Honey Bee

Come on Milwart where are you.

Just to keep this going am copying from Laffs from the Herald Newspaper - we were quite shocked to see these in a Goan paper!!!

There's an old lady in the carpet shop and she bent over and touches the carpet and she farted, when she gets up she noticed that there is a salesman standing behind her.
She then asks the salesman 'how much is the carpet'
He replies ' well lady..... if you farted just touching it, your're going to shit when you hear the price.

Anniversary

A husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversay.

The husband yells 'when you die, I'm getting you a head stone that reads.

'here lies my wife - as cold as ever.

'Yeah' she replies. When you die, I am getting you a headstone that reads.

'Here lies by husband - Stiff at LAST.

ICE BOX

An old man and his wife went to the doctor for a check up.
While the man is with the doctor, the doctor asked him

'So how has life been treating you'

The old man replies
'The Lord's been good to me. Every night when I go to the bathroom, he turns the light on and when I'm finished, he turns the light off'

When his wife meets with the doctor, the doctor told her what her husband said. She replied.
'Damn it! the old fart's been pissing in the icebox again!

Daff

Buddy and Edna

Buddy and his wife Edna went to the state fair every year,
And every year Buddy would say,
'Edna,I'd like to ride in that helicopter.'
Edna always replied,
'I know Buddy, but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks,
And fifty bucks is fifty bucks'

One year Buddy and Edna went to the fair, and Buddy said,
'Edna, I'm 85 years old.
If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.'
To this, Edna replied,
"Buddy that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks.''

The pilot overheard the couple and said,
'Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride.
If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny!
But if you say one word it's fifty dollars.'
Buddy and Edna agreed and up they went.

The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard.
He did his daredevil tricks over and over again,
But still not a word.
When they landed, the pilot turned to Buddy and said,
'By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't.
I'm impressed!'

Buddy replied,
'Well, to tell you the truth,
I almost said something when Edna fell out,

But you know,

"Fifty bucks is fifty bucks!'

The old ones are still good!!

John Chappell

Indeed they are

John

noni

Love re reading your story about your anniversary present for the wife, I laugh every time. any further developments with your tasar

emsirrah

I don't think the story belonged to John - he said he had read it and wanted to share it with us.
Did you read the letter in the Herald today from the lady who thinks we should all carry a Taser - not after this story I don't.

What OH and friend want to know is when are the Russians are going to start the Supermarket scam here in Goa. They could start it at Newtons and get a lift to Bardez Bazaar!!!

John Chappell

[QUOTE=emsirrah;7229761]I don't think the story belonged to John - he said he had read it and wanted to share it with us.
Did you read the letter in the Herald today from the lady who thinks we should all carry a Taser - not after this story I don't.

Hi,

No, I only read the story and passed it on, I'm not brave enough to test a Taser on myself ha ha. I have a few more stories to pass on over time that I think our regulars will appreciate, unfortunately I think some may be a little too near the knuckle to print on the forum.

Regards to all

John

HighSpeedGrandma

[QUOTE=John Chappell;7230269] Hey print them anyway, you could always just put a warning in the header then if people don't want to read them they don't have to, and if they read 'em anyway, tough on them.

noni

[QUOTE=HighSpeedGrandma;7230344] Come on, we need a laugh, with the property issues,:curse: visa issues :curse:and the credit crunch.:curse: I believe there is a naughty thread somewhere, but don't see why we can't have a Goan one, it will be up to the individual if they want to read it.

johnny five

Oh Noni!

Now a Modulator?

I swoons at the thought!

Wimmin in uniform (you do get a uniform?) (a bit like a Nurse's?)

Congratulations of course!

Your obedient servant
Johnny Five innit?

emsirrah

Blimey - missed that one - when did that happen? Congratulations


Hope your connection gets better or we will get away with murder - or similar

johnny five

You have to be a Government Minister or his close relative to do that!

noni

Must say David, Sue and Mitzyboy and pulled out all the stops and I am connected as never before, thanks everybody, Mind the 'noffi helps

No ministers as friends, close relatives, or lovers.

dugmorephil

Congratulations Noni.

Have read a lot of your posts and always thought your replys to be level headed so well deserved in my opinion.

emsirrah

Shame

noni

Thanks everybody lets have some fun on the threads as well as all the serious stuff. Wish my friend Remy would come back on line. Will ring him when we get back to the UK, miss my friday 'noffi with him. Too much work and no BE makes Remy a dull boy.