children with ex-partners

Old Jan 29th 2008, 5:32 pm
  #16  
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Sounds so like us!!! They say mothers have a hold over sons, i'd say it was dads with the hold. My daughter can take or leave her dad and the older she gets the more she sees thru him. Motherly guilt, they never mentioned that at ante-natal did they.
Where are you heading for in NZ? When do you think you'll be there?
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Old Jan 29th 2008, 5:38 pm
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Default Re: children with ex-partners

Originally Posted by j19fmm View Post
Sounds so like us!!! They say mothers have a hold over sons, i'd say it was dads with the hold. My daughter can take or leave her dad and the older she gets the more she sees thru him. Motherly guilt, they never mentioned that at ante-natal did they.
Where are you heading for in NZ? When do you think you'll be there?
You could actually be describing my daughters relationship with her father! Uncanny isn't it. I am very lucky, I would say that even though my son lives with his father, I still have a very close relationship with him. He has always spent most weekends here with us which is probably what is going to make our move that little harder as, my new husband should be in Auckland this time next month and we will follow thereafter (after house is sold etc.)

I think antenatal should include topics like "you don't really know your partner until you have spilt", "find out what he is really capable of, after you have spilt"

When and where are you off to?
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Old Jan 29th 2008, 8:42 pm
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Sorry taken so long to reply ,my partner and i have only just finished laughing at those last comments.Oh so true.
We want to be in North Island as that is where my uncle and cousins etc are.Spread from Helensville, North Shore Auckland, Hamilton down to Palmerston North.So far just trying to get all my quals sorted first then will tackle the ex. Deep joy.
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Old Jan 29th 2008, 8:49 pm
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Default Re: children with ex-partners

Originally Posted by j19fmm View Post
Sorry taken so long to reply ,my partner and i have only just finished laughing at those last comments.Oh so true.
We want to be in North Island as that is where my uncle and cousins etc are.Spread from Helensville, North Shore Auckland, Hamilton down to Palmerston North.So far just trying to get all my quals sorted first then will tackle the ex. Deep joy.
Despite how it sounds, I am always extremely pleasant to him (ex) for the sake of the children and tend to try and forget the last little game he played to win those all important brucey bonus points!!

May I wish you all the good luck in the world in your plans for moving and that little bit extra for you know who!!!
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Old Jan 29th 2008, 9:38 pm
  #20  
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Default Re: children with ex-partners

Originally Posted by j19fmm View Post
Thanks TeamEmbo. It's so hard cos although they want to come and envisage their dad could visit regularly, I don't want to put them in a position where the guilt trip is employed by their dad - he's dead good at that!!
Still onwards and upwards. I guess the fact that I have a lot of relatives in NZ is a bonus - I don't have contact with most of my family here.
That should help your case though, should it go to court, that you have relatives in NZ and thus a support network. The other thing I should have added was that the court will be the one that is local to where you/the children are living. In my case, the ex lived some 300 miles away and for him to attend a court hearing would have meant added expense for him for travelling as well as paying his solicitor to attend. And as we were told the first hearing would be short and adjourned for CAFCAS report anyway I think that helped cos if there's one thing the ex hates its parting with money.

And no people I'm not slating all ex's by saying that. Its just that my ex has done all he can to ignore his own children, despite knowing our address and phone numbers, he made no phone calls to his kids, sent no birthday/Christmas cards and made no attempt to arrange to visit them for nearly 4 years until 2 weeks before we were due to leave the country. He avoided CSA like the plague, owes thousands in unpaid maintenance and is just general a selfish person.

In the end he just signed a stat declaration and my solicitor's bill was just a couple of hundred pounds for the letters he'd sent.
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Old Jan 29th 2008, 9:44 pm
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Default Re: children with ex-partners

Originally Posted by TeamEmbo View Post
That should help your case though, should it go to court, that you have relatives in NZ and thus a support network. The other thing I should have added was that the court will be the one that is local to where you/the children are living. In my case, the ex lived some 300 miles away and for him to attend a court hearing would have meant added expense for him for travelling as well as paying his solicitor to attend. And as we were told the first hearing would be short and adjourned for CAFCAS report anyway I think that helped cos if there's one thing the ex hates its parting with money.

And no people I'm not slating all ex's by saying that. Its just that my ex has done all he can to ignore his own children, despite knowing our address and phone numbers, he made no phone calls to his kids, sent no birthday/Christmas cards and made no attempt to arrange to visit them for nearly 4 years until 2 weeks before we were due to leave the country. He avoided CSA like the plague, owes thousands in unpaid maintenance and is just general a selfish person.

In the end he just signed a stat declaration and my solicitor's bill was just a couple of hundred pounds for the letters he'd sent.
Why is it that some men are just that way, totally disinterested in their children, can not do "responsibility" and then decide to make life difficult just because they can!

You go girl!!
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Old Jan 29th 2008, 11:41 pm
  #22  
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Default Re: children with ex-partners

Originally Posted by caw248 View Post
Yes, I would agree. Very hard. When I opted for parenting I didn't realise quite how tough it would; if I had known it would be this heart rendering I don't think I would have signed up for it!

Our son does think the world of his father and I know feels extremely torn between us but his father has a hold over him that I can not and will not compete with. He knows that if and when he ever decides that Perth is not for him, there will always be a home for him with us in NZ.

There is a 14month age gap between our son and daughter, they miss each other when they are not in each other company but five minutes is long enough to wind each other up. They are nearly 14 and 13 respectively which speaks volumes!

We have already arranged that Christmas he will be out in NZ with us and the next school holiday she will be out with him (unless of course either of them change their mind in the meantime.

It is tough for children when their parents want to live in different countries. I'd suggest that you be understanding if they get to the age where they may want to split their time with each parent, even if they prefer day to day to live with one or the other.

I would just caution that you should be aware of the citizenship rules as they impact on your children. There are other cases out there of British people who move between Australia and New Zealand and end up without status in either country (not good).
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Old Jan 30th 2008, 12:30 am
  #23  
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Originally Posted by zoe99 View Post
Hi everyone, I have been told by an immigration consultant? that in order for my son to live in NZ I need permission from his biological father,


The consultant stated that it has to be a legal letter through a solicitor? has anyone any advice on this matter????
Hi, I have just been through this and now have residency for us both with no complications whatsoever. My daughter's biological father had regular access in the UK and when I told hiom we were coming to NZ, I checked with NZ House in London and all they said was that it would be "beneficial" to our case notes if there were a letter in there stating that the father was content with the travel plans. At no time was a court ever involved as we were not married and as to the newish parental consent rules - they will only apply if it gets to a fight. Hope this helps and good luck - it IS worth it in the end as it is the children who benefit from life in NZ (I grew up here so I know what I mean).
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