th 2011, 1:32 pm
#45
Just Joined
Joined: Dec 2011
Location: Turin
Posts: 6
Re: 10 months here and depression is setting in
I can sympathize with your situation. I've been here for a little more than three years, and while I was quite happy and sociable in the beginning, I have become increasingly reclusive. Thankfully, I have my boyfriend, who I met during my first year here, and he has a very open and understanding mother. I live with them now and we keep each other company. One thing I do miss are the long chats I used to have with my girlfriends back home. Though my Italian is pretty good, I doubt I will ever be good enough to express my deepest thoughts and true sense of humour. I guess that's why I find it difficult to make new friends. However, I have met quite a few British expats who have been here for 20+ years, and they seem to have settled in very well. I guess it just takes time!