Anyone else been on a guilt trip?
Jul 14th 2005, 12:58 pm
#1
Margie
Thread Starter
Joined: Feb 2005
Location: Glasgow, Scotland
Posts: 65
Anyone else been on a guilt trip?
Just need to vent some pent up feelings. Sorry if this is old news!
Here goes.
Advised close family last June (2004) of our application, some took the news better than others. My elder sibling (by 15 years) who I rarely see, was emotional at that time, but has said little since.
She asked me out for a drink this week, nice I thought chance for sisterly bonds to strenghthen.
We did have level headed conversations, but the main undertone was how she was going to cope with our mother. Advised me mother now has vallium for the big departure next month. She thinks mum will pine away, she, my sister ,has turned down a new job, as her responsibilities with mum would prevent her doing the hours required. How will she cope if mum becomes senile later on?
My mum's life is my 2 girls and the void they leave will be impossible to fill.
I know this and have had sleepless nights and nauseous feelings thinking of the impact of our emigration, but to have this laid on me just before we go was hard to take. House sold, cars sold, jobs resigned and what do I do now?
Say I'm not going? My hubby is worried sick that this is how I am thinking.
I wish these issues had been mentioned months back by her rather than now.
My mother and mother in law tell us we cannot be expected to live our lives to suit them. If we waited until there were no parental ties, then we'd be too old to apply and the girls too settled in senior school etc to uproot.
Am I being selfish, unreasonable and unthinking because I want to move to Oz with my family?
Has anyone else been through last minute family bombshells?
Just need to know I am doing the right thing and am not alone in these feelings.
I do not want to lose what relationship I have with my sibling either.
Thanks for reading to my moans!
M
Here goes.
Advised close family last June (2004) of our application, some took the news better than others. My elder sibling (by 15 years) who I rarely see, was emotional at that time, but has said little since.
She asked me out for a drink this week, nice I thought chance for sisterly bonds to strenghthen.
We did have level headed conversations, but the main undertone was how she was going to cope with our mother. Advised me mother now has vallium for the big departure next month. She thinks mum will pine away, she, my sister ,has turned down a new job, as her responsibilities with mum would prevent her doing the hours required. How will she cope if mum becomes senile later on?
My mum's life is my 2 girls and the void they leave will be impossible to fill.
I know this and have had sleepless nights and nauseous feelings thinking of the impact of our emigration, but to have this laid on me just before we go was hard to take. House sold, cars sold, jobs resigned and what do I do now?
Say I'm not going? My hubby is worried sick that this is how I am thinking.
I wish these issues had been mentioned months back by her rather than now.
My mother and mother in law tell us we cannot be expected to live our lives to suit them. If we waited until there were no parental ties, then we'd be too old to apply and the girls too settled in senior school etc to uproot.
Am I being selfish, unreasonable and unthinking because I want to move to Oz with my family?
Has anyone else been through last minute family bombshells?
Just need to know I am doing the right thing and am not alone in these feelings.
I do not want to lose what relationship I have with my sibling either.
Thanks for reading to my moans!
M
Jul 14th 2005, 1:26 pm
#2
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 6,360
Re: Anyone else been on a guilt trip?
No, you're not being selfish or unreasonable.
You cant live your life for other people, you've got to do what you feel is best for you and your family.
Your mum will be fine, your sister sounds like she's jealous.
We had a guilt trip by Malc's Dad, similar thing, his Mum has got glaucoma and as soon as we told them and his Mum left the room his Dad said "Your Mum's eyes are getting worse you know?" as if a) we werent aware of the fact and b) if we stay in the UK they'll miraculously get better!
He's come to terms with it now though, thank god!
Have some k
You cant live your life for other people, you've got to do what you feel is best for you and your family.
Your mum will be fine, your sister sounds like she's jealous.
We had a guilt trip by Malc's Dad, similar thing, his Mum has got glaucoma and as soon as we told them and his Mum left the room his Dad said "Your Mum's eyes are getting worse you know?" as if a) we werent aware of the fact and b) if we stay in the UK they'll miraculously get better!
He's come to terms with it now though, thank god!
Have some k
Jul 14th 2005, 1:26 pm
#3
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Jul 2005
Location: perth
Posts: 455
Re: Anyone else been on a guilt trip?
Originally Posted by Margie
Just need to vent some pent up feelings. Sorry if this is old news!
Here goes.
Advised close family last June (2004) of our application, some took the news better than others. My elder sibling (by 15 years) who I rarely see, was emotional at that time, but has said little since.
She asked me out for a drink this week, nice I thought chance for sisterly bonds to strenghthen.
We did have level headed conversations, but the main undertone was how she was going to cope with our mother. Advised me mother now has vallium for the big departure next month. She thinks mum will pine away, she, my sister ,has turned down a new job, as her responsibilities with mum would prevent her doing the hours required. How will she cope if mum becomes senile later on?
My mum's life is my 2 girls and the void they leave will be impossible to fill.
I know this and have had sleepless nights and nauseous feelings thinking of the impact of our emigration, but to have this laid on me just before we go was hard to take. House sold, cars sold, jobs resigned and what do I do now?
Say I'm not going? My hubby is worried sick that this is how I am thinking.
I wish these issues had been mentioned months back by her rather than now.
My mother and mother in law tell us we cannot be expected to live our lives to suit them. If we waited until there were no parental ties, then we'd be too old to apply and the girls too settled in senior school etc to uproot.
Am I being selfish, unreasonable and unthinking because I want to move to Oz with my family?
Has anyone else been through last minute family bombshells?
Just need to know I am doing the right thing and am not alone in these feelings.
I do not want to lose what relationship I have with my sibling either.
Thanks for reading to my moans!
M
Here goes.
Advised close family last June (2004) of our application, some took the news better than others. My elder sibling (by 15 years) who I rarely see, was emotional at that time, but has said little since.
She asked me out for a drink this week, nice I thought chance for sisterly bonds to strenghthen.
We did have level headed conversations, but the main undertone was how she was going to cope with our mother. Advised me mother now has vallium for the big departure next month. She thinks mum will pine away, she, my sister ,has turned down a new job, as her responsibilities with mum would prevent her doing the hours required. How will she cope if mum becomes senile later on?
My mum's life is my 2 girls and the void they leave will be impossible to fill.
I know this and have had sleepless nights and nauseous feelings thinking of the impact of our emigration, but to have this laid on me just before we go was hard to take. House sold, cars sold, jobs resigned and what do I do now?
Say I'm not going? My hubby is worried sick that this is how I am thinking.
I wish these issues had been mentioned months back by her rather than now.
My mother and mother in law tell us we cannot be expected to live our lives to suit them. If we waited until there were no parental ties, then we'd be too old to apply and the girls too settled in senior school etc to uproot.
Am I being selfish, unreasonable and unthinking because I want to move to Oz with my family?
Has anyone else been through last minute family bombshells?
Just need to know I am doing the right thing and am not alone in these feelings.
I do not want to lose what relationship I have with my sibling either.
Thanks for reading to my moans!
M
Have just read your post and my heart goes out to you. My parents were
very upset when we told them we were thinking of applying. After we received apositive TRA result we went on a rekkie to Perth. Came back and
all the family said tell us you hated it. Of course we loved it and were full of
all the good points etc, but just felt we couldn't go throught it with them as
they got so upset. My mum and dad have said we have to go for our three sons, they understand it should be a better life, but they are hurting inside. My husband parents just don't mention it. We have now put in our application for visa, and sometimes I wonder if we are doing the right thing. I get very
upset knowing I am putting my family thru grief, but my Nan and Grandad
said you only get one life do want you want and have to do for your sons.
I don't know how things will work out but we have to a least give it a try.
Take care.
Jul 14th 2005, 1:36 pm
#4
Forum Regular
Joined: Apr 2005
Location: Rockingham WA
Posts: 61
Re: Anyone else been on a guilt trip?
I have just read your post and know how you are feeling.
When we told my mum & dad they were really gutted, and didn't talk about it for a few weeks. They have now come round to the idea and understand that we are doing what is best for us and our little girl. I've explained that we are not going to disappear from their lives ... we will be seeing them again. My dad joined the Army when I was 3 and we moved to Germany for the next 18 years ... so he has done something similar really.
We got our visa grant 5 days ago and reality has now set in ... my mum and dad are being brilliant as they realise that although this is our idea, this is still a big step for us.
You seem to have the support of your mum, so try not to worry about what your sister is saying.
Chin up.
Karen
When we told my mum & dad they were really gutted, and didn't talk about it for a few weeks. They have now come round to the idea and understand that we are doing what is best for us and our little girl. I've explained that we are not going to disappear from their lives ... we will be seeing them again. My dad joined the Army when I was 3 and we moved to Germany for the next 18 years ... so he has done something similar really.
We got our visa grant 5 days ago and reality has now set in ... my mum and dad are being brilliant as they realise that although this is our idea, this is still a big step for us.
You seem to have the support of your mum, so try not to worry about what your sister is saying.
Chin up.
Karen
Jul 14th 2005, 2:34 pm
#5
Forum Regular
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 142
Re: Anyone else been on a guilt trip?
Originally Posted by Margie
Just need to vent some pent up feelings. Sorry if this is old news!
Here goes.
Advised close family last June (2004) of our application, some took the news better than others. My elder sibling (by 15 years) who I rarely see, was emotional at that time, but has said little since.
She asked me out for a drink this week, nice I thought chance for sisterly bonds to strenghthen.
We did have level headed conversations, but the main undertone was how she was going to cope with our mother. Advised me mother now has vallium for the big departure next month. She thinks mum will pine away, she, my sister ,has turned down a new job, as her responsibilities with mum would prevent her doing the hours required. How will she cope if mum becomes senile later on?
My mum's life is my 2 girls and the void they leave will be impossible to fill.
I know this and have had sleepless nights and nauseous feelings thinking of the impact of our emigration, but to have this laid on me just before we go was hard to take. House sold, cars sold, jobs resigned and what do I do now?
Say I'm not going? My hubby is worried sick that this is how I am thinking.
I wish these issues had been mentioned months back by her rather than now.
My mother and mother in law tell us we cannot be expected to live our lives to suit them. If we waited until there were no parental ties, then we'd be too old to apply and the girls too settled in senior school etc to uproot.
Am I being selfish, unreasonable and unthinking because I want to move to Oz with my family?
Has anyone else been through last minute family bombshells?
Just need to know I am doing the right thing and am not alone in these feelings.
I do not want to lose what relationship I have with my sibling either.
Thanks for reading to my moans!
M
Here goes.
Advised close family last June (2004) of our application, some took the news better than others. My elder sibling (by 15 years) who I rarely see, was emotional at that time, but has said little since.
She asked me out for a drink this week, nice I thought chance for sisterly bonds to strenghthen.
We did have level headed conversations, but the main undertone was how she was going to cope with our mother. Advised me mother now has vallium for the big departure next month. She thinks mum will pine away, she, my sister ,has turned down a new job, as her responsibilities with mum would prevent her doing the hours required. How will she cope if mum becomes senile later on?
My mum's life is my 2 girls and the void they leave will be impossible to fill.
I know this and have had sleepless nights and nauseous feelings thinking of the impact of our emigration, but to have this laid on me just before we go was hard to take. House sold, cars sold, jobs resigned and what do I do now?
Say I'm not going? My hubby is worried sick that this is how I am thinking.
I wish these issues had been mentioned months back by her rather than now.
My mother and mother in law tell us we cannot be expected to live our lives to suit them. If we waited until there were no parental ties, then we'd be too old to apply and the girls too settled in senior school etc to uproot.
Am I being selfish, unreasonable and unthinking because I want to move to Oz with my family?
Has anyone else been through last minute family bombshells?
Just need to know I am doing the right thing and am not alone in these feelings.
I do not want to lose what relationship I have with my sibling either.
Thanks for reading to my moans!
M
No you are soooooo not selfish!!
we wasted two years (do i sound bitter?)
My MIL (love her) had cancer two years ago.
My FIL begged us not to apply and stay so we did.
MIL passed away and blow me down FIL moved in with his next door neighbour within weeks and is as happy as a pig in sh*t.
FIL doesn't even speak to us now.
My mum will be waving us off with tears in her eyes but a smile on her face when we go.
Live your life to be happy! xxx
Jul 14th 2005, 3:26 pm
#6
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 12,063
Re: Anyone else been on a guilt trip?
Originally Posted by Margie
Just need to vent some pent up feelings. Sorry if this is old news!
Here goes.
Advised close family last June (2004) of our application, some took the news better than others. My elder sibling (by 15 years) who I rarely see, was emotional at that time, but has said little since.
She asked me out for a drink this week, nice I thought chance for sisterly bonds to strenghthen.
We did have level headed conversations, but the main undertone was how she was going to cope with our mother. Advised me mother now has vallium for the big departure next month. She thinks mum will pine away, she, my sister ,has turned down a new job, as her responsibilities with mum would prevent her doing the hours required. How will she cope if mum becomes senile later on?
My mum's life is my 2 girls and the void they leave will be impossible to fill.
I know this and have had sleepless nights and nauseous feelings thinking of the impact of our emigration, but to have this laid on me just before we go was hard to take. House sold, cars sold, jobs resigned and what do I do now?
Say I'm not going? My hubby is worried sick that this is how I am thinking.
I wish these issues had been mentioned months back by her rather than now.
My mother and mother in law tell us we cannot be expected to live our lives to suit them. If we waited until there were no parental ties, then we'd be too old to apply and the girls too settled in senior school etc to uproot.
Am I being selfish, unreasonable and unthinking because I want to move to Oz with my family?
Has anyone else been through last minute family bombshells?
Just need to know I am doing the right thing and am not alone in these feelings.
I do not want to lose what relationship I have with my sibling either.
Thanks for reading to my moans!
M
Here goes.
Advised close family last June (2004) of our application, some took the news better than others. My elder sibling (by 15 years) who I rarely see, was emotional at that time, but has said little since.
She asked me out for a drink this week, nice I thought chance for sisterly bonds to strenghthen.
We did have level headed conversations, but the main undertone was how she was going to cope with our mother. Advised me mother now has vallium for the big departure next month. She thinks mum will pine away, she, my sister ,has turned down a new job, as her responsibilities with mum would prevent her doing the hours required. How will she cope if mum becomes senile later on?
My mum's life is my 2 girls and the void they leave will be impossible to fill.
I know this and have had sleepless nights and nauseous feelings thinking of the impact of our emigration, but to have this laid on me just before we go was hard to take. House sold, cars sold, jobs resigned and what do I do now?
Say I'm not going? My hubby is worried sick that this is how I am thinking.
I wish these issues had been mentioned months back by her rather than now.
My mother and mother in law tell us we cannot be expected to live our lives to suit them. If we waited until there were no parental ties, then we'd be too old to apply and the girls too settled in senior school etc to uproot.
Am I being selfish, unreasonable and unthinking because I want to move to Oz with my family?
Has anyone else been through last minute family bombshells?
Just need to know I am doing the right thing and am not alone in these feelings.
I do not want to lose what relationship I have with my sibling either.
Thanks for reading to my moans!
M
My mum is 80 yrs old and my sister is 16 yrs older than me and I feel very guilty about leaving her to look after her.
I too often lay in bed at night thinking about it and I get very upset.
I also know mum will never come and visit me but I've told her I will be coming home as often as I can and that I am only a phone call away no matter what time it is.
My sister has been very supportive of my move though I do feel an underlying feeling of resentment or maybe that is my guilt.
My mum says shes just wants me to be happy but is in denial about me going shes doesnt want to talk about it.
I too also wonder if I am doing the right thing but like everyone else says we have only got one life, one chance i'm 40 col is 45 and I am going to Australia, we have to do what we want to do or we will regret it later.
My biggest heartache is how do I say goodbye to the woman I love more than anything in the world my mother.
NO one can answer that question.
Kay
Jul 14th 2005, 3:49 pm
#7
Margie
Thread Starter
Joined: Feb 2005
Location: Glasgow, Scotland
Posts: 65
Re: Anyone else been on a guilt trip?
Originally Posted by bridiej
No, you're not being selfish or unreasonable.
You cant live your life for other people, you've got to do what you feel is best for you and your family.
Your mum will be fine, your sister sounds like she's jealous.
We had a guilt trip by Malc's Dad, similar thing, his Mum has got glaucoma and as soon as we told them and his Mum left the room his Dad said "Your Mum's eyes are getting worse you know?" as if a) we werent aware of the fact and b) if we stay in the UK they'll miraculously get better!
He's come to terms with it now though, thank god!
Have some k
You cant live your life for other people, you've got to do what you feel is best for you and your family.
Your mum will be fine, your sister sounds like she's jealous.
We had a guilt trip by Malc's Dad, similar thing, his Mum has got glaucoma and as soon as we told them and his Mum left the room his Dad said "Your Mum's eyes are getting worse you know?" as if a) we werent aware of the fact and b) if we stay in the UK they'll miraculously get better!
He's come to terms with it now though, thank god!
Have some k
Your support appreciated
Margie
Jul 14th 2005, 4:05 pm
#8
Margie
Thread Starter
Joined: Feb 2005
Location: Glasgow, Scotland
Posts: 65
Re: Anyone else been on a guilt trip?
Originally Posted by possoms
HI Margie
My mum is 80 yrs old and my sister is 16 yrs older than me and I feel very guilty about leaving her to look after her.
I too often lay in bed at night thinking about it and I get very upset.
I also know mum will never come and visit me but I've told her I will be coming home as often as I can and that I am only a phone call away no matter what time it is.
My sister has been very supportive of my move though I do feel an underlying feeling of resentment or maybe that is my guilt.
My mum says shes just wants me to be happy but is in denial about me going shes doesnt want to talk about it.
I too also wonder if I am doing the right thing but like everyone else says we have only got one life, one chance i'm 40 col is 45 and I am going to Australia, we have to do what we want to do or we will regret it later.
My biggest heartache is how do I say goodbye to the woman I love more than anything in the world my mother.
NO one can answer that question.
Kay
My mum is 80 yrs old and my sister is 16 yrs older than me and I feel very guilty about leaving her to look after her.
I too often lay in bed at night thinking about it and I get very upset.
I also know mum will never come and visit me but I've told her I will be coming home as often as I can and that I am only a phone call away no matter what time it is.
My sister has been very supportive of my move though I do feel an underlying feeling of resentment or maybe that is my guilt.
My mum says shes just wants me to be happy but is in denial about me going shes doesnt want to talk about it.
I too also wonder if I am doing the right thing but like everyone else says we have only got one life, one chance i'm 40 col is 45 and I am going to Australia, we have to do what we want to do or we will regret it later.
My biggest heartache is how do I say goodbye to the woman I love more than anything in the world my mother.
NO one can answer that question.
Kay
Thanks for your post. It is so hard, but it really helps to talk to others, like yourself who are going through it too!
I'm 41 and the children 6 and 9 , my dad died 3 weeks after the eldest was born, so they have been mum's life. We are very close and like you say, how do you say ggodbye.
I hope my brother will visit next year and bring her out. I'm encouraging her to get a PC and then we can e-mail and on-line chat, as well as phoning and letters it may help
I'll try a home visit once we are settled, 18 months or 2 years in.
I take strength from all the positive replies to my thread and know I'm not alone in this. It is easier to talk with strangers sometimes.
Where are you moving to?
We are Perth bound.
Look after yourself, we have one life as other people have told me.
This is a great chance, not everyone will get to make a dream come true, we have!
Best wishes
Margie
Jul 14th 2005, 4:31 pm
#9
Forum Regular
Joined: May 2005
Location: Adelaide bound
Posts: 286
Re: Anyone else been on a guilt trip?
Not long after we applied we found out that my dad had cancer of the prostate, an aggressive form that we knew he was going to die from. Right from the start he told us that we had to keep with the oz thing as it was our future, he and my mother both said that they would miss us immensely but they had lived their lives and had made their choices so why should they stand in our way. Unfortunately my father passed away on the 1st of July and we received our visa's on the 6th of July so he never knew that we got them. So basically you have to do what is right for you don't feel guilty for trying to give yourself and your family the best life you can. Go for it and good luck. Andy
Jul 14th 2005, 5:03 pm
#10
Potton to the Gold Coast
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 2,211
Re: Anyone else been on a guilt trip?
My mother went absolutely bonkers when we told her of our plans to move to Oz.
As you can guess, she was extremely negative about Oz saying its a bad place for the kids, schooling is bad, high crime rates, the usual sort of stuff but now there has been such a turn around its unbeleiveable and is 99% supportive in what we want to do.
Of course we feel guilty taking the children away from there family and friends but at the end of the day, we are going to a better life down under
Trish
As you can guess, she was extremely negative about Oz saying its a bad place for the kids, schooling is bad, high crime rates, the usual sort of stuff but now there has been such a turn around its unbeleiveable and is 99% supportive in what we want to do.
Of course we feel guilty taking the children away from there family and friends but at the end of the day, we are going to a better life down under
Trish
Originally Posted by Margie
Just need to vent some pent up feelings. Sorry if this is old news!
Here goes.
Advised close family last June (2004) of our application, some took the news better than others. My elder sibling (by 15 years) who I rarely see, was emotional at that time, but has said little since.
She asked me out for a drink this week, nice I thought chance for sisterly bonds to strenghthen.
We did have level headed conversations, but the main undertone was how she was going to cope with our mother. Advised me mother now has vallium for the big departure next month. She thinks mum will pine away, she, my sister ,has turned down a new job, as her responsibilities with mum would prevent her doing the hours required. How will she cope if mum becomes senile later on?
My mum's life is my 2 girls and the void they leave will be impossible to fill.
I know this and have had sleepless nights and nauseous feelings thinking of the impact of our emigration, but to have this laid on me just before we go was hard to take. House sold, cars sold, jobs resigned and what do I do now?
Say I'm not going? My hubby is worried sick that this is how I am thinking.
I wish these issues had been mentioned months back by her rather than now.
My mother and mother in law tell us we cannot be expected to live our lives to suit them. If we waited until there were no parental ties, then we'd be too old to apply and the girls too settled in senior school etc to uproot.
Am I being selfish, unreasonable and unthinking because I want to move to Oz with my family?
Has anyone else been through last minute family bombshells?
Just need to know I am doing the right thing and am not alone in these feelings.
I do not want to lose what relationship I have with my sibling either.
Thanks for reading to my moans!
M
Here goes.
Advised close family last June (2004) of our application, some took the news better than others. My elder sibling (by 15 years) who I rarely see, was emotional at that time, but has said little since.
She asked me out for a drink this week, nice I thought chance for sisterly bonds to strenghthen.
We did have level headed conversations, but the main undertone was how she was going to cope with our mother. Advised me mother now has vallium for the big departure next month. She thinks mum will pine away, she, my sister ,has turned down a new job, as her responsibilities with mum would prevent her doing the hours required. How will she cope if mum becomes senile later on?
My mum's life is my 2 girls and the void they leave will be impossible to fill.
I know this and have had sleepless nights and nauseous feelings thinking of the impact of our emigration, but to have this laid on me just before we go was hard to take. House sold, cars sold, jobs resigned and what do I do now?
Say I'm not going? My hubby is worried sick that this is how I am thinking.
I wish these issues had been mentioned months back by her rather than now.
My mother and mother in law tell us we cannot be expected to live our lives to suit them. If we waited until there were no parental ties, then we'd be too old to apply and the girls too settled in senior school etc to uproot.
Am I being selfish, unreasonable and unthinking because I want to move to Oz with my family?
Has anyone else been through last minute family bombshells?
Just need to know I am doing the right thing and am not alone in these feelings.
I do not want to lose what relationship I have with my sibling either.
Thanks for reading to my moans!
M
Jul 14th 2005, 7:55 pm
#11
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 12,063
Re: Anyone else been on a guilt trip?
Originally Posted by Margie
Hi Kay,
Thanks for your post. It is so hard, but it really helps to talk to others, like yourself who are going through it too!
I'm 41 and the children 6 and 9 , my dad died 3 weeks after the eldest was born, so they have been mum's life. We are very close and like you say, how do you say ggodbye.
I hope my brother will visit next year and bring her out. I'm encouraging her to get a PC and then we can e-mail and on-line chat, as well as phoning and letters it may help
I'll try a home visit once we are settled, 18 months or 2 years in.
I take strength from all the positive replies to my thread and know I'm not alone in this. It is easier to talk with strangers sometimes.
Where are you moving to?
We are Perth bound.
Look after yourself, we have one life as other people have told me.
This is a great chance, not everyone will get to make a dream come true, we have!
Best wishes
Margie
Thanks for your post. It is so hard, but it really helps to talk to others, like yourself who are going through it too!
I'm 41 and the children 6 and 9 , my dad died 3 weeks after the eldest was born, so they have been mum's life. We are very close and like you say, how do you say ggodbye.
I hope my brother will visit next year and bring her out. I'm encouraging her to get a PC and then we can e-mail and on-line chat, as well as phoning and letters it may help
I'll try a home visit once we are settled, 18 months or 2 years in.
I take strength from all the positive replies to my thread and know I'm not alone in this. It is easier to talk with strangers sometimes.
Where are you moving to?
We are Perth bound.
Look after yourself, we have one life as other people have told me.
This is a great chance, not everyone will get to make a dream come true, we have!
Best wishes
Margie
We are going to Tasmania.
Spent 6 months in Perth have you been before?
Getting your mum on the net is a brilliant idea then you can also set up a webcam and see each other whilst you chat. I'm going to do that with my sister then mum can see me too.
Your right, for all the moaning we do on this forum about the visa process etc, we are very lucky to have the chance of a new life.
Thank you for making me feel more positive.
Kay
Jul 14th 2005, 8:03 pm
#12
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 12,063
Re: Anyone else been on a guilt trip?
Originally Posted by flapsterhp
Not long after we applied we found out that my dad had cancer of the prostate, an aggressive form that we knew he was going to die from. Right from the start he told us that we had to keep with the oz thing as it was our future, he and my mother both said that they would miss us immensely but they had lived their lives and had made their choices so why should they stand in our way. Unfortunately my father passed away on the 1st of July and we received our visa's on the 6th of July so he never knew that we got them. So basically you have to do what is right for you don't feel guilty for trying to give yourself and your family the best life you can. Go for it and good luck. Andy
Your right in saying that they had lived their lives and made their choices and we should do the same.
I havent got any children but I guess if I had one day they may have come to me with the same dilemma and who would I be to stop them.
Kay
Jul 14th 2005, 9:01 pm
#13
Account Closed
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 881
Re: Anyone else been on a guilt trip?
It's been great reading all the replies you've received. It's so comforting to know so many people are going through the same thing.
I'm a bit worried - both sets of parents ( who live around the corner and we speak to most days) have said GO FOR IT ! Don't let us hold you back. We've had our life. Even so much as lending us money to help the Visa process!!!!
Do you think they're trying to tell us something!!!! Confused from MADCHESTER !!!!
And we are taking away their 3 grandchildren who they all dote on. AND......
They are taking the kids to Majorca so we can go on our own research trip!!!!
I think it's called unconditional love...either that...or Glad to see the blooming back of us!!!!
I'm a bit worried - both sets of parents ( who live around the corner and we speak to most days) have said GO FOR IT ! Don't let us hold you back. We've had our life. Even so much as lending us money to help the Visa process!!!!
Do you think they're trying to tell us something!!!! Confused from MADCHESTER !!!!
And we are taking away their 3 grandchildren who they all dote on. AND......
They are taking the kids to Majorca so we can go on our own research trip!!!!
I think it's called unconditional love...either that...or Glad to see the blooming back of us!!!!
Jul 14th 2005, 9:05 pm
#14
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 12,063
Re: Anyone else been on a guilt trip?
Originally Posted by ELLJAY
It's been great reading all the replies you've received. It's so comforting to know so many people are going through the same thing.
I'm a bit worried - both sets of parents ( who live around the corner and we speak to most days) have said GO FOR IT ! Don't let us hold you back. We've had our life. Even so much as lending us money to help the Visa process!!!!
Do you think they're trying to tell us something!!!! Confused from MADCHESTER !!!!
And we are taking away their 3 grandchildren who they all dote on. AND......
They are taking the kids to Majorca so we can go on our own research trip!!!!
I think it's called unconditional love...either that...or Glad to see the blooming back of us!!!!
I'm a bit worried - both sets of parents ( who live around the corner and we speak to most days) have said GO FOR IT ! Don't let us hold you back. We've had our life. Even so much as lending us money to help the Visa process!!!!
Do you think they're trying to tell us something!!!! Confused from MADCHESTER !!!!
And we are taking away their 3 grandchildren who they all dote on. AND......
They are taking the kids to Majorca so we can go on our own research trip!!!!
I think it's called unconditional love...either that...or Glad to see the blooming back of us!!!!
Jul 15th 2005, 12:37 am
#15
Retired
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 34,649
Re: Anyone else been on a guilt trip?
Originally Posted by Margie
Just need to vent some pent up feelings. Sorry if this is old news!
Here goes.
Advised close family last June (2004) of our application, some took the news better than others. My elder sibling (by 15 years) who I rarely see, was emotional at that time, but has said little since.
She asked me out for a drink this week, nice I thought chance for sisterly bonds to strenghthen.
We did have level headed conversations, but the main undertone was how she was going to cope with our mother. Advised me mother now has vallium for the big departure next month. She thinks mum will pine away, she, my sister ,has turned down a new job, as her responsibilities with mum would prevent her doing the hours required. How will she cope if mum becomes senile later on?
My mum's life is my 2 girls and the void they leave will be impossible to fill.
I know this and have had sleepless nights and nauseous feelings thinking of the impact of our emigration, but to have this laid on me just before we go was hard to take. House sold, cars sold, jobs resigned and what do I do now?
Say I'm not going? My hubby is worried sick that this is how I am thinking.
I wish these issues had been mentioned months back by her rather than now.
My mother and mother in law tell us we cannot be expected to live our lives to suit them. If we waited until there were no parental ties, then we'd be too old to apply and the girls too settled in senior school etc to uproot.
Am I being selfish, unreasonable and unthinking because I want to move to Oz with my family?
Has anyone else been through last minute family bombshells?
Just need to know I am doing the right thing and am not alone in these feelings.
I do not want to lose what relationship I have with my sibling either.
Thanks for reading to my moans!
M
Here goes.
Advised close family last June (2004) of our application, some took the news better than others. My elder sibling (by 15 years) who I rarely see, was emotional at that time, but has said little since.
She asked me out for a drink this week, nice I thought chance for sisterly bonds to strenghthen.
We did have level headed conversations, but the main undertone was how she was going to cope with our mother. Advised me mother now has vallium for the big departure next month. She thinks mum will pine away, she, my sister ,has turned down a new job, as her responsibilities with mum would prevent her doing the hours required. How will she cope if mum becomes senile later on?
My mum's life is my 2 girls and the void they leave will be impossible to fill.
I know this and have had sleepless nights and nauseous feelings thinking of the impact of our emigration, but to have this laid on me just before we go was hard to take. House sold, cars sold, jobs resigned and what do I do now?
Say I'm not going? My hubby is worried sick that this is how I am thinking.
I wish these issues had been mentioned months back by her rather than now.
My mother and mother in law tell us we cannot be expected to live our lives to suit them. If we waited until there were no parental ties, then we'd be too old to apply and the girls too settled in senior school etc to uproot.
Am I being selfish, unreasonable and unthinking because I want to move to Oz with my family?
Has anyone else been through last minute family bombshells?
Just need to know I am doing the right thing and am not alone in these feelings.
I do not want to lose what relationship I have with my sibling either.
Thanks for reading to my moans!
M
1. If you abandon your plans to migrate now, just for that reason, it's bound to affect your relationships long term anyway.
2. Get a house with an extra room and have your mother over to visit for a few months each year. It may well do her good to escape the worst of the UK winter.
3. Would she have any chance of qualifying for a Contributory Parent visa in a few years time?
Jeremy