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My Misses is having doubts now.......Help!!

My Misses is having doubts now.......Help!!

Old Jan 22nd 2005, 8:46 am
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Unhappy My Misses is having doubts now.......Help!!

HI

We are much the same as every one else and stuck in the waiting process and have been now for a year. We have only visited Canada once which was 18 months ago, and for me that was enough, I loved the country so much I wanted to move there right away but I've always wanted to go and see the world, and not live in the UK all my life.
I'm 31, married with a 8 year old boy and for me moving to Canada would be fantastic, not just for me but for the whole family and when we returned form Canada 18 months ago my wife felt the same. BUT as time goes on and you get settled back into the UK way of life, you tend to forget why you started it all in the first place, especially my wife, it's been 12 months since our AOR, so shortly its getting down to crunch time and she's having second thoughts.
Because our life has been on hold (as in, "we better not buy that cause we can't take it with us"), Canada has kinda left a bitter taste in her and even our mouths.
I must admit, because it seems to be me the only one pushing for the move even I have had second thoughts, but I believe in you only have one life so "live it", and even if you look at the worst scenario you can always come home.
There just seems to be so many "what if's", and I did the big mistake leaving her reading a thread on here where there were alot of people moving back to the UK, and explaing all there bad experiances.........
This site is very helpful, but on the other hand, very worrying.
I think the only answer maybe a re-visit, but then, what about the savings!!!!! :scared:
Anyone out there wanna give my misses some reasurance on why we started the move in the first place??? Please help cause I'm outta ideas.......
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Old Jan 22nd 2005, 9:31 am
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Default Re: My Misses is having doubts now.......Help!!

Hi Weener,
Think we all are having second thoughts once in a while. My wife is travelling to Canada with my son, next week .I know it takes a bite out of your savings, but it's worth doing it. See it as an investment in your future life and it keeps the dream alive.
Another thing you might consider to do is to look for nice houses ( if finances allow ) in the area you wish to settle . It makes a big difference having a "homebase" allready before you move ( wifes love to have that ). I don't mean you actually have to buy a house now, but looking for them on the net, together with your SO , might do the job.
Try this site : http://www.mls.ca/map.aspx
hope, this was helpfull.
Julius

Last edited by juliusmaximus; Jan 22nd 2005 at 9:36 am.
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Old Jan 22nd 2005, 10:40 am
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Default Re: My Misses is having doubts now.......Help!!

Weener,

this is perfectly normal. We have been in the system for 18 months and at times I have felt that this is a ridiculous amount of time to have to wait to see "whether?" you will even get accepted! Jeez, we could all move to Europe tomorrow with no probs at all.

There are times when you think is it all worth it? I have to say the turning point for me was when we bought our house out here. Even though we were only using it for vacations, it gave us a real feeling of belonging in Canada. To be quite frank with you.....had we not bought this house I would definitely have changed my venue as I was getting sooooooo sick of sitting in limbo for all this time.

I sold my business 18 months ago and have been ready to go since!!! Not long now though - and now that I am out here on 3 year Permit, it was definitely worth the wait. Flying back for PR interview next week and will be interesting to see whether we get it or not.

If you can afford to take a trip back out here, that will definitely do the trick. As soon as you all get off the plane, it will become so clear to you again why you felt you wanted to immigrate here in the first place.
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Old Jan 22nd 2005, 10:57 am
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Default Re: My Misses is having doubts now.......Help!!

Go for it, u only live once, and u dont want to spend the rest of your life saying what if......

You can always come back

Sue
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Old Jan 22nd 2005, 11:10 am
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Default Re: My Misses is having doubts now.......Help!!

As suziequ said: u dont want to spend the rest of your life saying what if......

I just want to say that while my situation is completely different - it's ME that lives in Canada and I worry about my fella getting over here - if we hadn't jumped into the entire world of divorce (soon I hope! ), remarriage, etc. etc. my life would have been a whole lot simpler.

But ugly.

And the rest of it would have been spent saying, "What if..."

Best of luck with all this. I think the suggestion of another trip over here is a good one - kind of grounds you in reality again. If it was the "feel" of the place and so on, that can get lost in the daily grind, especially when waiting is so much of the grind.

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Old Jan 22nd 2005, 11:18 am
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Default Re: My Misses is having doubts now.......Help!!

How exciting for you and your family. A new home, new friends, new jobs..new everything....wonderful experiences etc *S*..i am thinking your visit to canada was like mine. *very* positive and just loved the food the countyside the people.
There will always be people who move that it does not work out, and they return back to where they came from. It is about having *your own* experiences in life not others. Sure read there stories and listen to what others have to say. However it does not make it your expereince. If anything i think it helps to be aware of maybe where people went wrong in the decision. For instance, many go with the fantasy state. They are hoping to escape whatever it is they do not like about where they are now and fantasise of a better life. WHilst others create dreams. and dreams can and do come true. Is about being aware of many things. I see it as NOT what i am leaving but what i am Gaining. For me the new country etc is a bonus as i am moving for love *VBS*~ However i am so happy to be moving to Canada, i live in Australia and am happy here too. *very happy*..in fact. But i also know i am going to be very happy in Canada. *wooooo hooooooo ~~~~
Good Luck. *VBS*~
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Old Jan 22nd 2005, 9:22 pm
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Default Re: My Misses is having doubts now.......Help!!

We are very kmuch same as you guys - 12 months since AOR, no news, waiting to sell the house. Visited twice in 6 months and loved it to bits. No reason to stay in UK, etc etc.

Would suggest, what worked for us was the 2nd visit. Though it cost a fair wedge of money, we viewed it as an investment. Sure, we could have saved it up for the move, but how long is that gonna be ? I'd say, if you can, go back for another look-see. We went back in Jan especially to see what winter was like. Helped us out no end and totsally reinforced everything. So, treat it as an investment, and it will help shake those doubts out of mind. And if anything crops up to cause alarm, it'll give you chance to find out for sure how you really feel.

Hope this helps you out. It's just too easy to settle back to the UK mode and feel like it's all out of control.

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Old Jan 22nd 2005, 10:23 pm
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Default Re: My Misses is having doubts now.......Help!!

Hey Tiaribbon,
Loved reading your article. It kickstarted my positive thoughts again , which is what I needed.

We are at the retirement end of the scale and have a Canadian Son-in-Law, Daughter and two Grandsons in B.C. They applied last April to sponser us , as we have the neccessary equity in our two properties in U.K.and France to move to Vancouver Island, live comfortably and not be a drain on the Canadian System.!

However, to date their application to sponser has not reached the top of the pile and probably won't for a further year; after which we then commence immigration processing.

Like you I thought about purchasing a home in Canada now in the hope that all will be well.

What is this 3 year permit you have. Is it available in my case scenario?

Appreciate any thoughts you may have.





Mike & Rita.








Originally Posted by Tiaribbon
Weener,




this is perfectly normal. We have been in the system for 18 months and at times I have felt that this is a ridiculous amount of time to have to wait to see "whether?" you will even get accepted! Jeez, we could all move to Europe tomorrow with no probs at all.

There are times when you think is it all worth it? I have to say the turning point for me was when we bought our house out here. Even though we were only using it for vacations, it gave us a real feeling of belonging in Canada. To be quite frank with you.....had we not bought this house I would definitely have changed my venue as I was getting sooooooo sick of sitting in limbo for all this time.

I sold my business 18 months ago and have been ready to go since!!! Not long now though - and now that I am out here on 3 year Permit, it was definitely worth the wait. Flying back for PR interview next week and will be interesting to see whether we get it or not.

If you can afford to take a trip back out here, that will definitely do the trick. As soon as you all get off the plane, it will become so clear to you again why you felt you wanted to immigrate here in the first place.
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Old Jan 22nd 2005, 10:28 pm
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Default Re: My Misses is having doubts now.......Help!!

Hey Weener,
Just go out again on holiday, try visiting beautiful British Columbia and Vancouver Island and you'll be left with no doubts at all.!!

Originally Posted by weener
HI

We are much the same as every one else and stuck in the waiting process and have been now for a year. We have only visited Canada once which was 18 months ago, and for me that was enough, I loved the country so much I wanted to move there right away but I've always wanted to go and see the world, and not live in the UK all my life.
I'm 31, married with a 8 year old boy and for me moving to Canada would be fantastic, not just for me but for the whole family and when we returned form Canada 18 months ago my wife felt the same. BUT as time goes on and you get settled back into the UK way of life, you tend to forget why you started it all in the first place, especially my wife, it's been 12 months since our AOR, so shortly its getting down to crunch time and she's having second thoughts.
Because our life has been on hold (as in, "we better not buy that cause we can't take it with us"), Canada has kinda left a bitter taste in her and even our mouths.
I must admit, because it seems to be me the only one pushing for the move even I have had second thoughts, but I believe in you only have one life so "live it", and even if you look at the worst scenario you can always come home.
There just seems to be so many "what if's", and I did the big mistake leaving her reading a thread on here where there were alot of people moving back to the UK, and explaing all there bad experiances.........
This site is very helpful, but on the other hand, very worrying.
I think the only answer maybe a re-visit, but then, what about the savings!!!!! :scared:
Anyone out there wanna give my misses some reasurance on why we started the move in the first place??? Please help cause I'm outta ideas.......
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Old Jan 23rd 2005, 3:37 am
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Default Re: My Misses is having doubts now.......Help!!

What you have to think about is the whole family, your family unit and extended family. Do you have a close network of family in UK? Does your wife have a good social life that involves your son, so you rely on family to baby sit etc. if so, this can often be the hardest thing to leave behind. The thought of being so far away on your own, having to meet new friends etc suddenly can become daunting, especially if your wife does not work.

One thing that seems to be clear from reading forums and watching these "no going back" programmes is how little people plan for the long term.

No matter where you live life will become the "norm" you will be working, probably long hours have less holiday, and have possibly used all your savings up. Miss the family, social life.This is when many people seem to want to return to UK.
If I had just enough savings to to cover the minimal financial requirements if given PR, have a big close family in the UK,and only based the decision to emigrate on one visit, I do not think I would survive in Canada.

The first time I went I fell in love with it, second time still did and bought a house. Third time ,took daughter, it rained continually, we spent day after day trapsing around furniture stores, Wallmart DIY stores etc.
My daughter made it quite clear that she was not happy, it was not how we painted the picture.

For a while I sat in our lovely house, wondering if I had made a mistake. had i really thought it through for her?
We were sat inside because of the rain watching TV, not much different to the UK. Would this be how it always was?

Then the sun came out and clouds lifted and we realised why we had chosen Canada. Beautiful country, clean air, stunning scenery. We go to the bank and are welcomed, we can take our time. Every one is genuinely kind, talkative, and helpful in every shop. Plenty of places to go where I do not have to pay to park to go for a walk. and so much more.
Most of all I visited my daughters school. They were fantastic, what is on offer is far better for my daughter than here. They treat children as people, with respect, and expect it in return. If we stay she can get Canadian citizenship, then have the chance to work in the USA later. If when she is ready to go off on her own she chose to return to UK, we hope the experience will open doors for her that other dream of.
We are looking for the long term not the short.
I have no "what if moments" as I have always believed that if you do not give things a try then you will always regret it as you get older.
Flights out of school time can cost £199 return each. Spend more than two weeks if possible, look at houses as others said, and visit schools as well. Take your son to parks, play areas, sports halls etc. All the places you would use at home, and compare what is on offer.

The immigration process is long, but I am sure it also helps to make people 100% sure they want to go, I am sure many people change their mind and withdraw applications. You really do need time question your reasons for going.
Also remind her 9 months is a long time to be pregnant, but it is soon forgotten about after baby arrives. Immigration just takes a bit longer than pregancy! I had doubts that getting pregnant when I did was right timing. Parenthood is not easy to adjust to, it has its ups and downs and can be financially draining. (same as emigrating) If you do emigrate i thibk you are at the best age for you and your son.
Also remember there are thousands of immigrants happily settled that do not have time to post on this forum, they are too busy enjoying Canadian life.
Good luck whatever you decide.




Originally Posted by weener
HI

We are much the same as every one else and stuck in the waiting process and have been now for a year. We have only visited Canada once which was 18 months ago, and for me that was enough, I loved the country so much I wanted to move there right away but I've always wanted to go and see the world, and not live in the UK all my life.
I'm 31, married with a 8 year old boy and for me moving to Canada would be fantastic, not just for me but for the whole family and when we returned form Canada 18 months ago my wife felt the same. BUT as time goes on and you get settled back into the UK way of life, you tend to forget why you started it all in the first place, especially my wife, it's been 12 months since our AOR, so shortly its getting down to crunch time and she's having second thoughts.
Because our life has been on hold (as in, "we better not buy that cause we can't take it with us"), Canada has kinda left a bitter taste in her and even our mouths.
I must admit, because it seems to be me the only one pushing for the move even I have had second thoughts, but I believe in you only have one life so "live it", and even if you look at the worst scenario you can always come home.
There just seems to be so many "what if's", and I did the big mistake leaving her reading a thread on here where there were alot of people moving back to the UK, and explaing all there bad experiances.........
This site is very helpful, but on the other hand, very worrying.
I think the only answer maybe a re-visit, but then, what about the savings!!!!! :scared:
Anyone out there wanna give my misses some reasurance on why we started the move in the first place??? Please help cause I'm outta ideas.......
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Old Jan 23rd 2005, 5:12 am
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Default Re: My Misses is having doubts now.......Help!!

Hopeful Mike:

We are out here on Study Permits which we applied for about 10 days before we were flying out to Canada for Christmas. They arrived just a few days before we left and I just decided on the spur of the moment to go for it! Booked all animals on flights, bit of a rushed job but everything went smoothly. I have absolutely no regrets about coming out here and if I could go back and do it all again, I would!

My husband had to return to the UK at the end of December to sort out his business and unfortunately for him, found a letter on the doormat asking us for our interview in London. Therefore he decided not to return to Canada until after the interview, thus having to postpone his start date for his MBA.

I do not believe that there is an upper age limit to study in Canada (others will correct me if I am wrong here) therefore I see no reason why, if you are prepared to pay the college fees, that you couldn't do the same as us.

You won't get anywhere by not taking a few risks. For me I was just getting so fed up of waiting. I don't work over here but I am networking and gaining so much knowledge and information. As spouse I am entitled to an Open Work Permit, however I have not yet applied for this as I am awaiting the outcome of our Interview next week.
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Old Jan 23rd 2005, 7:14 am
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Thumbs up Re: My Misses is having doubts now.......Help!!

Originally Posted by gooding
What you have to think about is the whole family, your family unit and extended family. Do you have a close network of family in UK? Does your wife have a good social life that involves your son, so you rely on family to baby sit etc. if so, this can often be the hardest thing to leave behind. The thought of being so far away on your own, having to meet new friends etc suddenly can become daunting, especially if your wife does not work.

One thing that seems to be clear from reading forums and watching these "no going back" programmes is how little people plan for the long term.

No matter where you live life will become the "norm" you will be working, probably long hours have less holiday, and have possibly used all your savings up. Miss the family, social life.This is when many people seem to want to return to UK.
If I had just enough savings to to cover the minimal financial requirements if given PR, have a big close family in the UK,and only based the decision to emigrate on one visit, I do not think I would survive in Canada.

The first time I went I fell in love with it, second time still did and bought a house. Third time ,took daughter, it rained continually, we spent day after day trapsing around furniture stores, Wallmart DIY stores etc.
My daughter made it quite clear that she was not happy, it was not how we painted the picture.

For a while I sat in our lovely house, wondering if I had made a mistake. had i really thought it through for her?
We were sat inside because of the rain watching TV, not much different to the UK. Would this be how it always was?

Then the sun came out and clouds lifted and we realised why we had chosen Canada. Beautiful country, clean air, stunning scenery. We go to the bank and are welcomed, we can take our time. Every one is genuinely kind, talkative, and helpful in every shop. Plenty of places to go where I do not have to pay to park to go for a walk. and so much more.
Most of all I visited my daughters school. They were fantastic, what is on offer is far better for my daughter than here. They treat children as people, with respect, and expect it in return. If we stay she can get Canadian citizenship, then have the chance to work in the USA later. If when she is ready to go off on her own she chose to return to UK, we hope the experience will open doors for her that other dream of.
We are looking for the long term not the short.
I have no "what if moments" as I have always believed that if you do not give things a try then you will always regret it as you get older.
Flights out of school time can cost £199 return each. Spend more than two weeks if possible, look at houses as others said, and visit schools as well. Take your son to parks, play areas, sports halls etc. All the places you would use at home, and compare what is on offer.

The immigration process is long, but I am sure it also helps to make people 100% sure they want to go, I am sure many people change their mind and withdraw applications. You really do need time question your reasons for going.
Also remind her 9 months is a long time to be pregnant, but it is soon forgotten about after baby arrives. Immigration just takes a bit longer than pregancy! I had doubts that getting pregnant when I did was right timing. Parenthood is not easy to adjust to, it has its ups and downs and can be financially draining. (same as emigrating) If you do emigrate i thibk you are at the best age for you and your son.
Also remember there are thousands of immigrants happily settled that do not have time to post on this forum, they are too busy enjoying Canadian life.
Good luck whatever you decide.
HI Gooding

I think you may of hit the nail on the head, especially the bit about the people who are out there enjoying Canadian life who aren't posting threads on here...I only found this site due to the amout of time you have to wait to here an answer from the CIC, and do you you think I will spend all my time on here if we were in Canada, I THINK NOT!!
I am aware that life in Canada will be much the same as in the UK....Do you need to work? Unless you've won the lottery of course, so does that mean your still in the so called "rat race"? We'll I think where ever you are in the world, unless you have alot of money or are near to retirement then work is always something you have to do, BUT the way I see it is I have earned alot of money on my house in the UK like many othees due to Inflation and will hopefully have enough from the sell of my house to buy one out-right in Canada, hence we will have no/hardly any mortgage. So in my books that means I can earn less money than what I need to in thre UK to survive so there are more jobs open to me.....Make sence?
I have always worked and will carry on where ever I live, and I know life generally is better in Canada than the UK. I will look into a re-visit to Canada later on this year as what ever the outcome I will not move until spring of next year, so this will hopefully help the rest of my family feel more at ease on why we started this move in the first place. I also think looking at every day life (as in schools, parks etc) is a great idea and will plan to do so when we revisit later this year.
Thanks once again for you advice, I think all the postive comments you get on here all help in the long run and my other half has just finished reading your thread and thinks much the same....THANKS
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Old Jan 23rd 2005, 9:28 am
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Default Re: My Misses is having doubts now.......Help!!

Hi weener and wife (sorry, sounds kinda weird, but you picked the name)

If you have serious doubts go for a trip. You look around, see some houses, meet some headhunters, enjoy…...

Worst case you could go after you get your visa and pick up PR while you are at it so you buy yourselves some more time.

We lived in Canada for one and a half years on temp work permit and there are a million reasons why there is no better place to live…… an why were going back.


Because the snow is whiter, the grass is greener, the sky is bluer
And everything is more colorful:
The leaves on the trees, the paint on the houses, the faces on the people,
Because people smile at you on the street, talk to you in the bus, and live with you in your neighborhood.
Because in a store you are greeted �Hello, how are you today� instead of being grunted at like a pig **this is a quote from a thread long ago, I don’t remember from whom, but it is so true, perhaps yogi799 I think**
Because in a day you can make a friend in a month you get accepted as a local and in 4 years you become a citizen. (where I live now perhaps my grandchildren have a chance of being accepted as locals)
Because you can see wild moose, bear, fox, squirrel, chipmunk, black flies (OK maybe not because of them), geese,….
Because you can find the freedom of space and opportunity from the new world with the diversity and culture of the old world.
Because of hiking, canoeing, snowmobiling and because Hockey is the only really manly sport.
And lots more
…..
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Old Jan 23rd 2005, 10:20 pm
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Default Re: My Misses is having doubts now.......Help!!

Hi weener,

I am afraid to say I do have to work! but no longer wish to work 6 days a week, 355 days of the year ( I am self employed) and would love to win the lottery, but like you, we have a large equity in our house. I also had an unexpected inheritence, which has helped enourmously, in making our decision.
Part of the reason we decided to go is so we do not have to have a mortgage. More money to save, invest for the future for us and the kids.

It is second time around for both of us, an we only married 8 years ago practically starting all over again, new mortgage etc. But the property just sky rocketed, and we are lucky enough to know that houses here still sell well.
However we do not feel we work to live we live to work. So much money goes on the house its upkeep, constant worry about mortage rises etc.
No good having that equity if you can't touch it.
We intend to still work hard, but do not have to worry quite as much about high incomes , as we to will have no mortgage.
Any time we have will not be spent down B & Q .We will be in a better position to have savings that we can all enjoy. Help the kids out better when it is their turn to buy a house. Can't do that in UK.

I am sure it will all come right for you in the end . Usually something just happens to make you realise you are / or are not making the right decision.



Originally Posted by weener
HI Gooding

I think you may of hit the nail on the head, especially the bit about the people who are out there enjoying Canadian life who aren't posting threads on here...I only found this site due to the amout of time you have to wait to here an answer from the CIC, and do you you think I will spend all my time on here if we were in Canada, I THINK NOT!!
I am aware that life in Canada will be much the same as in the UK....Do you need to work? Unless you've won the lottery of course, so does that mean your still in the so called "rat race"? We'll I think where ever you are in the world, unless you have alot of money or are near to retirement then work is always something you have to do, BUT the way I see it is I have earned alot of money on my house in the UK like many othees due to Inflation and will hopefully have enough from the sell of my house to buy one out-right in Canada, hence we will have no/hardly any mortgage. So in my books that means I can earn less money than what I need to in thre UK to survive so there are more jobs open to me.....Make sence?
I have always worked and will carry on where ever I live, and I know life generally is better in Canada than the UK. I will look into a re-visit to Canada later on this year as what ever the outcome I will not move until spring of next year, so this will hopefully help the rest of my family feel more at ease on why we started this move in the first place. I also think looking at every day life (as in schools, parks etc) is a great idea and will plan to do so when we revisit later this year.
Thanks once again for you advice, I think all the postive comments you get on here all help in the long run and my other half has just finished reading your thread and thinks much the same....THANKS
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Old Jan 23rd 2005, 10:45 pm
  #15  
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Default Re: My Misses is having doubts now.......Help!!

Hi Tiaribbon,
When i looked down this road, you did seem to have to have quite alot of money to take with you.
Enough for 2-3 years of no income for all of you. ( whatever the course is) Is this correct?If you were leaving behind a house to come back to, then for many they would not have this sort of money readily available. Especially also if you had it set aside to prove funds for PR.
I read $10,000 per year for person on study permit. $4000 for first dependent per year, and $3000 for each other one.
This is on top of the tuition fees which for a non resident can be thousands.
Then you have to have enough for return air fare.
So thats $42,000 + university fees, books etc.

We decided not to as it means living without income for 3 years. Spending probably $70,000 of money we could better used elsewhere. Also yes you have a qualification at the end of it, but if you do not get residency it still will not help you get to Canada.
In our case uprooting our daughter for 2-3 years then making her go back would be very upsetting for her.
I am sure in your case it was the right thing to do, but not as easy as it sounds for some.
If and when we get PR, we have decided it is a no going back scenario, then we would like to possibly study in Canada, but will pay less fees, and not have the worry of having to return to UK several thousand pounds lighter.

I do know your full story as we have been in touch before, and know for you it is all going to work out as your situation is a bit more unique than some.
Is horsey there yet????

Originally Posted by Tiaribbon
Hopeful Mike:

We are out here on Study Permits which we applied for about 10 days before we were flying out to Canada for Christmas. They arrived just a few days before we left and I just decided on the spur of the moment to go for it! Booked all animals on flights, bit of a rushed job but everything went smoothly. I have absolutely no regrets about coming out here and if I could go back and do it all again, I would!

My husband had to return to the UK at the end of December to sort out his business and unfortunately for him, found a letter on the doormat asking us for our interview in London. Therefore he decided not to return to Canada until after the interview, thus having to postpone his start date for his MBA.

I do not believe that there is an upper age limit to study in Canada (others will correct me if I am wrong here) therefore I see no reason why, if you are prepared to pay the college fees, that you couldn't do the same as us.

You won't get anywhere by not taking a few risks. For me I was just getting so fed up of waiting. I don't work over here but I am networking and gaining so much knowledge and information. As spouse I am entitled to an Open Work Permit, however I have not yet applied for this as I am awaiting the outcome of our Interview next week.
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