Empathy and social phenomenon in Hungary
Nov 17th 2018, 10:46 am
#16
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 2,096
Re: Empathy and social phenomenon in Hungary
I'm trying hard to to be 'sympathetic' to this post, but...
You've chosen Hungary because a Kft structure provides a path to residence - and henceforth to the wider EU, let's be honest here. A lawyer has helped you to do just that and suggested a eur50 monthly 'retainer' to cater for future bureaucratic and legal requirements. What's the problem?
The amount is, compared to the prize of being legally resident and set up in the EU, peanuts - so cultivate a solid, professional relationship. That sum is not enough to demand more of his time, like a VIP client could perhaps do.
Perhaps people have been a bit cool towards you because they get the sense (perhaps mistakenly, perhaps not) that Hungary represents merely a 'flag of convenience', which is what I infer from your explanations above. Moaning about the laughably low cost of living isn't going to endear you to anyone, either - nor about their level of empathy. Do you speak the language at all?
You've chosen Hungary because a Kft structure provides a path to residence - and henceforth to the wider EU, let's be honest here. A lawyer has helped you to do just that and suggested a eur50 monthly 'retainer' to cater for future bureaucratic and legal requirements. What's the problem?
The amount is, compared to the prize of being legally resident and set up in the EU, peanuts - so cultivate a solid, professional relationship. That sum is not enough to demand more of his time, like a VIP client could perhaps do.
Perhaps people have been a bit cool towards you because they get the sense (perhaps mistakenly, perhaps not) that Hungary represents merely a 'flag of convenience', which is what I infer from your explanations above. Moaning about the laughably low cost of living isn't going to endear you to anyone, either - nor about their level of empathy. Do you speak the language at all?
Nov 17th 2018, 2:10 pm
#17
MODERATOR
Joined: Mar 2007
Location: Costa Valencia
Posts: 14,800
Re: Empathy and social phenomenon in Hungary
Before I reply to your post I wish to say to the members who live in Hungary that they are the ones with the knowledge of the people and how they react to new people in their neighbourhoods so my comments are very general and based on years of experience with people of all nationalities in the UK and my personal experiences in other countries.
Moving to a place purely for any an aspect of their system that works for your particular skills is not always a good foundation and neither is moving for the weather. People need to have good reasons for a move in order to have a firm foundation on which to base other aspects of their life. Being open an friendly towards people pays dividends, showing an interest in each person that you meet gains friends, maintaining a positive attitude when talking to people is important too. A smile of greeting no matter how miserable you are feeling inside is a prelude to having someone smile back at you, saying hello in the local language, showing an interest in the culture. Being closed off to all of this means that you only experience cold and maybe offhand attitudes from the locals. With regards your depression, in general people do not know how to react to a person who is depressed so they have a tendency to avoid doing or saying anything.
Officialdom are not interested in how people are feeling, whether they are having difficulties, whether they like what they are doing or the weather because they are only interested in what they have spent years training and studying for and whether they can fulfil the function that they are being paid for.
So my advice is to look at how you may be perceived by others and if you find that you need to make changes make every effort to do this and see whether you discover a difference in their reactions.
When I moved to Spain I was daunted by the whole new experience, I had unwillingly retired early, left my family and friends and was swimming against the tide regarding the language but every day I made sure that I left the house, smiled and greeted people in the street when I met them and listened to them even though I did not understand. Within a very short time I was part of the community and taking part in events.
Rosemary
Moving to a place purely for any an aspect of their system that works for your particular skills is not always a good foundation and neither is moving for the weather. People need to have good reasons for a move in order to have a firm foundation on which to base other aspects of their life. Being open an friendly towards people pays dividends, showing an interest in each person that you meet gains friends, maintaining a positive attitude when talking to people is important too. A smile of greeting no matter how miserable you are feeling inside is a prelude to having someone smile back at you, saying hello in the local language, showing an interest in the culture. Being closed off to all of this means that you only experience cold and maybe offhand attitudes from the locals. With regards your depression, in general people do not know how to react to a person who is depressed so they have a tendency to avoid doing or saying anything.
Officialdom are not interested in how people are feeling, whether they are having difficulties, whether they like what they are doing or the weather because they are only interested in what they have spent years training and studying for and whether they can fulfil the function that they are being paid for.
So my advice is to look at how you may be perceived by others and if you find that you need to make changes make every effort to do this and see whether you discover a difference in their reactions.
When I moved to Spain I was daunted by the whole new experience, I had unwillingly retired early, left my family and friends and was swimming against the tide regarding the language but every day I made sure that I left the house, smiled and greeted people in the street when I met them and listened to them even though I did not understand. Within a very short time I was part of the community and taking part in events.
Rosemary
Nov 17th 2018, 3:31 pm
#18
BE Enthusiast
Joined: May 2015
Location: Near the Black Forest and near Esztergom
Posts: 923
Re: Empathy and social phenomenon in Hungary
I live in a village and can say that most people are very nice - of course you also have to be willing to talk/work with them.
Of all the people in the street only two are "szar szomszets" (shitty neighbours) ...
Of course I'm helped by the fact that my wife is hungarian but before I met her I also had good relations with the neighbours.
In a city like Bp this might be more difficult, you have to go out to meet people you can relate to ...
Be friendly to evrybody, help them if you can - ask them to work for you and treat them well (not only in paying) and you will build an "image" of a good person!
Of all the people in the street only two are "szar szomszets" (shitty neighbours) ...
Of course I'm helped by the fact that my wife is hungarian but before I met her I also had good relations with the neighbours.
In a city like Bp this might be more difficult, you have to go out to meet people you can relate to ...
Be friendly to evrybody, help them if you can - ask them to work for you and treat them well (not only in paying) and you will build an "image" of a good person!
Nov 17th 2018, 3:53 pm
#19
Concierge
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 46,388
Re: Empathy and social phenomenon in Hungary
Please do not think that strangers should be empathic with your depression. In reality, they should not even know about your depression and uncomfortableness with their country, their citizens and way of life. Most likely, you don't speak their language well, if at all. Your neighbors are nothing more than acquaintances at this point to say hello to and exchange pleasantries. Your attorney is for your legal affairs, not as a sounding board for your personal feelings. Leave your complaints in your apartment and talk to your pillow. Find a doctor if you feel that there is a pill that can help you. Most likely, it is your loneliness and unfamiliarity of the new country that is causing this. I was in Budapest this summer and both are beautiful cities. Thriving metropolitan areas and in most metropolitan areas residents and workers are insulated and rarely even see newcomers.
Think back to when you emigrated to the UK and you will find that you felt this depression even then before you made friends and not acquaintances. No one wants to hear that their city and way of life is depressing to you. It is up to you to reach out to them; not them to reach out to you. Your attitude can be seen in your manner and stance. I would certainly shy away from you if you were to move to my city. Why would I want a downer in my life? Especially one, that I only know in passing.
If you are unhappy with your relocation then move back to the UK or back to your home country.
Think back to when you emigrated to the UK and you will find that you felt this depression even then before you made friends and not acquaintances. No one wants to hear that their city and way of life is depressing to you. It is up to you to reach out to them; not them to reach out to you. Your attitude can be seen in your manner and stance. I would certainly shy away from you if you were to move to my city. Why would I want a downer in my life? Especially one, that I only know in passing.
If you are unhappy with your relocation then move back to the UK or back to your home country.
Nov 17th 2018, 5:34 pm
#20
Banned
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 236
Re: Empathy and social phenomenon in Hungary
I went to live in France for a year when I was 21. Village in the middle of nowhere (Parentis en Born.) Never exactly felt lonely. I joined the local football team, trained with them Wednesdays and played for the Third team on the weekend. Lots of fun in the bar afterwards.
Lau - have you thought about joining a football team or similar?
Lau - have you thought about joining a football team or similar?
Nov 17th 2018, 5:46 pm
#21
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Nov 2012
Location: bute
Posts: 9,740
Re: Empathy and social phenomenon in Hungary
Learn Magyar. Interact with your neighbours. Come to understand something og Hungarian History - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lajos_Kossuth
Nov 17th 2018, 5:55 pm
#22
Banned
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 236
Re: Empathy and social phenomenon in Hungary
I live in a village and can say that most people are very nice - of course you also have to be willing to talk/work with them.
Of all the people in the street only two are "szar szomszets" (shitty neighbours) ...
Of course I'm helped by the fact that my wife is hungarian but before I met her I also had good relations with the neighbours.
In a city like Bp this might be more difficult, you have to go out to meet people you can relate to ...
Be friendly to evrybody, help them if you can - ask them to work for you and treat them well (not only in paying) and you will build an "image" of a good person!
Of all the people in the street only two are "szar szomszets" (shitty neighbours) ...
Of course I'm helped by the fact that my wife is hungarian but before I met her I also had good relations with the neighbours.
In a city like Bp this might be more difficult, you have to go out to meet people you can relate to ...
Be friendly to evrybody, help them if you can - ask them to work for you and treat them well (not only in paying) and you will build an "image" of a good person!
Not that we have any. You'll always have a few neighbours you don't exactly see eye-to-eye with but luckily our immediate neighbours are mostly great. Up the road there's some old frat who doesn't like me too much, we used to have a dirt track road before we paid to get it tarmaced and I must say I generally kicked up a bit of dust by not going at dead slow all the time, he wasn't too happy about that, got knickers in a twist & shook fist etc lol - happened repeatedly as there's no 5km limit haha.
Then there's the other one who shouted at my young son for setting off his dog, I won't speak to him, plonker.
But mostly we are all very friendly and exchange the usual pleasantries. My wife's (dead) uncle (well-liked) used to be mayor in the village about 35 years ago so I drop that into the conversation a few times.
The worst of the immediate neighbours is one guy aged 80 who bores me to death asking me to cut back the hedges whenever he sees me, which I do from time to time, but if he wanted more sun he shouldn't have bought a telek just 10m wide. But we get on OK & I let him harvest my quince fruit & sweet chestnuts by hopping over the fence in our absence, he said he can get a good price for the quince.
