el_richo

Same here ^^^^

Chin up, clip him around the lugs every now and again, and make sure he gets some new friends if they're potentially leading him astray and increasing his urges to commit crime.

I hope everything works out for you guys.

cserpent

Wow, I'm so sorry to hear you have all this going on Robin, especially after all that's happened!

I know this will affect things beyond just Canada for you, so I sincerely wish you all the best on this and hope it all works out in the end!

newshoney

Hi Robin... like the other responders I want to echo my sympathies and good wishes to you all. I have direct experience of a behavioural/developmental disorder leading to someone making impulsive and irrational decisions.

It sounds as though you are already quite aware of the medical/psychotherapeutical options available to you... in my experience it takes a combination of the appropriate drugs and CBT so that he can be trained to over-ride his automatic responses. Removal from the milieu which is inducing the bad behaviour also helps, of course.

Provided the current charge does not lead to conviction, I suspect you still have a very good chance of being allowed to immigrate into Canada - the question must be whether this will be the right move for your son. It sounds like he would welcome rural life (cabin and animals in the wilderness?) but does that offer a realistic future (career, social relationships etc.)?

Rooting for you. x

Robin (The Gadget family)

Thanks Charlie

We have good days and bad days......yesterday he made Tiramisu for granddads birthday lunch with us, he gets praise & hugs too!

Thanks cserpent - The money pales into insignificance!

Thanks newshoney, we can but hope. I also think that the life out there involves my two brothers, they would be fab role models for my son to be around and I think/hope that on the work front, they would be able to help.

Robin (The Gadget family)

Just an update......There was no evidence to continue with the offence of 'attempted burglary' but he was charged with 'going equipped' for which he has pleaded 'not guilty' so there'll be a trial sometime when we return from Canada.

Zambia

Robin I am very impressed with your responses, and the manner in which you are dealing with things.

I have to say I would not bring your son to Canada purley due to the upheaval

I am hoping for youre sake as his teenage hormones settle and he just deals with the hurdles you have explained. He will start to function as normal.

I would however see about the dog, animals can often succeed where humans fail, no pit bulls...

newshoney

Hi Robin,
There is a very good chance he will get off with this. Marshal as much evidence as you can to throw reasonable doubt (a clever lawyer can make mincemeat of the charge of "going equipped" (you don't need to reveal on open forum what he was carrying but there are many possible innocent explanations for carrying say things like a screwdriver or whatever? Fingers crossed for you and a PM on its way.

Robin (The Gadget family)

Thank you Zambia and Newshoney.........And to top it all......Max is now going to be assessed by his psychiatrist for ASD, (Autism), because he feels that Max displays a few subtle characteristics of this condition as well as the other conditions.

I would never have gone down this route if we absolutely didn't need to but knowledge is empowering and now I just would like Max to be able to learn how to cope with his world, and for us to learn and understand why he does the things he does so that we can cope better too.

I'll update here as & when......

newshoney

Be confident that he can be helped to overcome this but that these things take time. It's marvellous that he has you to offer ongoing encouragement and constant reinforcement along with the reassurance that he is loved no matter what. Who doesn't feel bad at being found to be less than perfect? For a young person labelled with a disorder, it can be devastating.

The autism spectrum encompasses quite a few traits... as I found when trying to investigate what was going on with one of my brood. In one sense I was relieved when after two days and a battery of tests and evaluations I was informed the child didn't have an ASD. But in another sense it just meant there was no easy label (which means the quacks haven't got a tried-and-tested one-size-fits-all remedy) so we had to try this and that and the other to see what might get a result.

I was told to think of ASD as a mickey mouse caricature - a large circle (head) with two overlapping circles (the ears) - each circle represents one area of disorder and only where all three overlap do they diagnose ASD. My kid had characteristics of one bit (the communications area) but not the others.

Overcoming the impulsive behaviour (which is often born out of frustration at not knowing implicitly what to do or feeling under threat) took constant vigilance over several years. I learned to see the signs of an impending temper tantrum and step in early to distract and divert.

The other astonishing difference came with a change of diet. Some kids are 'sensitive' (if not downright allergic) to one thing or another. Omitting wheat, dairy and sugar was crucial in our case and also seemed to make a difference to other friends of ours who had a ADD/ADHD child. It wasn't just sugary processed stuff, candy, chocolate etc... but fruits and even tomato ketchup. Anything alcoholic also raises blood sugars and in the older teen can have the same result as the sugar high from eating sweets.

SarahBC

Hi Robin,

One point I might raise about Canada - specifically BC. I haven't seen much evidence of a phychiatric support network like the UK's (which I know isn't perfect).

If you are able to gain educational and phychiatric support for a young adult in Britain, this may not be available in Canada. Public health services here are not as all-encompassing as the NHS.

Good luck,

Sarah

Robin (The Gadget family)

Newshoney......Thanks for another lengthy response. I only found this after my pm to you....some of what you've said here, I have covered in my pm to you by coincidence.

Sarah.....I am beginning to realise that what we have established so far in so far as his conditions are concerned, is the tip of the iceberg. We only started on this discovery of recognised conditions in Jan/Feb this year so the psychiatrist is still getting to grips with who my son is, in one hour doses every month or 6 weeks......this could take yonks to learn how to manage and live with. What will be will be as far as Canada is concerned.

Thanks for your input.

Robin (The Gadget family)

Just an update for the benefit of anyone else with similar circumstances and/or issues.....

My son is now on a 3 month supervision order with the Youth Offending team for going equipped and for theft of a bike and is progressing so well that his YOTS worker said to me today, that he is a pleasure to work with, very responsive, with intelligent points of view and powers of reasoning....and very obviously nothing like the kids she usually has to work with. She has said that she would be more than happy to write a report on his progress and to describe how she sees his attitude and behaviour, which is all good, for us to include in our application.

On another front.....he has now been diagnosed as having childhood autism/ASD, (the psychiatrist is not 100% whether to classify it as one or the other yet), but is high functioning in any case......This helps me to understand why he has made some of the decisions that he has in his young life and why he reacts differently to situations then I would expect......i.e he gets very anxious and stressed about changes to appointments.....

After getting 4 'C' grade GCSE's he has started his motor sport engineering course and his tutors say he is doing fine.

We are still going to apply for PR. He would really like to live near my brothers and sees a future for himself there. His employment chances are very good because my sister-in-law runs a local government funded employment agency and has said that he would find work there. She has also written a letter for inclusion with our PR application.

I have obtained a number of personal references regarding my son too.

I understand that there are those that believe that we shouldn't be applying due to the issues that we have to deal with but we have to try because we have nothing to lose do we? I'd rather find out than always wonder.....

Poppit

I just want to say goodluck with your application - as a parent you do what you feel is right for your children.

I sincerely hope that you all have a positive outcome.

Poppit

singingringingtree

I just wanted to wish you the very best of luck. You have come so far, having had long wait like us, and I really hope you get a positive result. x

Robin (The Gadget family)

Thanks Poppit.....yep....I feel that Canada would be right for him, so much more so having seen him there this summer......And I don't believe that he would have the issues with the law there that he has here.
And hasn't there been quite a journey for us (and probably for many others) in the last two years eh?

Thank you for your best wishes and support guys.....It helps just so much to have this forum for more than just factual information.