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dealing with the emotions
With regards to emigrating to a different country, how do you deal with the fact that you are leaving loved ones behind.
What i mean is although you know you want to go and the pull of emigrating is strong, how do you deal with the emotions of leaving say your parents etc. If and when i get to emigrate, i know i will go through with it but i just wonder that leaving the rest of my family behind and taking their only grandchild with me is going to be hard to bear. How do you justify to yourself its the right thing to do. Mine and my wifes families are all lets say pensioners and we have the only grandchild. As horrible as it may seem i feel that when i emigrate it may be the last time i see them. I dont mean to stir peoples raw emotions up but its a big issue that you guys on here have and will deal with. |
Re: dealing with the emotions
I am in exactly the same boat as you. My mum is a lonely old lady and relies on my wife and myself as the only people she sees. When we go to Melbourne it will be a real wrench to leave her behind. We are doing all we can to make sure she will visit us and sorted things out like webcams and broadband so she can (almost) talk to us face to face. But in the end you have to live your life for yourselves and not for anybody else.
If I stay here unilt my mum passes away and she is alive for another 15 years I'll be close to 60 and my chance to go to Aus and part of my life will have gone. |
Re: dealing with the emotions
Originally posted by ezzkazz With regards to emigrating to a different country, how do you deal with the fact that you are leaving loved ones behind. What i mean is although you know you want to go and the pull of emigrating is strong, how do you deal with the emotions of leaving say your parents etc. If and when i get to emigrate, i know i will go through with it but i just wonder that leaving the rest of my family behind and taking their only grandchild with me is going to be hard to bear. How do you justify to yourself its the right thing to do. Mine and my wifes families are all lets say pensioners and we have the only grandchild. As horrible as it may seem i feel that when i emigrate it may be the last time i see them. I dont mean to stir peoples raw emotions up but its a big issue that you guys on here have and will deal with. I know exactly how you feel. I am going to be very sorry to leave my parents behind but we have promised them some fantastic holidays! We plan to move Down Under next Feb so we have arranged that my parents have Christmas with us here this year and there next year.....at least I know exactly when I will see them again. I also know that when I say goodbye to my Grandparents it will be the last time I see them, but then I guess that could be true of whenever I see them....you never know what the future holds. I wish you the best of luck with everything....I think everyone should buy shares in Kleenex before we move! |
Re: dealing with the emotions
Originally posted by ezzkazz With regards to emigrating to a different country, how do you deal with the fact that you are leaving loved ones behind. What i mean is although you know you want to go and the pull of emigrating is strong, how do you deal with the emotions of leaving say your parents etc. If and when i get to emigrate, i know i will go through with it but i just wonder that leaving the rest of my family behind and taking their only grandchild with me is going to be hard to bear. How do you justify to yourself its the right thing to do. Mine and my wifes families are all lets say pensioners and we have the only grandchild. As horrible as it may seem i feel that when i emigrate it may be the last time i see them. I dont mean to stir peoples raw emotions up but its a big issue that you guys on here have and will deal with. This is a very dificult subject, however we know several people who have migrated to various parts of the world etc. My views are that if you have very strong/good family ties here in the UK, you really have to question why you are migrating. A lot of people we know have wound up returning due to family etc because even if you do move for a new life you are still the same person and you will always miss family. If you have few ties to this country it nearly always works. Hopefully this will help. |
Re: dealing with the emotions
My wife is extremely close to her family but has made the choice to emmigrate to Oz due to a number of reasons.
1) The weather 2) Better standard of living 3) No mortgage 4) Get away from the rat race 5) Better quality of life for the family Thease are just a few reasons why we wish to emmigrate. Emmigrating will not be as clean cut as we would all like it to be as there are pros and cons to everything in life that we do. Be stong and positive! Rob ]Originally posted by ezzkazz With regards to emigrating to a different country, how do you deal with the fact that you are leaving loved ones behind. What i mean is although you know you want to go and the pull of emigrating is strong, how do you deal with the emotions of leaving say your parents etc. If and when i get to emigrate, i know i will go through with it but i just wonder that leaving the rest of my family behind and taking their only grandchild with me is going to be hard to bear. How do you justify to yourself its the right thing to do. Mine and my wifes families are all lets say pensioners and we have the only grandchild. As horrible as it may seem i feel that when i emigrate it may be the last time i see them. I dont mean to stir peoples raw emotions up but its a big issue that you guys on here have and will deal with. [/QUOTE] |
Re: dealing with the emotions
Originally posted by Rob Morton-Jone My wife is extremely close to her family but has made the choice to emmigrate to Oz due to a number of reasons. 1) The weather 2) Better standard of living 3) No mortgage 4) Get away from the rat race 5) Better quality of life for the family Thease are just a few reasons why we wish to emmigrate. Emmigrating will not be as clean cut as we would all like it to be as there are pros and cons to everything in life that we do. Be stong and positive! Rob ]Originally posted by ezzkazz With regards to emigrating to a different country, how do you deal with the fact that you are leaving loved ones behind. What i mean is although you know you want to go and the pull of emigrating is strong, how do you deal with the emotions of leaving say your parents etc. If and when i get to emigrate, i know i will go through with it but i just wonder that leaving the rest of my family behind and taking their only grandchild with me is going to be hard to bear. How do you justify to yourself its the right thing to do. Mine and my wifes families are all lets say pensioners and we have the only grandchild. As horrible as it may seem i feel that when i emigrate it may be the last time i see them. I dont mean to stir peoples raw emotions up but its a big issue that you guys on here have and will deal with. Its nice to hear everyones comments and its a decision i am sure every single one that decides to emigrate has go through. As for questioning whether if i should emigrate if i have such family ties here in the UK, well these are my views..... Yes i have family here and i love them all, but when it comes down to it the family i need to put first is my wife and my daughter. I just feel guilty leaving the parents because of their age and taking their only grandchild away but as was mentioned before, if i leave it until they all pass on ( without sounding cold), then my chance will be gone because of age. The thing i cant get my head round is that they may resent me for going but i know i will resent them for staying. I guess the main question is, can i do it? |
Re: dealing with the emotions
You have to live your life for yourself and your immediate family. It is an excellent idea to have a plan to see each other again - when my fiance and I were in opposite countries, we always had a "latest date" for the next meet up. I now have a "latest date" to aim for to visit the UK, and it really does help.
To look at things from a brutal point of view, you could decide not to go, then your parents are (god forbid) killed in an accident the next week. Have a look through the lifestyle forum, there are many many threads there on leaving the family and friends, and on homesickness - or peoplesickness as I prefer to call it. You will feel homesick, you will miss people, you just have to fight through it and remind yourself why you have come. Remember we now have phones, e-mail, webcams etc, its all come a long way from when a letter took months to arrive. I think my 10 year old nephew put things into perspective a bit on Saturday. It was his confirmation service back in Bristol, I'm sitting here feeling lost, so I rang at 3am (Aussie time) to be sure I would get to talk to him. And he said "Oh theres nothing exciting happening Auntie, I'm getting confirmed tomorrow thats all. Did you want anything important, I'm in a rush!Talk to mum instead!" Its a small world these days, to him I'm still just down the road. |
Re: dealing with the emotions
Originally posted by Pollyana You have to live your life for yourself and your immediate family. It is an excellent idea to have a plan to see each other again - when my fiance and I were in opposite countries, we always had a "latest date" for the next meet up. I now have a "latest date" to aim for to visit the UK, and it really does help. To look at things from a brutal point of view, you could decide not to go, then your parents are (god forbid) killed in an accident the next week. Have a look through the lifestyle forum, there are many many threads there on leaving the family and friends, and on homesickness - or peoplesickness as I prefer to call it. You will feel homesick, you will miss people, you just have to fight through it and remind yourself why you have come. Remember we now have phones, e-mail, webcams etc, its all come a long way from when a letter took months to arrive. I think my 10 year old nephew put things into perspective a bit on Saturday. It was his confirmation service back in Bristol, I'm sitting here feeling lost, so I rang at 3am (Aussie time) to be sure I would get to talk to him. And he said "Oh theres nothing exciting happening Auntie, I'm getting confirmed tomorrow thats all. Did you want anything important, I'm in a rush!Talk to mum instead!" Its a small world these days, to him I'm still just down the road. Kids have great ways of making life simple dont they :p. I think i need to look at it not so deeply and grab my chance (if i have one). You only live once and you shouldnt have to live for someone else. And as people always say...if it doesnt work out you can always go back....... |
Re: dealing with the emotions
Originally posted by ezzkazz You are right about phones & email but more so webcams. Kids have great ways of making life simple dont they :p. I think i need to look at it not so deeply and grab my chance (if i have one). You only live once and you shouldnt have to live for someone else. And as people always say...if it doesnt work out you can always go back....... My sister has never been further than the Isle of Wight, but has just applied for a passport and is planning a visit, and even my mum, 68 and walks with a stick, very much a homebird, is plotting to land here and visitnext year. Gives them all a new horizon. And as you say - you can always go back. |
Re: dealing with the emotions
Originally posted by ezzkazz With regards to emigrating to a different country, how do you deal with the fact that you are leaving loved ones behind. What i mean is although you know you want to go and the pull of emigrating is strong, how do you deal with the emotions of leaving say your parents etc. If and when i get to emigrate, i know i will go through with it but i just wonder that leaving the rest of my family behind and taking their only grandchild with me is going to be hard to bear. How do you justify to yourself its the right thing to do. Mine and my wifes families are all lets say pensioners and we have the only grandchild. As horrible as it may seem i feel that when i emigrate it may be the last time i see them. I dont mean to stir peoples raw emotions up but its a big issue that you guys on here have and will deal with. We've been a roller coaster for the last week with regard to emotions. Application at last stages and going through the emotions you are talking about. Have a very ill father who's illness takes it's tole on my Mum and when you are so close to the final decision you suddenly start to think - Am i really dong the right thing. Then a bolt of lightening strikes and suddenly get news my uncle, who was our sponsor (mothers brother) has suddenly passed away. Application suddenly in jeapordy - beleive you me that's when you know how much getting there really means. Suddenly realise how short life can be - grab the opportunites as they arise. If it's not right you can always move on. Will keep everyone posted as to outcome - still awaiting any final decision. P.S. Thanks to all who responded to my initial post re situation. Your kind thoughts are most appreciated. |
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