Fallen for a Kiwi - Now what?

Old Sep 16th 2010, 8:12 pm
  #1  
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Smile Fallen for a Kiwi - Now what?

Hi all. Thanks for taking the time to read my post. I travelled NZ last year during a sabbatical from my secondary teaching job here in the UK. Not looking for anyone, I typically stumbled across the most lovely Kiwi chap in Otago. I spent much of last year with him in NZ but now am back in the UK and back at work.

I would really appreciate some advice from Brits who have made the move to New Zealand (particlarly the South Island, and also people who have moved to the other side of the world to be with someone they've fallen for).

* I loved the South Island, but I love the choice (culturally and consumer wise) of the Uk. Did you find that you got used to not having the things around you that you did in the Uk?
* When I travelled last year I always knew that in a while I'd be going home. How hard is it to assimilate to a brand new life, 12,000 miles away from 'home'? (I am 32 by the way)
* In terms of family and friends - did you find it terribly difficult if things got tough, not to be close to people you have known for years?
* Was it tricky to find a job?
* How often do you make it home? Do you spend much time missing home?

Lots of questions, I know. I'm finding it tough at the moment, trying to get on with life here, knowing that what i really want is to be with the Kiwi! I would prefer he came here but I don't think that's going to happen, so I'd really appreciate your honest views on my questions above.

Thank you very much in advance, if you can help
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Old Sep 19th 2010, 3:55 am
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Default Re: Fallen for a Kiwi - Now what?

I would really appreciate some advice from Brits who have made the move to New Zealand (particlarly the South Island, and also people who have moved to the other side of the world to be with someone they've fallen for).
That's me! Though did move to the NI originally but now living in Christchurch.
* I loved the South Island, but I love the choice (culturally and consumer wise) of the Uk. Did you find that you got used to not having the things around you that you did in the Uk?
I am quite happy with the choice here though have never been a big 'consumer' anyway, don't like shopping and have never felt the need to buy lots of clothes. I have always tended to cook from scratch as well so foodwise there's not a lot of difference for me. My main gripe would be with the lack of affordable good furniture [where is Ikea when you need them!]and we ended up spending more than I would have liked on bookshelves when we bought down here...
Having lived here then you should have some idea of whether it is for you perhaps?
When I travelled last year I always knew that in a while I'd be going home. How hard is it to assimilate to a brand new life, 12,000 miles away from 'home'? (I am 32 by the way)
I came over aged 38, met my kiwi when I was 36 and had no plans or thoughts of emigrating anywhere least of all the furthest country from the UK Never thought I would live abroad or wanted to for that matter. I came over here knowing that the distance would be the hardest part and that assimilating would take time. You have to work on it and also be certain that you want to be here or at least give it a try. I have been here just under two years and I feel like I live here now, this is my life. I do occasionally still say pounds instead of dollars and can't call crisps chips as yet but generally I feel like I belong.
In terms of family and friends - did you find it terribly difficult if things got tough, not to be close to people you have known for years?
Much as I love my family I have never been that close and have lived in various different areas in the UK. I would usually only see them once or twice a year anyway so that aspect of the move was not hard for me. But it was difficult leaving my Dad at the airport I actually speak to my parents more now I'm here than I ever did in the UK.
* Was it tricky to find a job?
That will depend on what you do and the area you're moving to. It was easy when I first moved over but much harder down in CHch, been doing locum work which is working out quite well at the moment but I would prefer the security of a permanent job. It's paying well enough for my holidays overseas so I can't complain at all

How often do you make it home? Do you spend much time missing home?
I haven't been home yet but was maybe thinking about going next year if the temp work continues as it is. I can honestly say that I have not really felt homesick though again that is an individual trait and not one that I am prone to anyway. Some people do get more homesick than others. Who knows, it may strike anytime, 3,5 10 years??

You said that you'd prefer if he moved to the UK. Is that an option for him at all? In my case it was far easier for me to move here in terms of working than vice versa. I could also get residency as a skilled migrant without needing to 'use' him to get a visa I preferred to have PR already in place rather than a partnership work visa as we hadn't lived together long enough for PR under partnership.
I came over with the attitude of if it works then great, I've made this decision and I will do my best to make it all work out ie the relationship, settling in, living in NZ etc. But I also came with the attitude that if NZ didn't work out for me then I would not have regrets about the whole experience. After all nothing ventured, nothing gained and I didn't want to look back in a few years and wish I'd taken the chance. So I did come with the intention to stay but also realising that it may not be the correct or right decision if it doesn't turn out as expected. I didn't rush into it blindly due to wanting to be with MrS but considered it all as openly as I could-what if I hate NZ, what if he turns out not to be 'the one' and I'm this far from home, what if I like NZ but really miss home to the point where I can't stay there and so on and so on...
If deep down you are not sure about moving to NZ then can you see the relationship lasting if you can't reconcile living here with wanting to be with him? What if you start to feel resentment that you have moved and he hasn't or wouldn't? Both of you need to be honest with each other about where you want to live and how you see your future panning out. Would he maybe consider moving to the UK in a few years time?
I think I'm trying to say yes by all means move to NZ to be with him but move with the desire to live in NZ as well as the two go hand in hand. Hope it does work out for you

So far life is good for me and he and I have no regrets at all
Feel free to PM me if you wish

Wow long post for me!!
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Old Sep 19th 2010, 9:04 am
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Default Re: Fallen for a Kiwi - Now what?

Thank you Persephone, for your reply. I also posted this on the Introductions page, and have had similarly interesting responses. It is a tricky one, and I totally 'get' what you mean about wanting to live in NZ, not just wanting to live with him. Honestly, I probably would not choose NZ as my second home, but then, that's not to say that I didn't have a good time when I was out there. The only thing I found tough was that I didn't have a job and I am very keen to work, and I would like to meet more people on my own rather than relying on someone else for all of my introductions. I have a pretty decent job over here and I too could get over hopefully on a skilled migrant visa - but in the rural south island, getting a middle management job in a school doesn't seem too easy, particularly in my subject. Maybe I would need to diversify, either in terms of career or subject. I like your point about keeping an open mind, about if things don't go to plan, then no regrets, you just sort it out as and when. Thank you again for your advice
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