When to tell the family?
May 28th 2003, 11:20 am
#1
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: When to tell the family?
Depending on family circumstances, the parents might be able to
migrate to Australia too via the Contributory Parents visa, once the
migrating children are in a position to sponsor.
This is especially so if they have only one or two children, as the
Balance of Family test will then be satisfied with just one child in
Australia.
Jeremy
>On Thu, 29 May 2003 10:53:09 +0000, ohsohopeful wrote:
>As I suspect with most people, we sold it to our parents on the basis
>that they'll have wonderful holidays and somewhere nice to retire if
>they wish.
>Good luck, let us know how it goes.
>--
>Posted via http://britishexpats.com
This is not intended to be legal advice in any jurisdiction
migrate to Australia too via the Contributory Parents visa, once the
migrating children are in a position to sponsor.
This is especially so if they have only one or two children, as the
Balance of Family test will then be satisfied with just one child in
Australia.
Jeremy
>On Thu, 29 May 2003 10:53:09 +0000, ohsohopeful wrote:
>As I suspect with most people, we sold it to our parents on the basis
>that they'll have wonderful holidays and somewhere nice to retire if
>they wish.
>Good luck, let us know how it goes.
>--
>Posted via http://britishexpats.com
This is not intended to be legal advice in any jurisdiction
May 29th 2003, 10:16 am
#2
Forum Regular
Joined: Mar 2003
Location: North Sydney
Posts: 241
When to tell the family?
Please give me some advice!
My husband and recently submitted our PR application however, we haven't told our family we have done so. In fact, we have never ever mentioned that we were even thinking about emigrating so everyone is going to be pretty shocked!
The problem is how and when do we tell the family? Our brothers and sisters will be fine (we hope) but my husband and I are really worried about telling his mum. I lost my mum to cancer just over a year ago and since then I have become really close to my mother-in-law. Our 2 children (aged 2yrs and 8 months old) are currently her only grandchildren. She sees them every few days and looks after them on the days when I am at work, she absolutely adores them!
Should we tell her now before we have hopefully gained our PR visa or should we wait until the visa has been granted? I think the longer we wait the harder it is going to get and if we leave it until we have the visa it is going to be a real shock to people especially my mother in law.
My husband is now getting quite worked up about it and I think that it would be a weight lifted if we told her our intentions sooner than later.
I love to know how those in a similar situation have handled it!
Thanks
TOB
My husband and recently submitted our PR application however, we haven't told our family we have done so. In fact, we have never ever mentioned that we were even thinking about emigrating so everyone is going to be pretty shocked!
The problem is how and when do we tell the family? Our brothers and sisters will be fine (we hope) but my husband and I are really worried about telling his mum. I lost my mum to cancer just over a year ago and since then I have become really close to my mother-in-law. Our 2 children (aged 2yrs and 8 months old) are currently her only grandchildren. She sees them every few days and looks after them on the days when I am at work, she absolutely adores them!
Should we tell her now before we have hopefully gained our PR visa or should we wait until the visa has been granted? I think the longer we wait the harder it is going to get and if we leave it until we have the visa it is going to be a real shock to people especially my mother in law.
My husband is now getting quite worked up about it and I think that it would be a weight lifted if we told her our intentions sooner than later.
I love to know how those in a similar situation have handled it!
Thanks
TOB
May 29th 2003, 10:23 am
#3
Hussy
Joined: Feb 2003
Location: Australia...for now
Posts: 1,035
Re: When to tell the family?
Originally posted by TOB
Please give me some advice!
My husband and recently submitted our PR application however, we haven't told our family we have done so. In fact, we have never ever mentioned that we were even thinking about emigrating so everyone is going to be pretty shocked!
The problem is how and when do we tell the family? Our brothers and sisters will be fine (we hope) but my husband and I are really worried about telling his mum. I lost my mum to cancer just over a year ago and since then I have become really close to my mother-in-law. Our 2 children (aged 2yrs and 8 months old) are currently her only grandchildren. She sees them every few days and looks after them on the days when I am at work, she absolutely adores them!
Should we tell her now before we have hopefully gained our PR visa or should we wait until the visa has been granted? I think the longer we wait the harder it is going to get and if we leave it until we have the visa it is going to be a real shock to people especially my mother in law.
My husband is now getting quite worked up about it and I think that it would be a weight lifted if we told her our intentions sooner than later.
I love to know how those in a similar situation have handled it!
Thanks
TOB
Please give me some advice!
My husband and recently submitted our PR application however, we haven't told our family we have done so. In fact, we have never ever mentioned that we were even thinking about emigrating so everyone is going to be pretty shocked!
The problem is how and when do we tell the family? Our brothers and sisters will be fine (we hope) but my husband and I are really worried about telling his mum. I lost my mum to cancer just over a year ago and since then I have become really close to my mother-in-law. Our 2 children (aged 2yrs and 8 months old) are currently her only grandchildren. She sees them every few days and looks after them on the days when I am at work, she absolutely adores them!
Should we tell her now before we have hopefully gained our PR visa or should we wait until the visa has been granted? I think the longer we wait the harder it is going to get and if we leave it until we have the visa it is going to be a real shock to people especially my mother in law.
My husband is now getting quite worked up about it and I think that it would be a weight lifted if we told her our intentions sooner than later.
I love to know how those in a similar situation have handled it!
Thanks
TOB
my advice would be to tell your monther in law now, and give them time for it to sink in before you leave. Saying "we are leaving in 6 months" will be much easier (on both you and her) than saying "we are leaving in 6 weeks".
We told our parents when we first started thinking seriously about making the move (well before we had even applied for the skills assesment. At the time they didn't take it too hard as it was all speculation. Now (2 years on) they are used to the idea and generally very positive.
Good luck
Mel
May 29th 2003, 10:53 am
#4
Bubble blowing member
Joined: May 2003
Location: Townsville, QLD
Posts: 312
Similar Situation
Hi TOB
Our situation is similar although there are no children involved. My other half's parents have always been close to us geographically and as he is the only child they dote on him somewhat. When we came back from holiday with photos of Real Estate Agents and the like, they got the gist of it. We didn't tell them anything formally while the skills assessment was going through but now that we've lodged the visa application itself we felt the time was right.
I don't think they saw it as a short term plan and maybe didn't think we'd be going through with it, but now that the house is on the market, it's starting to sink in.
The advice above is correct - the earlier you brooch the subject the easier it will be when the time comes. If the grandparents feel that they've been left out in the cold it'll only make it worse.
As I suspect with most people, we sold it to our parents on the basis that they'll have wonderful holidays and somewhere nice to retire if they wish.
Good luck, let us know how it goes.
Our situation is similar although there are no children involved. My other half's parents have always been close to us geographically and as he is the only child they dote on him somewhat. When we came back from holiday with photos of Real Estate Agents and the like, they got the gist of it. We didn't tell them anything formally while the skills assessment was going through but now that we've lodged the visa application itself we felt the time was right.
I don't think they saw it as a short term plan and maybe didn't think we'd be going through with it, but now that the house is on the market, it's starting to sink in.
The advice above is correct - the earlier you brooch the subject the easier it will be when the time comes. If the grandparents feel that they've been left out in the cold it'll only make it worse.
As I suspect with most people, we sold it to our parents on the basis that they'll have wonderful holidays and somewhere nice to retire if they wish.
Good luck, let us know how it goes.
May 29th 2003, 11:09 am
#5
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Oct 2002
Location: Sussex
Posts: 1,927
Hi
It will be easier in the long run if you tell her now, that we you can all get used to the idea together once she gets over the initial shock.
Have you considered taking her with you? I am sure some people have taken their in-laws with them.
Anyway good luck and hope it all works out.
footie chick
It will be easier in the long run if you tell her now, that we you can all get used to the idea together once she gets over the initial shock.
Have you considered taking her with you? I am sure some people have taken their in-laws with them.
Anyway good luck and hope it all works out.
footie chick
May 29th 2003, 11:14 am
#6
High in the Dandenongs
Joined: Apr 2003
Location: Listening to Puffing Billy
Posts: 9,183
Hi
We told all ours right from the start.
It went down like a lead ballon, but now, 18 months later they are all talking positively about visiting etc, i think giving them chance to get used to it is kinder all round! (even on you, cos you just feel guilty otherwise)
All the best
Heather
We told all ours right from the start.
It went down like a lead ballon, but now, 18 months later they are all talking positively about visiting etc, i think giving them chance to get used to it is kinder all round! (even on you, cos you just feel guilty otherwise)
All the best
Heather
May 29th 2003, 12:31 pm
#7
Forum Regular
Joined: May 2003
Location: Sydney, Australia
Posts: 63
We went through similar issues, with having a close knit family unit here, and we debated who and when to tell, but it was a short debate. You have to tell them, and more importantly, explain WHY. they will all understand once the why sinks in. Also, try and do things early so the last few weeks can be quality time. We are planning to fly September 1st, but we are planning to move out of our house by mid to late July and move in with family to spend quality time.
Last thing you want to do days before you are leaving, is still running around trying to pack, do things etc.
Last thing you want to do days before you are leaving, is still running around trying to pack, do things etc.
May 29th 2003, 1:02 pm
#8
Forum Regular
Joined: Mar 2003
Location: North Sydney
Posts: 241
When to tell the family?
Thanks for all your responses.
It appears that most of you think that we should tell the family sooner rather than later. I think that my husband is worried that we will tell everyone now and then what happens if we don't get our visa, we have worried them over nothing. I keep telling him that I can't see any reason for us not to be granted a visa (have 120 points and application is straight forward/no medical problems) but he keeps saying you never know!!
We are going to Rome in July with his mum & sister so don't want to tell here before and upset her for the trip so I think I will try and encourage him to tell her afterwards.
Why is it so difficult!!
TOB
It appears that most of you think that we should tell the family sooner rather than later. I think that my husband is worried that we will tell everyone now and then what happens if we don't get our visa, we have worried them over nothing. I keep telling him that I can't see any reason for us not to be granted a visa (have 120 points and application is straight forward/no medical problems) but he keeps saying you never know!!
We are going to Rome in July with his mum & sister so don't want to tell here before and upset her for the trip so I think I will try and encourage him to tell her afterwards.
Why is it so difficult!!
TOB
May 30th 2003, 4:49 am
#9
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: When to tell the family?
Send them a postcard when you get there ... At least that way you dont have
to listen to them complain ...
just kidding - The sooner you tell them, the longer they have to really
enjoy you still being around.
Good luck
"TOB" wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
> Please give me some advice!
> My husband and recently submitted our PR application however, we haven't
> told our family we have done so. In fact, we have never ever mentioned
> that we were even thinking about emigrating so everyone is going to be
> pretty shocked!
> The problem is how and when do we tell the family? Our brothers and
> sisters will be fine (we hope) but my husband and I are really worried
> about telling his mum. I lost my mum to cancer just over a year ago and
> since then I have become really close to my mother-in-law. Our 2
> children (aged 2yrs and 8 months old) are currently her only
> grandchildren. She sees them every few days and looks after them on the
> days when I am at work, she absolutely adores them!
> Should we tell her now before we have hopefully gained our PR visa or
> should we wait until the visa has been granted? I think the longer
> we wait the harder it is going to get and if we leave it until we
> have the visa it is going to be a real shock to people especially my
> mother in law.
> My husband is now getting quite worked up about it and I think that
> it would be a weight lifted if we told her our intentions sooner
> than later.
> I love to know how those in a similar situation have handled it!
> Thanks
> TOB
> --
> Posted via http://britishexpats.com
to listen to them complain ...
just kidding - The sooner you tell them, the longer they have to really
enjoy you still being around.
Good luck
"TOB" wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
> Please give me some advice!
> My husband and recently submitted our PR application however, we haven't
> told our family we have done so. In fact, we have never ever mentioned
> that we were even thinking about emigrating so everyone is going to be
> pretty shocked!
> The problem is how and when do we tell the family? Our brothers and
> sisters will be fine (we hope) but my husband and I are really worried
> about telling his mum. I lost my mum to cancer just over a year ago and
> since then I have become really close to my mother-in-law. Our 2
> children (aged 2yrs and 8 months old) are currently her only
> grandchildren. She sees them every few days and looks after them on the
> days when I am at work, she absolutely adores them!
> Should we tell her now before we have hopefully gained our PR visa or
> should we wait until the visa has been granted? I think the longer
> we wait the harder it is going to get and if we leave it until we
> have the visa it is going to be a real shock to people especially my
> mother in law.
> My husband is now getting quite worked up about it and I think that
> it would be a weight lifted if we told her our intentions sooner
> than later.
> I love to know how those in a similar situation have handled it!
> Thanks
> TOB
> --
> Posted via http://britishexpats.com
May 30th 2003, 7:48 am
#10
Forum Regular
Joined: Oct 2002
Location: Leicestershire
Posts: 85
Hi, we are in a similar situ, hubbies mum adores our children and has no other grandchildren. Her farm is a kids haven of footie pitch, cricket pitch, streams, ponies and dens - kids adore her and her partner.
Ian intends to tell her - but when? you know men....no doubt it will be left to me. (when the house goes up for sale)
My parents are following as my brother is already there - so no problem.
I intend to promote the fact that she can visit for 6 months of the year if she wants - and get away from the cold damp weather. At the end of the day we have to think of the lifestyle we are offering our children by going.
Whatever way, you are best to get it out in the open so she gets used to it and is involved in the discusssions. We have not done this yet and I do feel very guilty.
best of luck
MaggieLou
Ian intends to tell her - but when? you know men....no doubt it will be left to me. (when the house goes up for sale)
My parents are following as my brother is already there - so no problem.
I intend to promote the fact that she can visit for 6 months of the year if she wants - and get away from the cold damp weather. At the end of the day we have to think of the lifestyle we are offering our children by going.
Whatever way, you are best to get it out in the open so she gets used to it and is involved in the discusssions. We have not done this yet and I do feel very guilty.
best of luck
MaggieLou
May 30th 2003, 1:19 pm
#11
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: When to tell the family?
TOB,
I understand the reasons given by the others for telling the folks
early, but I didn't tell anyone at all until my PR visa was actually
granted, for various reasons.
Firstly you could look fairly silly if the visa is not granted. After
telling others of your grand plans you may end up with egg on your
face. And some unkind people may take pleasure if this were to happen.
Also, while you are waiting it could harm your or your husbands
employment, career path etc. If employers (and others) simply don't
expect you to be here in a while, they may not see any point in
investing much time or effort meanwhile. And of course if the visa is
later not granted, an employers may be somewhat exasperated by your
changing intentions.
In short it was better for me to live life for two years on the basis
that I would not be leaving for Oz, and then the granting of the visa
was even more of a bonus. Now that I have the visa, I only have a
short time to make my initial entry to Australia on a short visit, but
then have plenty of time, effectively up to 5 years to make firm plans
to move and then tell everyone who needs to know
For me it was better to keep quiet during the long wait, but of course
I realise that things may be different in your owen situation.
Best of luck anyway
Zephyr
I understand the reasons given by the others for telling the folks
early, but I didn't tell anyone at all until my PR visa was actually
granted, for various reasons.
Firstly you could look fairly silly if the visa is not granted. After
telling others of your grand plans you may end up with egg on your
face. And some unkind people may take pleasure if this were to happen.
Also, while you are waiting it could harm your or your husbands
employment, career path etc. If employers (and others) simply don't
expect you to be here in a while, they may not see any point in
investing much time or effort meanwhile. And of course if the visa is
later not granted, an employers may be somewhat exasperated by your
changing intentions.
In short it was better for me to live life for two years on the basis
that I would not be leaving for Oz, and then the granting of the visa
was even more of a bonus. Now that I have the visa, I only have a
short time to make my initial entry to Australia on a short visit, but
then have plenty of time, effectively up to 5 years to make firm plans
to move and then tell everyone who needs to know
For me it was better to keep quiet during the long wait, but of course
I realise that things may be different in your owen situation.
Best of luck anyway
Zephyr
