pressure from parents to stay in UK
Dec 3rd 2002, 3:29 pm
#1
Guest
Posts: n/a
pressure from parents to stay in UK
Has anyone one experinced and come through the pressure of family not
wanting them to move. We are planning to move to OZ and as an only
child my parents are making me feel extremely gulity for leaving them.
They are not yet in there sixties with no health problems. But as we
have a child they keeps raising the issue of not seeing there
grandchild and how selfish we are.
Im beginning to consider staying put!! I would be grateful to here
from anyone in a simular situation.
marianne
wanting them to move. We are planning to move to OZ and as an only
child my parents are making me feel extremely gulity for leaving them.
They are not yet in there sixties with no health problems. But as we
have a child they keeps raising the issue of not seeing there
grandchild and how selfish we are.
Im beginning to consider staying put!! I would be grateful to here
from anyone in a simular situation.
marianne
Dec 3rd 2002, 4:01 pm
#2
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 310
Parents
As an only child your parents migrate after you. They may well qualify on the balance of family test (if that's still operating).
You talk as if your parents are still 'together'. It'd be more difficult on you if they lived 'alone'.
What I would do is get them passports and get them visitor visas (or temp resident non working visas) in their passports so that they are primed and ready to come out to Oz.
Remind them that you are only a day away ... tell them that you'll phone often (international dialling is often cheaper than long distance calls).
Maybe set up a PC with a webcam that they can keep in touch with the grandkids.
You talk as if your parents are still 'together'. It'd be more difficult on you if they lived 'alone'.
What I would do is get them passports and get them visitor visas (or temp resident non working visas) in their passports so that they are primed and ready to come out to Oz.
Remind them that you are only a day away ... tell them that you'll phone often (international dialling is often cheaper than long distance calls).
Maybe set up a PC with a webcam that they can keep in touch with the grandkids.
Dec 4th 2002, 11:16 am
#3
Forum Regular
Joined: Mar 2002
Location: lancashire
Posts: 236
Fortunately, although I tortured myself about telling my parents, they were extremely understanding, in fact they were completely the opposite to what I had expected. I have 3 children which they dote on - my Mother sees them 3 times a week. However, they understand the need for us to provide as good a life as possible for them and in their opinion we may well find it in NZ. We have to live our own lives and they can't live it for us. My parents are quite elderly and if they visit us at all when we leave, it will probably be only once.
I still torture myself with guilt when I see them with the children and I think what we are planning on doing. I also feel bad that I am depriving my children of their grandparents but I have to think about the positive aspects of our new life. In reality, although harsh, it is your parents who are being selfish in expecting you to put your life on hold and stay around for them. I know we owe our parents an awful lot but there is a time to let go and deep down they should appreciate that you only want to do what is best for your family.
I know when I leave they are the only things I will miss about the UK. This is an issue that most people on this forum have to come to terms with at some point or other. My advice, think about your husband and child first and what is best for all of you.
Good luck with whatever you decide and hold onto your dream if that is what you really want.
Lizzie
I still torture myself with guilt when I see them with the children and I think what we are planning on doing. I also feel bad that I am depriving my children of their grandparents but I have to think about the positive aspects of our new life. In reality, although harsh, it is your parents who are being selfish in expecting you to put your life on hold and stay around for them. I know we owe our parents an awful lot but there is a time to let go and deep down they should appreciate that you only want to do what is best for your family.
I know when I leave they are the only things I will miss about the UK. This is an issue that most people on this forum have to come to terms with at some point or other. My advice, think about your husband and child first and what is best for all of you.
Good luck with whatever you decide and hold onto your dream if that is what you really want.
Lizzie
Dec 4th 2002, 1:16 pm
#4
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: pressure from parents to stay in UK
[email protected] (marianne ellis) wrote in message news:...
> Has anyone one experinced and come through the pressure of family not
> wanting them to move.
Marianne,
We are currently going through the same thing. My husband has a twin
sister but she is not married and has no children. My mother in-law
has called several times to say how sad she is and how she feels she
will never see her grandchildren again if we go. Its very hard to
deal with. My husband cannot sleep after she calls as he feels so
bad. My parents may feel the same but come up with more pragmatic
objections such as 'you don't even have a job to go to' and 'it will
be so disruptive to the children'. These are easier to deal with as
they can be proved wrong or right but the emotional pressure from my
mother-in-law is much harder to mentally square away. At the moment
we are dealing with it by encouraging as much discussion as possible
on the subject and are planning to go and spend a weekend with her
shortly to discuss it more. She is on her own and in her
mid-seventies and although fit and well is unlikely to be able to make
the journey to Australia.
It is a really hard one and very painful to deal with. We try to
persuade ourselves that our childrens future is our priority now, but
it doesn't make it any easier.
Good luck
Vicky
> Has anyone one experinced and come through the pressure of family not
> wanting them to move.
Marianne,
We are currently going through the same thing. My husband has a twin
sister but she is not married and has no children. My mother in-law
has called several times to say how sad she is and how she feels she
will never see her grandchildren again if we go. Its very hard to
deal with. My husband cannot sleep after she calls as he feels so
bad. My parents may feel the same but come up with more pragmatic
objections such as 'you don't even have a job to go to' and 'it will
be so disruptive to the children'. These are easier to deal with as
they can be proved wrong or right but the emotional pressure from my
mother-in-law is much harder to mentally square away. At the moment
we are dealing with it by encouraging as much discussion as possible
on the subject and are planning to go and spend a weekend with her
shortly to discuss it more. She is on her own and in her
mid-seventies and although fit and well is unlikely to be able to make
the journey to Australia.
It is a really hard one and very painful to deal with. We try to
persuade ourselves that our childrens future is our priority now, but
it doesn't make it any easier.
Good luck
Vicky
Dec 4th 2002, 6:48 pm
#5
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: pressure from parents to stay in UK
If you do stay put, and let your chance to migrate lapse (perhaps for
good) then how's that going to affect your relationship with your
parents in the long run?
My suggestion is go anyhow, but be prepared to come back for a while
3/4 years down the line if separation from your parents is really a
problem. Preferably after taking citizenship first.
Many parents in this position travel out to Australia for a few months
each year, usually escaping the northern winter.
The other medium term option would be for your parents to look at the
new parent migrant visas when they come into effect, although these
will not be cheap at A$25k per head.
Jeremy
>On 3 Dec 2002 08:29:49 -0800, [email protected] (marianne ellis) wrote:
>Has anyone one experinced and come through the pressure of family not
>wanting them to move. We are planning to move to OZ and as an only
>child my parents are making me feel extremely gulity for leaving them.
>They are not yet in there sixties with no health problems. But as we
>have a child they keeps raising the issue of not seeing there
>grandchild and how selfish we are.
>Im beginning to consider staying put!! I would be grateful to here
>from anyone in a simular situation.
>marianne
This is not intended to be legal advice in any jurisdiction
good) then how's that going to affect your relationship with your
parents in the long run?
My suggestion is go anyhow, but be prepared to come back for a while
3/4 years down the line if separation from your parents is really a
problem. Preferably after taking citizenship first.
Many parents in this position travel out to Australia for a few months
each year, usually escaping the northern winter.
The other medium term option would be for your parents to look at the
new parent migrant visas when they come into effect, although these
will not be cheap at A$25k per head.
Jeremy
>On 3 Dec 2002 08:29:49 -0800, [email protected] (marianne ellis) wrote:
>Has anyone one experinced and come through the pressure of family not
>wanting them to move. We are planning to move to OZ and as an only
>child my parents are making me feel extremely gulity for leaving them.
>They are not yet in there sixties with no health problems. But as we
>have a child they keeps raising the issue of not seeing there
>grandchild and how selfish we are.
>Im beginning to consider staying put!! I would be grateful to here
>from anyone in a simular situation.
>marianne
This is not intended to be legal advice in any jurisdiction
Dec 5th 2002, 8:14 am
#6
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: pressure from parents to stay in UK
[email protected] (JAJ) wrote in message Thank you for the replys to
my dilema, Jermery mentioned about my parents vistiting I forgot to
mention that my mother has a never been on a plane and never will she
has a fear of flighing.I would feel far happier if I knew she would
visit, but I think if my husband and I can recieve citzenship then it
would be fantastic. Maybe I will buy her hypnosis vouchers for her
fear of flighting!!!
Anyway thanks again
news:...
> If you do stay put, and let your chance to migrate lapse (perhaps for
> good) then how's that going to affect your relationship with your
> parents in the long run?
>
> My suggestion is go anyhow, but be prepared to come back for a while
> 3/4 years down the line if separation from your parents is really a
> problem. Preferably after taking citizenship first.
>
> Many parents in this position travel out to Australia for a few months
> each year, usually escaping the northern winter.
>
> The other medium term option would be for your parents to look at the
> new parent migrant visas when they come into effect, although these
> will not be cheap at A$25k per head.
>
> Jeremy
>
> >On 3 Dec 2002 08:29:49 -0800, [email protected] (marianne ellis) wrote:
> >Has anyone one experinced and come through the pressure of family not
> >wanting them to move. We are planning to move to OZ and as an only
> >child my parents are making me feel extremely gulity for leaving them.
> >They are not yet in there sixties with no health problems. But as we
> >have a child they keeps raising the issue of not seeing there
> >grandchild and how selfish we are.
> >
> >Im beginning to consider staying put!! I would be grateful to here
> >from anyone in a simular situation.
> >
> >marianne
>
> This is not intended to be legal advice in any jurisdiction
my dilema, Jermery mentioned about my parents vistiting I forgot to
mention that my mother has a never been on a plane and never will she
has a fear of flighing.I would feel far happier if I knew she would
visit, but I think if my husband and I can recieve citzenship then it
would be fantastic. Maybe I will buy her hypnosis vouchers for her
fear of flighting!!!
Anyway thanks again
news:...
> If you do stay put, and let your chance to migrate lapse (perhaps for
> good) then how's that going to affect your relationship with your
> parents in the long run?
>
> My suggestion is go anyhow, but be prepared to come back for a while
> 3/4 years down the line if separation from your parents is really a
> problem. Preferably after taking citizenship first.
>
> Many parents in this position travel out to Australia for a few months
> each year, usually escaping the northern winter.
>
> The other medium term option would be for your parents to look at the
> new parent migrant visas when they come into effect, although these
> will not be cheap at A$25k per head.
>
> Jeremy
>
> >On 3 Dec 2002 08:29:49 -0800, [email protected] (marianne ellis) wrote:
> >Has anyone one experinced and come through the pressure of family not
> >wanting them to move. We are planning to move to OZ and as an only
> >child my parents are making me feel extremely gulity for leaving them.
> >They are not yet in there sixties with no health problems. But as we
> >have a child they keeps raising the issue of not seeing there
> >grandchild and how selfish we are.
> >
> >Im beginning to consider staying put!! I would be grateful to here
> >from anyone in a simular situation.
> >
> >marianne
>
> This is not intended to be legal advice in any jurisdiction
Dec 5th 2002, 9:14 am
#7
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: pressure from parents to stay in UK
Information on citizenship is at:
http://www.citizenship.gov.au
The residence period is 2 years, and you do not lose British
citizenship by taking Australian citizenship.
Jeremy
>On 5 Dec 2002 01:14:01 -0800, [email protected] (marianne ellis) wrote:
>[email protected] (JAJ) wrote in message Thank you for the replys to
>my dilema, Jermery mentioned about my parents vistiting I forgot to
>mention that my mother has a never been on a plane and never will she
>has a fear of flighing.I would feel far happier if I knew she would
>visit, but I think if my husband and I can recieve citzenship then it
>would be fantastic. Maybe I will buy her hypnosis vouchers for her
>fear of flighting!!!
This is not intended to be legal advice in any jurisdiction
http://www.citizenship.gov.au
The residence period is 2 years, and you do not lose British
citizenship by taking Australian citizenship.
Jeremy
>On 5 Dec 2002 01:14:01 -0800, [email protected] (marianne ellis) wrote:
>[email protected] (JAJ) wrote in message Thank you for the replys to
>my dilema, Jermery mentioned about my parents vistiting I forgot to
>mention that my mother has a never been on a plane and never will she
>has a fear of flighing.I would feel far happier if I knew she would
>visit, but I think if my husband and I can recieve citzenship then it
>would be fantastic. Maybe I will buy her hypnosis vouchers for her
>fear of flighting!!!
This is not intended to be legal advice in any jurisdiction
Dec 5th 2002, 11:06 am
#8
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: pressure from parents to stay in UK
I tried that myself. My parents were never ever going to move. It was never
gonna happen. I suspect a lot of parents are the same.
"Stan J" wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
> As an only child your parents migrate after you. They may well qualify
> on the balance of family test (if that's still operating).
> You talk as if your parents are still 'together'. It'd be more
> difficult on you if they lived 'alone'.
> What I would do is get them passports and get them visitor visas (or
> temp resident non working visas) in their passports so that they are
> primed and ready to come out to Oz.
> Remind them that you are only a day away ... tell them that you'll
> phone often (international dialling is often cheaper than long
> distance calls).
> Maybe set up a PC with a webcam that they can keep in touch with the
> grandkids.
> --
> Posted via http://britishexpats.com
gonna happen. I suspect a lot of parents are the same.
"Stan J" wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
> As an only child your parents migrate after you. They may well qualify
> on the balance of family test (if that's still operating).
> You talk as if your parents are still 'together'. It'd be more
> difficult on you if they lived 'alone'.
> What I would do is get them passports and get them visitor visas (or
> temp resident non working visas) in their passports so that they are
> primed and ready to come out to Oz.
> Remind them that you are only a day away ... tell them that you'll
> phone often (international dialling is often cheaper than long
> distance calls).
> Maybe set up a PC with a webcam that they can keep in touch with the
> grandkids.
> --
> Posted via http://britishexpats.com
Dec 5th 2002, 11:41 am
#9
Forum Regular
Joined: May 2002
Location: Robina, Gold Coast, Qld
Posts: 66
Re: pressure from parents to stay in UK
Hi Jeremy
Could you tell me a little more about new "parent migration visas" (when do they come into effect, etc) or point me in the direction of a link, please?
Thank you very much
Caryn
Could you tell me a little more about new "parent migration visas" (when do they come into effect, etc) or point me in the direction of a link, please?
Thank you very much
Caryn
Originally posted by Jaj
The other medium term option would be for your parents to look at the
new parent migrant visas when they come into effect, although these
will not be cheap at A$25k per head.
Jeremy
This is not intended to be legal advice in any jurisdiction
The other medium term option would be for your parents to look at the
new parent migrant visas when they come into effect, although these
will not be cheap at A$25k per head.
Jeremy
This is not intended to be legal advice in any jurisdiction
Dec 5th 2002, 12:46 pm
#10
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: pressure from parents to stay in UK
"marianne ellis" wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
> [email protected] (JAJ) wrote in message Thank you for the replys to
> my dilema, Jermery mentioned about my parents vistiting I forgot to
> mention that my mother has a never been on a plane and never will she
> has a fear of flighing.I would feel far happier if I knew she would
> visit, but I think if my husband and I can recieve citzenship then it
> would be fantastic. Maybe I will buy her hypnosis vouchers for her
> fear of flighting!!!
I think either Virgin or BA do courses to help people with a fear of flying.
--
Regards
-Terry
news:[email protected]...
> [email protected] (JAJ) wrote in message Thank you for the replys to
> my dilema, Jermery mentioned about my parents vistiting I forgot to
> mention that my mother has a never been on a plane and never will she
> has a fear of flighing.I would feel far happier if I knew she would
> visit, but I think if my husband and I can recieve citzenship then it
> would be fantastic. Maybe I will buy her hypnosis vouchers for her
> fear of flighting!!!
I think either Virgin or BA do courses to help people with a fear of flying.
--
Regards
-Terry
Dec 5th 2002, 7:29 pm
#11
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: pressure from parents to stay in UK
Information is here:
http://www.minister.immi.gov.au/medi...a02/r02097.htm
http://www.immi.gov.au/allforms/f_parent_121102.htm
They're not likely to be in effect until some point in 2003.
Jeremy
>On Thu, 05 Dec 2002 12:41:56 +0000, WARDY wrote:
>Hi Jeremy
>Could you tell me a little more about new "parent migration visas"
>(when do they come into effect, etc) or point me in the direction of a
>link, please?
>Thank you very much
>Caryn
>Originally posted by Jaj
>> The other medium term option would be for your parents to look at the
>> new parent migrant visas when they come into effect, although these
>> will not be cheap at A$25k per head.
>> Jeremy
>This is not intended to be legal advice in any jurisdiction
>--
>Posted via http://britishexpats.com
This is not intended to be legal advice in any jurisdiction
http://www.minister.immi.gov.au/medi...a02/r02097.htm
http://www.immi.gov.au/allforms/f_parent_121102.htm
They're not likely to be in effect until some point in 2003.
Jeremy
>On Thu, 05 Dec 2002 12:41:56 +0000, WARDY wrote:
>Hi Jeremy
>Could you tell me a little more about new "parent migration visas"
>(when do they come into effect, etc) or point me in the direction of a
>link, please?
>Thank you very much
>Caryn
>Originally posted by Jaj
>> The other medium term option would be for your parents to look at the
>> new parent migrant visas when they come into effect, although these
>> will not be cheap at A$25k per head.
>> Jeremy
>This is not intended to be legal advice in any jurisdiction
>--
>Posted via http://britishexpats.com
This is not intended to be legal advice in any jurisdiction
Dec 6th 2002, 2:10 pm
#12
Forum Regular
Joined: Dec 2002
Location: lincolnshire South of Perth by end of October 03 Please
Posts: 273
Re: pressure from parents to stay in UK
Originally posted by Marianne Ellis
Has anyone one experinced and come through the pressure of family not
wanting them to move. We are planning to move to OZ and as an only
child my parents are making me feel extremely gulity for leaving them.
They are not yet in there sixties with no health problems. But as we
have a child they keeps raising the issue of not seeing there
grandchild and how selfish we are.
Im beginning to consider staying put!! I would be grateful to here
from anyone in a simular situation.
marianne
Has anyone one experinced and come through the pressure of family not
wanting them to move. We are planning to move to OZ and as an only
child my parents are making me feel extremely gulity for leaving them.
They are not yet in there sixties with no health problems. But as we
have a child they keeps raising the issue of not seeing there
grandchild and how selfish we are.
Im beginning to consider staying put!! I would be grateful to here
from anyone in a simular situation.
marianne
Dec 6th 2002, 2:20 pm
#13
Forum Regular
Joined: Dec 2002
Location: lincolnshire South of Perth by end of October 03 Please
Posts: 273
Re: pressure from parents to stay in UK
In 1988 we were all set to emmigrate to Australia.
Through pressure of my Mother we did not go, and we moved out to Spain where she lived.
Last year I went out to Australia to visit my Brother and sister, and realized that I had made the biggest mistake of my life by doing what my Mother wanted me to do.
We are now trying yet again to go to Australia, but we are finding it very difficult because we have our ages behind us. I really don't care whether my Mother wants me to or not now. She has always done what she has wanted and I have always done what she has wanted.
We are only here for a short time, and as time goes on, things get more difficult.
Don't be like us and regret not doing what you want to do to make others happy. Tell them there are regular daily flights from most main airports.
Goog luck and be happy
Through pressure of my Mother we did not go, and we moved out to Spain where she lived.
Last year I went out to Australia to visit my Brother and sister, and realized that I had made the biggest mistake of my life by doing what my Mother wanted me to do.
We are now trying yet again to go to Australia, but we are finding it very difficult because we have our ages behind us. I really don't care whether my Mother wants me to or not now. She has always done what she has wanted and I have always done what she has wanted.
We are only here for a short time, and as time goes on, things get more difficult.
Don't be like us and regret not doing what you want to do to make others happy. Tell them there are regular daily flights from most main airports.
Goog luck and be happy
Dec 6th 2002, 2:34 pm
#14
Forum Regular
Joined: Apr 2002
Location: Oxfordshire
Posts: 38
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