Anyone else been on a guilt trip?

Old Jul 15th 2005, 3:20 am
  #16  
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Default Re: Anyone else been on a guilt trip?

Originally Posted by Margie
Just need to vent some pent up feelings. Sorry if this is old news!
Here goes.

Advised close family last June (2004) of our application, some took the news better than others. My elder sibling (by 15 years) who I rarely see, was emotional at that time, but has said little since.

She asked me out for a drink this week, nice I thought chance for sisterly bonds to strenghthen.
We did have level headed conversations, but the main undertone was how she was going to cope with our mother. Advised me mother now has vallium for the big departure next month. She thinks mum will pine away, she, my sister ,has turned down a new job, as her responsibilities with mum would prevent her doing the hours required. How will she cope if mum becomes senile later on?

My mum's life is my 2 girls and the void they leave will be impossible to fill.

I know this and have had sleepless nights and nauseous feelings thinking of the impact of our emigration, but to have this laid on me just before we go was hard to take. House sold, cars sold, jobs resigned and what do I do now?
Say I'm not going? My hubby is worried sick that this is how I am thinking.

I wish these issues had been mentioned months back by her rather than now.

My mother and mother in law tell us we cannot be expected to live our lives to suit them. If we waited until there were no parental ties, then we'd be too old to apply and the girls too settled in senior school etc to uproot.

Am I being selfish, unreasonable and unthinking because I want to move to Oz with my family?
Has anyone else been through last minute family bombshells?
Just need to know I am doing the right thing and am not alone in these feelings.
I do not want to lose what relationship I have with my sibling either.

Thanks for reading to my moans!
M

It IS going to be very hard; there is no way of making that statement sound nicer I'm afraid and I'm not going to lie to you about it. However, it does get easier and people (you and them) will adjust.
I am in the process of telling my parents I cannot afford (time or money) to come home this year, after promising them that I would... I say I am in the process, as I have been putting it off for the past two weeks because I know they will be upset. I also live with the guilt of being here for an Australian partner, who's parents literally live across the road from us, and I see almost every day. Having said all that, I am also immensely happy out here, I have everything I could want (other than of course my family and a couple of very close friends) including a house with enough room so that everyone in the UK knows there is an open-invitation to come and stay. I would not want to go back to the UK, if I could have anything I would just want the distance between the UK and Australia to be slightly smaller (in time and cost).

Good luck, you should follow what you believe to be right - I know if I were still in the UK I would only be wishing to be out here.
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Old Jul 15th 2005, 4:00 pm
  #17  
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Default Re: Anyone else been on a guilt trip?

Originally Posted by JAJ
1. If you abandon your plans to migrate now, just for that reason, it's bound to affect your relationships long term anyway.

2. Get a house with an extra room and have your mother over to visit for a few months each year. It may well do her good to escape the worst of the UK winter.

3. Would she have any chance of qualifying for a Contributory Parent visa in a few years time?


Jeremy
Jeremy,
Thanks for your comtribution,
not looked into this, great idea!

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Old Jul 15th 2005, 4:56 pm
  #18  
 
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Default Re: Anyone else been on a guilt trip?

Feel for you on this. My mum is the queen of myrtyrdom and the guilt trip. My sister is already out in Australia with her family so my mum has always relied me to have a dig at, slag off other members of the family to, moan about my dad etc etc.

Now she doesn't make much comment at all just gives a big sigh with "The Look"!

We are also leaving our own children behind!! The boys are ok about it and just keep thinking about the cheap holidays but our daughter is beside herself. We are taking are youngest son with us and she keeps telling us that she feels like she is going to be orphaned and losing her brother as well. She is recently married and had a dream of how life would be with me constantly babysitting and spending mother and daughter and grandchildren time together. Trouble is, hubby is 45 years old in a few weeks so if we don't do it now we are stuffed. There is nothing to say that our children won't up and move somewhere else and then we would be left with no other option. Of course we are going to miss them desperately but we understand that they need to make their own decisions in life and do what is right for them which is exactly what we are doing - what is right for us. We have an awful lot of reasons why we feel the need for a chance of a new start and I am sure that when the time comes our daughter will be watching us go with tears in her eyes, pain in her heart, but her blessing on her lips.

Good luck to you. This is your life to do what you choose for you.
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Old Jul 15th 2005, 5:48 pm
  #19  
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Default Re: Anyone else been on a guilt trip?

Originally Posted by possoms
HI Margie

We are going to Tasmania.

Spent 6 months in Perth have you been before?

Getting your mum on the net is a brilliant idea then you can also set up a webcam and see each other whilst you chat. I'm going to do that with my sister then mum can see me too.

Your right, for all the moaning we do on this forum about the visa process etc, we are very lucky to have the chance of a new life.

Thank you for making me feel more positive.

Kay

Kay,

We visited Perth a year last Easter.
3 weeks, more holiday than a rekkie.

We are vaguely familiar with the area we wish to settle in. Having some family there will help.


Sorry if this is poor typing/ grammer, just finished up at work today, so extended lunch in the pub next door! Everyone wanted to buy me a drink whether I wanted one or not! Feeling a bit tipsy to say the least!

How did you come to choose Tas?

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Old Jul 16th 2005, 9:08 am
  #20  
 
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Default Re: Anyone else been on a guilt trip?

Originally Posted by Margie
Kay,

We visited Perth a year last Easter.
3 weeks, more holiday than a rekkie.

We are vaguely familiar with the area we wish to settle in. Having some family there will help.


Sorry if this is poor typing/ grammer, just finished up at work today, so extended lunch in the pub next door! Everyone wanted to buy me a drink whether I wanted one or not! Feeling a bit tipsy to say the least!

How did you come to choose Tas?

Margie
HI Margie

Sounds like you had a good lunch

Well we spent 6 months with a relative of Cols in Perth and travelled a lot of WA. Whilst there we looked into emigrating and found we could only go STNI.

Cols job wasnt on the MODL at that time and he was 5 points short for 136 due to his age. He just turned 45 so we couldnt gamble on the pool.

Anyway one of the STNI states is Tasmania everyone was telling us how beautiful Tas was so we decided on a rekkie.

and they were right it is stunningly beautiful we fell in love with the place, we contacted the government whilst we were there to enquire about the scheme had a meeting with them and they were lovely. She showed us the local papers and there was plenty of work for colin advertised.

The island is so easy to get around nothing is too far away and with melbourne only an hours flight away, sydney 2 we can nip over for there for weekends etc and we have friends in perth to visit.

The only downside is that since we started the process the price of properties have gone up big time, but its sill cheaper than here.

A lot of people think its backward but I found Hobart to be vibrant and very cosmo just loved it. Very laid back and really friendly people who are genuinely interested in you.

Cols job is now on the MODL but we are still going to Tas our government contact has been brilliant and has kept in touch regularly since we visited cant praise her enough.

Ideally we would like a property in Tas and one on the mainland there is only the two of us so we dont need anything big.

Where abouts in Perth are you moving to?

Kay

Last edited by possoms; Jul 16th 2005 at 9:11 am.
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