Can My Ex Husband Really Stop Us?

Old Feb 24th 2007, 7:40 am
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Question Can My Ex Husband Really Stop Us?

Hiya all this is my first time on here.im battling to find out some consistent info.
i have three gorgeous boys,12, 9 and 6months,the eldest two are from my first marriage.they have regular contact with their natural father,and myself and my ex have an ok relationship.
i have read that he has to give written permission for me to take the boys to nz,but i have also read that i can get a court order to take them out.i dont know which is right,or how to look into court orders if that does exist and thats what i have to do ,any info would be much appreciated.
Kirston.xxxx
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Old Feb 24th 2007, 7:53 am
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Default Re: Can My Ex Husband Really Stop Us?

Yes, your ex-husband can insist that his two sons remain in the UK. Factors in his favour are the fact that you were married at the time of at least one of their births and the fact that he has kept a constant and good relationship with the boys. I'm also assuming he pays the CSA though if he didn't, it still wouldn't clear the way to remove the boys.

You would indeed have to get a court order and it will not be easy or inexpensive to get if he fights it. And speaking as a divorced mum myself, I wouldn't move even if I won such an order, because the kids deserve a relationship with their dad. Once they're 18 they can choose where they live themselves.

My youngest is seven; I'm resigned to waiting til she's 18 to even be able to move within my home state in the US. Your youngest son by your ex-husband is nine, and if you look at 16 as the school-leaving age, I seriously wouldn't consider emigration for another seven years.

No matter what I think of my ex, when we had children, we became chained at the ankles so long as we both wanted to see the kids. Divorce doesn't break that particular chain.
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Old Feb 24th 2007, 8:20 am
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Default Re: Can My Ex Husband Really Stop Us?

hiya,i appreciate what you are saying,i am not wanting to cut ties,email,extended visits,it wouldnt even surprise me if in the future he comes out to nz or oz.it was more info i needed.bout court order if ness
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Old Feb 24th 2007, 5:48 pm
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Default Re: Can My Ex Husband Really Stop Us?

Originally Posted by kirston View Post
hiya,i appreciate what you are saying,i am not wanting to cut ties,email,extended visits,it wouldnt even surprise me if in the future he comes out to nz or oz.it was more info i needed.bout court order if ness
kirston
Hi Kirston,

Yes you would need to get his permission. However, it doesn't exactly end there - if you really feel your children would be happier living in NZ, then there are ways and means around it. You can apply for a 'Removal from Jurisdiction'. This puts before a court your wishes to move with the children. They would appoint either a social worker or CAFCASS officer to do a report, whereby they assess the children's links with their father, your emigration plans and their benefits to the children (i.e. well paid job, mortgage free) and the reasons for leaving. To be honest, most cases do go in the favour of the mother (if she has planned well). The courts use a previous case as a standing authority (Poel V Poel) on these situations. They believe the mother's resentment and unhappiness from being forced to stay would inadvertantly affect the child's wellbeing, and outway any links broken with the natural father.

You could smooth the way by doing some thorough research (job, schools, house) and seriously commiting to sustaining the contact. Regular phonecalls/email/skype and annual visits back to the UK; because there is a strong possibility Dad will not want to bear the brunt of paying for the flights, when it is you that has moved. And the
courts will probably agree with this.

All up your probably speaking about $5K (and approx 6 months chewed up) to put this through court, if you have a solicitor. But with careful planning and research you can do it on your own (download necessary forms from HM Courts website, I believe it costs about £175 to apply).

I found the Liberty website www.yourrights.org.uk give very helpful legal advice if your going it alone.

Finally, I would ask have you asked your children what they want? How do they feel about not seeing their Dad for long periods of time? I only ask this as their views will most certainly be taken into account if this does go to court.

Anyway, I wish you all the best, good luck.
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Old Feb 24th 2007, 6:18 pm
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Default Re: Can My Ex Husband Really Stop Us?

Originally Posted by kirston View Post
Hiya all this is my first time on here.im battling to find out some consistent info.
i have three gorgeous boys,12, 9 and 6months,the eldest two are from my first marriage.they have regular contact with their natural father,and myself and my ex have an ok relationship.
i have read that he has to give written permission for me to take the boys to nz,but i have also read that i can get a court order to take them out.
If your children have a good relationship with their natural father, then are you seriously suggesting you'd even consider a court battle to remove them from him?
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Old Feb 25th 2007, 5:34 pm
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Default Re: Can My Ex Husband Really Stop Us?

Originally Posted by JAJ View Post
If your children have a good relationship with their natural father, then are you seriously suggesting you'd even consider a court battle to remove them from him?
i have a good relationship,i have already thought about not taking the £200 monthly that he gives me for the boys,maybe to put away for funding for visits,the life and freedom,space,and natural education that NZ could offer them.
i have spoken to the boys,they are aware that visits would be spaced out,but be for longer periods.
im wanting a better life for my family.if they are happy i am.at the moment my 12year old worries about going out,after seeing numerous reports ontv and in local and national news papers.
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Old Feb 26th 2007, 11:47 pm
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Default Re: Can My Ex Husband Really Stop Us?

Originally Posted by kirston View Post
i have a good relationship,i have already thought about not taking the £200 monthly that he gives me for the boys,maybe to put away for funding for visits,the life and freedom,space,and natural education that NZ could offer them.
i have spoken to the boys,they are aware that visits would be spaced out,but be for longer periods.
im wanting a better life for my family.if they are happy i am.at the moment my 12year old worries about going out,after seeing numerous reports ontv and in local and national news papers.
Hi,
I have a 9 year old daughter from my first marriage and her dad has paid maintenance without fail and used to see her twice during the week and for a day at the weekend, she had an excellent relationship with her dad. But no it didn't stop me from moving to NZ ...with his blessing! He too wants what is best for her and we had a few discussions about it and as painful as it was for him in a way he was happy to agree because he felt it would in the long term be in her best interests. My ex keeps the money he used to pay in maintenance and saves for visits over here, coming over this Christmas, she phones him twice a week and emails him and sees him on webcam...there are ways of maintaining contact.

In the first instance you need to talk to the childrens dad, he has as much right as you to have his say in their future and you should seriously consider whether you are doing the right thing if he says no. If my daughters dad had said no then I would of waited until she was old enough to make up her own mind, the kids are as much his as yours....meant in a nice way...but he may, like my ex, think it is for the best for them and if so you need a statutory declaration of custody, I wrote mine myself and we took it in to the solicitors to sign together cost us 5.00 GBP. Try try and try some more to deal with it amicably for the kids sake no one wins with a court battle and immigration may end up turning you down if you have to go to such lengths.
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Old Mar 20th 2007, 10:17 pm
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Default Re: Can My Ex Husband Really Stop Us?

Originally Posted by kirston View Post
i have a good relationship,i have already thought about not taking the £200 monthly that he gives me for the boys,maybe to put away for funding for visits,the life and freedom,space,and natural education that NZ could offer them.
i have spoken to the boys,they are aware that visits would be spaced out,but be for longer periods.
im wanting a better life for my family.if they are happy i am.at the moment my 12year old worries about going out,after seeing numerous reports ontv and in local and national news papers.
Have done this myself recently, but kids and ex don't have a relationship to break as he hasn't wanted any contact since 2004. He eventually gave permission when he realised its what the children wanted, they're 10 and 12, so we avoided court and all the stress for the kids and costs.
You say about putting the maintenance to one side for visits - did you know though that such maintenance is not payable once you have left the country? If you ex is paying amicably at the mo and wants to carry on then I guess that would be a good thing to do, but just wanted you to know that once the kids are living abroad there is no longer a legal responsibility or duty for your ex to pay and if via CSA your payments will cease.
If you have to go to court, due to current regular contact, you will most certainly have to agree to the court that you will fund at least one substantial trip home each year for contact - they say summer hols is good as they can have a good 4 weeks or more together, but NZ summer is English winter and Christmas - could you live with never having 2 of your kids ever at Christmas as this will be a condition of the court order.
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Old Mar 28th 2007, 2:25 am
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Default Re: Can My Ex Husband Really Stop Us?

I agree with trying to sort it out between the pair of you as it makes it so much easier and less expensive!

With regards to maintenance, I believe you can still get maintenance from your ex but you have to go through Family Court in NZ and this is done via a Recipical agreement between the UK and NZ?

http://www.dca.gov.uk/family/remo/contents.htm

I did look up some information concerning all of this and I was told that you would have to go to a solicitor in NZ to arrange everything.

Last edited by Rustie; Mar 28th 2007 at 2:28 am.
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Old Mar 28th 2007, 3:32 pm
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Default Re: Can My Ex Husband Really Stop Us?

Originally Posted by Rustie View Post
I agree with trying to sort it out between the pair of you as it makes it so much easier and less expensive!

With regards to maintenance, I believe you can still get maintenance from your ex but you have to go through Family Court in NZ and this is done via a Recipical agreement between the UK and NZ?

http://www.dca.gov.uk/family/remo/contents.htm

I did look up some information concerning all of this and I was told that you would have to go to a solicitor in NZ to arrange everything.
Personally I wouldn't do that but I guess everyone has different circumstances. IMO that would just be an insult too far really - and it was my OH that left me and has ignored the kids since - to break the relationship and regular contact between a father and his kids so they can have a better life (???) and then charge him for the pleasure!! Sorry, it is just my humble opinion but that's just rubbing the salt in!
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